17.8.21

 

“ . .if people were more preoccupied with the past, maybe the events that overwhelm us would be fewer . . at least while you’re sitting still in your own room, you don’t do anyone any harm.”  WG Sebald

 

preoccupied with the past

not reminiscing

remembering

history
        from where things began and then subtly quietly moved through time to date 

precedence

people tend to be myopic

theres todaythey live in the momenteyes down  watching their feet

                                                                               Worthwhile
but they cant remember what happened three days ago
                                                        24/7 hustles them through their lives they pant for whats next 
unfolding
          they cant remember two days ago

a disservice rendered we shell out for

Old news. Old news? Why should I be interested in old news?
                                                                  I wouldn’t read yesterday’s newspaper. nice proclamation if they actually read rather than were told

 

we ought to be interested
                           we crawled before we walked walked before we were hobbledused a cane walker or wheelchair before we decided to sit it out  walking was no longer worth our effort

 

he was preoccupiedhis memory long

it wasnt easy to maintain

     maybe thats it
                         its easier more convenient to let  it   go

0949,  Sunday,  15  8. 21
1139,  Monday,  16  8. 21

 

he couldnt resistcouldnt help himself

his father servedhis three brothers served

he couldnt
          didnt see the point of snapping to attention saluting submitting to whatever he was ordered do 

he didnt care much for authority
                                   made no sense to abide something he knew he wouldnt

it didnt set well with his family

he had to tell them to quit making excuses
                                             Ifya gotta say something say if there was an existential threat to our country Id be in it otherwise   I couldnt give a fuck

 

no  he couldnt resist
                      he felt obliged to pesterto send military articleswhenever he found them to his father

who knew Rolling Stone gave ink to the military Michael Hastings was the inker 

the article disturbed him

but he was cool cool

on the reverse side of the xeroxed pages he wrote a civil newsy letter 


his father was a Korean War vet who sat on pins and needles for two years but wasnt sent overseas 
 

I love you, Paw! 

Joe

PS On the other side of this letter is a real beaut you ought to share with your brothers-at-arm your cohorts at the Wednesday afternoon Veteran Hall get-togethers you attend and disgustOops! discuss it with them
                                                                                                        Beyond my purview

https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/the-runaway-general-the-profile-that-brought-down-mcchrystal-192609/

1728,  Monday,  16  8. 21

PPS  https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/another-runaway-general-army-deploys-psy-ops-on-u-s-senators-178088/

16.8.21

 

he checked the map

she said she lived in Sacramento off the 5

he lived in Santa Margarita

she saidshe implored  I'd be willing to meet you halfway.

from her picture she appeared an athletic goodlooking Asian woman with breasts  she occasioned him to remember he waitedbidded his time for Playboy to finally issuefeature The Girls of Japan  he invested in three year subscriptions before it came out
                   the venture had been worthwhile
it confirmed his suspicion

there was such a woman as a busty Asian

he high-fived himself

which was ridiculous

though if asked hed admit it

there were worse things to admit


Hmmhe wondered
                  he wondered if she was enthused to meet him halfway because she had a sense of humour  that she also realised halfway between them was Los Banos

he wrote her
              MEET ME IN LOS BANOS


never did hear from her again

afternoon,  Friday the Thirteenth  8. 21
1500,  Sunday,  15  8. 21


Jesus Kachrist
              had to be BLIND not to see it coming

walking over to Circle K had he seen the opossum at the bent chainlinked fence tilting above the ruined earth crushed shrubs smashed concrete walk hed have chased it back up into the construction site they were winding down it was nearly Four

but he hadnt

he had his nose in Krazy Kat as he walked

despite it being late
                     newspapers werent distributed meaningfully  Circle K refused to carry The San Francisco Chronicle which left him to the clutches of the Los Angeles Times
                                                          he bet himself a copy would remain for him to buy
two were left

he wanted the headline 
                           AFGHANISTAN FALLS TO THE TALIBAN

it would be the bookend to the framed front page he had at home SOUTH VIETS SURRENDER
stupid stupid stupid USA


as he walkedread home he saw the opossum smashed on the road
poor poor poor animal
                       it hadnt the foreknowledge or forethought like the United States that the road was a parking shoulder two lanes of traffic a turning land two lanes of traffic a parking shoulder

