Well kiddo youre a better man than me

                                             she admitted going to a forgiveness class held at yoga festival she attended as a volunteer  they called her an angel

obviously

            didnt know her like he did

I think you’re selling yourself short.

Think again

              Anyone who has legitly wronged me have I forgivenbetter yet  Have I not extracted my pound of flesh

    Revenge?

Retribution  They may think revenge

                                         My acts have been proportional not freaky  not irresponsible

I thinkI believe  believe  some were artful

Sadistic?

Ifso my mother was a good teacherNo

                                         I held them accountable

They probably thought theyd get away scot-free  free of obligation harm penalty

Not in my world

They encroached on meshoud have thought things through better

Ah.  But you’re granular, anally granular than most.

Thank you

You’re welcome.

                  Why do you think that is?because . you’re often brash.

Thank you

             Brash isnt rash

Ive understood consequences since I was a kid

                                                  I may be the only one of my siblingsNo No We were two  We learned our actions had consequences an takin action definitely understood if caught  wed be accountable

Its a beautiful thing

To beat a rap?

Yes

    Occasionally

Enough so tha it kept us coming back

                                         Irrepressible

A brother?

Sister

        The only one who paid attention to me

To what you said?

No

    By act

Saying means shit

Thasaid by your action attending the forgiveness class may have been a profound experience 

I had . . epiphanies.

I hope better than not

Better. Yes.  Harder. 

                        But better.

Im happy for you

Thank you.

Youre welcome

2002,  Tuesday,  6  5. 25

1238,  Wednesday,  7  5. 25

emptied his bladder

returning to bed he couldnt find the proper spot or position to fall back to sleep

                                                                                   he fell a long time

before bottoming out

                      aware becauserandomly  he hadnt put his cellphone turned off in his desk drawer in the studio

as he readied to turn in his daughter called

he took her to bed

when they hungup he hunkered downBAM  out like a light

    downside  of not falling asleep is his brain spasms twistssquirms like a late term chick inside an egg an once it began percolating he was intrigued

                                                  phone in hand

he began texting restless brain opines to himself

this morning he took a gander

texted six times  last at 0436

one in particular tickled him

                                :  :  Id sleep with a gun under my pillow, but since Im a restless sleeper I might shoot myself in the head

                                    theyd find him  Anyone find a note?

Look in my phone assholes

evenif he committed suicide he wouldnt leave a note

                                                        keepem guessin  though frankly theyd be very few an ofem most would let go of that kite stringlet it flutter upanaway in short order

                                                                                    wouldnt think mediating suicide was in anyones wheelhouse

one tried to breach his well hed send it packinwasnt curious why someone suicided its their life the one true thing human beings have own  to refuse coercion an all that others might try to heap onem

wasnt curious

hopeful they didnt leave a mess

a sincere suicide decider deserves a pill

                                           a spy cyanide capsule

since theyre unable to cleanup after themselves

  hes known a few

hurt his heart deeply

but they did what they needed to do for themselves

0253,  Wednesday,  7  5. 25

1028,  Wednesday

believe this episode was prompted by reading a line by Ocean Vuong:

                                                                                                                   The dream of a relationship unencumbered by reality is a dream of a poem unencumbered by prose.

https://nursingclio.org/2025/04/30/last-resorts/

United States Education Secretary Linda McMahon  a felon sycophant sickophants opening salvo in a letter to Havard explains that the federal government “has a sacred responsibility to be a wise and important steward of American taxpayer dollars.” 

scratched his head would counter  Methinks not:

                                                     https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/7000-troops-tanks-parachute-jumps-military-parade-coinciding/story?id=121410722

0857,  Wednesday,  7  5. 25

McMahon brays  https://www.msnbc.com/opinion/msnbc-opinion/harvard-trump-grants-doe-mcmahon-letter-rcna205180?cid=eml_mda_20250507&user_email=e4c91d00eead6d858374885584701152a02c6d873bb23bf387b4583a289e5951

Michael Shermer is a sceptic

                                 Shermer would prefer skeptic

Tough

he wrote about a man who while a young boy listened to Roosevelts Fireside Chats on the familys radio

    a Philco Lowboy console

somehow it broke  but by then television was becoming the rage and the family owned three

his parents passed away

the house was left to him

when he married they held the ceremony in the spacious backyard on the lawn

midway through it music began playing inside the house the song was a favorite of his parents

unable to help himselfhe excused himself to his fiancée and rushed inside  he stood before the radio until the song was over and when it ended the lighted dial flickered flickered  dulled

                                                                                       and went out

it never worked again 

Shermer was sceptical

reading the passage he was not

                                   as a boy his family had a handmedown Zenith portable black and white television set

it broke

there wasnt money in the family budget to have it repaired

    one Saturday he read in the newspaper that the Wizard of Oz was going to be televised  a weekend matinee

he dug the moviehe thought  What the hell

plugged the television into the wall

turned it On

turned it to Channel 9

there were ten minutes before it would air

as he sat before it on the threadbare carpet his mother entered the room from the kitchen What are you doing? she asked

The Wizard of Oz is going to come on

she saw he had plugged it in 

the screen was black

The television doesn’t work.

