German Jew Jew German  difference is negligible  was then  that difference was stoked by the caustic hatred of a man who manically swept the countryplied it with his vulgar Aryan WHITE myth

                                                                                       myth

bears repeating  MYTH

his word for it was lie

words have always fascinated him

                                    he exhibited lexophiliac preferred lexiphiliac tendencies

a word lover

two favourites  Jew German German Jew sameness had words for anythingeverything imaginable

verklempt

           from Yiddish farklempt, from German verklemnt, literally pinched, squeezed  defined  overcome with emotion  Oxford Dictionary

trepverter  stairwords  Yiddish

                                   when considering an earlier conversation a witty comeback presents  too late

akin  German  treppenwitz  staircase wit  a calque  literal word for word rendition of the French esprit de l’escalier

   a third beaut

                   however not of the samenesstumble he relished above is wabi-sabi

made him think of palegreen cleanses your sinuses  wasabi

like horseradish and mustard

wabi-sabi  Japanese Art of Impermanence

                                              wabi translates to less is more  sabi means attentive melancholy

together “an awareness of the transient nature of earthly things and a corresponding pleasure in the things that bear a mark of this impermanence”  

a crack in a fine china tea cup

2356,  Monday,  8  7. 24

1034,  Saturday,  13  7. 24

https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/415723/word-for-something-i-should-have-said

https://spencerlowry.com/2018/09/05/10-uniquely-beautiful-words-from-other-languages/

https://www.carnegielibrary.org/staff-picks/wabi-sabi-the-japanese-art-of-finding-the-beauty-in-imperfections/#:~:text=Wabi%20Sabi%3A%20The%20Japanese%20Art%20of%20Impermanence&text=Taken%20from%20the%20Japanese%20words,the%20mark%20of%20this%20impermanence. 

He had to know before they married

People make allowances, compromises.

They do But the death do you part thang imparts a wholly new an different understanding can I put up with this for the rest of my life

               Or their loves life

Hard questions

I liken it to a paper cut every day every week every month every year

                                                                         Paper cuts are minor  arent pleasant

But every fuckin day

   Have you ever shared that before . . with anyone?

I think everyone has their own analog . .

. . Not like that.

                  That’s heinous.

Heinous

Heinous. I whine when I suffer one forever far apart.

                                                          Heinous.

No Ive not bandied it about

You ought to. Can I?I’ll credit you.

Unnecessary

No. Necessary. I don’t want anyone thinking I’m a sick fuck.

OH thanks

That’s pernicious.

Look at you rollin out vocabulary basting words

   she giggled

                 I’m a masterbaster . . no apologizes.

Fuckme

Pretty goodhuh?you’re rubbing off on me.

Loaded

A tad.

            Did I ever tell youya’re my hero?

Screwball

            So youre tellin me he didnt know

He knew when he met her she was a micromanager. He thought she’d leave that at their doorstep, not turn it on him.

A micromanager  I coudnt work for one

You are, kinda, in your own way.

My own projects my own initiative

                                     My own me Im not a teamplayer

Gimme me a wide berth job gets done well efficiently  then the micros can have the product an try an punch holes in it

It

    Not me

There’s that.

Who does his exwife work for

Microsoft.

Ohfuck

         A micromanager at Microsoft

she laughedOh, I didn’t think of that.

Did he before marrying her

He did.

Made his own bed then decided it wasnt for him

                                                    So much for deathvow

2347,  Monday,  8  7. 24

1640,  Reggaefriday,  12  7. 24

. . . serial monogamist

                             Wha the hells tha

Surely you’v . .

. . Is tha a thing

   What have I told you about that?

I know wha youve said but Im tellinya Ive never heard of it

You understand what it means?

I can parse it understand serial understand monogamy though I havent ever thought it a bad thing

Not regarding marriage, what you and your wife had, that commitment no; I’m talking in regards to, uncommitted relationships, boyfriends, girlfriends, staying with one while reaching out to anotherthey can’t be single, they have to be in a relationship, can’t stand on their own two legs, can’t date.

Thas dishonest

It serves their purpose.

Living a lie

Serves their purpose.

Thas shit

You’re tellin’ me.

Its happened to you

Yes.

he shook his head

                      How  Youre so smart

Smarts got nothing to do with it. Missed signals . . . because I didn’t want to think otherwise because I turned a blind eye turned a deaf ear.

Im terribly sorry

I did it to myself.

                  He stepped away, broke my heart, was living with a woman inside two weeks of breaking up with me.

