Nebraska 

           hed never been in Nebraska before  it was as flat and featureless from Interstate 80 as Iowa was  although not as featureless or barren as Nevada  he understood why Atom bombs were tested there

they spent the night in Sidney

in the morning they took Old Post Road out of town to State 19 crossing the into Colorado 19 turned into State 113 a road map revealed that he didnt see any posted signage for several miles that revealed the transition wasnt like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis 

                                       he played with a notion of Christchrysalis Christ inside trying to gerryrig a transformation into anyone other than himself because he knew hed be crucified  not unlike killingjars and butterflies pinnedup in shadow boxes for display  He really isnt any different 

                                                                        . . wasnt like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis given this countryside any splash of colour would have been nice

denied  he decided hed look for anything old thing that might tickle his fancy 

his buddy was drivingit was his car  he preferred driving to being a passenger it was his car  this morningbecause it was his car he also wasnt interested in listening to music  he wasnt interested in conversation

he was fullblooded German his parents born in-country  their War experiences as children vastly different

this particular morning he was mighty tempted to describe his buddy as Aryan

                                                                                   anwhile he thought Aryan amused himmisting his craniumhis crankbox he saw a lingering fence line  it was in disrepair  he saw no purpose for it  no crops no cattle no outbuildings  intermittent for miles and miles 

                                                                   probably its sole purpose was THIS LAND BELONGS TO SOMEBODY  NOT YOU   You saw the fence?   I did   So you understood the land belongs to someone?   I crossed onto it where there wasnt a fence or gate   But you saw, you must have, the fence . . 

. . Was not contiguous   That has nothing to do with anything. A dotted line is still a line.   Not where there is no dot 

the disrepair was curious 

                            there were thin weathered slats strungbound by barbwire between steel U-channeled posts  some wires had snapped  hunreds of slats were broken  often an unbroken line tentwenty feet at a time  slats looked like sheaves of whitened ribs or broken dangling bones 

                                                          he imagined he was looking on the fossilised remains of an ancient snake or snakes who died twined  in the throes of sex 

                                                                  if someone hadnt witnessed snakes mating theyd likely be impressedas he was  he wished he could be as fluid an flexible bendy an pliable sleek  as snakes

What are you thinking about? You’re mighty quiet over there.

I was thinking of fucking like a snake

Jesus Christ.

Nah Cant  Hes nailed to a cross hes got an excuse for not being pliable 

                                                                           Whas yours

0912,  Reggae Friday,  30  8. 19

1507,  Thursday,  6  5. 21

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FghT80tVFKo 

Doors  Crawling King Snake  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dV0buYqrRo4 

  

he wasnt going to let his buddys unenthusiastic reception of his QT cat house to fall on its face by the wayside 

                                                                                                                  hed not been a playernever threw himself out of a moving car to meet a woman DAMN hed be the shy one at some orgy 

since moving away they hadnt seen much of each other they kept in touch with letters his letters  occasional telephone callsa couple a year his calls

                                he supposed over the years he was a lifesaver of sorts  oxygen  defibrillator  fire extinguisher  IN CASE OF EMERGENCY  BREAK GLASS

THEREto the left 

                a conceptual house of ill-repute flashed him again  Lucky Gal  a 50s storefront nearly across the entrance to Highway 235 off East Universitywithin a stones throw of the university AWCOMON wha mixes better than students away from home and sex

Right there 

           he stuck his arm out under his nosefinger pointing  There Lucky Gal

glancing his buddy barked Hey, man, I’m tryin . .

. . YahI wanted you to see opportunity QT Quick Trick didnt impress you

a red awning ran the entire length of the shop like a bloodybeacon Lucky Gal

after having a glance he took the long diagonal ramp right up to the 235 

Check her out in your rearview man  Lucky Gal shes begginbeggin pretty please  Cantya see

Man, you got a real bug up your ass about whores.

No Not whoresno whores 

                           Iowaahhaahha State begs some spicestate begs some hills an thrills an curves an cleavage Its as flat as an unfortunate teenage girl

                                           Imagine

You imagine, I’m driving.

 

Im always imagining 

You always are. Keep it up.

