back
intact
no worse for wear at least not that Id admit
whassup
yakeep yer nose clean
1852,
Thursday, 11 4. 19
11.4.19
he was clinging to restlesssleep dreaming to
catch a sliver a handful of something to take ahold of and bring out
then suddenlybestowed onesigh bellycramp
vague quiet envelopingone then several coils of his brain he woke
What
was that
onesigh
bellycramp
Onesigh bellycramp
it didnt repeat itself
whawas he to do with THAT
certainly something
to have emerged onesigh bellycramp
his bowels or bladder didnt waken
him
he remembered his dreaming self
hanging around like a kid on a street corner
waiting for buddies
his friends were always a hoot
walking around town they came
across corners that teemed with clowns miscreants
What’s a miscreant?
Not desirable Wannabe bad boys Bobby
How do you know that?
Miscreant I read a lot
Yah one sniped If he wasn’t hangin with us he’d be reading;
he’s got paperback in his back pocket.
You got a book in your back
pocket? Bobby asked
Slaughterhouse-Five Vonnegut Billy
Pilgrim
An anti-war novel.
Its a humane novel a moral
novel I dont believe ya buy into Nam Jeff
No.
Though yer father does
He was a Marine; what do you expect?
I expect he fought in the South
Pacific and Korea so his childrennot that he was thinking that far ahead wouldnt
have to fight in trumpedup wars to make money for fat cats
If Im drafted Im not going
You’d rather go to jail?
I side with Ali “Man, I aint got no quarrel with them Viet
Cong. Why should they ask me to put on
a uniform and go ten thousand miles from home and drop bombs and bullets on
brown people in Vietnam while so-called Negro people in Louisville are treated
like dogs and denied simple human rights?”
You memorize that?
I did You find a hole in his logic
I agree with, Joe said Bobby
Jeff turned to Bobby Your polio fixed you 4-F, you aren’t sweating
the draft.
And neither am I You sweatin Jeff
My brother went into the Coast
Guard.
You like me like Bobby like your
brother white Coast Guards obviously an option But I aint military materialI know that I dont like anyone tellin me what to dolet
alone not answering my questions why I should do it Im not into blind faith religion or orders
Well . . hope you don’t go low in
the draft lottery.
I expect to Karma
You expect to?
Definitely We should get together with the guys on draft
nighthave whisky beers pizza twenty bucks apiece in a pot first birthday turned gets the pot
I’d pay twenty bucks to see you
become a draft dodger.
Money well spent Would help afford me a road trip
You’re fucked up, man.
No Whafucks me up is seeing a human being turned into ground beef or a flaming torch Remember Thich Quang Duc
God
bless you.
Funny
No.
Thich Quanf Duc Buddhist monk Immolated himself to fight all forms of oppression I didnt need to see that on televisionanymore than I needed to see General
Nguyen Ngoc Loan execute Vietcong suspect Nguyen Van Lemshoot him in the head
on a street in Saigon then walk over to
reporters to tell them “These guys kill a lot of our people, and I think Buddha
will forgive me.”
Or anymore than the photograph of Phan Thi Kim
Phuc the Napalm girl
You know their names? What the fuck.
I know their namesI remember
what they suffered virtually at our
hands by Americas wha will I aint being part of that legacy any more
than I hafta assume as being an American
You know their names.
I know their namesremember their
names probably because I was a paperboy
who read the papers while walking my routes
You'll go to jail.
Not if I and every draftee
refuses to enter the military Think of
the optics of every eighteen year oldour generation put in jail
Optics. Vonnegut?
Vonnegut Reading
Thinking
onesigh
bellycramp
thinking about it
a bell being
rung to pay strict attention to
otherwise hed nobodyelse suffer the consequences of ignoring it
early Thursday
morning before 0800, 4 4. 19
1253, Reggae Friday, 5 4.
