he was trying ketamine therapy

it wasnt for depression

                       was for digging in on onetoomany straws that broke the camels back lossesdeaths  deaths use your words he hoped it might open a door let out some bad air fumigate ventilate circulate alleviate some weight from his shoulders help bring smiles quicker to his face 

                                               six in a month pretty steep

life isnt war

or was it fair

it bent him

he needed his spine straightened 

during questioningcounseling his therapist admitted she had submitted herself to several ketamine experiences it was critical she said if she was going to be able to help others

were it any of a fistful of other drugs he could have been the therapist 

                                                                          he used them for selfimmersion plumbing rappelling inwardly

                      so knowing she had provided him with utmost confidence

they jived 

just before she administered it intramuscularly he preferred it over an IV – so not to be tethered – an also once injected it couldnt be adjusted or taken back he said

                                  Isnt it unfortunate  a shame a bloody shame that every physician we seek for care hasnt had a near-death experience

1341,  Thursday,  7  4. 22

1227,  Twoday,  6  9. 22

https://summit-med.com/intramuscular-ketamine-injections/

theres a metallic scuff 

                      played in his ears   lets him know they think that he can be played

he loved it

tickled his balls

to be underestimated

                        hubris 

he couldnt say how often hed been underestimated

maybe it was that stupid look he posted on his face

if they saw his real face theyd give him a wide berth 

                                                           really w i  d   e

 

not only was he an introverthe was antisocial

society brings out the worst in people

case in point

               social media

     whoever thought thatd be a good idea

  pureansimple monetisation

hardly meant for the good of mankind      

2209,  Monday,  5  9. 22

1006,  Twosday,  6  9. 22

the end of everything 

                     to accept ones demise  rolled into Everything is comforting 

You first

No, please you.

I insist  You 

wait long enough an one or the other will become violent 

                                                           anfor wha purpose

its the end of everything

                          but its not is it 

when we die everything dies 

                              Everything then tiptoes away silent as a mouse so the Silence is comforting

in this case for you                                                                

hes tried 

         its impossible to wake the deadHOWLING SHRIEKING ROCK n ROLL screechingfreeform JAZZ 

                                                                                                             they don wake

theyre dead

hard as a coffin nail                                                                                                                    

hard humans arent attractive

though multiples better than sloughing  putrefying  humans

the End of everything

 

I don’t think it’s healthy for you to be considering the end.

Death

The end, yes.

You cant call it wha it isDEATH

                                 You think its got its ear to the ground listening for yousetting its sights on you next to victimise 

          Not victimised  Murder victimises  Yes death is a byproduct of murder however Im not fantasising on being murdered  Im fantasising my demise  realising it is not fantasy  embracing it

To put you at ease  its a phase Im going through an itll pass like all phases Ive gone through

Im just coming to termsembracing Reality 

  I will miss the sky the sun the moon the stars  the constancy

1727,  Sunday,  4  9. 22

0949,  Labour Day – Monday,  5  9. 22

Sia  Chandelier  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vjPBrBU-TM

he said Tits for God

that grabbed his attentiontipped his head like a curious dog ofcourse he is  Tits? Wharya going with that?where did it come from?

Its a fact 

          Obviously a way to fold men into religion

Fold?

Sure think particular recipes require their ingredients are folded into the batter Fold

Ah, I gotcha.

I thought so

But what does that have to do with tits for God?

Again  think a moment

he chuckled I'll have to admit I’m too distracted to think just now.

Awright this is how I see it play out  Papa was folded in 

                                                             He has a daughter who coming of age blossoms a crazy builtbeautiful girl No way shes going out with just anybody

                                                                So chumming the waters baiting hooks some chucklehead who can make a play throws in he submits 

As my old man told his best friend at a company picnic where he first laid eyes on my Maw Donnyboy, I’m gonna get into her pants even if I have to marry her.

To be fair Tits for God werent in play but by analogy a comparable mechanism was struck

Christ.

