a simple sawhorse 

You want a job?

                  the sawhorse was his distinction  his high bar  a good carpenter can build a stout sawhorse inside fifteen minutes

There’s the twobyfours. You got your tools. I got my watch. You let me know when you’re ready.

Awright

Alright? You’re ready?

Yah

Okay. On your mar . . 

. . Wait a second Seriously On your mark

Yes. I know. My wife hates it too, but my daughters think it’s a scream.

A scream

You said you were ready, right?

No I side with your wife I don’t care for it either

                                                    Cant you just say Go

You want a job? You’d be working for me. What I say flies.

he nodded he didnt say hed let him assume that his nod was acquiescence

Alright then; my wife wants a marriage too.

                                              It’s a small concession in the big scheme of things.

Good point

It is, not to put too fine a point on it.  I’m the boss.

                                                     You work for me.

I hear you

Okay. You ready?

I am

Okay.

On your mark. Whas a mark

Get set. he really despised countdowns

GO!

timed to build a sawhorse

he could do it in his sleep

a thing of function and basic beauty

efficient

          as anything is that hasnt moving parts

his boss learned later once he insinuated himselfworked on all crews became a valued cog an asset known that not everything he said flied

0900,  Monday,  24  2. 20

1050,  Sunday,  30  8. 20

Blood, Sweat & Tears  Spinning Wheel  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbRR0WjMqEk    

her heart dragged her brain behind it took it out for a wild ride a wicked crack-the-whip and screamed Hold on! We ain’t stopping til we run out of gas!

                               then slyly smiling over its shoulder it said Oh my goodness, appears we have a full tank.

he didnt hear what her brain cried back

                                          its voice was lost in the growl of hearts enginethe squealing tires burning rubber

her heart though  misjudged the strength of her brainits grasp  there was no shaking it

watching them go as they sped off he wondered who was taking who for a ride

0834,  Monday,  24  2. 20

1348,  Saturday,  29  8. 20

the heroin made her think she was going to die

he looked her hard in the eyes

                                Talking from experience baby Youre seeing weird shit Remember its the heroin Its not thereYoure here with me Im with you  Youre safe   Youre in a safe place

Im not going anywhere I wouldnt be anywhere else in the world

she panted high in her chest

she sputtered she could handle it

he held her hand

he had his doubts

she paid a steep price for the pop

she poked a virgin vein

her eyes darted wildly about the room

                                       Comon stay with me Pleasant thoughts baby keep your head  Quiet   Calm Nothing but calm cool thoughts kiddo  See  and  feel  good things

he was a nice guy  

                  had always been a nice guy to her a friend   he wouldnt do anything to cross their friendship

shed been saying she wanted to try it

he put her off

she let herself be put off

he thought he talked some sense into her head

                                                but she wanted to try it 

she found itgot raked over the coals

he could have got her a better pricesent her in the right direction  her decision

he wasnt going to turn her on

hed help with the paraphernalia the cook

but he wasnt going to turn her on

the ways her eyes went around the room spooked him

he looked over his shoulder more than once expecting something to be therehave materialised

but she was quiet contained   though frightened

if he was a betting man hedve bet on this

a bad trip tends to disincentivise

he tried he tried hard  subtly

he understood her

she learned by doing

he was happy that she came to him to get high 

                                                 very happy

hed be her safe haven until she got back

                                           unfortunately scratching at the back of his skull like a feral cat at a wood post was another woman he knew who he tried to dissuade who ODed who stayed away from him because he did I can’t trust you. You can trust me You don’t want me to do it. I dont want you to do it I . think it will trouble you I wanna do it. You can’t stop me. No . I cant

No . I cant

No . I cant

            that hurt years ago still goes deep 

the bruise wont lessen if ever until he leaves the city

2130,  Sunday,  23  2. 20

1216,  Saturday,  29  8. 20

she had an imaginative mind

sometimes it took her places she didnt want to go but she went anyway

which isnt to say that she couldnt turn her mind away set off in another direction

if telling stories to entertain her little sisters and brothers hadnt fallen to her

                                                                                maybe she would have struggled

if any one of the used stationwagons her father bought to tow the family around had workable radios in them