Inevitable

Afghanistan and the Opossum

Lost causes before they began

   had to be blind not to see

before Four,  Monday,  16  8. 21
The American Breed  (Neocon hubris)  Bend Me, Shape Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSHo146tQjQ


Nobodys talking about who financially supports the Taliban

1717,  Monday,  16  8. 21

the enemy of my enemy is my friend



visiting

  the TV was On

he walked into the livingroom and there wasnt anyone in it

Aw wha the hell 
                   that aggravated him as much as walking into a lighted room at night and finding it empty
when yare done with something turn it off put it back where you found it dont leave it On or out
he could ask until he was blue in the face
                                               it was a propensity handed down to him from his father
his father was frugal

that frugality allowed him to financially support a family of ten
                                                                   as the eldest it made sense hed be inclined

as he stepped to the television to turn it off he paused it was a cop showhe recognised the young detective he was in his bedroom he made a faceyanked his tshirt up to his nose and smelled it he wrinkled his nose and stripped the tshirt off over his head he walked into the bathroom off the bedroom and started the shower
                                                                                           CUT 
                                                                                                           next scene he opens the bathroom door and emerges with a towel wrapped around his waist 
                                                                        NOW he turned the TV off
Who does that

cop lives alone

why shower with the bathroom door closed

when he lived alone lived with his wife lived with his girlfriend or visited her place and showered he didnt shut the bathroom door
                hell he didnt shut the bathroom door when he used the toilet

nobody was looking for the cop for retribution retaliation
                                                           at least not what he had seen of the series

his daughter who lived alone told him after she checked her doors front and backconfirming they were locked when she went to bed she closed and locked her bedroom door
                                                        the security of one last barrier to be breached

he understood but it irritated him that she felt compelled
                                                           fucking worthless guys 

the TV cop threw him a curve
                               made him wonder

when he talked with daughter and mentioned the closed bathroom door she laughed
                                                                                          Dad, when don’t you wonder?

she had a point

1900,  Saturday,  14  8. 21
1157,  Sunday,  15  8. 21  thirteenth anniversary

15.8.21

 

Whadafuck
             how did this one get by him 
Roxy Music

’73

In Every Dream Home a Heartache

obviously he wasnt as sharp as he thoughthe almost choked on his beer a third fortified beer on top a flittering butterfly-flight highOH MAN
                      the lyric blew past him like a Mack truck unaware he entered the crosswalk  the driver stoned or on his fucking cellphone 
                       hed rather be killed by a halfcocked driver than a cunt on their cellphone  but one doesnt get to make those choice  think of all the horseshit deaths people have suffered 
                                                                              although he could be convinced they may have m9ssed M9 best mate  better than an M8 mate or skipped those multiple-choice questions on their way wandering into life the questionnaire neatly tucked up inside that pretty blue cover
                                                                       blending right in with the background works  hed apologise if someone elses background was another colour  his was a metallic bit-deeper blue than babyblue  maybe it forecasted his eventual sex
                             Who knew  whos Who

the lyriche thought he heard it right Yahman  he caught it by its tail Inflatable doll/My role is to serve you

I bought you mail order/My plain wrapper baby/Your skin is like vinyl/The perfect companion/You float in my new pool/Deluxe and delightful/Inflatable doll/My role is to serve you/Disposable darling/Can’t throw you away now/Immortal and life size/My breath is inside you/I’ll dress you up daily/And keep you till death sighs/Inflatable doll/Lover ungrateful/I blew up your body/But you blew my mind
that shit was right up his alley
                                 it was possibly the bad habit he enjoyed  mortifying buddies on their birthdays before their parents family wives and children
                                         couldnt begin to say the number of times he ended up in the pool with the kids using her as a floaty  

the latter ones he gifted obviously couldnt be used in a pool  they were too damn evolved
                                                                                               guys bitchedmoaned whined spirited her out of the room  but they didnt ditch herdidnt give her to the kids
they shared the lingerie with their wives a little later
                                                      he wasnt one who could buy women clothing but he knew what lingerie their wives would look good in 


great tune
            he was happy he finally heard it no matter the many years later

626 better than 1826,  Saturday,  14  8. 21
1708,  Sunday,  15  8. 21


he watched through the Stellas windshield a Vette sunlight surfed on waves rushing madly for the rockyshore the CRASHING grateful for the cacophony happy they werent met by suckingsievesound as they squirreled up sandyshores their vocal cords cut


Would you mind? I really got to take this.