19
War Spill the Wine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6qcafgLHe4
smegma
the viscous glue cementingsemening
Israeli notions of apartheid has formed a miserable foul crust smegma
Netanyahoo
stinks
or rather a stinking
Netanyahoo the Jews (those Jews who
voted for him) are as unfortunate as the racists and white Nationalists who
support Drumpf
2306, Thursday,
11 4. 19
a stain a smegma on the World
6.4.19
5.4.19
he crossed his fingers that the rain
would holdup until he got home
it wasnt
long now ten longfifteen minutes
suddenlywest through rainspattered windows he
glimpsed lightning cry disconnected lines jagged broken panestheir quicklight
either absorbed or subduedstrangled by towering black dense thunderheads a wall
of thunderheads
awCHRIST he
hoped he beat those home
the intermittent rain was foreplay
butthen something east drew his eyesdistracted him marbled yellowamber blushes occasionally it seemed to him the light they threw was
electrical light asif off exploding electrical transformers
one occurred ahead before the black of a ridge several miles away and
what he sawhe couldnt have seen an
orangelightedpainted wrist a forearm up to the break inside the elbow thengone the light snuffed
Man
Eyes on the road
Man
Eyes on the road
eyes
on the hills
Eyes on the road
eyes
on the hills
eyes
tick tock
tick tock
tick tock
it
was making him dizzy
then another
explosioncloser another painted forearm bicep pec flashed gone
tick
tock
tick tock
tick
tock tick tock ti suddenyellowlighted torso figure moving westnorthwest scarcelyetched breaking
a hilltop a silhouette a
giant
giant if he were to believe his eyes Atlas Titan freed of the sky
giant if he were to believe his eyes Atlas Titan freed of the sky
off the
highway a shower of redsparks blacker
smoke rising up into the black skyrivulets black ink the giant giant in one step he
crossed the four lanesthe median between them
the thunderheads he strove towards were taller making haste
seemed he was excited by them
the staticky music on the radio was interrupted again civil danger warning if it wasnt an emergency stay inside stay off the roads existing tornado conditions
he hadnt passed a car a car hadnt passed him except for twothree on the other side over ten minutes
almost home
almost home
almost home
no Atlas
no more explosions
dancing thunderheads
2220, Friday,
29 3. 19
1035, Day-between-Two-Ts, 3 4.
19
Aaliyah I
Refuse https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U__8YxNS_Zg
4.4.19
huntings
no fun when your prey dont run
wha Run The Jewels rapped in
their Legend Has It was “hunting’s no fun when the prey don’t move” their use of “move” was to rhyme with the
prior line
he heard
it on Ari Melbers political show The Beat it was in reference to a trophy hunter from Illinois who went on safari
to kill an African lion and shot it three timeskilling it
while the lion slept
not fun
he
wanted FUN!
an what would be
fun already done on film would
be to take the hunter back to Africa on his dime strip him naked then have him run
ahead of a clutch of warriors his kind mebbe white wealthy entitled have offended
in the 60s film the story circa 1880 allowing him to run for his life
was called The Lion’s Chance
ironichuh
given the
Illannoyins karma
it was unlikely to end in his favor
although
terribly entertaining he wouldnt watch the video hed read about it
hed rather watch people fuck than
murder
Friday evening, 29 3. 19
1219, Monday,
1 4. 19
3.4.19
it was a Sunday
on top of another Sunday
on top of another Sunday
on top of anotheran another
Sunday an another Sunday an a Sunday SundaySunday yaget the pictureshe
got the picture
she took Sundays off from work fortythree
weeks agonearing
a year so they could have timethey could
have time together time for themselves
what was them
this Sunday open again
and what she got three texts the words werent significantdidnt truly matter the
three texts were comprised of twentyfour words
taggers
have done more with less
mebbe they had more to say
: : sorry for my silence
: : just been enjoying my silence
1837 hours
shed been up since 0831 the cats were getting restlessgetting
hungry they employed their not-so-subtle
ways
thank god they werent dogs
dogs arent subtle
dogs would die if they didnt have
their humanstheir Masters
but cats theyd find a way
theyd kill
somethingshe was sure if she died unexpectedly at home her cats would eat her
Jesus her friends said that’s a horrible thing to say!
she laughedcovering her mouth they werent sufficiently intimate Survival
isn’t pretty. We’ve gotten too far away from really surviving to recognise that.