No problem there man No problem

0822,  Thursday,  29  8. 19

1048,  Thursday,  6  5. 21

Leonard Cohen  Last Year’s Man  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_rJxVfe7vo

Adam Jensen  Pretty Please  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpHS9-VyDuw

John Lennon  Imagine  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAn-AWXtHv0

 

as they rolled into Des Moines Iowamebbe not into  through not something hed want brag aboutwrite home  Maw! Never guess where I am; Des Moines Iowaahhaahha nobody could tell him that an Indian princess wasnt named Iowaahhaahha one was named Hiawathaahhaahha aka Ayenwathaaa and Aiionwatha don give him one couldnt run vowels togetherslam themstack themOH FUCKwhich didnt howl an excoriate a sigh of Almostalmost aaalmostSHIT ohshitIm cumming

                  whawas he talkin about

Ohyah 

      Des Moines understoodcould have guessed its French likely named for Riviere des Moines which means River of the Monks or as Americans would have itIowans would have it the Des Moines River 

                                                                                      Iooohwans  he wasnt letting go of those vowels 

entering on Interstate 80 along the highway he saw billboards advertising QT

                                                                                  Aint so QThuh he said to his buddy who was driving

QT? What are you talking about?

The QT

What about it?

Wha about QT

Yah, you’re killing me, what are you talking about?

Whadaya understand QT to mean

Quick Trip. It’s a gas stationfilling station.

Quick Tripnever heard of it

Never heard of Quick Trip?

It wasnt around before I left Remember I havent been to the Midwest in forty years

They’re everywhere, a huge company.

Anthey advertise as QT

You’ve seen the billboards.

QT on the QT  means on the quiet secretlike  get it   a billboard aint quiet

Whatever.

                               Jesus whatever  drove him nuts  sofuckin dismissive like being poked with a cattle prod

so prodded  he was provoked

I got an idea 

            he stared into his buddys ear sure his staring at him was going to make him uncomfortable and provoke him

he put his hand to his ear covering it 

                                     What are you looking at, man?

I was gazing at the endless flat land for as far as the eye could see through your ears Aint nothing in between your ears man

Yeah, you got an idea, what? Christ.

I got an idea yah lets open a house of prostitution and call it Quick Trick use their advertising

                                                                                                   Im brilliant Im so fucking brilliantIm brilliant

What are you talking about?

Enough Im the idea guy  Ya got the connections out here Make it happen

You’re out of your mind.

Anso another tremendous idea takes it in the ass 

                                                   Thadbe one of the House menu items

0821,  Thursday,  29  8. 21

1331,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  5  5. 21

Fela Kuti  Expensive Shit (afrobeat)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmXvpuseXWU    

 

Arise all Aris in the house

                             https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wJQIptLlNM  the 17:46 minute-mark 

Moscow Mitch has gone tribalist cabalist 

                                           he announced he intends to obstruct 100%  any humane legislative programs the Biden Administration have proposed for benefit of the American people

1746,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  5  5. 21

 

 

(0919hrs)  Yeller texted him and his brother-in-law (she was at it three hours ahead of them on the West coast)

  :  :  Was thinking of the two of you enjoying coffee together this morning. Love you both.

(0921  he replied  :  :  HA . .uncle went to work and I’m at the post office to mail a bill and get stamps for letters and postcards – remember those?

(1001)  Yeller  :  :  Quick! Throw out a song I should listen to right now, first one that comes to mind.

(1002)  :  :  Baby Love  The Supremes

                                            (1004)  Hope I was quick enough! I had to set my latte down, dig out my fone – treating myself – ordering it I thought of the Americano I sipped while I waited for you from Kristin’s; how beautiful you were, smiling, dimples, watching me from behind the wheel, idling in the fire lane.

(1005)  uncle  :  :  I’m at work living the dream.

(1006)  Yeller  :  :  OMG!!

No wonder!!! 

               (1007)  Thank you for playing. I was celebrating an AWESOME bfast. Full of Joy and Grace. I thought of you and music and texted you.

                                  (1008)  Baby Love couldn’t have been more perfect.

                                                                                          (1008)  Yes, very good. 

(1008)  Had huge breakthroughs Monday and Tuesday! I can clear my throat and am swallowing much better.

(1009)  Had an Ensure, an apple kale avocado smoothie pouch and a full Waterloo in just over an hour.

(1010)  Simply being and letting them soak in.

