musing

                     musing while taking a cool bath to offset the heat of the daythe continuing heat at night   

thank Gawd it wasnt humid it wasnt that kind of heat the wholesale sweating  lying in it until the sweat chilled the sheets and he was able to fall asleep as he did in his youth in Chicago

a nice cool bath

he thought it would ease his body his mind

rather he mused about mortal remains 

                                                 he hadnt given a thought to them in a very long time

he had to seriously considered them when his wife died 

when he stoodup in the gathered room and excused himself  Everyone youll forgive me I have to go the chapel to the crematory he upset the entire room

                                   virtually everyone there  his entire family his daughters his parents her parents their siblings other family close friends stood and barred him from leaving She’s gone, there’s nothing more for you to do. Why would you submit yourself to that?  there were whispers of That seems ghoulish. 

                                                                                           the reality was the truth was

they wouldnt submit themselves to her cremation

when he tried to press forward through them the tears and wails began  No no  NO hands gripped him held him fast

he tried to escape but he wasnt able

nothing short of violence would free him 

on the wall above four doors that exited the banquet hall a huge round whitefaced clock read Ten her cremation began at Ten

he was late

he hadnt conceived of a wholesale deployment of grief of repulsion frankly revulsion 

she was the first of the family who wanted to be cremated

                                                             that she was being cremated not buried upset a slew of them

but thats what she wanted

she was going to have what she wanted

they didnt talk of anything beyond that

maybe they should have

then it would have been known he wanted to attend her cremation

since

       given that upset then that near irrevocable violence  hed missed two cremations

when they died he was at their bedside  

he was keenly aware he missed them 

though it seemed no one else was

in a cool bath on a terribly hot night he mused regret

0111,  Sunday,  11  7. 21

1206,  Sunday,  11  7. 21

Cream  White Room  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5BF1V1pbTs 

Emancipator – Rena Jones -- Flowerpulse  Iceland  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7RSaFAnu04

 

he was mistaken

 

it wasnt the weight of their deaths that confounded him

rather he struggled the weight of their transformationstruggled to affirm honour  relate to their beliefs

he loved them deeply

they were irreplaceable 

he hoped desperately that they did indeed transform

                                                        that spars formedtheir sails filled with whitehot or coolblue breaths of rare atmosphere and that they sped unerringly to their destinations on fleet ochreyellow sienna wings gloriouslyconceived one with them as a birds butterflys dragonflys

    

1323,  Twosday,  5  6. 18

1514,  Saturday,  10  7. 21

Jefferson Starship  All Fly Away  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48dKEtrK7xU

 

he heard Al Greens voice in his head as he laid in a cool tub eyes closed running circles around himself Im so tired of being alone Sing it Al  he couldnt hold a tune for his life  he didnt mind a singer fronting himpleading his case

Im so tired of being alonehere by myself

the dumb fuckinretarded  redundant circle   what didnt they get

                                                                    they knew he lived alone 

they knew when he returned to the real world he had to react quickly to a virusthe Trump virus  which he didnt know existed 

       THEREFORE  safety demanded he disappeargo underground

during quarantine he took or made only occasional telephone calls  once a weekmaybe 

                                                                                             he didnt talk with anyone regularly 

NOW

            What’s wrong with your voice? You sound funny.

Really My voice

Yeah, you don’t sound like yourself.

Ifya don use it ya lose it

Do you got to be cryptic, cant you just say?

Cryptic  Just say

                  Whas so cryptic bout ya lose it ifya don use it  Everything weve enduredeverything befallen us  we are still livin on the same planetarent we 

                                            Unlike you I live alone  

Yes, I understand you live alone.

Good Got that straightgot that out of the way

                                                Livin alone a year an a half  Who am I talking toexercising my voice so I don sound funny when I talk 

I suppose you’re not talking to yourself.

Yare sharp thickskulled Polack 

                                My voice is different because I don use it I don sing to records I listen to jazz asya know  Dig

I do, I do, I’m just saying your voice sounds . . weird.