Got to

Got to.

Who

Cherese.

San Jose Asian

Amazing, yes, how do you remember?

he smiled waved him out the door
                                    Buhbye

he got out and walked away from the car  sought refuge behind a utility shack from the sound of the ocean

he could have answered via Bluetooth tell her hed call her right back and taken him furthur up the beach where homo sapiens of the opposite sex wandered in beachwear and swimsuits

for a guy who didnt talk on the phone he might be on it now twentyminuteshalfhour
                                                                                        at least he admittedconceded to talking that long 



he got out of Stella and wandered down to the rocks

it was a remote strand

looking up and down the coast there wasnt another human being a splash of colour to be seen traffic on US One hummed behind him
                       he crossed his fingers hed come across a sparkling mermaid cradled in a bed of seagrass  but likely shed be shy and not want to fuck in broad daylight he did some of his best fucking in broad daylight  that said he was compelled by intriguing lovers
                                         though he couldnt say if he found them or they found him
no matter he was grateful they had been grateful too

Nah no amorous beauty of the deep no oystersmell conchsmell no fishquiver he supposed one hadnt really lived if they hadnt fucked in the sea in its pulsing shoving  in the tug of its shimmering waves

 

from above he heard Come on, man!
                                       his buddy shouted down to him from the deep shoulder off the One  Let’s roll!

he hopped from broken rock to broken rock imagining the awesome jigsaw puzzle it would be if it were reverseengineered reassembling the ancient rockslabs reassemblingreconstituting myriad grains of sand to minute stones to crumbling cliff faces from whence they came

he was born millions of years too late

 

he slipped in saddled up inside Stella
                                         Cherese good 
She sounded good.
                    She unveiled a new aspect of herself.

Aspect

Yes.
     I didn’t see it coming; not with all her talk of tennis and golf.

What

Horses.

Shes a horsewoman

Evidently. Its her horses before tennis or golf.

Jesus

What are you Jesusing?

You fucking kidding me

What?

Yare willing to help with her horses

She only has two.

Brother Lemme remind you

Remind me? You think I need to reminded?

You do

Don’t tell me that.

Might wanna scratch some scabs man

Fuck you.

Ah don be desultory Yare full of shit

You have to say?

I do

Why?

Babe mucking aint fucking

4ish PM,  Reggae Friday – Friday the Thirteenth,  8. 21
1755,  Saturday,  14  8. 21

 

So what do you call your writing?

Mosaic

Why?

Bits and pieces tossedfused together as they capture an arrest my imagination

For example?

A pensee

I don’t know what a pensee is?

Either did I I liked the wordawfully close to penis to pen  to scribble scribe palimpsest  limp pensee limppenis 


A pensee is a thought or reflection put into literary form an since Bradbury suggestedRay challenged me for the hell of it Id id give it a go

The first line is the subject two syllables    

Awright
         Ill write Eldritch

Line two is a description four syllables

A betrayer

Third line is action seven syllables

Who slays with tactics and lust

Fourth line setting eight syllables

Comes up from behind through the woods

Line five final thought six syllables

Killing without remorse

 

Yasee that really hasnt a home
                                   But then is right at home in a mosaic

the ink is similar: 1350,  Thursday,  12  5. 11
1346,  Saturday,  14  8. 21

14.8.21

 

Faulkner

Light in August

he dropped those early in conversation

if eyes didnt glaze over if their voices didnt catch in the phone line he continued

if he thought their reaction was kneejerk Who hasn’t heard of Faulkner? or they thought it was unlikely hed mention August if Faulkner hadnt written it he salted them with a favourite combination
                                                                                    He was not old enough to talk and say nothing at the same time.  Memory believes before knowing remembers. 


crickets

the coup de grace
                    Even a liar can be scared into telling the truth, same as an honest man can be tortured into telling a lie.

even if they didnt know the quotes were from August they should have been able to expound upon themshare what they thought of them with him

      crickets
                     even fireflies quit flashing their lanterns

those were short conversations

short and sweet and telling

Oh.  You’re going?

