hadnt been a good day to be alone

which was to say to be with anyone

                                          be around  anyone      okay

Okay then he said to himself  This is why bars were made

he took a shower

used Q-Tips

brushed his hair

brushed his teeth

dressed

took a walk

place was only a mileanahaf off

ordered a doubleIPA on tap threefingers of Redbreast

                                                          Start a tab bartender askedthen hedged seeing him produce cash

there was a tall café table two chairs under a weathered 48-star America flag should have been burned

took the seat facing the door

had brought Whitmans Leaves of Grass paper folded inside it a pen
                                                                          also James Varieties of Religious Experience

Sto-Lat baby

sipped the whiskey

                     sighed  began reading Rise O Days From Your Fathomless Deeps

lookingup not that he knew

                                but it seemed a particularly busy night

bartenders expression informed him

employee

           if an owner  theyd be grinning

returned to reading and scribbling page numbers stanzas where on the page threefour word tipoffs

went to sip againEMPTY

                         had to remedy that  readied cash  fourth in line to transact

returning to his look at him being possessive table

                                                    saw a young woman had slipped into the empty seat at least she was that smart was leafing through James smarter

Evenin

Hello. Have you read this book?it’s awesome. she was sipping liquor too

                                                                                     she reminded him how cats slipunexpectedly into someones lap

attractive

she could pull it off

                    I have

I saw Whitman was open crazy handwriting man . halfexpected you to be Asian.

No you didnt

    No I didn’t.

I glancedsaw you entered a while back  Alone

Saw you sitting . alone.

                            Who comes to a bar alone?

We do

Could I buy you a drink for interrupting your aloneness?

aloneness  she got it   awfully smart

                                      I woudnt say no

a quick bright smile dimples Great.

                                      Redbreast. Sippin’ the same. I overheard.

My wha big ears you have Grandma

she slapped the table openpalmed

                                      Big eyes too. her smile got goin to grin  dimples deepening

let her other obvious bigness go

for someone alone to acquiesceconcede their aloneness

                                                             he wasnt familiar

this would be different

I’m baack. she said sweepingin like an enthused raptor ifpossible grin bigger yet

                                                                                     I thought I wanted to be alone this evening. Thank you for indulging me.

Indulging Not frequently heard

Not one I usually use.

                             I’d really have to think . I . . I can’t remember . . . anytime . I was going to say recentlybut . . I think I’ve only read it.

no lie in her wide eyes

he heldup the glass she bought

                                  To indulgence

Indulging indulgence.

Here here

they tapped rims  sipped

    slick conversation ensued suddenturns switchbacksREVERSE streaks brakes heavilydlaced with outrageous humour

          frank

invariably sex roiledup

                         after another whiskey and beer    she had walked too

Who walks

We do.

What’s your take on anal?

whiskey on its way to his mouth pulled up short

                                                Good thing you hadnt asked when I had whiskey in my mouth

Would you have lost it?

Id choke before Id lose it

Hmm. Choke.   Lose it.

    Im getting a virginy vibe

looking him dead in the eyes

                                 My anus is virgin.

Not a finger

You?

Ohyah

        Mighty enjoyable coupled with a blowjob

I wouldn’t know.

No

     Though I can vouch its good when giving head to a gal

    Really?

Yah  Sppose youll have to take my word for it

People take you at your word?

If they don they ought to

You’re truthful?

Truthfull with two Ls

Two Ls?

Brutally honest

    Brutally?

Fraid so

           Donwanna know  Donask

    But I have.

Anal

Yes.

Lemme say thisbout tha  Anals easy

                                             If it were you an me

Id pretend you were asleep an try not to wake you

That gentle?

Tha gentle

That patient?

Long on patience

    Hmmm.

2213,  Wednesday,  1  1. 25

1315,  Thursday,  2  1. 25

hard numbers

In memoriam

ONE

two

three

four

five

six

seven

eight

nine

ten

eleven

twelve

thirteen

fourteen

fifteen

sixteen

seventeen

eighteen

nineteen

twenty

twentyone

twentytwo

twentythree

sentence continues

2213,  Wednesday,  1  1. 25

0948,  Thursday,  2  1. 25

Elton John  Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REfKNbNndzo

excited for spiders

Ohmy.

    I like tha

Ohmy . . you like that?