Deal with it or don call

 

he imagined he sounded like a Trappist monk who completed a vow of silence    HA  closer to Gawd 

2304,  Reggae Friday,  9  7. 21

1439,  Saturday,  10  7. 21

Al Green  Tired of Being Alone  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tdw7kxD8eUc

Nina Simone  I Put a Spell on You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ua2k52n_Bvw

Jefferson Starship  Miracles  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7m8izf-oXY4 

appleseed

 

under flickering yellowlashes candlelight soaking in the tub he looked up kittycorner to the corner above the basin cabinet and mirror 

                      there was a pitiful spiderweb he could scarcely make out the spider in it

he took a sip of his whisky then set it down on the tubs edge over his left shoulder he held the liquor in his mouth mused  before he swallowed

                                  he mused that it had been four years since a spider attempted suicidehiding in his bathwashed towards the drain

appleseed had tried three times in just over a month

she was huge

her web in the same corner was fastidious

he cleanedup the countertop the desiccated deftlywrapped insectcorpses he gently swept them into a small dustpan and laid their bodies outside in the poppy planters maybe someone one day would accord him the same respect  it shouldnt be hard to respect an extinguished life

yaaintnoappleseed after appleseed disappeared squatted in her web  

he attempted suicide once

                           but appleseed had prepared him no suicides on his watch

he again proved nibble shutdown the waterdammed the wash to the drain with his handsaved him

appleseed proved stalwart after her attempts hed take the stepstool and standing on it he blew into her web shed rush fearsomely out of the corner at his face  then heel 

theyd converse 

rather he talked to her

                         it wasnt until he said goodnight or goodday and stepped down off the stool that she retreated

the evenings when his illness reduced him to crawling out of the tub shed come to the edge of the web  he either hadnt the strength to coordinate to squat to stand or couldnt endure the pain in his wrists and hands to push himself up

so he crawled out of the tub 

maybe his crawling made she suspect he was a big spider

 

when she disappeared the last time he realised her grace

                                                              by disappearing she didnt let him confront her dead body on the countertop 

which would have crushed him 

given his healthhis state of mind

  appleseed had been his companion for more than a year 

                                                              it didnt strike him odd to say that he loved her

1230,  Twosday,  6  7. 21

1322,  Reggae Friday,  9  7. 21

Doors  Love Her Madly  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iqfXaGliq8

wouldnt it be wonderful to disappear rather than die

Jud

   mebbe   mebbe  if he reached deep deepdeep down inside himself  he could find a spot that  reaching    reaching  NAH there aint no spot in him no place that held sympathies for white supremacists seditionists   bootlicks following the fray  the whining that theyre being political persecuted                                                                                                                               whiners like the Formerlike Putin  FOX  Gosar  degenerate Republicant lackeys who say It wasn’t that bad . .   They were tourists . . .  but in the moment of the Capitol insurrection ran for their lives when things got realHANG PENCE  an had the rope and noose

prosecution is not persecution

         they listened    they made their bets  doubleddown

                                                                    like his Maw would say hed love to hear her say it again They made their beds, let them sleep in 'em.

1646,  Reggae Friday,  9  7. 21

1022,  Saturday,  10  7. 21

Oklahoma  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Euq8Z4l6Iwk 

Louie

 

Awshit scuse me   I ah didnt meandidnt expect  to ah  interrupt ya

the tree gruntedfroze in midcurl

Yawanna finish out I can wait aint going anywheres special  No ticktock no time constraints

it jerked its crown right indicating him to proceed  some dried leaves shook free a squirrels nest shifted

I am sorry  Excuse me

the tree grunted again

after he passed behind it and was out of the way he glanced back

the tree went back to curling a rectangular slab of concrete with its roots that it had broke free years ago

often passing hed smell tree sweat

hed stop and look at the tree

it played dumb

first time he caught it in action

                                though over the twelve or something years hed been passing this waydescending the broken sidewalk and steps he suspected as much

 

 a nice treat

1500-ish,  Thursday,  31  12. 20

1349,  Saturday,  16  1. 21

 

 

awwell  some miserable entity was trying to bugger the tree 

                                                                the bustedup slab of concrete it curled was demolished removed and fresh concrete was poured  likely some clown tripped on it fell and enraged approached the bank above off the parking lot  the nearest business to the old broken steps and threatened a lawsuit

bitch bitch bitch 

                 he didnt feel a clumsy lummox was entitled to sue

Pickup your feet when ya walk idiot

he was assuming 

rather than striding up the fresh steps and landing he took the dirt path to its side avoiding the green concrete and stepped on it only to cross to the tree

Awshit big guy he stroked the rough bark of its trunk  Im awfully sorry  A facelift destroys character 

                                                                                                           Im awfully sorry

No worries it grunted  I’ll knock the hell out of it again, gimme a few years. We'll call it isometric training in the meantime, eh? 

he was flabbergasted  the tree talked to him he gulped 

                                                        Yah yah  its been some time since Ive heard isometric exercises said out loud

Yeah, well, I’ve been around a long time; the stories I could tell ya that I’ve witnessed, overheard, by the screwballs coming down the hill from the sex shop next drive over. Curl your hair. Humour you to no end.

he musedsmiled   Well Louie I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship

                                                                                       Casablanca

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Nah ya wouldnt  not unless you grewup in a yard outside a house outside the livingroom 

Yard, livingroom? 