Whadyado to survive?
2332, Sunday,
31 3. 19
2.4.19
ninepointfive rocked his world ninepointfive
rocked his worldninepointfiverocked his whorl he was fuckedupblitzed
he was also upsetoffset putoff
his wife appeared in a dreamshe rarely
appeared as herself an he couldnt saycouldnt
see if she was completely herself her face was her tanned California face that he met in Miami as a teenager although her face was circled with a thick
line of white mime makeup
he didnt remember her hairhe couldnt take his eyes off her
face he hadnt seen her looking
like that in more than forty years they
couldnt afford a camera teenage pictures
were in her parents albums that her siblings took when her mother died
they never got around to
sharing the picturesthe albums with her
her bodynaked was unlike any body
she ever had unlike her modesty naked on a beach beside a stranger a dark man who
obviously was enjoying his discomfort an who knew he was safe from him because
his wife was appalled by his proclivity to violence she would step in to protect someoneeven someone who verbaly abused her the stranger was a real
cunt he smiled You’ll leave him alone, Joe, you hear me;
leave him alone and the while the stranger goaded him with his eyesfacial expressions
so he took a Detour
an then another an another a double IPA ninepointfive alcohol
he was trying to celebrate a
benchmark he achieved but she interrupted reminded him How dare you take that girl into our
bed. she glared at him his dreamed wife wouldnt know that their bed
was burned in an apartment fire a fire
he fought from inside protecting their cats who he threw into a halfbath
and closed the door
their bedroom was a loss but he stemmed the redlick there
How dare you take that girl into
our bed.
he wasnt going to fight herwasnt
going to fight her and her cunt companion
he had been kneeling beside
her
as he began to stand she tried to
grab him by the arm but her hand slipped from him a fine white sand Miami
threw her grip
he recognised then that she wasnt naked that shed been buried in sand and over her
body the cunt had formed an obese naked womans body the mime makeup sand
that sandfashioning made him feel comfortable comfortable so he could walk awaywalk away from
her screaming behind him Our bed! OUR BED!
he was
upset her dreamed self came to him angrily he
had enough of her anger when she was alive
in order to leave beach and her accusation he had to pass through a carnival wild animals past an Admission booth
a fat redhead heavily garishly
madeup woman sitting behind its bars told him he couldnt enter without paying
admission
Im passing through
It’ll cost you ten dollars to enter.
My ass the violence he left behindunexercised with
cunt pantedwas brimming
Then I’ll have to set someone on
you.
Set
halfway through the menageriethe
huckstersthe freaks a huge buffalo lumbered towards himtaking an angle that
forced him towards a woodplank fence
behind him a fat man shoved
him he needed to use a bathroom Is this
the way to the Men’s room? fatty asked
Beats me
nearly obstructed by the fence the
buffalo suddenly wheeledturning his hindquarters on himfatty shoved him from behindthe buffalo kicked he had the strength to negate fattys pushwent
up on his toes inertia
denied its hoof shot before his thighssmashed the
fence recoilingdrawing back its leg inertia caught up with him and shoved himstaggering him past the beasts huge muscular hind end
it rolled an defiant red eye
after him
but he made the alley ahead it narrowed
significantlynarrowed to a steel post exit gate an orangemunchin orangutan squatted there making sure no one reversed
field a placard hung around his
neck When you exit you’re out. the scrawl looked as if the monkey might have
made it menace explicit
Buhbye big boy
dreamin early
Friday morning – no fuckin idea what time,
29 3. 19
Nirvana Dive https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVXN4dLy3OU
1.4.19
he was curious
he was reading the Guardian
on-line
he began at Duchamp the pissoir the article alleged the creation belong to R
Mutter alias of Baroness Elsa von Freytag-Loringhoven hed
never be attracted to a baroness or a woman whose name included every letter in
the alphabet he preferred brevity what did that say about him if he was asked hed say he was simple things that werent simple made peoples heads
ache he preferred his head didnt ache and if provokedcornered he wasnt going to
talk his way out of it congenially he
was going to hurt someonewhoever he held
people accountable for their provocations
he began at Duchamp fled to Artemisia Gentileschi trippedagain over Djuna Barnes
Nightwoodreminded him of college not
having his way with his professors junkie daughter was worth an A the professor was going to fail him because he
didnt attend classdidnt listen to his lectures – Sorry doc your first lecture bored me to death – yet unimpeachably his papers and test results either garnered As or were among those graded superior in the class stupidly the professor revealed his grades to him personally relishing that his gradeshis achievements wouldnt matter that what mattered was the grade the professor inscribed
he did earn his A
it was a good thing the professor
gave it to him
because rather it would have been a blatant example of someone provoking him and he would have hurt the professor
badly on par atleast with the torment the
professor treated his daughter She’s
a slut, a piece of shit, left to me by her ungrateful cunt of a mother.