I do

Despite it in regards to looking directly at it  that . . veryuncomfortable . piece of . . . art?

Contemporaneous creation

Haphazard?

    No

You’re affirming that?

You a dick  an attorney

                          I can     I fashioned it Found art

Japanese aesthetics  Wabi-sabi

Imperfection

Transience

Personally I expect more from art.

Take a look around

                        Thas here too

she looked around

went wall to wall room to room  unattended

                                                                   returned

Eclectic.

    Yah

Has it a name?

Untitled entitled

That’s its name?

Its untitled

she stepped close to it

                           examined it

It has a . . scent.

Yah

You consider it a collage.

                            Loose slips sheaves labels . some torn.   Pencil ink paint water crayon 

Held togetherfast by pressure of the backing against the glass.

Uncontained by the frame.

                                     An. . . unconstructedragged . . . halo.

In a wordyes though not conceived as such

                                                Not one for keeping between the lines   Even when instructed   Punished

A plus

Plus?

Incentivises  living

                            Feeling

Awareness

    Im excited for spiders to come

prior to 7AM,  Wednesday,  1  1. 25

2105,  Wednesday

she was critical of spelling

                              seemed to him she could almost smell an error or misprint

was anal about having either corrected

she was critical of him

                         The English language isn’t good enough?you confuse the hell out of people turn them off I’d think as a writer you’d want them to read you.

If they read me Im tickled  Truly

                                    If I provide them a new way of lookin at something  all the more so

You look illiterate.

I look like I talklike others talk

Whatever.

he  not hated  did not say hate any more than he said evil   he disliked with extreme prejudice her  Whaever

If I may he said it gently unpeeved

You gonna pull Mother may I on me?

Youre not my mother are you my mother

                                           Actually was P D Eastman at times confused with Dr Seuss Theodor Geisels pen name nom de plume

    The way you regurgitate . .

. . Spew

          I prefer spew as often I spewed holdinon by a hand to a pear tree limb in the backyard with my mother shouting into the night Who’s there?

She was my mother

Once I puked I coud answer

                              I donknow Maw Who were you expectin throwinup in the backyard at night

Without answerinmind you many times  shed back inlet the screen door slapshut snugclosed the back porch door

    Your . . usual barrage.

You asked

    If I may gently unpeevedthough he could tell her temperature was turning up

Sure. Why not? Pretty sure you have an elaborate defense.

Ohyafuckinknowmesowell

                                maybe delivered a bit too gleefully

Don’t push it cowboy.

Yatryin to turn me on

                         Shall we call time  dress properly for our cosplay

Chaps boots deerskin vests hats

                                    Naked otherwise

You wish.

Id rather bucknaked  black feltribbon pendant at your throat

                                                                  Thas still kinda cowboyishyah

You said

    Would you please just saymake your point?

Regardin my elaborate defence he lingered purposefullyloved when her colour rose

Your point. make an excellent dominatrix

Stay the course cowboy  felt a thickening in his cockkept with this hed be able to flip dollar coin into the air

                                                                                                       Awright  Awright

Youre fond of Butterfinger

                               I believe last we went to Dairy Queen your Blizzard was tha

You remember correct. her eyes started shiftinround looking for a clue 

A detective  trussedtight in black leatherstrapsSTOP

                                                   I do  Remember correctly

Youve yet to crucify the Ferrero Group

Crucify?

Too strong

             Correct

Correct?   What?

    Ah

         So you really cant smellwas sure you coud a misspelling alternate spellings  such as mine tha you ridicule

Ridicule?

            I think too strong.

Though you are critical

For reason I’ve mentione . .

. . Pronounced

    Alright. Pronounced. Not haggling. 

Hag wasnt  still stiffness slackened

                                     Ad nauseam

Agree.

We agree

              Ferrero

What are you going on about?

Butterfinger is a product of Ferrero Group

I wasn’t aware.

Its on the label

I buy it to eat not read.

I read everything

You do.

         An attribute I appreciate.

You read a lot too

But not candy labels, is your point?

No

    Butterfinger  At liberty with the English language

Crispety  Crunchety  Peanut-buttery

1122,  Wednesday,  1  1. 25

1414,  Wednesday

https://www.ferrero.com/int/en/our-brands/all-brands#:~:text=All%20Brands-,ALL%20BRANDS,snacks%2C%20ice%20creams%20and%20more.