1828,  ReggaeFriday,  2  9. 22

1217,  LabourDay –Monday,  5  9. 22

feng shui 

         dared someoneanyone tell him it didnt sound like function or that either were at odds with the other

wonderednobrainer which came first 

he had to look 

               mid16th Century  from French fonction from Latin function(n-) from fungi  perform 

feng shui no date attested but because its Chinese it has to be ancient  feng wind  shui water 

geomancy 

           using energy forces to harmonise individuals with their surrounding environment                                                                                                                              Qi pronounced CHe long e

cosmic current has the same patterns as wind and water and understanding it can affect these flows thereby improving wealth happiness long life and family 

                                        it is communist China totalitarian China hows Qi shaking these days

he couldnt say

outside looking in things arent necessarily what they appear 

he understood what he read

which is ephemeral 

                     which is because he hadnt experienced China first hand or will

however it seemed to him that feng shui -- function  function -- feng shui were interchangeable something akin or aKim to doppelgangers    

1828,  ReggaeFriday,  2  9. 22

1059,  Labour Day – Monday,  5  9. 22

she set the bee free

 leftie

in her ardor to trap it perhapscrush it against the screen door the bee dropped like leadhit the outwardangled sill and tumbled out to freedom under it 

                                  leftie was incredulous 

he could read her spine

predatory shivers shook it

                            but there was nothing to predate

bee tucked and rolled

who knew a winged insect had that sense 

                                             hed argue it did 

most argued otherwisehe was out of his mind You believe trees are sentient. THEY’RE NOT. 

                                                                                                 asif raising their voices made them correct

fuckin hubris

              lack of true wisdom  sapience  which reinforces human moral blindnesshuman supremacy anthropocentrism we selfdeclare  ONLYonly human beings have the quality of sentience that make us self aware 

in a forest trees provide a neural net  theyre hotwired similar to our brains  they communicate between themselves

cant possibly imagine how fortunate we are that cant hear them scream while theyre burned alive in forest fires

Can count our lucky stars

Hearing them we wouldnt forget for the rest of our life 

the bee was free

leftie was miffed

all for now was righteous in the universe        

1315,  Sunday,  4  9. 22

1640,  Sunday

https://www.quora.com/Are-trees-sentient-beings

OUCH she was out of synch   he wished he could help her but she was beyond him she wouldnt look at him he was right in front of her

   NO

last night

a stumbling apparition

dressed for the cold

he lived in SoCal

she wore a white stocking cap

white scarf around her throat

white socks above the top of her boots

rest of her garments jet black  slacks  sweater  car coat  boots 

she stumbled

               he couldnt tell if she was ill inebriated or stoned 

WHOA WHOAWHOA thought she was going over WHOAwent back on her heelsthought she was going over  she pulled it out

looked like she had something in herbook looked like she had a book in her hands  she thrust it out in front of herself when she rolled backwards 

                                 ballast

 

  regained  she stood fastlegs widespread

clutched the book to her chest

gamely  steadily    she turned around 

she walked away from him 

walking off she disassembled asif made of ash

he watched her until she was gone

it appeared she dropped the book

he walked over to where he thought it fell

dirty snow

           smudge of ash 

it melted quicklyscarcely a puddle

0937,  ReggaeFriday,  8  4. 22

1232, Sunday,  4  9. 22

Tricky  Pipe Dreams  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2zHWJeEgUM

Doors  Riders on the Storm  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7G2-FPlvY58 

THAS IT majority MAGA Republicans have shitabsolute SHIT for brains thas tha stink                                                                                                                                they refer to the FormerGAWF

GEOTUS get this BATSHIT   God-Emperor of the United States 

if forced if measured  he had three wordsthree syllables for tha

                                                                    Et tu Brute 

he could imagine OrangeFormer in a green room desperately trying to rub one out Sorry boss shortcircuit valves thrownaint working Take another pill! before addressing assembled dickheads an nuffysnatches 