I am

Well, it’s been nice chatting with you.

Thank you  Its been nice talking with you also

then he either excused himselfstood up from the table or said goodbye and hung up

 

when he met Allie he knew he couldnt let her gohe was holding onto her

she held onto him

they knew somehow they were extraordinary together  unexpected


the other couples they had met at different venues and at other peoples homes 

they always enjoyed their company

 

that night he asked Allie if he could take her out for a drinkfor a lemondrop martini
                                                                                        that was the first cocktail he ever bought her she wasnt disturbed when the bartender told them that the dishwasher hadnt shown for their shiftthat they were behind and he couldnt serve her in a martini glass

she said that was okay
that was a strong inkling he liked her
                                        which was then fortified when she left early with her date who took her homewho had taken exception that they were hitting it off they had come to the club to meet friends who were dancers   

he told her he didnt dance

she didnt mind

 


they ran into the couples at a favourite bar
                                             mechanic Mike and clerical worker Jacklynn she was a walkingtalking lovely portmanteau her father was Jack her mother was Lynn the other couple was Elaine who preferred Laney and her girlfriend Rosa

the six took a large booth near the rear of the lounge near the Fire Door the Fire Door was painted fire red if conversation ever lapsed all one had to do was eyeball it black magicmarkers were placed in an antique soapdish screwed into the jamb people were encouraged to write thoughtful graffiti conversations were usually rejuvenated by random injections of the banal and profound written there
he was responsible for several the lounge laureate

taking a seat they riffed on the coincidencehe didnt buy into coincidences that the six had converged that night his denial helped fashion the aggressive conversations that went around and across the tableoften speaking over each other
it smelled like blood
he was having a ball 

                            before they got too terrible tore up he suggested they take the party to his place hed drive
he had a late 90s four-door benchseat Chevy Tahoe affectionately named Tatanka 

loosely it was agreed to
                          Fine Ill settle the bill collect your things Ill be right back

the hostess was also the cashier

who knew this place would be hopping on a Wednesday night

a little later longer than he thought he squared up and made his way back to the red buttoned Naugahyde booth

walking up the aisle he saw Allie facing him intoxicated bemused confused  thats how he read her expression

at the booth he looked across the table
                                          Laney wheres Rosa
She left.

to his right
             Jacklynn  wheres Mike
He took off.

We shelving the party

the three answered Hell no!
                              but didnt get up

Awright awright Sit tight Ill bring the car up nearer the door
                                                                 Need some water while Im gone
Yes.

Ill have the busser bring three glasses Back in ten

Yes.

leaving he decided hed take his time let the girls come down a bit walking out he wondered what transpired between the couples
             the blood wasnt that ugly
Jacklynn was very feminine wore a floral tied shoulderstraps sundress the modest Vneck couldnt secret the swell of her breasts
              Mike was lucky
Laney on the other hand wore a blouse slacks and highheels she was sixtwo without  her blouse plunged her breasts aplenty
         Rosa was lucky 



he found a spot to park down the street beyond the lighted lounge front before empty grassy lots that were maintained 

Im back
         Jacklynn had moved and now was on the aisle beside Allie she slid over Laney was immediately at her left shoulder
          You three look cozy we still on
Yes.

Everyones cool

Laney laughed
                 I’ll take Jacky’s arm, you take Allie’s . . scoot girls.

he took Jackys elbow helped her up turned her into the aisle as he took Allies elbow and helped her up hands full he looked at Laney as she scooted towards him
standing upright he had quite the view 

when Laney cleared the booth and stood she said I ought to charge you admission.

Ya oughta Make it reasonable an we can go again

Allie? You listening to your boyfriend?