Keep it up doc You realise thats too long for an epitaph
doublingback off Djunas he loved that nameits spelling
Nightwood to Artemisia he played quietly with Caravaggio ran away with Ruskin
and read a review of Siri Hustvedts Memories of the Future memories of the future small polished stones someone dropped but were too lazy to pickup who dropped themrefused
to pick them up was someone who hadnt bought them who exhibited they had no skin in the game
he resented people who
had no skin in the game
Right-to-(very possibly a miserabledestitute life) Lifers clowns he didnt counterdemonstrate against because his hands would be too close to their throatshis fists too close to their faceshis knee too close to their balls and cunts a woman would tell you that hurts too
Right-to-(very possibly a miserabledestitute life) Lifers clowns he didnt counterdemonstrate against because his hands would be too close to their throatshis fists too close to their faceshis knee too close to their balls and cunts a woman would tell you that hurts too
the concept Memories of the Future fascinated him
he tried
to get the book through his library
it was
only available on-line fuck eBooks
he poured himself another tumbler of whisky to sip from beside his black coffee he closed his eyes and was awash in future memories past lies contemporary chatteringcodestwistingwords Yamight wanna stand backgimme a little room Do not provoke me
he liked to poke around in
the dark blindly let his curiosity find what it may he acquired skinned hands and knees scrapes wounds but every scar he wore was worth it
they evoked their own memories and stories
they evoked their own memories and stories
1111, Sunday,
31 3. 19 – whered quarter of the year go?
Itll be a drag the day I wont be
able to look back into your face
he was talking to himselfhis face
in the bathroom mirror
he was washing his hands after
using the pot and drying themrehanging the handtowel on the hook beside the
doorjamb and in his peripheral vision he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror
he turned and faced it Wha Can I help you Yagot something to say to meyagot my
attention my attention Wha he usually didnt pay attention to
his reflectiononly using the mirror while he shaved so he didnt cut his throat with
the straight razor his father left him
his Wha hung in the air
no response
not unexpected
he flipped the lightswitch off
the mirror reflected his dark form
watching it he said Now for the
fun Lets see if you turn when I turn on rare occasions it didntit dug
its heels in an let him walk off without it Punk
evidently they were dancing tonight when he turned his reflection turned they went into the hallway together he could have
stopped outside the doorpeeked around the jambsee if his darkened self peeked
back he didnt
Its gonnabe a fucking dragman Ill tell ya
Yawont be there
I wont be here
Maybe yall mutter Adioshuh Say at least one fuckin word for yourself in
your voicenot in mine
his brother-in-laws aorta started
to unravel
a team of doctors saved his lifefuckin amazing
for a few weeks prior they had
been discussingrather his brother-in-law was holding court insisting
they were in the fourth quarterhis brother-in-law couldnt resist sports
analogies
JEEZ he
told him Remember one youre three years older two you speak for yourself Youre in the fourth quarter Im at halftime in the tunnel sipping water
from a paper cup beside a water cooler watching the cheerleaders flaunt their
teamcoloured panties high kicks shake their pompoms booties an tits
Awright
Youre fourth quarter an Im choking
on my water one of the cheerleaders
forgot her panties
Yup
Itll be a drag
hed
grown fond of himself
0050, Saturday,
30 3. 19
1148, Saturday,
30 3. 19
Matt Mays Dull Knife https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXx2Xx2FGBA
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