                                                                                       Awhcom on thas impolite  Usually yare able to check tha at the door

Theyve kicked it wide open No more   Call it fatigue 

                                                         Medias desperate to maintain a false equivalence equalbalanced reporting 

         When it aint it aintquit bending over backwards to appeal to those who are as appealing as infectious ratshit moldering in small corners of avenues undisinfected by sunlight

 

  God-Emperor 

                  He can suck my cock

   

1722,  Twosday,  30  8. 22

1525,  Sunday,  4  9. 22

batshit  https://qz.com/1092037/the-alt-right-is-creating-its-own-dialect-heres-a-complete-guide/

Et tu Brute  https://nosweatshakespeare.com/quotes/famous/et-tu-brute/

together she was always at his elbow  together they formedup poured a concrete drive which led up from the established cul-de-sac

theirs was one lot among many divviedup by an unknown surveyor ordered by some unknown corporate lord crappy wood stakes flying coloured ribbons yards of broken earth starkwhite chalk scrabble rock refuse brokenbrown weeds

almost funny they could see something beyond that

they built it

no one came

maybe no one noOne died en route

or noOne could pass credit banks refused to foot the risk thats ridiculous unbankish

or noOnes wife refused to go out and work 

or she refused the bankers advances

                                       Come on, baby, work with the man . . we get a house.

A house. You want me to hook and whore for a house?

If I could I would . . for us.

If you could you would?tellya wha . . head down to the gay bar and work the business end of a gloryhole. You’d be able to afford gargle anafter chow cum of some dumb dim sum. 

                                                              I can’t believe you’d suggest I . I . . I should accept a banker’s advances .  . who . who . she was getting beside herself . who are you . . . 

                                                                                     he thought of two of her  doppelgangers  they'd be formidable, could split the work. Would you shaddup! like she could hear him think You’re welcome to chow sum dumb dim sum, asshole.

She was upset.

I said shaddup.        

1259,  Twosday,  12  4. 22

1153, Sunday,  4  9. 22

Doors  L. A. Woman  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryfMJRKnie8

   Howbout this 

                          I am fluent in silence

Nah.                                                                                                                                           

Thas pretty abrupt  Whyknot

Fluent in silence . . that’s not sexy, it’s boring, what else you got?I’m all ears . . shake agin . shoot. 

   Shakeaspeare 

Shakespeare?

I didn’t say tha volleying your shakeagun 

                                                   Im Joyceing you

Joyceing?  Joshing.

No 

     Im havin some fun playin   joking

Joking.

As in joke jolk yolk yoke woke oak awk ward word

Listen I get it, you’re the idea guy . . I’m just not following.

Don Try an appreciate the incentive

                                       Standup our tshirt  Whoever wears it answers to no one he laughed in his throathis joke  It goes without saying

When we started this . .

. . PAGA played out

That was timely, political opportunism.

It was edgy

             Our risk paid off We staked our claim raisedunfurled our flag MAGA lawsuit fell on its face free publicity  penalties assessed helped furthur us 

                                       Arya suddenly risk-averse

Tellya wha realising its success well split profits If notan thas a big if Ill assume sixty percent of the losses

I’m still losing money.

Im Im Im after all this time ya havent learned its not about you  Silence is not going to lose money 

                                                                                                        Or Ill run it an assume onehunred percent  Well call it my project  H 2.0

companys name was H for hype

Can I think about it?

Sure Think   First runs tomorrow

0647,  Twosday,  12  4. 22

0952,  Sunday,  4  9. 22

Burial  Ashtray Wasp  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VQSJ7Y41I0

. . . there’ll be iggs for the brekkers come to mournhim, sunny side up with care.