How do you live with yourself?

Im excellent company

According to you.

Obviously

              Its nice to get along with me be able to entertain me

    I believe you really mean that.

Apparently your belief system is sound at least in regards to me

                                                                      Beyond me    Somewha questionable

Wha . .

. . Ya donwanna go there

                                     Let sleeping dogs lie

 

    Good   Exhibiting wisdom

Live with myself

the grimace hadnt worn off his face he was sorely tempted to question the dogs but  knew that hed pull no punches be ruthless  excoriate him

               his honesty could be cruel

Yes.

How so

So fuckin esoteric.

Which stands to reason

    I suppose so.

Not suppose

                     Greek esoterikos  derived from esotero which means inner or furthur inside

Which seems to me a classic introvert

                                         An I know worse if you wish to classify abundant introversion as worse

I do not

Have perpetually playmates

The way you think.

Commented on frequently

                              Elsewise commented is tha we are friends

Their confusion tha you remain mine

I tell those questioning souls they believe they have souls Im not confirm tha   I tell them firmly  You  tolerate  me

    Tolerate.  Weve recently had that conversation.

Yes  You remember

I remember because of your . . unkin . .

. . Black humour

As you call it.

                 Your unkind assessment of relationships.

Hangings on

               In kind Your ability to tolerate me

Is there something I’m supposed to say about that.

    No

           Thank you for the compliment

1122,  Wednesday,  1  1. 25

1212,  Wednesday

happie New Year . . .

                           off an running again

obviously to run into brick walls

                                    but as obvioushe believes to run through more than a few

recorded this in 2004

                         Clarity is always ideological . . . reality always adaptive.

Such a demand for clear communication often proves to be nothing else but an intolerance for any language other than the one approved by the dominant ideology. At times obscured and at other times blatant, this inability and unwillingness to deal with the unfamiliar or what a language different from one’s own, is, in fact, a trait that intimately belongs to the man of coercive power.

                                         Trinh T. Minh-ha

whatever one takes from that he refuses to submit to coercion

                                                                       always always always ask the question until it is firmly answered

often questions that beg to be answered remain begging

                                                                    . . . without sustained dialogue with the foreign . . . surrealists . . . believed that “nothing really new will have taken place and (that) interpretations (will remain) unacceptable from the start.”

2PMish,  Tuesday,  6  4. 04  waited long enough to share sheesh

1059,  Wednesday,  1  1. 25

https://blackflash.ca/2021/04/27/two-names-the-ideological-construction-of-multiculturalism-and-its-mechanisms/#easy-footnote-bottom-1-10478

what is called reality

                        One thing is important: to shake what is called reality by means of non-adapted hallucinations so as to alter the value hierarchies of the real. Hallucinatory forces create a break in the order of mechanistic processes. They introduce blocs of “A-causality” the ability to act unrestrained by conventional cause and effect in this reality which had been absurdly given as such. The uninterrupted fabric of this reality is torn, and one inhabits the tensions of dualism.