(1011)  he texted  :  :  Fantastic, love!

(1012)  Yeller  :  :  Thank you thank you thank you. I did that with a rolling bow.

(1012)  :  :  I ordered a slice of coffee cake with my latte.

(1012)  Yeller  :  :  Like coffee cake.

                                         (1015)  Fuck yah! 

                                                               (1015)  That sounds darn good!

 

(1037)  Yeller  :  :  YES YES  YES. Of course it did!

she might have been responding in the chain to a text she received that was written outside it

then the trail went cold

he wrote Yeller a letter addressed an envelope bought a postcard a sketch of the German bakery and wrote I love you and I miss you very much  Buzies dad  leaving he doubledback to the post office and mailed them

he walked back to his brother-in-laws house

(1246)  Yellers husband  :  :  Hi All  they denied our appeal. Onto a different path.

there wasnt a different path 

“different” held promisethats what he believed

he didnt know what everyone else thoughtwhat different meant to them

a different path to him was another way to recovery to health  he bought in hook line and sinker 

turned out the different path meant Yellers decline 

                                                   meant ALS would take her     

 

0919,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  28  8. 21

1121,  Twosday,  4  5. 21

The Supremes  Baby Love  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yd43nWkgUzg   Shadowfax  The Dreams of Children  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSduXmyCLQ0

 

the Time-honoured family gathering around the kitchen table for dinner and conversation

                                                                                             he missed dining with familywith others itd been years

So girls wanted to share that yare grandfathers doing well his hernia operation was a big an enormous success He called it enormous Told me he wanted a local anesthesia so he could keep his eye on the surgeon in case they got jealousdidnt want any slipups

the girls eyes buggedthey giggled

Oh for crying out loud, Joe his wife said do you have to talk like that at the dinner table?

Comon babe the girls followthey know their grandfather I aint spilling beans or saying anything out of the ordinary for my Dad

Still. It’s dinner. Can’t we have a civil, pleasant conversation?

Civil Whas civil about family

Joe, please?

Awright somebody else got something

I do! said Anie their eldest she was in Fourth Grade What’s a shaking private?

A shaking private? his wife asked

Yes. A friend told me her mother has a shaking private. She knocked on her mother’s door after school and walked in, her mother was sitting on . .

. . Anie Grace their youngest interrupted you said it was a quivering dick.

his wifes eyes nearly bugged 

                              but she caught herselfshe was even able to stuff a rising chuckle  through a beautiful smile she asked Grace, where did you hear that? she couldnt bring herself to say quivering dick

Anie told me.

Anie said quickly That’s what the girl called it; the whole school knows about it.

he interjected  How civil is thathuh

Puh-lease. his wife sputtered

 

they didnt think they were going to have to have their sex talk with Anie until summer at earliest let alone Grace

the gloves were off 

                    they insisted a glove better be on if the girls had an itch that needed to be scratched and they werent provided for

Itch?

he ran with the ballhed been itchier than his wife and he certainly wasnt one who would deny his daughters pleasures he enjoyed 

            First and foremost yadonwanna get knocked up cuz that wont be your mothers or my problem So first don be stupid we know yare not stupid girls

his wife spoke up And second, don’t be stupid.

Yah he said theres that too 

that set the tone for dinner table conversation for weeks to come

                                                                  Anie would you please pass the bowl of quivering dicks

cant make this shit up 

               

0122,  Thursday,  4  1. 90

1400,  Monday,  3  5. 21

$578K dead by Trump virus

 

Republicant Senate minority leader McConnell says NO Republicants will practise governance or debate President Bidens Infrastructure plans

                             https://www.forbes.com/sites/andrewsolender/2021/04/01/mcconnell-says-no-republicans-will-support-bidens-infrastructure-plan/?sh=16b61ea56224

Buhbye baby buhbye

                       Republicants are worthless  Why are they in Washington

2356,  Monday,  3  5. 21

 

he flipped to the next page

                           Sonofagun thats not supposed to be there  empty  a naked page gazed up at him

Whacha lookin at? 

Lookin at you Wharelse ya suppose Im lookin

Surprise! Obviously not what you expected. 

No was not  fiftysixty pages . . 

