he went wide

               caught out the corner of his eye the coloured shudder of clothing between the tall vertical fence slats

the unfortunate emerged 

                      I wanna talk to you.

Nothing to gain man I saw ya lost your shit so take all the time in all the world all the room yaneed to find it 

                                                                                                                  Aint helpin

You fucked with me, man.

No Your dog went after my cat

                                  Not cool

I apologized.

You didnt apologise for not restraining your animal 

I told you she was a year old.

I coud give a fuck 

                   Not on her on you Ya didnt restrain her nothing to do with her  All on your head

I should’ve . .

. . Brained me  With tha piece of cordwood ya threatened me with

                                                                       Missed An yawoud have because ya were so amped Idve used it on you

Yeah?

Fuckin damn rightyah Yamay have served but you aint wha you were  I don care where you servedwhere you volunteered I was drafted

                              Aint nothing makes ya more crazedmore a killer than being forced to survive

Fuckin leave me be

he turned his back on him

   no  didnt take his opportunity

he walked down the drive with a book in hand for another  little    walk

1511,  Monday,  13  11. 23

1001PM preferred, Monday

Doors  The End  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXqPNlng6uI

he usually likes to have his say . . but sometimes it is better to let people speak for themselves

"He lacks any shred of human decency, humility or caring," the former White House official told (Jonathan) Karl. "He is morally bankrupt, breathtakingly dishonest, lethally incompetent, and stunningly ignorant of virtually anything related to governing, history, geography, human events or world affairs. He is a traitor and a malignancy in the nation, and represents a clear and present danger to our democracy, and the rule of law."

1836,  Monday,  13  11. 23

https://www.rawstory.com/trump-stupid-ignorant-traitor-book/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bHkPsSIGLw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mO2rR_iqdjk

I heard something I hadnt heard before  Maybe you have

I’m all ears, though by your expression should I sit down?

No Thas not necessary

                          Im bemused Id have thought with all my experience tha Id have noticed

Still, quite an expression, maybe I ought to take a picture so you can see.

No you don I can feel it  Ya know I don like photos taken of me

You did when you were younger.

Thawas transactional I was making money Since I walked away its been sorry Madonna  aint strikin a pose

I’ve seen pictures . .

. . They were candid  I happened to be in the field

You’re no fun.

Maybe this will strike you funny

                                   Bemused  No   Actually Im astonished

Astonished?

             You?

Yah me Astonished

Tell me

Think Ill ask

Ask me.

Are you familiar with breasts being dense  Or for tha matter less dense

Dense breasts?

Yah

       Id say virtually all the girls an women Ive been with have had similar breastsya know  breast size cup size  Dense Weight   Waterballoonish firm

                                             I don know  But I learned last night its a thing

I don’t even know what that means.

Yah

      Only thing tha crosses my mind is tha they hold their shape as a woman gets older  Gravity takes the backseat for the immediate future

I guess that would make sense.

Maybe less fatty tissue

                            Less jiggle

Ooh. 

Wha

I like jiggles.

I don know Im guessing

You don’t like jiggle?

Its fine  though as Ive been thinkinbout it   Id say  nearly all the women Ive been with have been athletes remained athletic

          Not manyif any tha I recall   were jigglers  

Were heavers

   I’d juggle jigglers.   

1714,  Monday,  31  10. 23

1157,  Monday,  13  11. 23

Madonna  Vogue  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuJQSAiODqI

Looks like somethings got your dabber down.

   Thawas astute You surprised me

his face went a little slack

                              I . . surprised you?

Yah  scratched his earlobe with a fingernail Yes  Youre rarely astutehence  surprised

swayed his head like shaking off a punch Awcomeon.

Awcomeon nothing its probably only the secondthird time Ive found you astute Maybe someone else has lavished you

Although I do hold the bar high

more than a little deflated Whatever.

Annow I drop my compliment Really   Whaever

                                                    Wha a dismal reply

What do you expect me to say?

I woud have continued commiserating looks like somethings got you down

  

   he shrugged What’s up?

Thas better better than whaever Thank you

                                                  Anna  The woman Ive been dating awhile

Yes.

Have been considering asking her if she might want to move in together Half the time at my place her place Finances  Which sounds coldblooded mercenary  Financially it woud boost us both Put money away for rainy days   Because they come

Which makes sense.

                       If I met someonewe remained connected for a considerable time . . I might see moving in togetherasking.

he nodded

I like Anna.

I really really like Anna

                           I don use the word love lightly  Its an awesome   obligation

I understand.