                                                                                          Carl Einstein  Negerplastik  1915

https://watermark.silverchair.com/afar_a_00104.pdf?token=AQECAHi208BE49Ooan9kkhW_Ercy7Dm3ZL_9Cf3qfKAc485ysgAAAzgwggM0BgkqhkiG9w0BBwagggMlMIIDIQIBADCCAxoGCSqGSIb3DQEHATAeBglghkgBZQMEAS4wEQQM-ADpSSjFOEWvpaa5AgEQgIIC6xc1qWJ33HWBkAvMR0EPeqcJus2aJLblx_TB8GR685IK4bf3-cQ_gVAsoUtw3SDXk9iBjWvt-1_mXHk6-tGOkaLP4IPAaFHXIfOBIFDn_p72ZiiJJP9Bii9UUgzKo_LNCRgMEX5NNTgtS2_CRAPX7PJoPZkWnKoawRZ5DaS2QrY-bhVm8MIIUL_9tcMhCPcgVECt-5lv2_nkZSJIHc7EpRN4WlqocdCg0iEOremx9zvb2jlOsvTv8NUIb4Ad9MHRB2PWWuJ-IyQLsQGKh4uoiMAK8i8hCKRvOaJp_M4UC87CTxdfU0kMb2pee1mw07KrHjw0SdS0Zx0G2Bo5E96APN_6FrXebYXu0Ijifs9dEKCMts7aHZtiZpqn8ienRs2Theo5PQ3N3G7LDFFAi9GjVdfbXIEvo42yE4kNlCqV971N-CgDPrbd0LO6siiuDRo4x-SX5-b0FuXWpkGh9oOFCX7ld8zR9Quz7b0wbMeDIe5IhYEooEVBzeeIzA_6ZEqk8aR0-2Kg1od7F08YbyzNWhM3jijYKv4OQ1sOfIigZDV6YJ0dX--rLdhMkxaBhpu07Fa7DHitC58wqVzUODqyaSofAzbRHIzzXvfesXKGflT9ZUEpOcot1pgBeCjElQyguFl5SWN20dmyPPvYF4CcS1xlxHDxFq8HCRlQmG48AVvvEyPWTN2SFr5L5wuURgJ5pF2mv9ovI88pSCHtw2ydk5fPu05l4Z5QOXX_igChNhjgxCEe1xRxgWr_grpriRUKPv59hnZmtJUeLkfUvQApnlVE6XH_v0auX_WSH82PsqjTJckQeXB8pbaEipD4GHHi703UyeVSMsZMxemWlHtJOlux0Qxsu5NOOIXy_iPUbfqn087BErUEhDgkUNecFcmmgRF8m1MWrzUTrDDxR7NAcOtW63PPXCZn4-Hk8k-2zgeJjDmIDbCOSTy8dGPp5d5nqj9IVB_6RqTYWTdZFA8E0KeqcM3f2bLaNJ2LdQ

. . . thas irritating  so fuckin irritating

What’s that?

Bullshit reply

                  I am not ready to receive

    Ohyeah.

Ohyah

        Got something elsesomething moresomething other  than    Oohyah

Sez shit

But you know what they mean.

If I knew wha they meant I woudnt be irritated suppressed an lacerating eyeroll

    They’re . . they’re not ready to hear what you have to say.

Not their choice

                  They don get to posit an opinion then dictate my reply to question it or remark or make an insight

Growup

But you can appreciat . .

. . No  I cant   I cant

                       They cant take the heat stay the fuck out of the kitchen

A time-honoured classic oldfashion  fuckinlegacy idiom

Know idiom

I do.

Im all ears

    Maybe I don’t.

Why are you engaging me on their behalf  in their defence

They’re friends.

Shoud have taken them home earlier or better yet not have brought them in the first place

We met here.

Then  youve no reason to standup forem

                                                    Idiom

Phrase or expression tha largely or exclusivelyknow exclusive they nodded  exclusively carries a figurative or non-literal meaning cant take the heat stay the fuck out of the kitchen rather than makin literal sense

Can you convey tha toem reduce their barriertheir inability  to receive

Unlikely.

             You understand they’ve said as much.

No

     Cunts

  

757preferred,  Tuesday,  31  12. 24

2302,  Tuesday,  31  12. 24

Eagles  Hotel California  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Y1i2vvzv8Y

he exhausted the notes he made on his salvaged BEAR-OF-A-CLIPboard

paper one side naked

opposite sides scribbled on or THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK

                                                                                if printed on

IT AINT BLANK

though maybe someone had patented INTENTIONALLY and any-an-all business transactions bills what-have-you contract language  demanded a page that was blank had to be branded such

                                                                                    off the top of his head  probably had near a dozen clipped

WASTE NOT WANT NOT was a fan of President Carter  fan of his malaise speech

                                                                                         though even before Carter made it he had made sure the apartments thermostat during the winter was set at 60degrees made his wife furiousbut she was from southern California

they lived in Minneapolis

Put a sweater on

I should be able to enjoy warmth in my home.

You do Thaswhy we took an apartment with a fireplace an why I  we  stock cordwood on the patio Throw on a sweatshirt sweater make a fire

Play Jack London with me

Hell I let you put your cold feet on my belly at night

    To Build a Fire?

Correct

Man died.

Correct

            I wont let you die

Then let me up the thermostat.

Whats up he refrained from saying Doc

    Say . . . seventyfive.

she was negotiating the Jew in her coming out despite no Jew in her

                                                                            No

Seventytwo.

