1.11.19




he walked into her roomstopped short
                                        she had said shed be meditating  she was in the classic pose crosslegged yogastyle spine erect

Ouchhis legs never bent like that maybe thats why he never pursued either meditation or prayers Gumby an Pokey had a better shot of being disciples faithfuls than he

he couldnt tell if she was conscious


the fact she sat boltupright wasnt a hint


she looked like a snake if a snake could close its eyes rather than shut down their retinas


he quickly checked his breathingquieted it he didnt want to interrupt her despite her saying that when she was in deep meditation nothing could disrupt her 

not even a Huey turning lazily overhead dumping fire-retardants on a fire razing homes around hers roused her

fact of the matter was last year seven homes within a quarter mile of hers off the same vale and candle-wicking palms went up in flames

her husband broke into her roomWe gotta go!  Go?  There’s a fire, babe. Move it!


still not to refute her he didnt want to traipse in and mess with her energiestake her off point

hed known too many women who complained he lost their orgasmthat he broke them by changing up his lapping rhythmhow the fuck was he to knowhe was busy  all they had to do was bury his head deeper between their legs that was communication enough mebbe a breathy Yahbaby  There!That’s it! Therethere  Thats ityoure at it Stay put ThereThere  Yaaah Yahthats the fuckin’ spot Aaah          


he thought she might be asleep she said sometimes she fell asleep in the midst of meditating part of it sometimes she communicated with it whatever it was at a different levelunconscious level
                                                                             maybe she thought he was an idiot

“Your soul will know.”
                        thats what he caught off the broadcast a man on a podcast kept reiteratingpronouncing like a bad case of herpes "Your soul will know.”
“Call it karma.”

“Call it your experience.”

“Your soul will know, your karma, your experience . . . you will  Know.”


he had trouble considering soul



when his daughter was younger he was younger whenever she got in trouble and she knew she was in troubleknew what she had done was wrong  she said her brain made her do it

Fuckin cutehuh

Cute

that was cute she fingered her brainan Aww an Aww moment
                                                                    so he awwwed  for a moment he had to take a moment to Awww  like cumming  a brightblue step outside himself
then 
      harshly as a parent he had to step back an step back up his senses cleared by either Awww or Ommm he had to tell his daughterask her  Your brain Really
Youre going to blame your brain

It did wrong


Your brain is you baby

Finger your brain all you want – but thats not getting you a pass or saving you from an appropriate punishment she hated punishment Dont do the crime if you cant do the time
a great tried and true adage
                              probably graffiti scrawled on a bathroom stall partition lotsa memorable lines were found on bathroom stalls or in bricked alleyways  scrawled with paint cans unschooled poets wary pithy observations

they interested him as much as literature refined prose

refined prose was too selfconscious for him too self-aware

on occasion he didnt mind it 

it was an acquired taste and not to be over-indulged

it was different than an unexamined life



So no baby Your brain didnt do it

You did it

An youre going to pay the price


You can think on that for the next fifteen minutessitting on the edge of your bed  DON’T you dare touch a toy  You sit  You think on what you you  youdid Not your brain  You  are  your  brain

he left the bedroom

she wouldnt dare cross him

he left her to examine her actions  her error  her life




now her sisteryears later is examining her soul


“Your soul will know.”



he doubted he had a soul


0828,  Monday,  28  10. 19
1308,  Reggae Friday,  1  11. 19
Faces  (I Know) I’m Losing You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrOPJXrUWII
The Sound  Night Versus Day  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKdLSD0ETy0

31.10.19


House votes on impeachment inquiry resolution


immediately president Drumpf tweets “The Greatest Witch Hunt In American History”


when the FAKE PRESIDENT was elected I said he would be impeached 
                                                                         when he told America he could shoot someone on New Yorks Fifth Avenue and still would not lose voters he told America he was above the Law and he has acted like it since he thinks he is The Unquestionable Great Leader                                                                            
abject fealty is due him



its about time he faces impeachment

1040,  Thursday,  Happy Halloween,  2019

30.10.19


if that didnt blow his mindnot that he minded his mind blown
                                                                  he rather liked it

years of drug use had smiled on him


he was out theregoing inward
                                his whole reason for smoking dope hashish opium snorting THC eating psilocybin peyote dropping tabs of acid orange sunshine was to findthat doorway and burrow deep inside himself  find out what he was made of  find out that what didnt kill him Well just meant he got luckyreceived an undeserved Pass that time
   
although  he never never  never entertained a needle
it was offended him
                      maybemaybe he was a square he didnt think so he didnt mind needles for labwork or donating bloodhe avidly donated gallons and gallons of sloppy A+ blood for whoever needed it victim  or vampire
                                                                                                               yet needles didnt attract himno matter who the fuck was shooting up Stones Beatles Neil Youngs buddies  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49M10VIXPk4 they could have it

the buddies he had who shotup he witnessed the revolver pressed to their veins the sighs the aahs their eyes rolling in their skullsrolling back in their skulls a quiet  recess
Adios muthafucker
  