                                                                                                                    maybe she would have struggled

she had an inkling her father used the broken radios as leverage to drive down the price

with every broken car radio

with every weekend visit across state lines

with every late departure returning home

Dad caffeinated

shots and beers suppressed

she became the radio  the entertainment

the kids piled into the wagon and snuggled up together

Mom and Dad sat in the dark on the benchseat her mother would slide over and rest her head on her fathers shoulder

maybe thats what they looked like when they were dating when he took her home or they watched a Drive-In movie

no sooner had the car pulled onto the road off the crushed stone drive her father would say 

                                                                                                Whadayasay, Millie? Tell us a story? like clockwork

What would you like to hear? A nice story, a scary one; a love story?

Millie loved to tell stories impossible stories

                                                her characters were always animals

she loved love stories

when she was older high school later in college she solicited love letters for five dollars apiece for stupid boys who spuriously had jeopardised their relationships

with their particulars known she crafted them and the boys rewrote in their own hand

she wrote them their love story

                                 and sometimes the boy reading itreading it to make sure he could read her handwriting broke into tears 

                  that was her favourite part

she liked to make boys cry

2042,  Sunday,  23  2. 20

1104,  Saturday,  29  8. 20

10cc  I’m Not in Love  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PC2HkP5gR2g

Rest in Peace  R I P
                     thats a crock of shit                        

that aint peace

yare dead

           

               peace and death are not synonymous

yawanna say piece and death

                               then mebbe were talking

                                                               but certainly not peace

death finds us all

                   an terribly unfortunately  not always peaceably

war

murder

         hmm theres a difference  although the State might insist there isnt

accidents

illnesses

suicides

peace and death

                   mebbe for an entitled old man or woman living well in their house who dies in their sleephe could buy into that
           though that will probably happen fewer an furthur apart than we might think in the future

1852,  Sunday,  23  2. 20

2201, Reggae Friday,  28  2. 20

he spent nearly the entire winter in LA inside

                                             pretty fucking incredible

because it was intimate for the most part only four of them he couldnt say if many in LA also did

he assumed they were very exclusive

after all  LA touts its exclusivity

                              its enclaves  the Hills its Hollywood Santa Monica Calabasas  like Montecito north

he didnt like cities

after he left and people understood hed been in LA for the winter they asked him what he thought of it

I didnt

You were in LA for months; you should obviously have an opinion.

Obviously

You were there for months.

My opinion would be uninformed I dont bray like an ass about things I dont know  But if push were to come to shove . .

ah  that got their attention

. . Id say  it aint he began singing My kind of town . . L A aint my kind of town . L A aint my kind of razzamatazz nor does it have . . .

                   Got me  to culminate the effect he narrowed his eyes menacingly

Yaknow how we can often break into Broadway tunes or welknown songs that can sing for usexplain for us better than we can say Though not so many off the radio  unless once upon a time pirated radio  but that aint happening no more

Balls in your court

bright people let the ball lay 

usually walked away

0619,  Sunday,  23  2. 20

1646, Reggae Friday,  28  2. 20

Sinatra  My Kind of Town  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iK_CL7sr018

he wrote

he remembered

he fictionalised

to distrack himself

to remove part of himself

to save

            save it from the scorching  the pain  the lacerations

so that into that part he could escape

anyes not escape

it was a poor defense mechanism

but writing had always been a good mechanism to be

                                                           annot to be

0316,  Thursday,  20  2. 20

1048,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  26  8. 20

Stones  You Can’t Always Get What You Want  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dfYcQ_r_x8

they watched The Bachelor together while they had dinner off TV trays

they rolled their eyesat least the adults did a guilt pleasure and cautioned the girls throughout how ridiculous and absurd people can be to be aware

it was curious to use The Bachelor as a cautionary tale

he though supposed The Bachelors production and comic absurdity helped offset and quietedif only for two hours the dramatic absurdity that strangled their circumstances and lives

