ensorcelled

             not a word one usually encounters or rather had he encounteredhe should speak only for himself 

floating on a sea of words without context it was foreboding 

he didnt want to use a dictionary  not just yet

in context  . . I can be drunk, drugged, ensorcelled Anais wrote

                                                                     he cracked its bonessplit themdug out its marrow

he guessed sorcerysomething to do with sorcery

he cracked his dictionary 

beneath Ensor – Belgian painter engraver  noted for macabre subjects

enchanted fascinated – he wasnt far off

ensoul followed it – endow with a soul  hmm  who does that   who gets a gig as an ensouler

                                                                                                    did it hurt

Anais wrote ensorcelled three times in three pages finishing with  . . I sense the termination of (ensorcell), as I sense, too, that Henry’s love of me would end when he is strong enough to do without me.

OUCH

        when someone is strong enough to do without the other

it is not a matter of strength shes referring

advantage 

            if benefitted

leeching

          if benefitted

one can exploit their benefactor

                                 they probably do and their benefactor probably turns a blind eye because they are getting something in return a zero-sum game exactly balanced by the losses or gains of the utility of the participants

some people play games 

he couldnt follow mercenary relationships he understood them

understood the highest bidder

                                and the he or she who produced the most one wanted

speaking for himself he wasnt a product

he wasnt greedyhe wasnt selfish

he wouldnt see that in his partners

he did not parlay  If    Then

Good fuckin riddance

it hurts to be played

he was played once

fuckin shame on him if he allowed himself to be played againtheres always more fish in the sea

he was amazed though by how many people were willing to playwilling to stay in the game

he wouldnt play because he was ruthless 

Adios

       somebody was going to get hurt  and it wasnt him

there were plenty of things to do to keep him satisfied  and busy

as a young boy he entertained himself

if left to his devises he was perfectly happy

when he told people if he believed in past lives he would have been a mountain man they should have paid heed they shouldnt have pushed

he was comfortable in his skin

he needed a companion like he needed a hole in his head

the first time he heard the song played on the radio he rode his bicycle to Skokie to buy the album it was on from a Jew who owned a record store who had a concentration camp number tattooed on the inside of his wrist   

Neil Young A Man Needs a Maid

he knew then he was all-in

0240,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  25  12. 19  OhYah   Christmas

1234,  Thursday,  14  5. 20

Neil Young  A Man Needs a Maid  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bORW_YEmHwY