Nah not his thing
                    no matter how many times he was offered
Thats all yours man


sometimes the “All yours man” was the last thing he said to them  maybe the last thing they heard

he had lotsa dead friends



                               but what was tripping him today was his granddaughters watching cartoons on a Monday morning when he was a fucking kid the only cartoons available were had on Saturday morningsTHATS IT  and the cartoons were animals Deputy Dawg Bugs Bunny Daffy Duck Yogi and BooBoo Foghorn Leghorn  Speedy Gonzales Sylvester Tom and Jerry
                          not CGed phony human beings and certainly not hawking social media smartphones  apps

commercials tried
                   but who the fuck paid any attention to commercials


he couldnt say that one commercial ever made him want whatever it was they were hawking . . but then to be sure those doling grass or street corner pushers werent allowed to hawk on television
                                                                                      he had to excuse himself  Excuse me Fuckin cable



The Times Are A-Changin’  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90WD_ats6eE

 

0751,  Monday,  21  10. 19
1601,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  10. 19

27.10.19



some people kept bats or handguns or knives beside their beds 
protection from intruders

he didnt
          he always told his daughters if someone was fool enough to break into his place hed eat free for months

they knew he spent a few years on a cattle ranchknew that he worked parttime as a butcherthat he knew how to render cuts of meat from a carcass what was tender  what was tough and needed to be stewed 


he kept a hatchet and a K-bar knife beside his bed

he joked with his girls that he ought to cover the old carpet beneath his feet with plastic but plastic sounded creepy when he walked on it he could hardly tolerate its sound when he painted the rooms in his small house

Thank Gawd it was small 
it really wasnt a joke


he was violent by nature

it was a seam a loose stitch he picked at as a child and exploredunraveled  it made perfect sense 

some people werent violent

some people were

he would have been at home as a mountain man ages ago in the western United States 

solitary

on foot

having a pack animal to confide his thoughts


a woman women 
                      they were expendable  as men were expendable to them
love

a shackle

a possession some seemed to perceive it as such

no one possesses another

unless they ate them


someone didnt violate his place he was cool
                                                 he remembers an old Montanan handpainted wood shingle hung on a remote barbedwire fence  he had no argument with it
                                                            TRESPASSERS WILL BE VIOLATED


no fuckin clue, mid-week, best-guess scenario;  now 1530,  Saturday,  26  10. 19
The Buoys  Timothy  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjSmFq3j-8M     

26.10.19



he  weeaaaved  through the house   not thinking he was loadednot him he whiskeyweaved and his staggering amuuused him      

when he was drunk he always stretched words out outloud nobody would hear him

only his cats
              they were his confoundantes yes a twist on confidantes he liked to twist

did he need five confoundantes

he could probably tolerate a few more

to bounce things off
                     because they could keep a secret

keeping was important to him 

secrets fester
               an if he confided in a fallible human being they were all fallible his secret was nothing more than a ticking time bomb
SURPRISE! blowing up 
I confided in you
                  SURPRISE!  Maybe you shouldntve

so he didnt


his cats could keep their mouths shut   




most of the time he was better than not he didnt weeaaaved all the time         

Better
        he said Better out loud tryin to convince himself trying to minimise his drauma
mask  deaden  nerves  so they didnt twitchdidnt react in any moment to a stimulus that haunted him 

he smiled laughed sardonically to himself  the very last fuckin thing he needed was stimulusstimuli which waswere nothing more than vulgar smelling salts the smell of vomit miasma rising off the lip of the toilet
No thank you

hed provide his stimulus


he had no need of haunting stimuli



sooo  he held court with his confoundates as he wheedled through the house on his heelson his toeshis hands grappling with walls to keep him uprightlaughing  

1539 or 339,  Reggae Friday,  25  10. 19
1426, Saturday,  26  10. 19
Savoy Brown  I’ll Make Everything Alright (on my own)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmZXNJ8fQcI



25.10.19



yacant make this shit up


she stood on a corner opposite him
                                      across a wide busy  boulevard 
wider than he knew back East where populationspeople made this podunk town seem a squat in the forest



she faced right
               threw him her left profile  her left breast jutted bulletlike

had she faced left he wouldnt have paid her any attention

he recognisedknew that about himselfhis prejudice

he preferred left profiles

its good to know ones trepidation  

perfection should not be used in the same breath to describe human beings the species is peculiar it is miserable when compared to any notion of perfection

perfect         
        No  human beings are tainted  fallible 

at best theyre a coin toss

he carried a gold coin in his pants pocketshis watchpocket for occasional flips

gold is intimidating

his opponents  and even those who tried to play fair never saw it coming


Life frankly is a cheap coin toss
                                    Deal with it




as he crossed the boulevardcommanded by a mechanical pedestrian crossing deviseits recorded voice  she without reason turned as he approached her

he was not disappointedher jutting breast had an able companion jutting as relentlessly as her left

he dug them  large paws   thumbs out an up    hitchhiking

smiling he said as he crossedcame up on her  Hello  My names Joe Would you interested in having a cup of coffee or a beer with me

she smiled that was a good sign she wasnt coy  My name's Gitsell. Nice to meet you, Joe.

