musing

                     musing while taking a cool bath to offset the heat of the daythe continuing heat at night   

thank Gawd it wasnt humid it wasnt that kind of heat the wholesale sweating  lying in it until the sweat chilled the sheets and he was able to fall asleep as he did in his youth in Chicago

a nice cool bath

he thought it would ease his body his mind

rather he mused about mortal remains 

                                                 he hadnt given a thought to them in a very long time

he had to seriously considered them when his wife died 

when he stoodup in the gathered room and excused himself  Everyone youll forgive me I have to go the chapel to the crematory he upset the entire room

                                   virtually everyone there  his entire family his daughters his parents her parents their siblings other family close friends stood and barred him from leaving She’s gone, there’s nothing more for you to do. Why would you submit yourself to that?  there were whispers of That seems ghoulish. 

                                                                                           the reality was the truth was

they wouldnt submit themselves to her cremation

when he tried to press forward through them the tears and wails began  No no  NO hands gripped him held him fast

he tried to escape but he wasnt able

nothing short of violence would free him 

on the wall above four doors that exited the banquet hall a huge round whitefaced clock read Ten her cremation began at Ten

he was late

he hadnt conceived of a wholesale deployment of grief of repulsion frankly revulsion 

she was the first of the family who wanted to be cremated

                                                             that she was being cremated not buried upset a slew of them

but thats what she wanted

she was going to have what she wanted

they didnt talk of anything beyond that

maybe they should have

then it would have been known he wanted to attend her cremation

since

       given that upset then that near irrevocable violence  hed missed two cremations

when they died he was at their bedside  

he was keenly aware he missed them 

though it seemed no one else was

in a cool bath on a terribly hot night he mused regret

0111,  Sunday,  11  7. 21

1206,  Sunday,  11  7. 21

Cream  White Room  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5BF1V1pbTs 

Emancipator – Rena Jones -- Flowerpulse  Iceland  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7RSaFAnu04