it was one of those evenings when nothing was coming together

seams loose like Chinese workmanshipand the last thing he could abide was cheap and cheap was everywhere

a checkout gal asked him if he found everything he was looking forNo   I was looking for something Made in America According to every label I turned in here it ought to be called China
It wasnt her fault She wasnt old enough to know a time when stores touted their products were Made in America and businesses werent open on Sunday

if she turned his label shed read Made in America

if he turned hers likely Made in America

but nobodys turning anybodys labels these days

wouldnt be PC 

(and not the PC Republican presidential candidates reviled  --  any position opposing their platform was PC) 

                  

No  there was nothing compelling quality

slipshod  lackadaisical  were orders of the day

                                                                               according to the store manager the bills in his cashiers tray were turned in the wrong direction according to his manager red ink didnt copy according to him writing in red ink was a corporate no no

                  

a corporate no no

what adult

talking to another adult

says no no

granted  he recognised these transactions were petty a bigger man would probably disregard them

wouldnt even consider the proverbial proposition

                                                                                 Is this a hill you are willing to die on 

                                                                       

he didnt think it would kill him

though mygosh he was tempted so very willing to exercise and challenge them

   

find out

the first thing she asked when he told her of the transgressions was Is this a hill you are willing to die on

Where did that bit originate he replied

                                                               I think its existence is the fall guy to every retreat beat by anyone too lazy or fearful to defend a stance its asking is placated by the assumption the answer is no Or no no be that as it may be

Really

Then youre a bigger man than me he told her

                                                                          Where you hiding your dick Ive damn near turned you inside out an never seen it

I got skills

You can say that again

I got skills

he fawnedrolled his eyes

Your assumption might have been that I wouldnt say it again

Actually you ran right into that one If it was a door youdve smashed your nose  An god knows I love your nose

You saw that coming

I saw that coming as much as you know its ridiculous to ask me if this is a hill to die on

I suppose I do she said

                                       We could chalk it up to due diligence

We could Or we could imagine a dumb dildo as pleasurable as a hard dick

That doesnt make any sense

Due diligencing me does

Besides

Its lyrical

Theres that  

                    But Im not playing

Not playing

No  Id never consider the two

The two

Yes

You cant say so

I could I wont

Youre no fun Due diligence dumb dildo

                                                                  Backwards dildo dumb diligence due
Sounds like a song eh

Youre not going to get off that . .

. . Where we going with this

Nowhere she said

                               Im going to shut up now

Just when it was getting interesting You got me riding a thick rubber hobby horse . .

. . Youre offending hobby horses and chil . .

. . Careful careful youve seen their flushed faces you cant be too sure its very natural very natural and only a monster would take a childs toy away . .

. . You think . .

. . I know I had one

                                 I loved my horsey

Im going to shut up now

You said that

0124,  Monday,  21  12. 15   

Savoy Browns Hellbound Train eclipsed in his head an ran in his ears as he spoke with his sister on the telephone

she lived in the Midwest

she mentioned how he escaped it  escaped the family

he stopped her  correcting her at length

he hadnt sought to escape anything

for whatever his long-forgotten reasons were he rationalised to her ear  they were inconsequential to his instinct to make a life for himself on his own terms

he explained he couldnt remember a time  even as a boy  that he saw himself living as an adult in Wisconsin Illinois Iowa Indiana

he did live in Minnesota

but it didnt hold him long

she listened

but when she spoke in turn he could hear in her voice she wasnt buying it

if they had skyped  --  which hed done only twice  --   he was confident he would have seen her tell 

his siblings(as she called them  --  he called them his brothers and sisters) all seemed at one time or another to question him why he left when he visited(they didnt visit him)

he replied gravelly honestly   Why have you stayed

                                  

No
he didnt leave to escape family
 

he left to find his life an follow wherever it led him

he only recently had lived in California longer than he had as a child and youth in Illinois

anyways  he wasnt in a mood to convince her

he wasnt a salesman

he wasnt selling anything

he just called to talk

when they went to hang up he concluded with a joke

at least he left her laughing somewhat distracted from familial concerns

then as they said goodbye they exchanged vows of love

hanging up the telephone however

unwinding its curlicue cord 

he knew the respite he offered her from family ended with his dialtone

when the family had become a prison

he couldnt say

he didnt understand

when anything began to put up bars around him tried to contain or incorporate him within its confines

he left

he didnt run

he didnt have to

it simply put to an end another chapter

chapters didnt chaff him

didnt make him reluctant remiss or instigate regret

regret was a worthless cancer  

a worthless drama

some he knew had to have it

were addictedpointed fingers at it as if it was at fault

not they

he was in full attention

              

Aware

of his responsibilities to himself

if he was unhappy

that was his unhappiness

he had tools to tear it down

he refused to live under it

an while he didnt understand

  

he didntwouldnt  fault anyone their decisions

an likewise no one had a right to challenge or belittle his

as so many believed or were conditioned like salivating Pavlovian dogs

the warm sun on his back began to slip lower in the sky

his shadow grew longer

he could sit in it an begin to chill

or he could seek fresh warmth

if warmth and light pleased him

why would he let darkness an its chill pervade

he wouldnt

                  life was too short

he had too much to see that he hadnt   an nothing

Nothing

was going to blinker or blind him

he didnt take anyones word for anything 

he irritated his girlfriend endlessly when she asked him what it was like outside  

hed say  I know what its like for me but you ought to go outside an find out for yourself

 

If I want to know thats what I do
                                                                  

                                                           his remark was usually greeted by a chilly reception

despite her knowing him as an intemperate sonofabitch

                

1454,  Hallieday,  17 12. 15

Savoy Brown  Hellbound Train  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyw-dfXRhks