. . Fiftyfour pages actually, an since it’s an old Laboratory Science Notebook you have to double it, onehunredeight pages, white pages, yellow, carbons provided to place between them to copy the experiment onto the yellow, onehunredeight pages anya come up on an empty page . . I’m damnnear grateful you didn’t blush . Kahrist.

Yaint lettin me sli . .

. . You don’t get to slide, particularly with that peevish look that swept across your face. Your fault.

                                                                                                        You're pitching, I’m receiving.

Stopstop Lemme check my back pocketwha coloured bandanna Im flyin

Really? Wanna play faggot to get out of this? Miserable. How low can you go?

For selfpreservation . . as low as I need to

That’s very unlike yo . .

. . Maybe  but I don like beating myself up

Don’t have to. You should have seen itrecognised it and immediately threw the first punch, threw a haymaker . . right? like your great granddaddy . Haymarket Square . . family ducked a bullet then . but it put food on the table . . an as your granddaddy knew, every riot needs instigators, agent provocateurs . wasn’t a bad gig as long as you didn’t get caught.

He didn’t.

No Didnt  Family myth

Not myth, lore. Your granddaddy got away with it. He had to threaten a lot of people to keep their mouths shut, which wasn’t hard, not for him, it wasn’t hard to compel people when they knew he’d already killed someone, his street cred preceding him.

Street cred  Can suppose it di . .

. . Know it did. Life in Chicago, life around the world turns on thugs, turns on gangs, until the pendulum is forced to swing in the other direction.

                             Swinging. Curious, huh?  Pendulums and cocks are similar.

Thats a hot one

You’re not refuting me?

I am not  As a matter of fact that sounds like something I might sayought to be coming out of my mouth

Your mouth? out of your mouth?

                                  It is. You think Notebooks talk?

Ill tell ya  no telling what I can think

                                       Yare proof

I am at that, a naked page you just clothed.

                                               Although I’m not the shy one.   Yaremember your daughter telling you You’re the modest one, Dad, I'm not.

Well she was right

Out of the mouth of babes, huh?

1431,  SunnyDay,  2  5. 21

2349,  SunnyDay,  2  5. 21

 

he finally finally   finally got it 

                                got the Republicants hatred  thats their currencyHATRED  anwith such an awesomeoverwhelming emotion sputtering inside themhot grease  there can be no surprise of their animosity or FEAR 

ansince their over dose of passion is hatred there cant be no room in them for love maybe an intense likehe crossed his fingers

his passion was love 

                       happiness isnt a warm gun Beatles tongue-in-cheek or blatantly cheeky 

his illumination thats hyperbole  it crept out it wasnt brilliantit didnt walk out with a torch in its handguiding the way  Yawere lookin for me?  I wasnt but thanks for steppin out  No sweat, I’m pleased you saw.  Me too me too  plain as day

plain as the nose on his facebroke three times  how did he miss that

 

Republicants twist like an impaled worm of the fishhook of Progress

                                                                       they prefer status quo it benefits them it empowers themtheir heliumentitlement that they call their right

with Progress theyre checkedhindered it gets caughtup in their legs and drops them like a stone  theyre not comfortable lying on their facenot comfort on their knees

                                               thats for Others

Progress

            Look Do you see  If you look harder youll mutter as I didKahrist hiding in plain sight

as a boy playing hidenseek he sought UP nobody looks UP

                                                             he hid in plain sight if who was It looked he was as apparent as a sore thumb didnt follow that analogy

 

Nah

     No luck       P R O G R E S S  Better

                                                when he saw it it smacked him between the eyes

he was confident many saw it now as he did

One more time  Progress 

                           PR  OGRES  S    How could anyone possibly side with Ogres and Others

Makes sensehuh  Frightens the bejesus out of Republicants

1854,  Thursday,  29  4. 21

1351,  Sunnyday,  2  5. 21

 

it was blacknwhite 8mm shot from a tripod on a rivershallows shoals  deep currents or handheld 

                                                                                                        motion recorded on motion  

oddway to think of a dream perhaps 

                                                    others thought so

but then they didnt pursuecorner their dreams like he didhad always

its a pip

        go to sleep at nighthe didnt napthatd be an innarestin experiment anhe could either go with the flow or adjustaugmentmanipulate

                           his dreams were cool they could take it or leave it mirrored him to a T orany other letter of the alphabet suited it to a V tippytoeing on its point 