Gitsell  A family name

Yes.

Ive never met a woman named Gitsell  Probably about timehuh

Perhaps.

Perhaps  Would you prefer coffee or a beer

A beer, please.

Man  youre a girl after my own heart Nice profile tooby the way

I like that I didnt see you in profile.

I like head-on.

Heads definitely on Shallwe

Lead on, Joe.



Ohbrutha  did he


2317,  Thursday,  24  10. 19
Twenty One Pilots  Car Radio  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92XVwY54h5k


24.10.19



this is where it all begins
                           Attorney General Barr not Americas Attorney General his infatuation with Americas wannabe strongman weakling  and farce hopes that his nefarious digging will be rewarded  and that he will be ensconced as an American oligarch
                    fat sucker

1051,  Thursday,  24  10. 19   


he was trying to read Flights  but its wonderful prose tired himdried out his eyes   or maybe the book wasnt it   maybe it was that he went to bed in a drunken stupor around threeif thats what the clock really said  it didnt say  although it looked like three   or maybe it was because his sixyearold granddaughter woke him at six  she said so after she asked him steely sternly waking him from dreams  dreams chasing each other tails around and around  a geometry dream and a dream of a house on Fourth near Seventh numbered 2210 which was impossible because from Seventh to Eighth the numbers were seventyhundred among this block of bungalows odd houses were either smoulderingsurvived a fire or were charred firehollowed shells queer that he couldnt smell them
                                                                                                   round and round the dreams chased each others ass  then seamlessreversed ran in the opposite direction  chasing the same ass

the sum of the interior angles of a triangle equal onehundredeighty degreeshe couldnt remember proper school was long behind him as he dreamed he figured when he woke in the morning hed ask his daughter his son-in-law theyd know they did better in school than he they had university degrees his son attained a doctor of law degree


he ended up in college

that didnt meanhowever he wanted to go   

school proved to be like having teeth pulled or fingernails

he wasnt dumb
               school didnt teach him what he wanted to know and when he went off on his tackdown the darker alleys of the subject matter taught  he crossed unseen lines
his teachers accused him of being provocative 

he countered that what he related was effectively within the realm of the subjects they were teaching

NO they countered the subject matter they taught was within the confines of the School Board and State curriculum
they told him he was upsetting the class  

he opened his handsgesturing acknowledging his classmates They dont seem upset 

No matter. You have to stop with your questions, your discourse.

I disagree  Your subject mattermy subject are the same damn things Mine run deeper but theyre the same

Damn always mattered

Joe. You’re excused from class. Go see the dean.


in grade school he saw the principal

in high school the principal was separate and secreted away from the students the dean of boys and girls was a new hurtle a new twist in the skein an obscuration a distancing  a baffle

pawn

he was contemptuous of the dean

he didnt like his teeth Christhe didnt like his face it reminded him of a rat a subordinate  a trained rat smelling only for the cheese at the end of the maze  
ahFlights

the deans fat sidekick he disliked even more

Fatty couldnt see the tips of his shoes
                                        which always made him wonderchuckle when the last time it was that he saw his dick 

J. Wellington Wimpy

Wimpy

Officer. he insisted

Yes Officer Wimpy Gee Officer Krupke!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7TT4jnnWys  Krupke you Wimpy


he couldnt remember either mans name when he walked into their office  but they certainly remembered his

their ant mindhive mind informed the foodchain above them that he was one of those

those incorrigiblebeyond redemption

Yah If youre gonna call me irredeemable be sure to include that the course requirements Im upsetting are pitifully shallow an therefore Im only shallowly irredeemable                                

he never cared much for the shallow end of the pool 

he liked deep water


the deep end didnt protect him from those interested in the shallows 

he finished high school through an extension program




Sobaby  once he got himself aligned in her suddenawakening and consciousness  You dream


0751,  Monday,  21  10. 19
1308,  Thursday,  24  10. 19
Cabbage  Uber Capitalist Death Trade  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Xw6KdAFZxU 

GOP = MOB


                         each and every GOP House representative – he thought they were all white males mebbe a white woman was tossed in the mix – each and every one of them relishing their entitlement FORGOT their oath of office or conveniently misplaced it
                            a bunch of fuckin rahrahs for a FAKE PRESIDENT who should be impeached
and then should be charged with his crimes  face trial  and if? . . found guilt ought to be imprisoned

each and every pitiful GOP House representative ought to be ashamed in their midst walked Iowas Steve King (If not for rape and incest, ‘would there be any population left?’)  
                                                         Look around assholes  See with who youre consorting


1025,  Thursday,  24  10. 19