                                                                                    Joyce gayly gibbeting

he had to admit he liked iggs for eggs

Shay said so on her left breast embroidered in scrollystitch he wondered what she named her right breast their in-between was deeply cleft freckled  he would have been very happy to crawl between them and call it home  

Shay lastly please the iggs sunnyside up makeem jiggle whenya walk

Jiggle, sir? she seemed perplexed though it looked attractive ifnot foreign on her face

Jiggle

Jiggle. Yes, sir. 

                  she then stood upright from the bow from the waist that she made to take his order her perplexion changed its complexion now looked thoughtful thinkful full of clammitty clamgloves an clamboots clamjuicy clammyhands perhaps hams an loins too clamjuicy  not tightasaclam 

                                                                            tititightas a clam  Shay convinced herself Jiggle, sir, yes, sir.

Good childher

               happy not a childhin neveraneed of a him hymn hum  Awhell ahum by aher redfull lickslips whitecanines incisors inspirsors flickering redlicoriceous tongue 

Yessir. 

Jiggle.

Got it Shay

            Gomad

O bliging

O bling!BAM  VA VA VOOM

                                Offto the cookingroom to the grease and sizzle and griddles toasters bowls of chilled butterballs

O vens

O hens 

        piggs saddlestripsstripes sausage unpeeled tatters hashed countryfried onions greenpeppers     

So true is it that therewhere’s a turnover the tay is wet too and when you ketch sight of hind make sure but you’re cocked by hin.

                 Jgibbeting agin

                                   . . . she is on her behaviourite job of quainance bandy . . . we may take our review of the two mounds to see nothing of the himples here at elsewhere, by sixes sexes and sevens, like so many heegills and collines, sitton aroont, scentbreeched and somepotreek . . .

the diningrooms filled

he hadnt noticed

he was musingamusing hisself

the portholed white door from the kitchen swung out

he faced it

Shays coming with his platter of heapedbreakfast a coffeepot 

                                                                shes jigglingbreathtakingly jiggling he had dollarbills if she wore a garter shes jiggling  

Shaysashayed up to him

bent deeply

             breathy Jiggly enough, sir?

she and the iggs were

                        Divine Shay

Sir, I seek to please.

I am very pleased Thank you

You’re welcome, sir. 

                     she stood erectnot alone poured him fresh coffee

                                                                       I’ll leave you the pot. Is there anything else I can get you? he enjoyed her predatory smilesnarl

One thing more please threefourmore butterballs for my blueberry pancakes

  Butteryballs. Yes,sir.

   butteryballs  he watched her walk offdisappear through the portholes then turning to his breakfast he ate ravenously 

AMish,  Twosday,  5  4. 22

1144,  Saturday,  3  9. 22

Nicki Minaj  Va Va Voom  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U72hzeBLOw

hennaed hands

tripped up his perspective 

                            though seen up close the artfulness threw him off his disgust of tattoos he knew hennahow he knew he couldnt sayhe read a lot  he knew it wasnt permanent not a tattoo  he asked Its not permanent 

she laugheddidnt cover her mouth 

                                   Awhellno, I like to change things up, permanent’s a bit of a swear word in my lexicon. she was growing more attractive to him by the moment

Lexicon

A sweet descriptor, huh? I dig icon being part of it. 

descriptor

he had seen her a couple times priorthey had been introduced but he hadntthey hadnt opportunity to bore down admittedly then the henna throwing him off 

                                           Arya tryin to get into my pants 

Isn’t that my line?

Did I step on your toes

she laughed openmouthed again 

                                   I’m holding the line, bub . you trying to get into my pants? 