No  It hasnt

    she shrugged I suppose you’ll see.

I suppose I will

                 aneven as he said it he was willing it be  he had nothing to lose

she went back into the kitchen to continue preparing food to make dinner

                                                                             she yelled  It’s a beautiful day.

You ought to go outside and enjoy it.

at One PM on the wall clock above the television and stand nothing appeared on the screen

matinees usually began with their host boring him to tears with their introductions

at OneOfive the screen flickered flickered

                                            then flickered to life as the host concluded

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_M1IpBxoQ3U

he heard his mother drop something a bowl he thought  it broke

                                                                     she rushed in  What did you do?

he was tempted to ask her what she did  Nothing  he said

                                                                 Im watchin the Wizard of Oz

436preferred,  Sunday,  27  4. 25

1225,  Tuesday,  6  5. 25

    he was happy that was over

                          Sheesh

what did he do to deserve that    forum

    he knew he didnt have to do anything to provoke himselfwaylay himself accost  himself

he was a masochist

his mother a sadist

    he was perfectly conditioned for dreams to torment himnot nightmaresnever nightmares at worst a baad dreeam

               actually

he believed his dreams were decadent    streaming  he binged

                                                                    who needed on-line  

thatsaid

           he still wandered in from time to time youtube   for intellectual tokes               

he found transhumanism there Ofcourse he woud

                                                   Christians fear it

he found “History provides he liked supplies constant tests of what your religion is for and there is no end until the end, right?”

                        a pet peeve right?

he found “Every moment (is) a moral test.”  

                                                         grateful it didnt concluded with right?

 

    intellectual tokes

occasional pro hockey and football highlights

                                                highlights  because he couldnt endure the commercials

not that masochistic

                   and because without choice  he had to endure static tic tik tok breaks in his dreams

 

    intellectual tokes

invited by what he read in one book or another whoYes Who  who challenged him more than people when he interacted would  or could

                                    their concerns usually had nothing to do with his

his had nothing to do with theirs

at cross purposes

would likely provoke crossness

                                   one or the other nailed to one  desirable

out and aboutwhether he meant it or not he was a provocateur and frankly he understood the last thing people out and about needed in their lives was him stepping on their toes

fortunately

                   he lived alone

     he was a handful

436preferred,  Sunday,  27  4. 25

1106,  Tuesday,  6  5. 25

Ezra Klein/Ross Douthat  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVn0jNxz_cE

Transhumanism  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVJEtY-2kL0

harrassed all nightyes 2 Rs   amplifying just how much he was harrassed

                                                                                        FORUM

bound  bulletpointed  as his sketchybecause interrupted dreams unrolled unfurled unfolded

and when it did the frame containing it shuddered flickered remained on screen

                                                                                     FORUM FORUM FORUM FOURUM

clever

    what forum

what place  situation in situ meeting conference assembly  to exchange ideas  to discuss issues  issued DIDNT

         stubbornly remained in frame  shuddering flickering

and given this situation  forum    it wasnt budgingwould  in its own good time

                                                                                       he played

flopped it over a onceover egg

                              rumfored

rumored

favored

flavored

          rum   for rum 

rummy

random

ran dumb

freed

            apparently a static a tic a commercial break in his dreamhis dreams

 

then it occurred again

                                            was freed

    reoccurred

                   he found if he patientlyremained in a hypnopompic state images found their way through the letters around their edgesimperfect images  incongruent   though fascinating

                                                                                         and finding that

entertained by that

FORUM retreated

                                             ceased

quietly he hummed the music that went with the words

                                                           Goin’ to heaven putting on my shoes I thank Gawd Im free at last  Ill walk round spread the news  I thank Gawd

Im free at last

                                        

overnightmorning,  Tuesday,  6  5. 25

0947,  Tuesday

Soul Stirrers  Free At Last  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JE8kb93xBHg

I read an article earlier about lying.

he didnt like the way she was looking at him

                                                 You implyin something

Implying?   Ohgoodness no, no, no.

                                         You’re a ruthless straight arrow, your truths have barbs.

You were lookin at me funnylike

Sorry.  As I was saying the article emerged into my eyes againcalled lying a social lubricant.

Lubricant  Grease the rails

                             They head straight to Hell figurativelyspeaking  no Hell below us above us only sky  Thank you John

Amen.

he eyed her

Figuratively.  Love yanking your chain.

