the walnut tree was taken down(2)

                       its stump scarcely emerged from the earth over which it towered more than thirty feet above only a day earlier

a ringed irregular three-foot disk remained  violated by a lopsided high-crossed H cut by the arborists chainsaw

the chainsaw very well might have etched his heart too

he asked the arborist(seemingly a contradiction of fact) if he would please take care that the walnuts falling branches and limbs did not damage the grove(as he called it) of seedling apricots he was tending to its south

quietly the arborist eyeballed the tree saw the physics of dismembering it and said he was very certain nothing would fall and crush any of the seedlings

he thanked him for his kindness(he could scarcely tolerate losing the walnut)

he didnt say but he intended to replace the walnut with a seedling and transplant four others to a lower tract that ran east-west north on the property

fresh fruit  and a windbreak

                  in some measure a soundbreak which he wished he could magically raise overnight like Jacks beanstalk as the sound from the north was rife with chainsaws buzzing cutting down more and more trees   

he often stood quietly on a large rock above the lower tract listening for the muffled sounds of digging and planting  like listening for the secretive murmur of lovers words avowed bated breaths delicious erotic appeals

he couldnt hear them try as he might    

hence was his deliberation to grow a line of apricots

he planted stands of rosemary to attract wild bees and as they teemed in the back corner of the lot he erected a simple white wooden hive

hesitantly bees wandered its premises 

some took up the habitat

he hoped those may have the queens ear and soon the hive might prosper

Time would tell

           and Time was notoriously closed-mouthed

Time he saw was a phantom who made its way across the yard slowly  deliberately 

he saw it cast on the plank fence between the thin shadows thrown by tree branches  furtive 

if he blinked or looked again it was gone

although he found even if he couldnt see it he always felt its company its companionship  

sometimes  rarely  he was aware it slipped its rose-coloured glasses over his eyes and briefly he spied through them  however Time then stripped them off his face displeased that he wasnt enthralled by what he saw 

he wasnt because Time-foreseen had a tendency to lie and sought dupes to enact those he didnt want to call them lies and hurt Times feelings those  those fictions

he recognised the enamoured ones

they were reckless  feckless 

enticed and entrenched

but why wouldnt they be

Time was on their side or so they thought and convinced themselves

                     

1354,  Twosday,  8  11. 16

0949,  Thursday,  15  12. 16

Rolling Stones  Time Is On My Side  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbMWdIjArg0

it was Decemberslate gray outdoors

it was curious to watch the straggler-leaves fall from the apricots exposing the adamant fruit that wouldnt fall and went black and hard where they grew

he appreciated their ardent willfulnessit wasnt a tendency he often found or could remark regarding animate things

he was wakened in the dead of night by a text on his cellhis girlfriend wrote that Oscar her mothers cat had died

she was holding him

he peed on her

then he died

she wrote in the next text that she had been crying for two hours

                                                                     she didnt say if her mother was with her or if her mother even knew her cat was dead her mother cared for little beyond herself despite her loud incoherent protests when you fingered her for it  if she bothered to protest but narcissists arent very aware of things outside the bubble they fashion and roll bounce and roil and inhabit 

his girlfriend wrote she covered Oscar and would bury him tomorrow

he hadnt heard from her since

he felt deeply and badly for herhe sat with four of his familys cats as they died hoping they might know they werent alone

none of the cats were his

he cared for them in his familys absence

when puka the last-man-standing died he suddenly hadnt an indoor animal to care for

then his girlfriend went to care for her mother and left him with her cat 

                                                                            indie

he was one out of 27 kittens from five litters by two queens setsuko and her daughter link

his girlfriend named all the kittens except two which he did  mouse  though offhand he couldnt remember the name of the second  mouse for a cat(one could understand why she stepped up and named them) if you asked her she could go litter by litter remembering the name of every one

setsu and link were good mothers they nursed the others kittens they shared the same basket that they put down for them when they birthed and often inside it was setsu and link and seven very young kittens litters separated by weeks

a regular feral cattery

then the fire

then their new place

indie was inside bigfoot outside a huge male that someone cared enough to have neutered then beat him

he and bigfoots learning-curve took almost two years

bigfoot finally warmed up to the idea of him and on the few occasions of lapsitting bigfoot even allowed himself to purr as he gently stroked him

willfulnessits the willfulness that matters  

that he appreciates

it is the hard rock that things break themselves against

1246,  Saturday,  10  12. 16

1027,  Sunday,  11  12. 16

he couldnt tell if he was too preoccupied or too absentminded or too as his girlfriend wrote himHow did she say that because he never would  I wonder she texted when things keep failing and going badly if the universe is telling me something

he wouldnt say that because he hadnt either her intuition or inklings or ever had a gut feelingEverything ran through the sieve of his rationale or reason as he thought it through

so lighting the wrong end of his cigar almost pouring milk from a gallon jug into a shotglass sipping at his bottle of beer with its cap still fixed   what defined these actions

he pondered them in light of their last conversation  the prevarication the cruelty she withstood  they were likely still ticking his mind

he was shocked

he was breathless when she told him

How he askedrhetorically could someone baldface lie knowing full well youd explode it the moment you heard toldHow could your family accede to him  Its beyond my imagination and we both know how boundless mine tends to be
Im so terribly sorry

she had sat with her mothers cat on her lap as it died

her brother said hed come up to be there for her

so she waited on him to arrive so they could bury the cat

and while she was at a doctors appointment he arrived at their mothers house with his exboyfriend his ex now since the election his ex insisted driving her brother relented and at the house the ex told her brother and mother that she had told him confided in him to please bury the cat without her she didnt think she could manage it stand the grief

her brother and mother knew she didnt like the ex

they knew she wouldnt confide anything in him

yet they took him at his word rather than rebuke him

they usurped her grief her patience her waiting until her brother arrived so they could bury the cat together

as she told him he could hear the ex say  Im seeing to her wishes Im helping her as she asked me to to please lessen her hurt and pain  except his words were marred and muffled by his thought Its only a cat

he acted as the big tom he thought he was pissing on anything he wished

pure  thoughtless  cruelty

and that her brother and mother allowed it sided with him despite knowing better 

they were more thoughtless and cruel than he

he looked up from his beer and smouldering cigar

silently   overhead   a large hawk circled above him confirming his reasoning  confirmed him telling her to resist her doubts confirmed her injury confirmed her thinking wasnt wrongheaded as they accused her their horseglue to bind them together their odds three-to-one

perhaps the universe acknowledged him

he told her If you cant say it out loud love I will  They were cruel a cruelty I couldnt perpetrate against someone
I detested

1400,  Twosday,  13  12. 16