Inside two weeksJesus

                           Im sorry  I don get it

she laughed tears began

                           Because you wouldn’t stand for it. You catcha whiff of a lie and you’re adios, you won’t tolerate the slightest dishonesty.

You’re unlike a lot of people.

What is it you say?

   Its a good thing I can get along with myself

Yes.

      I wish I could. A lot of people wish they could but they can’t.

2347,  Monday,  8  7. 24

1515,  Reggaefriday,  12  7. 24

Fourth of July week

fireworks

dogs howl  cower

not pleasant evenings for them

Whas with your dog

hers laid at her anklechin on her foot blinked  occasionally looked aroundeyes only when a firework wentoff little lower than it shouldflickering ashes glimmering into treetops

taking the drink away from her mouth she swallowed

                                                          He’s something huh?

The explosions flashbangs suddensparklings ricekrispies don bother him

No. I’ve had him five years don’t affect him, but cries of other dogs, you may have noticed, his ears twitch in their direction, the extent of his acknowledgment.

her neighbours had had enough took their animals inside distancing them from the end-of-the-world muting them behind walls

I don’t know what that is.

she took another sip swallowed

                                       You’re not keen on dogs.

Im not  I cant provide the attention they require

                                                  A cat person  Affection a giveantake proposition sometimes yah sometimes no  Were amenable

Too aloof for me.

Aloof Perfect

             Were aloof  Far more accurate than amenable   Thank you for the correction

she was going to take a sipstopped at her chin

                                                  You’re welcome. You’re so polite.  sipped

he yawpedmuzzled it behind his fist

                                        Trust me ya woudntwan my Maw to suddenmaterialise slap the back of my head You know your manners, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Shame

        Was a powerful tool in our house cracked on the ass stood in a corner made an example

In junior high woodshop I made a miniature pillory an gave it to her for Mothers Day She didnt appreciate it it wasnt lost on the room my father my siblings However not to be made butt of a joke or oneupped she stitched a doll of socks an placed in the pillory kept it on top the bookcase in the livingroom a conversational piece affectionately referred to it as me Cant say who got the last laugh

                                           But I digress  Ya woudntwan her to materialise

Perhaps. Perhaps not.

                         All in all she wisely taught you good manners.

I have tha

   So.  Dogs.

Yah

They’re loyal, devot . .

. . Slaves

   Truly?

   Yah No appeal  Anymore than Lassie Rin Tin Tin Bullet Roy Rodgers dog fuckinRoy liked his devotion so much had him stuffed

Stuffin your dog

Interesting.

Noncommittal

Ohsorry, most people I know either like or have dogs

   Own a dog

You could really care less?

You know who you remind me of?

I do not

A dog.

Not rising to the bait? 

A three-legged dog.

   Threelegged dog

Yes.

       They absolutely despite four-legged dogs. Halfdozen rescues in the neighborhood.

Then youd know

I do I truly do.  Another beer.

Sure

Fetch.

HA  

2331,  Monday,  8  7. 24

1222,  Reggaefriday,  12  7. 24

Yaneed to backoffNOW

                            Theres an upside    Youre blindoverlookin it

Overlooking?

              Are you such a dismal human being tha . .

. . Dismal  Dismal   I woudnt saytha

                                         I see either darksides or silverlinings although Im usually forced to be dark to illuminate those things for people I care about to seesee the whole ballkeep turning the damn thing in their hands keep pushinem off the nonsense tha because its a ball they know balltheir kneejerk reaction  ball  without considering its entirety as a child whos never seen a ball woud

                                                     Shitty job   Somebodys gotta do it

Soyah Theres an upside to sundowners

Again.

        You remember my fathe . .

. . Yasaid Yes  I remember

                                He may have taken my side if wed known each other better

Your side.

Losing your mind   Damnright my side

                                          Hed appreciat . .

. . The anxiety, agitation, pacin . .

. . Disorientation  No

                         Hed appreciateWOUD  YA  SHADDUPcould see he was windingup LISTEN Agree or disagree  A physician is an empirical scientist data results driven  Willing to hypothesise theorise  Seek conclusions

So your sick mind has concluded what?

While your Dad was not the cut of my jib regarding drug experimentationnot to the intense personal degree I was  I did  Ive had experiences tha cannot be diminished or dismissed

                                                            Possible he might have appreciated sundowner hallucinations

Appreciated not paying a single red cent for a hallucinogennot having to quibble the price of LSD windowpane peyote psilocybin be wha it may

                           Im not saying one might not have to pay a red sense

Im saying reasonable in the natural order of things

An upside

A benefit

You’re sick, disturbed.