No rush  We got time 

                          I gotta go now but thanks for speaking up 

Whenever you pass you always say Hey, how’s it going? 

I do 

Louie? 

A name  Ill call you Louie an you can call me Rick 

                                                      Until next time 

the tree had gone mute 

he smelled tree sweatmaybe heard a grunt 

                                              Louie was already after the slab

thirteenhunred-ish,  Twosday,  6  7. 21

1204,  Reggae Friday,  9  7. 21

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vY-4zWKsJM 

 

if he was asked he would say it was a nice quiet midnight shootout

what made it nice and quiet  was that the neighbours didnt venture outside their homes

they must have figured it was a cop thing

not their thing

he saw he the only one who hadwho was curious about the shrill raised voices the argument the audible sense of violence like blood in the water   chumming for sharks

an officer at the strange edge of the flickering cop lights from accumulated squad cars said to him You need to go inside.

Nah Alternative witnesses are necessary an it seems as Im looking around  Im it

I’m not asking.

he didnt budge he said his pieceitd be easy to recall 

Are you refusing my direct order?

A bitchhuh

            One might think Im lucky to refuse an officer because Im white  Best ya carry on Ill not impede you or get in your way  Your work is behind you not here

it was a nice quiet shootout  though usually suicide by cop didnt end with cops dying   two did

there was gunfire

                 cops were hit where their greaves armour helmetstheir blackclad Imperial Roman soldier outfits didnt give them cover

whoever was shooting from inside knew where to aim

as officers fell an immediate barrage of gunfire was returned  then a queer natural order interceded  the house exploded up and burned downthe red flames dominating the flickering squads

 

in the morning authorities reported that three adults and four children were found inside the ruins  a fourth adult was shot to death in the backyard avoiding the barbecue

if he was asked he could attest thatthats how it went down 

                                                             One  two  three  strikes  an  yare  out

0046,  Thursday,  8  7. 21

1623,  Thursday,  8  7. 21

 

cats namedselfnamed one of a few aliases Acid Pauli   hmmm she didnt have an alias couldnt help but wonder if she wasnt missing the boat  he was a DJ electronic music heard him performing on Boiler Room which she recently found usually she played music behind her as she wrote on her alptop aah  maybe an alias otherwise known as a laptop but she liked thinking she was OnTop of her game  hence alptop 

                                                     YouTube triedas YouTube does to sneak in a vile interruption it literally yanked her head back by the hair  yanking her head forward she almost spit it was some crapcommercial that offered nothing shed entertainhad no interest or would likely develop any 

                                                                             she thought her computer godstheir algorithms failed she would have sworn they knew better   

jumping out of WORD to YouTube she SKIPpeddismissed it which revealed the video playing with the music she listened to YouTube the DJ at his DAW at his sequencer sampler synthesisersBAM not lions and tigers and bears but close  and in that glance she saw his fingernails were lacquered

he wasnt much to look

a Martin 

         Yup German  looked German

a cat who likely got into music for the chicksthe groupies

she guessed if he didnt have anything else going for himnot her cup of tea that at least his lacquered fingernails were something 

                   Shiny

1609,  Twosday,  6  7. 21 

1526,  Thursday,  8  7. 21

 

No, it isn’t political.

                      when a politician says that  appears to muse or is humoured  if theyre a Republicant  bet your sweet ass its a lie 

   Liar  

         check one of the boxesDONE many descriptors remain weve only just begun

the wave of state legislations to restrict voters rights is critical to the obscenebeasts survival

they are devoid of ideas

without a platform

                    and given recent mortality findings 99.5 percent of Trump virus deaths are unvaccinated Americans  do the math  their legions are dying

they cant offset their deaths

whites arent having babies

not on par with First People Black Brown or Asian Americans

                                                                even forcing women to birth despite pregnanciesviolations caused by incest or rape Put your back into it, man. wont help

it must suck to have nothing but a yearning for power or celebrity

                                                                     DEAD END

1832,  Thursday,  8  7. 21

 

Robert Mapplethorpe once told a BBC interviewer “If you say too much you lose some of that mystery. You want to be able to pick up on the magic of the moment. . . You don’t know why it’s happening but it’s happening.” 