                                                   they werent always blacknwhite werent always 8mm  Cinemascope  or drawings skillful graphic  or scribbled childishlycartoonishly 

                                                                    they certainly surprised him when they revealed themselves

 

    he amused himself he thought 

                                      when he died would his life and dreams run before his eyes because that could make for one long-ass long-haul death it couldnt flash  it might fl a  s   h lazily  an elongated shadowetched within anotherETCHED within other shadows making a party of giggling chuckleheads who are throwing rabbitslionsntigersnbearsnunicorns on a wall behind them with their hands or by communal effort anaint a damn thing more communal than oneself multiplied angiven his friskyfacets a damn good chance of an orgy a daisychain bustingout

HEY! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DYING.

                                                             Ill get to itIll get around to it  Cantya see Im a little busy right now  Kahrist

1112 – ascending, baby,  Sunday,  2  5. 21

Jetta  I’d Love to Change the World  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hEh9LiSzow

 

he saw the same brief sentence run down the page  four times   side by side

                                                                                   immediately beneath them he saw the same sentence repeated one over the other also four timeslooked like an L

for the life of him he couldnt remember the sentence now

                                                            it was feminine   a female declaration

it arrested him

but it got away

it was true

truth and fact struggle these daysasif truth or fact somehow offends

he thought it strange that lies werent offensive

how did one lose their way

                                 personality

upbringing

those facets existed in his family

one of eight was an unimpeachable liar unimpeachable  yes   easier to lie

she wasnt a smart cookie so she wouldnt have read Bakunin Russian 19th Century neither the USSR or Russia today could claim him 

                 he said There are times when creation can be achieved only through destruction. The urge to destroy is then a creative urge.  horseshit  Picasso later dribble in around the edges Every act of creation is first an act of destruction.

he supposed if she knew either hed lighten up she wasnt his kid  but she didntshe was ignorantmaybe she thought she could make her lies fly because their parents were older scarred  callused   unlike when he was a boywhen they were looking for a fight anif they even thought there was a whiff of dishonesty the belt came out the pants were dropped afterwards they went downstairs into the basementdebasement to the concrete laundry doublesink where his mother kept the brown Fels-Naptha soap bar  his tongue was scrubbed

                                                                  those were the days

no wonder he couldnt abide lies 

he wished he could remember that feminine sentence

1234 or 0034 – he preferred 1234,  Sunday,  2  5. 21

1011,  Sunday,  2  5. 21

Jetta  I’d Love to Change the World  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hEh9LiSzow

 

he tucked his shoulderslipped his thumb under the canvas straps to help roll the heavy sack off his shoulder onto the kitchen counter 

                Yaauch, finally; you ignored me. 

his shoulder didnt usually bitch

                                   Ya complainin

Am I complaining? 

                     I think I started complaining around Ysabel and Crosstown; I know you know.  You ignored me.

I did

Why would you do that?

We still had two miles to walk no time to pamper yer . . evidently tender feelings

My tender feelings? You were feeling it as much as I.

I was which is why I ignored ya 

                                    Now that were home Ill hear ya out 

Hear me out now. 

                    Isn’t that too little too late?

Is it I think yamay be correct

                             he couldnt resist a minute a little smirk floated up into his face

Really?

         You’re really going to smir . . 

. . Were home  I promise ya a hot bath tonightbath salts  the lavender one seasalts

Really?

          You're not shitting me?

I love ya man I am sorry the abuse Ive heaped on you but yaknow your cohort since the last surgery isnt up or will likely ever be up for the abuse Not that it doesnt wish it could

Yah, well, it could have been me had you gone over the handlebars when the chain snapped, your right leg extended. 

My thats magnanimous of . .

. . Quit! Don’t butterball me. Give me a hot bath seasalts tonight, we’ll call it good.

Thank you

Yabetcha.

 

maybe thats why the clock on the electric range read 3:21 

                                                             citing the countdown that had been counting down during those last two miles

the 3:21 was legitimate 

                          although he was growing suspiciousmarveling that entities separate of each otherseparate of neural connexions  separate  animate and inanimate  would be pluggingbacking each other up

actually he thought it was pretty fucking cool

321 or 1521,  Reggae Friday,  30  4. 21