Jew

Ill build the fire Put on laye . .

. . You’re not being fair. You grew up out here made it sound like the fuckin wilderness me in Californ . .

. . Where do you live

 

    Put on layers

                      Ill stoke a good fireso good  I bet you fall asleep in front of it

a client of the construction company he worked for had apple trees they wanted cut down

                                                                                                You cut ‘em down I’ll pay ya your time.

he liked his sentence ran-on  a bull rushHA  bum rush

No thanks

            I cutem down  hewem   woods mine

look at him being a Jew

    Could I have some of the wood?

Whas some If I can stackkeep the wood here    Some

                                                           guy was urban  notoriety of burning wood would recede building a fire took effort

very unJewish he tossed the dice

OHCHRIST did he slay him

                               urban took a deep sliver  let all the wind out of his sailsank his coloured balloon

imagined it wasnt gayly coloured  black balloons   like when a clown turns forty or fifty

I got ya babe

there were notes that didnt appeal to him at the time

                                                         for shitsangiggles flipped the page

(Plan you will revert to after the service agreement period expires)

like any cellular phone user would remember on the anniversary of their one-year two-year plan that their signing benefits disappeared and their rates per phone would increase substantially  A LOT

remembered keenly

                      by his own discretionbehind managements back he let them suffer a months expense at the reverted rate then altered computer code to restore their signing benefits because the company hadnt a plan to reach out to them and negotiate new contracts

                                         their business model

Fuck their business model

It was being a Jew

 

almost lost his job over that horseshit

                                       however  he argued persuasively

his clients would leave

because they were cheated not really

                                           and his company would suffer dramatic CHURN which upper management received monthly monetary bonuses keeping low

he had the whole wide CHURN in his hands

anif he went

              hed blow the whistle on them

which would require them to repay months and months and months (re: year/s) of generous bonuses (with interest) and explain how an underling had access to proprietary computer coding that they hadnt created safeguards against him from accessing them

    did Jews use blackmail  strongarm tactics

he believed they were among their arsenal      

Monday,  29  3. 04

1501,  Tuesday,  31  12. 24

https://americanenglish.state.gov/files/ae/resource_files/to-build-a-fire.pdf

Sonny & Cher  I Got You Babe  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKGjCPBSG38

he urinated outofdoors whenever he could wherever it was appropriatepossible   sometimes not

figured ifever caught hed tell the cop

                                          have to be a cop commonfolk aint interested in a man goinbout his business Nature calls  who was he to mess with Maw Nature  

clearing his throat

                    One Im tryin not to waste water flushin  Two Im watering plants like rain Three I make damn certain Im not publically exposed  Don own a trench coat sprinklemix it with a little humour

hes not been caught

not that he would

decades of practise

was visiting a friend who lived rural remote

                                                 Need to take a leak

tossed a thumb over his shoulder There’s a can off thewhere you going?

Outside

What do you mean outside?

Might ask wha you mean as he went to the back door

Outside?

assumed rhetorical

    hoppedup on roughly a foothigh wall fashioned of broken stone separating a paver patio from earth and plants naked ladies belladonna lilies deepgreen leaf sheaths prolific impressiveobviously enjoyed the few winter rain squalls

something to ponder while takin a leak

leaking pondering flipped

                              earth at the mouth of a downspout was heavilylittered with pebbles gravel  and between the boil of his stream and its shifting like squat on a toilet staring at textured linoleum  faces

                                                                                                   beneath the billowing shag of an afro a Negroid face peeredup at him apathetically  which evolved shapechanged  eyes agape blinked averted closed brow furrowed smoothed unconcerned head leaned left profile yawned jaw snapped shut grimaced turned back  shapechanged  crown of thorns  Jesus

                                                        JESUS said it

then the whole collapseddisassembled into a fast play of assimilatingmugs  broke  cast about like marbles rimshots parcels took a breath

                         submerged

  shook his cock

walked back inside

I can’t believe you pissed in my backyard.

I saw Jesus

after 5PM,  Saturday,  29  12. 24

1132,  Tuesday,  31  12. 24

Miles Davis  Generique  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieQWjSXdv-Y

Jesus Christ Superstar  Trial Before Pilate – 39 lashes  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_FnL7mKhFg