Id love to

the laughter bubbled  unforced very natural 

                                                  she was small  built proportionallythough tastefully busty  auburn hairbutched  unruly  saved her from the inane question and answering  This? No, I can’t do a damn thing with it. 

looked like a mad pixielike she might bite him for a reason no reason   feral

they went off to a bar after she closed her shop

they had several drinkshe had no idea where she was putting them

then she admitted she was Indianpart Irish

then he knew

   Say handsome, I don’t live far from here like to walk me home?

they made it as far as a school playground played on the swings he pushed her she kept leaning way back tagging him in the belly with the top of her head 

her playfulness and inversion tickled him 

made him hard

she noticed                       

swinging out and away she exitedflung herself into the air and on woodchips stuck the landing  turning to him as he walked up on her she did a little Rocky dance

she patted his cockfingers pointing down 

                                           Yagonna introduce me to your little friend said it like Tony Montana  Scarface

Happily though youll excuse himhes a little hard of hearing youll have to get very close when you say

undoing his belt buckle she went at the pantsbuttons in abandon she grabbed his cock took a knee HELLO! she gave him a tug and a kiss 

                       Take a look at this would ya?! he was looking See how large your cock looks in my hand?

Theres that  Matter of perspective

she didnt say

0640,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  31  8. 22 

1321, ReggaeFriday,  2  9. 22

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyrnHkX4wS8

https://tenor.com/view/rocky-gif-7297653

lookingup from of his book as he walked into through the parking lot he saw a little boy emerge carrying a schoolbag into the hot sunlight beside his father 

                                   his father was trying to have a conversation with him I had a fine day today, howbout you son?

the boyretarded walked forward blinking madlyhot sun in his eyes he didnt respond

Son, now you mightyou could say . . Dad, I had a good day too; your teacher said you had a very good day today.

the boy almost stumbledDad steadied himhand at his shoulder as he struggled to lift the plaid schoolbag up to his chest with his other hand he gripped itheld it before him asif a shield 

crossing in front of them he saw the boys blinking ceasedgave way to a hard stare it wasnt directed at anything a faraway look 

              he recognised it  his little brother was retarded  they were here and not here entranced  inhabiting a netherworld  oblivious 

                         he remembered thinking that if he was protectedguarded itd be a nice place to go off to  somewhere   over the rainbow    hurtle the horizon  be A-WAY 

                                                                    unfortunately creeping fear broke across the boys face because his father walked beside him he didnt see it 

                                                        then the boys expression twistedagonised

the while his father had continued to try and cajole his son to converse he was diligentthough visibly irritated yet it did not reveal in the tenor his voice 

as he continued walking he couldnt imagine having a retarded childbe responsible for them the rest of their life his life

the little boy began to whine pitifully then crysobbed

he understood it was the sunthe heat it was oppressive aggressive 

                                                                        all the years the boy had been alive  this creature this junior high twelve or thirteen year old  the heat hadnt been onehunednine degrees September First

felt like walking in an oven

                            he thought creature the father was catchingup realising the suddenheat his son was experiencing after being indoors embraced by airconditioning the whole school day  he thought creature because they innatelybasically understood Jungs collective unconscious kollektives Unbewusstes synchronised Unconscious  a fineskein web cast around the earth  engulfing it  communicating the fear of abnormal heatGet out of the sun seek shelter save yourself 

the boy staggered then began to walk backwardsretreating  his father grabbed him by the shoulderhe sobbed louder

Yes son it is hot, but when we get to the car I’ll turn the airconditioning on full blast, cool you down immediately.

the boy tried to shake his fathers hand but couldnt

                                                     he heard the scuffle at his back the father beginning to drag the little creature forward INTO the sun INTO the blazing heat INTO annihilation  INNATELY bound to his creaturesenseGET OUT OF THE SUN  SEEK SHELTER   GET OUT OF THE SUN

midparking lot he assumedhe heard an Umph the fathers gaspbreath as he lifted the boy off his feetstill struggling  bodily carrying him to the car as he sobbedscreamed  unable to flee to hide from the hotwash of the sun

a spectacle he heard  did not watch  

he wanted out of the sun too

his creature instincts were screaming inside his head as loud as the little boy did       

1441,  Thursday,  1  9. 22

1039,  ReggaeFriday,  2  9. 22

K Bleax Survival  https://vimeo.com/127584214