Your minds closed Pickedup dogshit in it knotted it tossed it

                                                                  You sundown

wagged a finger before his face No hallucinations for you

1129,  Monday,  8  7. 24

1444,  Thursday,  11  7. 24

Seinfeld  Soup Nazi  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jSTiKHOFEI

the talking cure

                  “Our job is to help our patients free themselves.”  Carl Gustave Jung

same cat who said  All angels speak German.

                                                 but

he let that slide

                 because

Jung was neither a Gnostic nor metaphysician neither a theist nor atheist neither a mystic nor materialist

                                                                                                                rather

an agnostic empirical scientist who also spoke Latin Greek English French Italian

                                                                                      so

it was entirely possible at some time he may also have said  All angels speak Latin.  All angels speak Greek.  All angels speak English.  All angels speak French.  All angels speak Italian.

                                                                                 which isnt to say they dont speak Polish an-on anon an a-non

equal-opportunist angels

returning to the scene of the crime

                                      patients

patiently trying to free themselves

cure commencesvery possibly  with a onehundred word association test

                                                                             Ahunred

but if he knew Jung like he knew Susie like he knew Jung Oh oh ohwha a guy  Jung submitted

wondered what he replied

                                though unfortunatelyunhappily  probably lost to posterity

he tried to come up with one of his own

priest  sermon

solemnise  sodomise

                       he heeledbetter stop while ahead his better angels warning him in English

hed find the onehundred words

try again

   if a physician could so could he

                                      Medice, cur ate ipsum.  Physician, heal thyself.

1700,  Thursday,  4  7. 24

1203,  Thursday,  11  7. 24

https://www.openculture.com/2023/05/take-carl-jungs-word-association-test-a-quick-route-into-the-subconscious-1910.html

Eddie Cantor  If You Knew Susie (what a chassis)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InTuAeGjr4M

    dicey yes  couldnt help himself  just plainly could not help himself  the view from behind the eightball was too  enticing skewed wonderful unexpected unfocused undelineated

theodicy   diceytheodicy

                              he didnt knowhad to look it up  aahhaed throughout

a theological logical logical logical construct that attempts to vindicate God God God God in response to the problem of evil evil evil evil that appears inconsistent with the existence of an omnipotent omnibenevolent violent violent violent God God God God

began with Delmore Schwartz Calmly We Walk through This April’s Day  Saul Bellow

if not for them not this

theodicey

            unable to vindicate

call a spade a spade

He

She

They

     is a sickpuppy lingeringtoeing at the weedy edgesthe pool of his black humour

hes accused

              Isn’t it a bit too early?

   wondered if they ever questioned the Trinity

                                                   probably not

whod want to walkaround looking over their shoulder worrying about their comeuppance

he didnt

Yeahwhell, you do you and I’ll do me.

he put on his best confusedconfoundedcomic countenance  Are  weah talkin   masturbation

women blush men scowlREAL MEN DON’T MASTURBATE

                                                                     No   We seem more prone to rape

Did he say tha

                maybe   maybe not out loud

likely out loud

strike while the irons hot

at least do your shirts

make them crisp

                    sharp

Anyway

           Lotsa luck with theodicy

0912,  Thursday,  11  7. 24

1042,  Thursday

Jethro Tull  My God  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4P5dsPvRIA

Aqualung  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0jMPI_pUec

Oh say it aint so

   Kjerstin and Jiffy cuddlinglooked over the foot of the bed What? in unisonhed heard them cum together

You two are a real pair

Thank you. in unison

Youre killing me

                  Id think somewheresomehow these things I mention youd one of you woud have heardbeen exposed Jiffy satupsuddenly shaked her tits laid back down Kjerstin tweaked one of Jiffys nipplesOuch  Lemme kiss it

Make it feel better  she did   really wasnt a kiss

Grrls

       scarcely managed their attention they had hishe was hard

noticing Why don’t you hop back into bed, we can help.

Wood  they laughedknew wha wood he meant   if I didnt have bacon going

                                                                                  Breakfast

To keep up our strength?

Mine

      Prepared batter for buttermilk waffles too

However back to my admonishment

You use such big words.

Learnem

            Firm warning  Reprimand

Arya?

       Jiffy tossed off the sheetspun over onto all fourswiggled her beautiful ass Yagonna crack me!  how her package was placed on such a small frame blew his mind bacon bacon bacon bacon  Bacons cookin

I owe you

Ooooh.

Ooh this Timex

NO. in chorus Jiffys fanny still swayin leftanright leftanright . . . 

Takes a lickin an keeps on tickin

NO.

      No idea, why?