The Bachelor was over in a listed scheduled time

                                                    cliffhangers intrigue included

theirs was not

                 they were doing their damnedest to extend their Airtime

0349,  Thursday,  20  2. 20

1553,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  26  8. 20

she had machines all around her

machines with numerical readouts that told him physically where she was

he saw

         he knew

and she had him communicate to her where she was

Aniela always had to have her finger on the pulsethe numbers

                                                                   a bookkeeper a fiduciary

she would

he didnt want to know every detail but he did

it was macabre

he wasnt sure he ever wrote macabre before

0330,  Thursday,  20  2. 20

1150,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  26  8. 20

Not Ever

she had no time to herself

while she was conscious

she was watched

while she slept

she was watched

she had been a private woman

now she had no privacy

to urinate or defecate

she was watched

if they werent watchingused the bathroom themselves

while she catnapped

if she woke alone

she panicked

she rang a doorbell with her toe that they installed on her bed

because she couldnt cry out

she couldnt talk

she didnt have the use of her arms

she was helpless
                   as a newborn babe  with forty years of living in her head

she knew what they knew

she – perhaps – feared what they feared

theyd never truly know her fear

he could only speak for himself

he was with her when she drew her first breath

he feared – terribly – her last breath

                                       but he had no choice
he did not

he never ever imagined these circumstances

                                                 not ever

she was breaking his heart

taking pieces with her

not ever to return

0255,  Thursday,  20  2. 20
1954,  Twosday,  25  8. 20

INVINCIBLE

on the footboard of her hospital bed its steel frame painted putridbrown facing out was an impressed elongated oval and inside what read INVINCIBLE in cursive

it looked like it read INVINCIBLE

when he looked more closely at it he saw that it read INVACARE

sometimes theres an advantage to not wearing glasses

0338,  Thursday,  20  2. 20

1527,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  26  8. 20

Irene

        at least he could spell and pronounce her first name

her last name was Polish and filled with consonant fouled by one or two vowels

Irene had huge tits

a stout body

hips

     country voluptuous

shed never be skinny

he met her at the park district swimming pool

they were introduced by friends becauseyahwell  they were Polish  

they supposed that was a reason

it tickled them

Irenes swimsuit was a two piece that she had sewn a complementary fabric into its top that fell over and secreted her belly

she didnt like her tummy

he did

she didnt like it that he did

he found that the more attention he paid to her tummy the more she was prone to entice him with her breasts 

                                                                                                                   which he didnt mind either

after a couplethree meeting they lost the other kids and made a habit of working their way to a shallow corner of the pool

he liked that she cornered him

hed squatshed stoop favoured him with an expansive view down her top

eventually shed squat too until the water lapped at her throat

in this akin posture she let him feelup her tits he tugged her nipples  she bit her lip

he wanted to kiss her

she wanted to kiss him

but kissing wasnt missed by the lifeguards and theyd be whistledpointed at and removed from the water ten minutes

Irene would stand up 

hed stand

theyd talk mindlessly

then theyd do it againit went on the rest of the afternoon unless the others found them

it went on like that for three weeks when they happened to be at the pool at the same time

they never set dates to be there

it was more exciting that way

three times in a row they happened to meet

when Irene squatted so he could feelup her tits he pulled his cock out of his suit and put her hand on it
                                                                                                          her eyes bugged

then they softened

he squeezed her tits

she squeezed his cock

he tugged her nipples

she tugged his cock

a squeeze

squeeze

a tug

tug

he became frenetic squeezedtugged

she squeezedtugged in a frenzy of her own she bit her liptheir eyes bore into the others

he pinchedshe YELPed in her throat kept tuggingtugging

                                                         then suddenlybroke began to standmaybe she remembered where they were he barely got his hands off her so they wouldnt be revealed 

                                                                                  in a trembling voice she said You came.

I did  he croaked

they looked

they could see pale streamers swirl between them

OhMy Irene said she was as hoarse as he Next time we do this outside the pool. 

they did numerous times

they didnt make it back into the pool again

he never learned how to spell her last name

he did however carve Joe + Irene inside a heart on a tree trunk near the swimming pool

she laughed and blushed when he showed her

one evening when they met to play she wanted to wander pass their carving

he laughed he might have blushed Irene carved the inklings of a stalk above his blunt heart

Looks phallic, huh? she cooed

Yes I like it  You did a great job

I did it because this ain’t love.

No Its not

No. It isn’t.

Its lust

Definitely. Lust.

0228, Thursday,  20  2. 20

1244,  Twosday,  25  8. 20