Mapplethorpe was an acquired taste  like scotch

he tried it several times before the ship came in  he understood   but he had that kind of patience for spirits and Art

as a youngster teen young man he was not known to be patient

it wasnt until his rashness physically damaged him and he had to heal had to rehabilitate his body that he recognised patience being a patient was demanding knitting made him submit  and there were few things he willingly submitted

. . . the magic of the moment. . . You don’t know why it’s happening but it’s happening.

 

after the happening is the possible realisation

                                                if one really thinks about itputs it through its paces

been put through paces put through a wringerhis own doing he was reflective  WHY an excellent hypothesis  and he is only person who could assess or know WHY

                                                the magic is revealed  starkly

one either learns through objective asnearlyasonecanbeobjectiveaboutthemselves reflection  digging in excavating   or they dont

a lookingglass reflection should be as true as possible

                                                          act for yourself  no one else

Twosdayafternoon,  6  7. 21

1446,  Thursday,  8  7. 21

The Hollies  Look Through Any Window  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXCbDICvoxk

it didnt take much to pique his ire be kind 

                                                  prick him

an unsought wounding

he made sure his blood flowed free

whisking away risk of infection

                                  being that it wasnt his prickhis fault

whoever pricked him probably wasnt aware he was a bighuge believer in an eye for an eye Old Testamenty  his favourite parables and allegorys 

                                  he laughedhe laughed harder  ridiculously   he laughed hard in pleasure to offset the nuns who became belligerent and the broomsticks they made him kneel on 

until he didnt

               Wha am I doin  Am I stupid 

eye for an eye

actually though  ultimately not really

                                       for he preferred to err on the side of caution and always went big

had he better angels they may have argued with him for proportionality 

                                                                          but he didnt

so he went big . . 

he didnt believe he was vengefulwhat goes around comes around

                                                                     he just wanted to make damn sure it came around swiftly  and vividly

a lesson learned

with an !  

          enthusiastically 

earnestly suggesting to the pricker there was more where that came from if they provoked him again 

aside from this little facetfault in his personality he was kindliked to think he was kind

kind of kind

 

2051,  Twosday,  6  7. 21

1136,  Thursday,  8  7. 21

Be Kind  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePao0cTGG-o 

 

 

when one is in the habit of pickingup pennies theyre plentiful because when people drop them they are either too lazy or too fat or itsonlyapenny to bend over and pick it up 

                                              when one is in the habit of pickingup pennies other change the rare bills  obviously incentivised  they findhe still does it that over their childhood they learned to be observant

keen eyes help his vision was TwentyFifteen

                                             but being observant lends itselfaffords other adaptations one a prescience  a presciencefortified by experience similar circumstances reoccur such as when thirty thirtyone thirtytwo are realised more than likely thirtythree will follow on their heels they see because they were looking A B C  then likely D these varietiesvariances present almost daily if one troubles themselvesno trouble at all to look

he prided himself at looking and seeing 

                                         and for adeptly recognising situations he sufferedinappropriately accusations jealousies that he had attracted the particular happenstances that he was a kind of magnet 

                                                                                                 Attracting . .   Wha wha am I attracting   Attracting fine metal filings.   Nah not at all Its a matter of being in the right place at the right time or more so an awareness to see it coming heading it off at the pass  a willingness to witness

If I have to explain thats how it works

                                         the fact that he was explaining told him he was talking with someone who didnt stoop and pickup pennies

to their detriment

  inobservant

                 a myopic existence

OhWell

209 or 1409,  Twosday,  6  7. 21

1244,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  7. 21

 

wiredraw 

           the word was creeping up as one of his favourites  probably second place to rawawkwardness  he was attracted by the aws the ws  

when he finally relenteddecided to lookup wiredraw up in the dictionary he found dictionaries printed it as wire-draw to draw (metal) out into wire especially by pulling forcibly through a series of holes of gradually decreasing diameter in a succession of dies strain at, pulling or trying hard to get meaning from a word, analogy 

                                                                                    he didnt care for wire-draw

he preferredif hyphenated he didnt like hyphenations wired-raw  or wiredraw

then knowing what he knew he decided to stick with wiredraw  androgynous  chameleonesque   camouflagedoctopus

because he liked to think of himself as wiredraw

                                                   raw  rare    like meat 

whachasee is whachaget

it ofcourse was a product a birth of childsplay 

                                                 childs-play  child-splay   fuck if he knew

childsplay 

wiredraw

           rawawkwardness

 

0830,  Saturday,  31  8. 19 (one year) scribbled in Estes Park, CO 

1154,  Twosday,  6  7. 21 

Kokoroko  Abusey Junction  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSv04ylc6To