Yes

What’s the problem?

Saying it sounds  petty insignificantIm not either

                                                      Not usually

Moving in together is an obligation.

                                       I’ve never lived with a woman.  Maybe.   No I won’t.

Why

I think . . well no . can’t say I thinkI know . . old school . my parents didn’t.  

                                                                                  You did.

We did 

An you did when living together was frowned upon . .

. . You have no idea Although tha woudnt have happened if I hadnt told Cindi I loved her prior We took more than a few on the chin

                People are ignorant

Annow maybe Im being ignorant

The problem?

Garlic

   You a vampire?

Clever  astute if you woud  an funny in the same day  Better mark tha down on the calendar

See?  I have my moments.

Yes

     But theyre spread so so  so very far apart

That’s called something, isn’t it?

Yes it is

          Wha

   I don’t remember.

                       But you do.

I do

Need time to find it resuscitate it

No. No. It’s lost under the rubble of my mind.  Please?

Epizeuxis

Yes.  I don’t know why I can’t ever remember it.

   Because I can

Is that a question or statement?

Yes

        Ya like tha 

Im pulling a you on you   Yes

Funny guy.

              But swinging back aroun . .

. . Garlic

Yes

     I like garlicreally love garlic  in my evening dinners On occasionalbeit frequently

What’s frequently?

Three sometimes four times a week

That’s pretty damn frequent.  I . . I can’t remember the last time I used it.

You don cook Dine out or microwave something

                                                    Works for youHell ya eat gas station fried chicken

Not going to let that go.

I am not

           But thasaid I do love garlic

What’s the problem?

Anna eats a head a day every morning 

                                           Every morning

And there are aspects of ingesting and  excreting  thamuch garlic

Use aerosols.

I do not like aersols at all Sam I Am

                                      Chemical scents phony scents disgust me

Then, I’d say, you’re verging on your preposterous one-strike and you’re out notion, it's a dealbreaker.

                                                                                                           Wouldn’t you?

   Woudnt I

Is that a question or statement?

1020,  Saturday,  30  9. 23

1045,  Monday,  13  11. 23

If I have to be critical, which I’d rather not . . .

he laughed as a reply

Why are you laughing?

At your remark 

                 Donwanna hurt nobodys feelings   Fuck em

I didn’t said anything.

Actually yadid

How?

Comon  Seriously

Yeah. Nothing. Not really.

Then let me say if I have to be critical though  though    Id rather not  Ya remember Its called paralepsis not to mention it goes without saying

                                   Tha ring any bells

Oohyeah, now that you mention it yes.

Good good

            Go ahead an mention if you have to be critical but woud rather not  he laughed   guy always made him laughcoudnt help but step in it coud find dogshit without tryin

I got thickskin Ya wont hurt my heart either

Well . . what I mean to say is that . . well . is that your pieces are . are disembodied.

Yes

Yes?

       You’re aware they are?

Yah Lotsa dialogues

You know you rarely describegive physical descriptions of the individuals speaking.

Not often correct

Why is that?

Their physicality isnt important to the context of their discussiontheir agreement disagreement argument

I always find myself wondering who you’re talking about.

No whos

          You fill in the blanks you can imagine whomever whoever ya want  Bring in a paintbrush or crayons

Pencil  Pen

Im not writing to tell Im writing to share

But don’t you think that’s your job?

Awman wha do you think

earlyAM,  Sunday,  12  11. 23

Bobby V.  Anonymous  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYmKqlmfQNA

he arrived late

it was a small get together

usually he refused his invites Bennie was the kind of kidder that one couldnt tell if he was being serious or notdidnt tip his hand constantly met eyes with deadpan expressions

                                                            angiven that on more than one occasion he became the butt of a joke  not that softhumiliation is the worst thing one can suffer

it certainly isnt something one pursues

BUT

    theres always a BUT

Bennie invited Cari she was a screwy chick hed taken a serious liking to

                                                                              screwy may not be right

goofy? nah  he preferred screwy to goofy goofy seems dumb and Cari wasnt that

invite was for One  a bright shinyblue day

                                              the infinity pool he did like that the water the color of the sky anif Cari wore the lemonyellow bikini she talked up the prior weekend when they met for a beer he couldnt imagine one not fantastically complimenting the other

he ran late because he was helping his cousin with a junior college paper she was cousin couple times removed he would remind himself she was to offsetdefray the sexual tension which always arose when they got together and they got together because she was always choosing the most difficult most intriguing English projects assigned

he was a sensational researcher

                                   cats had nothing on him when it came to curiosity

her projects were curious                

she was too

he arrived quarter to Two

was dazzled

               Caris bikini was canaryyellow crushed lemonyellow  it scantily fit her fitbody like plumage if she thought it was a sunning suit he intended to persuaded her otherwise

                                                                           get her wet

she pranced up to him poolside and gave him a huge hug

                                                              So what do you think? she asked as she turned roundanround on tippytoes then back the other way as if that could unwind him not a chance

You look fuckin amazing

I do don’t I?  she giggled   I do.