Listen

         When you get the urge to yank my chainlemme know  Ill get my cock out

she smiled  dimples

                         And what would I do with that?

Idle hands are the devils workshop

Anything you want

You’ll get your cock out.

                           How do you . .

. . Inseminate 

No.  Inculcate.   How are you able to inject sex into any every conversation?

A talent  Practise makes perfect

                                   But lets not to get sidetracked  societys lubricant

Yes.

       Crazy article. I couldn’t tell by the end of it if the author authors can’t remember believed their premise  lying was . . . necessary . that we have to expect lies.

Conjecture  Lies make us human

Possibly.

            Could explain why you’re inhuman.

 

I walked into tha didnt I

Ya did.  

607preferred,  Saturday,  3  5. 25

1250,  Monday – Cinci de Mayo,  5  5. 25

    he was still in the mood

                                     to antagonise Teach

If not urlish or urish you don think  howbout titular tickular seem synonymous to me

You know titular

Backatcha

Need I repeat myself?

Ya do Im anxious to see if you remember whaya said not a few moments ago

                                                                                 Stage floor  all yours broheim

And what’s that?

Maybe yaoughta repeat yourself first before goin onto a new subject

I said . . .

Hint

No.

        I’ve got this.

 

Hidden deep in the mysterious

    Hint.

I chastised you about imagining nonsensical urs

Yes.

       I saidno I asked why you come after me, if it fulfills some kind of need you have.

Excellent  A sliver of prompting an youre gangbusters

                                                          Now   The two words I thought might be synonymousHINT  ones a real word tha we have similar affection for

Similar affection . . for.

 

    A little more help

Yeah.

               I really need to do something about this.

We are

         Were makin a game of it

Ready

I am.

Tit  ought to facilely remi . .

. . Titular.

And

And?

Ill give you titular  Means

It means holding a position or title without any real authority.

Tick

Tickular.

              Clever.

Its always fun to play

If one’s in the mood.

                      Yet . . you seem to be always in the mood.

1331,  Saturday,  3  5. 25

1212,  Monday -- Cinco de Mayo,  5  5. 25

You know ur.

               he didnt see how ur occurred in theirOhyes he did theyd been talking about coacervates protobionts precellular structures possibly precursors to first living cells self-organised spherical collection of lipids  the fatty compounds in the cell membrane that helps regulate what comes in and out of them

he remembers that by thinking of fat Nineteenfifties white cops serving in southern American state jails and prisons

               I do

What then?

cat had made a career as a teacher

his career was not having one

                                 Is this a test

Is it?

No

 

    Then? which sounded like a grade school command given a pupil a pupa to come up front to the chalkboard and write it out for the whole class to see

otherwise known as coercion

I believe the definition in order is primitive original earliest

Yes.  You are correct.

Arya fuckin kiddin me

                       I am correct 

You are. evidently you can take the teacher out of the classroom but yacant take the classroom out of the teacher

    So out of thin airthe blue wha do ya think  Urlish  or  urish  

                                                                      Im fond of urlish not to be mistaken as a townland in Ireland near Killybrone killer boner

Really? his humour had a flat   I don’t think.

No ya don

            Has to be as difficult as when you attempt imagining anything like the nonsensical urs I just gambled

Gambled An I won

                       Because I knew you woudnt consider the proposition Clear transparent  as a freshwashed pane of glass

Pain  in the ass

Why do you come after me like that? Does that fulfill some need?

Ive an idea

                                  Imagine   

1331,  Saturday,  3  5. 25

1046,  Monday – Cinco de Mayo,  5  5. 25

You wear a mane.

her words bugged him

                                almost as much as they bothered her          

    I wear my hair long

It’s a mane.

Its long

             Wha of it   

Arya making some kind of statement?

was suddenly in a place he hadnt conceived

                                            A statement

Yes. You know what a statement is.

    Is it possible our meanings of statement diverge

                                                       You first  Please    Ladies first

No. I put the question to you, yasay.

Initially you didnt ask a question   You made an assertion

                                                               Asserted

Because until you say  I have no context to address

    I may look stupid

But Im not

Balls in your court kiddo

It bothers me.

My hair bothers you

                         Why

It’s ridiculous on a man.

    Coming into this life I may have had first pick top shelfcant remember all the items I took  but if pressed Id refer prefer it a matter of genetics

                                          My fortunate conformation hasnt shit to do with me

If obligedan I am  Im obliged to maintain it

                                                 So whaif I wear my hair long

Do wha it may

It’s ridiculous.   Do you know you actually make women jealous?

    No  But thas not on me

Actually it is.

Only  Perhaps

                        Because it bugs you

I don know you to be petty

Yeahwell, who knows anybody?  

2023,  Sunday,  4  5. 25