Bugs

        a deformed kitten of a brotherCondor and his sisterTruscan two jet black cats he paid a five-spot apiece for to a kid who said his folks told him to get rid of em or they would

Lemme guess he said because theyre black

the kid sniffed Yah. Because they’re black. Sell ‘em, give ‘em away, but they’re not welcome in the house or around it.

Tough luck kid

Thanks mister. When I get older his feathers ruffling get out of that hole, the first thing I’m gonna do is get me a black cat

his venom subsiding You’ll take good care of em, right, mister?

Yabetcha  Yaknow kid for all intent and purposes Im probably you years from now As kids we werent allowed pets  When I blew home I always wanted a pair of black cats  An now you made that dream come true although Im sure thats small comfort from a stranger

You won’t hurt ‘em?

I wont hurt em

You swear to . .

. . Dont go there My words good  

Thanks mister.

Youre welcome kid

he watched the kid traipse off  crestfallen  head downshoulders collapsedspine bent  he was tempted to follow him home and confront his parents but he knew where thatd gohow thatd go

it was always tough for him to walk away from bullshit some people needed to be enlightened but it wasnt up to him to be responsible for every clown crossing his path directly or inadvertently  

he was confidenthed lay money on it the kid would keep his word

                                                                       it was worth gold to the kid

he walked back to his place with the kittens in a cardboard box scattered with torn newspaper

he thought at least the kids folks let the kittens stay until they were weaned 

theyd probably have been a tough sell to anyone other than him but as a kid he weaned orphaned baby birds and rabbits a knack it seemed  he happened to often be in the right place at the right time

ahBugs that little knucklehead

died twice

he seemed stillborn he could yet hear his girlfriend burst into yearsthen her What are you doing?!

                                                                                                      when youre giving mouth to mouth resuscitation its not rude not to answer self evident

Bugs despite him sucking fluid out of his nose and mouth spitting blew something like snot bubbles he held his head in handbody straddling his forearmupside downrapped him between the shoulders with a couple of finger as if trying to dislodge something caught in his throat 

                                he didnt know  he was making shit up on the fly

silence

         then more bubbles though smaller

a sputter  then a coughgaspchoke a spasm a shudder   a wee breath

                                                                             then a weak cry

a weak mew

the whole while he thought What a bizarre road into life

his girlfriend cried Ohmygod, thank you, thank you! That was insane!

he thought then the outcome was better than the kitten dying

he laid Bugs beside Truscan beside his three sibling

his girlfriend stood beside himher arm tightly around him  That was a miracle she said

he laughed under his breath Baby that was dumb luck

that evening he found Bugs sprawled on the linoleum at the front door he knew the kitten didnt make it there on his own 

he picked him up Bugs was like a rag doll he was careful with himhis oversized headkeenly aware of his bulging eyes hence how his name was determined  he carried Bugs back into the kitchen to the corner beneath the small table near the stove where Truscan decided to nest  

he laid him among his siblings again

in the morning he found Bugs at the front door again

Truscan was having no part of him

Fuck Truscan he told his girlfriend  Game On

he had no idea why he was thinking of Bugs this cold morningcold enough that he could see his breath in the air

he had just awakened and was steeling him to get out of bedto be enveloped by the air entering through the open window 

he slept naked

he hadnt worn pajamas since he was fourteentoo restrictive 

birthdays Christmases Better get your money back hed tell his parents Im not wearing em  In our house! they began WE WEAR PAJAMAS  Really So tell me how you both fit into a pair  I aint wearin em

this was among many of the inane fights he somehow provoked  hed have thought by then they would have gotten their heads around his burgeoning autonomy

Whassup Bugs  Why are you in my eyes and head this morning

he didnt have any pictures of Bugs he used his memorycould still see himstill feel his frail body up against his when he picked him up off the floor when Bugs staggered around the apartment they rented above a garage

they couldnt afford to heat it

those were the daysthe days that made him prone to not running heat until the cold jeopardized the water pipes  

he didnt like having his picture taken

he didnt like photographs

he didnt own a camera

                         his thinking ran  unremittingly  to unrecorded unknown people who were never photographed they existed he wouldnt have existed or would have any of the people who moved unfamiliarly around him or those he interacted with their ancestors had lived in precious anonymity  they didnt need to prove themselvestheir lives because they lived in their progeny which descended from them as they had descended 

                                                                              if they were unknown now it was only because their stories werent shared or couldnt have been shared for a myriad of legitimate reasons 

he often thought of the vanquishedthe murdered  over millenniums  creeping back to the arboreal creatures who descended from the trees and began walking bipedal on the African savannah

unpictured

unrecorded

             nevertheless real ghosts who pulsed through his veins oozed in the coils of his brain snoozed in his primal reptilian brain bank

                      conserved for the next generation

Bugs was fixed in his brain 

Truscan his siblings  shunned him 

poor baby suffered seizures

                              because he saved Bugsthe only black cat of the litter  he assumed responsibility for him  he maintained Bugs in what proved to be an eroding unforgiving existence  

he helped – he truly believed that – he helped Bugs  

he carried himhiked up to a field on a Montanan bench overlooking the Bitterroot River overlooking Trappers Peak 

he set Bugs down hoping that he might teeter and wobble around on the mowed hayfield

Bugs didnt 

he squatted on his four legs 

he didnt make a sound

Aw Bugs baby youre breaking my heart

                                                    carefully he shot him in the head with a .22

1211,  Reggae Friday,  14  12. 18

1310,  Sunday,  16  12. 18

The 5th Dimension  Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06X5HYynP5E