Ya do screwball

coming down off her toes she took a step back coquettishly put fingertips to her lips and whispered I like that you call me screwball.

he smiled he really liked her attention Cuz you are baby You think your thoughts are like no other 

You’re sweet . . though you’ll say you’re not. I think you are.

Then Ill take tha from you You alone   Dig

she giggledgurgled deep in her throat  I dig.

                                               then laughed loudly mouth open no hand covering it piercing dimples   completing her cacophony she whispered Who says dig?

We do me an you

Anyou think I’m a screwball.

Ya are

she backpedaled awayurging him to follow moving her fingers handsCOME  beside a pair of chaise loungers was a small round ceramictopped table a frothy drink sat on it a tall red straw stood up in the glass the glass was beginning to sweat  inside looked like a multicoloured lava lamp  psychedelic

Whastha

A freshfruit drink Bennie blended. He says boozy.

Kindalike a pina colada

I think so. He also said it has a shot of protein in it.

A shot of protein

Yeah.

You see him make it

No.

Have you tried it

No, I only just got here too. He asked if I’d like a specialty drink. I said sure. Then I changed into my suit. He brought it out to me and setting it down he said he thought he heard you pull up. I was excited for you to see my swimsuit. I had bragged it up sometrhing fierce last weekend.

Its worth braggingup looks sensational on you

                                                  Gimme a second to change I also brought Lizards Mouth

No.

Yah

No.

   Yah

Damn. I haven’t had that in a long while I really like it.

Why I brought it

                  Wanna put the foufou drink on hold itll keep in the frig

Yes. Please.

Sit tight Ill bring it out before I change

I’m so excited.

I thought ya might be

                        Ill be right back

Bennie

Hey Joe.

You being funny with Cari

Funny? but not before he smirked

                                   Howdaya mean?

I remember you losing your job for shaping cocks in latte foam

Works of art, man.

I hearya I saw Got no complaint from me  You made tasty lattes despite the garish garnish

I did, I did.

Yadid

           I appreciate you inviting Cari

Had to, you’ve been talking her up anya rarely talk chicks up.

   No  Not often

No.

Shot of protein

Yeah. What of it?

Have a sip

Excuse me?

I brought Lizards Mouth Which has preempted Caris freshfruity frothy drink for the meanwhile I brought the beer expressly for her  Though everyones welcome

                                                   Take a sip

I made it especially for Cari.

I know you did

                 Take a sip We can put a fresh straw in it later

I made it for her.

I know ya did yave said

                           Take  A  Sip

I’d rather not.

he dumped the drink in the sink

                                   You know yare always welcome to fuck with me Not funny

1717,  Reggaefriday,  25  8. 23

1027, Sunday,  12  11. 23

Immigrant Song  Karen O  Reznor  Ross  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQtXsp4tIbw

she sighedrolled dipped swished her hips 

it felt good if he was lyin hed be dyin

All you need handsome . . is a little motivation.

Only a little

Umm . . maybe just a little more.  a deeper swishgrind

Weve only just met

she smiled over her shoulder into his face Yes doll.

   Awbaby you havent any idea what yare talkinbout

that really rocked herpissed her off gyrations halted 

                                                        she was a life coach  she had told him

I think I know somethingfrankly . . I know a lot about motivation.

If you do woudntya say I believe I know  Not think you know

                                                                    Ya don know me

I’ve assessed you.

Asized  Youve asized me up I can believe it

                                                If you thought thars gold in dese hills youd be wrong

starting to get up off his lap You need help.

hooking her hips with his fingers he pulled her back downwhispered harshly Seems we all can use a little help

You included   cleared his throat  But there are those who are genuinely more needy  Theyre willing to pay for a friend

How dare you.

harsh How dare you  

                      You came onto me sat on my lap 

her face went hardshe glared

   I believe the motivation you think I lack or need is something I refer to as emotion  I emotivate if you rather  Emotivation  If you think itll serve your purpose yare welcome to it

                                                                      No charge  On the house   Off my lap

she stood

she looked likeNO

                    she slapped his face

How dare you.

he didnt rub his cheek

                         If you knew me youd have known Im daring

1950,  day-between-2-Ts,  8  11. 23

432preferred,  Saturday,  11  11. 23

Talking Heads  Psycho Killer  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eauZzwt8Ci8 

“. . . an alchemical mix of wonder and fear.