Timex  T I M E Xright

                       Thinkin of you while I making your baconno idea how you eat it crispy

Teamex T E A M  E X

T E A M  X

              Us

Outrageous

   Get dressed or not make the bed

Do we . .

. . YES

          Then come out for breakfast

in unison We’re Team X.

in the hall over his shoulder We arefuck are we 

                                                             Takes a lickin keeps on tickin

1555,  2sday,  9  7. 24

1211,  day-between-2-Ts,  10  7. 24

Beatles  Come Together  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oolpPmuK2I8

I Want You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAe2Q_LhY8g

Miles Davis  Don’t play what’s there. Play what’s not there.

                                                                sage advice

whenever he needed to bullshit he sought Sage delivery

   he had nothingabsolutely   nothing

Im waiting . . .

took a sip of whisky

sip of coffee that went cold as all coffees he had did

needed only start hot to brew

                               remembered all the times his father would pour hot coffee blow once stick the tip of his tongue in itcringe  AwChrist that’s hot.

No Shit Sherlock  he didnt say it

hed seen his Dad do it so many times he was quite sure there were no nerveending alive he was sensing somehow some other way

                   maybe the heat wafting to the back of his throat and AwChrist that’s hot. an audible kneejerk reaction

like when he was a teen in high school

the Midwest

during passing between classes it was okay to go outside

even during the winter

lotsa of chicks did it

the brazen ones

chilled

reentering

didnt hold their books up against their breasts

T H Os

Titty Hard Ons

                 likewise

he didnt hold his books in front of his crotch

cockjerk reaction

blueballs were boys Teenage Wasteland

   Hmmm

               Miles  Right on

0015,  2sday,  9  7. 24

1304,  day-between-2-Ts,  10  7. 24

Who  Teenage Wasteland  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGHxIKa31Jk 

Mediumpoint strawberry Bic Cristal

. . . and another one’s gone, and another one’s gone, another one bites the dust.

that flowed from himout of his mouth when his Bic Cristal ran out of ink

he pulled from a jar of pens he kept on his desk

another Cristal

                 maybe twentypercent remainedwondered when last he used it

tried to write

dry

needed lubing

he scribbled

kept slips of paper with ideas on them beside him

scribbled between linesEUREKA

                                  was in business

began printing STOP

that wasnt red

Thas not redthas strawberry Youre supposed to be red

You got any idea how long I’ve been sitting around waiting to be used?I don’t. I’m a pen. But . . . like yourself . . one loses potency anif you think you ain’t brother you’re out of your everlovingfuckin’ mind. Potency, vigour, enduranc . .

. . An you can shut up

                       muttered Think Im gonna be dresseddown by a fuckin penno matter a favourite pen

Truth’s brutal. I can’t begin to count the times I’ve overheard you ply that.

So get over it and write what you were going to write in your letter. Forget your place?

   No

May I say?

You know

When you write you talk, saying your words as you do.

Helps me visualise themtheir expressions as they listen to me speak See if theyre picking up on the puns the tongue-in-cheek

Sure  Take a shot

Goodie.

No goodies

             Ifya gotta say tha don speak

I apologise, I’m more than a little thrilled.

Thas fine I get it

                  Whawas I going to say  write

the ink twisted a bit in the inserted cartridge barrel

                                                         You were going to print If I didn’t say, you wouldn’t know. 

Whell Gawddamn

the strawberry ink may have percolated a wee bit as close to pleasuring itself as a pen may get

Feel good

You have no fuckin’ idea.

0935,  day-between-2-Ts,  10  7. 24

Queen  Another One Bites the Dust  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tg53zeCwgnY 

nothing happens by accident

some prefer that coincidence

Nothing

         she told him if he kept it upwasnt keeping anything up shed known him sixseven months moved into the apartment next door of course their paths would cross exchange courtesies rousted one unwanted male attentionintention

                                                                                                            if he kept it up hed alienate even people closest to him he didnt tip his hand tell her his people were twentytwohunred miles away

Wha you a mental health worker

turns out a social worker completing a degree in psychology

thats where she got alienation

wasnt in his vernacularknew it

                                  but he read an awful lot

found books to be better friends

they could keep confidences

was pretty sure that wasnt the alienationalikenation she was talking about

he told her he appreciated her intentions but no thank you

                                                               since

shes avoided him

alienation

he finished another Bruen book

                                 last time he chased works of a writer were Hemingway Joyce Miller an Nin Cormac McCarthy Marlon James Ta-Nehisi Coates China Mieville

“My existence of alienation even then was in full flow.”

their words spoke to him

no accidents

2330,  Monday,  8  7. 24

0933,  day-between-2-Ts,  10  7. 24