He admires goodlooking women, you could have charged me admission too.
Me too! chimed Jacky

Seems were all fans Laney he said

Yes, well thank you very much, but I can only show real appreciation to two; you’d have to suffer mere appreciation.

Im sure Id appreciate it

Oh you know it, babe. 


he and Allie lead the way out and down to the car

he unlocked the doors held the rear door for Jacky to enter first

Jacky didnt sit and slide she hiked her skirt got in on her hands and knees to crawl the back of her thighs were appealing

Step aside, gang said Laney this looks like a job for me.
                                                            she reached up between Jackys legs grabbed her left thigh ran her thumb between her legs
they figured shed bolt
                        she didnt
she squatted back against Laneys thumb over her shoulder she said Oh, man, that feels good, feels real good.

awkward
           for a fleet second
Crawl forward, baby. said Laney never once stopping her massage Lemme in.

Jacky crawled

Laney saddled up

he opened the passenger door for Allie so she could get in

she smiled lazily Mind if I sit in back too? Jacky was still wiggleworming to the opposite door Laney was still diddling her blouse fell open to either side of her breasts

No babe Help yourself

she smiled ridiculously large
                               helping her in Laney turned onto her fannystill with her hand between Jackys legsJacky beginning to pant and taking a hip Allie slid up against Laney and grasped her exposed breast

he closed the door

he closed the passenger door

he walked around the front of Tatanka to his door and let himself in

it smelled wonderful

he slipped the key in fired up Tatanka

before pulling away from the curb he adjusted the large rearview mirror to look into the backseat

it was the first time he didnt bitch it was too large

dreaming early Monday morning,  9  12. 21
1226,  Saturday,  14  8. 21

13.8.21

 
just when he thinks hes outhas escaped sexcapades hes flung headlong back into itup to his eyeballs or buried to his neck cant beat the view
                        an old girlfriend once told him While you’re down there look for my car keys; I’ve lost ‘em again.

there are worse places to be


he was reading Unwell Women: Misdiagnosis and Myth in a Man-Made World by Elinor Cleghorn 

page 85 Chapter 6  Contagious Pleasures

time place character

elemental for writing

1850  Robert Lee
                    “. . the speculum-denouncing professor of midwifery at Saint George’s Hospital of London . .” 

“What really lay behind detractors’ objections was the fear that the speculum would unravel the tightly laced sexual morality of Victorian women.”

“For some gynecologists, the speculum threatened to unlock Pandora’s box. Many believed that if a woman’s vulva, vagina, or cervix were stimulated by the speculum, her body would unleash a torrent of sexual urges that she couldn’t control.”

that was a loaded end-of-paragraph beginning-of-paragraph eyeballpeeler
                                                                               a speculum threatening to unlock Pandora’s box

it was unlikelynot that the Gods of Mythology werent clever or creative that a type of speculum might have existed to penetrate her box the first he heard were found in excavations of Pompeii more likely heavenly dildos existed that could have pried an quivered Pandoras quim

in mythology the box wasnt actually Pandoras 
                                                 if memory and trivia served him correctly it wasnt Pandoras to open it was her husbands  naughty naughty Pandora so according to men she was fingered for unleashing all the worlds ills and by all intents and purposes fingered women for all time
                                                                according to men
                                                                                    because men notoriously need fall guys and many men are too vapid to realise or understand that if they havent a fall guy then its he  such he-men  which closescinches the circle hymen which returns him to women and is definitely destroyed by digits dildos and speculums

that those uptight physicians ofcourse they were uptight they were Victorian believed that women couldnt manage their unleashed torrents of sexual urges JESUS theres a gal hed like to meet is fictitious
                                                                                    but what a fantastic bill of goods to sell to purvey  Stand back there, you; you’ll get your shoes wet, shouts the pervert at the helm 

    Christ
           he wondered how women put up with men
they could have strangled them with their umbilical cords
he thought at the very least they ought to be grateful

maybe next time around

 
Twosday early afternoon,  10  8. 21
1147,  Reggae Friday – Friday the Thirteenth,  8. 21
The Irish Rovers  The Unicorn Song  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfhZ4rw6R4g