                                              It may seem as if those emotions would cancel each other out, but the opposite is true. When you add them together you get the sublime, which transcend them both. ‘The passion caused by the great and sublime in nature . . . is Astonishment,’ wrote the eighteenth-century philosopher Edmund Burke, ‘and astonishment is the state of the soul in which all its motion are suspended, with some degree of horror.’  But, he added, it was ‘a sort of delightful horror.’”

                                       Prologue pg2  Susan Casey  The Underworld

wonder and fear

alchemy

           he had to wonder when he fearedwhat he feared

seemed since he conquered the pitchblack terror of his bricked basement as a boylucky he didnt break his neck rushing blind headlong through itslamming into things tripping hitting the concrete floorUP hitting the pinepaneled wallGO RIGHT scrambleup the uncoded staircase to the short doorway swinging it open out into the hallGO RIGHT through the entry onto the front porchfour stairs down which he usually leaped land on the front walk roll onto the lawn

                                                                                                                  its leaves like tendrils embracing himsaving him from whatever it was he fled

since then

             he wondered  what

   which at times makes him think that he died and this life he was leading was an imagination his ghost madeup and would continue makingup until it or he got tired of living

                                                                   at  times

afternoon,  day-between-2-Ts,  8  11. 23

1531,  Saturday – Veterans Day,  11  11. 23

he wokeup this morning remembering

not remembering a littlenot scraps bits pieces remembering everything  anything

remember vividly  

remember the smallest things

he remembered what he forgot

                                     the remembering painted his eyes with tears that wetted reconstituted magnified his memories anhe thought  this is how things came apart  he got caughtupsweptaway in vile moments terrible agitations dust an pollen shakenfree peppering salting copiously dusting over layering over concealing hiding   what  if he had pausedtook a moment  the things he could have recalled shared  could have broken the arms legs and necks of those harsh agitations                                                                         

Do you remember . . .

Remember when . . .

                           if only he paused  been able to be at one remove

this morning was not regret

                              there was so muchtoo much beauty

he was fortunate

this morning gently taught him that when things veer go askew he looked askance  to vividly bring a memory forward an share it

             as they can easily  subtly    be submerged       

0855,  Saturday – Veterans Day,  11  11. 23

reminiscent of Neil Young  Love in Mind  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mp0URt_o0YU

What is it I’m supposed to remind you about? 

Thaya never do

   I never do?

Nope  Notever

Well . . . I’m thinking of it now.

Excellent

What is it?

Youre supposed to remind me about   Yes

                                                 Whaisit

   Something.

Thas a lot of things

Are you gonnasay?

Aryagonnabe testy

                       Ya sound testy 

whined I remembered.

   But not wha

No.

    There is that.

You were to remind me when my beard was too longremind me to shave trim it

THAT’S IT.

It is

   You realise how stupid that is, which is probably why I don’t remember?

You don remember because you don remember

I remembered.

I did.

       It’s so stupid.

Look in the mirror, you’ll see.

See I need to shave

I wouldn’t say just yet, I saw you shaved after Halloween. You like to go a couplethree weeks.

Wasnt hard to miss I told you I was growing out my moustache an goateeMethod actor style to be the Dude Big Lebowski for Halloween

                           Grew it three months

Really stupid.

Its not

You have a bathroom mirror.

I do

Look in it.

You must forget  Theres something else Ive also told you

he cringed Something else I’m supposed to remind you to do?

No

     I think you failing at one thing is plenty

Ive also told you tha whenever I walk into a room I only see fiftytwo percent of the occupants

I remember thatI remember that. You only see women.

Thas right

And I remember then that you pare the women down and only see, perhaps, twenty percent.

Right again

             So why do I ask you to tell me when I ought to shave

I DON’T KNOW.

Hear me Im respecting those men I do not see in that room when I enter Men do not interest me

I rememberyou’ve said.

   If Im not gonna see them

                                 Why woud I see him in the mirror

3PM,  Thursday,  9  11. 23

1219,  Reggaefriday,  10  11. 23

Michael Jackson  Man in the Mirror  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gqMRlN6mAA