Savoy Browns Hellbound Train eclipsed in his head an ran in his ears as he spoke with his sister on the telephone

she lived in the Midwest

she mentioned how he escaped it  escaped the family

he stopped her  correcting her at length

he hadnt sought to escape anything

for whatever his long-forgotten reasons were he rationalised to her ear  they were inconsequential to his instinct to make a life for himself on his own terms

he explained he couldnt remember a time  even as a boy  that he saw himself living as an adult in Wisconsin Illinois Iowa Indiana

he did live in Minnesota

but it didnt hold him long

she listened

but when she spoke in turn he could hear in her voice she wasnt buying it

if they had skyped  --  which hed done only twice  --   he was confident he would have seen her tell 

his siblings(as she called them  --  he called them his brothers and sisters) all seemed at one time or another to question him why he left when he visited(they didnt visit him)

he replied gravelly honestly   Why have you stayed

                                  

No
he didnt leave to escape family
 

he left to find his life an follow wherever it led him

he only recently had lived in California longer than he had as a child and youth in Illinois

anyways  he wasnt in a mood to convince her

he wasnt a salesman

he wasnt selling anything

he just called to talk

when they went to hang up he concluded with a joke

at least he left her laughing somewhat distracted from familial concerns

then as they said goodbye they exchanged vows of love

hanging up the telephone however

unwinding its curlicue cord 

he knew the respite he offered her from family ended with his dialtone

when the family had become a prison

he couldnt say

he didnt understand

when anything began to put up bars around him tried to contain or incorporate him within its confines

he left

he didnt run

he didnt have to

it simply put to an end another chapter

chapters didnt chaff him

didnt make him reluctant remiss or instigate regret

regret was a worthless cancer  

a worthless drama

some he knew had to have it

were addictedpointed fingers at it as if it was at fault

not they

he was in full attention

              

Aware

of his responsibilities to himself

if he was unhappy

that was his unhappiness

he had tools to tear it down

he refused to live under it

an while he didnt understand

  

he didntwouldnt  fault anyone their decisions

an likewise no one had a right to challenge or belittle his

as so many believed or were conditioned like salivating Pavlovian dogs

the warm sun on his back began to slip lower in the sky

his shadow grew longer

he could sit in it an begin to chill

or he could seek fresh warmth

if warmth and light pleased him

why would he let darkness an its chill pervade

he wouldnt

                  life was too short

he had too much to see that he hadnt   an nothing

Nothing

was going to blinker or blind him

he didnt take anyones word for anything 

he irritated his girlfriend endlessly when she asked him what it was like outside  

hed say  I know what its like for me but you ought to go outside an find out for yourself

 

If I want to know thats what I do
                                                                  

                                                           his remark was usually greeted by a chilly reception

despite her knowing him as an intemperate sonofabitch

                

1454,  Hallieday,  17 12. 15

Savoy Brown  Hellbound Train  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyw-dfXRhks