You look steamed

I am you said you were coming.

   I said thank you for the invitation

                                            I didnt blow you off

A thank you implies you accepted.

his head pulled back instinctually avoiding a cheap shot

                                                              No

Yes.

No

Yes. 

he wondered if this could become interminable and as quickly decided it could

                                                                            I thanked you for the invitationdid I say

Ill be there  Better   What can I bring because I don go anywhere without asking if I can bring something

Do I

No.

sounded better than his Yes bell tolling

Thank you

   You’re welcome.

I thought you would come.

There was a chance then it happened and I was enjoying myself too too much

droll You were home alone . . by . yourself

Yes at last his turn

                       Enjoying my company

By yourself?

Sorry friend you shoud know by now

                                        Your company cant compete with mine

 

0303preferred,  Thursday – Thanksgiving,  23  11. 23

Frank Sinatra  My Way  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQzdAsjWGPg

Jesus

        Sometimes competent

What are you bitching about, funnyguy? Crazy how you read the newspaper and on occasion find it necessary to blurt out words, words without context, and, I think, expect me to be able to read your mind know what you’re complaining about; because you’re complaining.

Irritated   Irritated

                     Im more irritated than complaining or bitchin

What’s bugging you?

Im incredulous   Although I shouldnt be

Of everyone I know . . . you . I would think you being incredulous odd. Must have really came in from left field.

Came in from outside the park

   Outside?

Incredulous

Awright. You’ve piqued my interest. I’ll listenyou'll excuse me I don’t want to eat cold eggs.

he made her breakfast in the morning

                                        his obligation since he wearied her to the bone last nightearly this morning

this morning realised that incredulous and insatiable were tandem

No Please  Eat your breakfast

                                  Another slice of toast

No thank you. I think I’ve enough.

he didnt tell her but he made her a four egg scramble veggies cheeses he wearied her pretty good last night

Ohmy, I’m so hungry this morning.

Bingo  Confirmation   he smiled to himself More orange juice  coffee

talking around food in her mouth

                                   Mure coffee please. Are there more country potatoes?

There are

May I have more of them?

                             You do such a good job.  she chewed   Always have refrigerated boiled potatoes . .

. . When Im going to see you You bet your ass theres more potatoes Would you like the scrap also . .

. . Peease.

             If you weren’t.

Im not Im good

You had fruit and oatmeal didn’t you?

Ya know me so well You were sleeping I didnt want to make a lot of noise

And you went out for sweet rolls.

Right around the corner baby

                                   Mistakenly I bought the paper

she smiledshoveled more scramble into her mouth

                                                     You didn’t buy the paper by mistake.

No  My mistake was reading it

she took a bite of a thickcut rasher wiped baconfat from her lip with a knuckle and licked her knuckle

                                                                                                             Awright.  Tell me of your anguish.

Thought Id pop

   Stop.

          You’re small talk is every bit as sweet as your pillow talk.

he grinned

              Tell me more

Shaddup.

            Competency.

   Yah  Competent

                        Would you hire someone who was   Wait for it   he scraped the country potatoes from the castiron skillet onto her plate

                                  Hire someone who was sometimes competent

Sometimes . competent?   Thank you.

                                         Are you kidding me?

No

What are you talking about?

An prominent talkinghead an attorney is quoted as referring to formers employees as  and I quote Sometimes competent   But always loyal

                                  Seems a stupid trade-off to me

she set her coffee cup downlicked her shiny greasy upper lip

                                                                 Stupid.  But what did you expect?

Yah  Hence   Incredulous

she smiled ridiculously dimples deep leaned across the table gave him a deep breakfastykiss

                                                                                                       leaned back

You’re my guy.

Damn Your breakfast is tasty

1602,  day-between-2-Ts,  22  11. 23

1326,  Thursday,  23  11. 23

I am your retribution  Superstar  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lSZ2cb9has

Lee Michaels  Do You Know What I Mean  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY9iVKQPeXA

Ringo  George Harrison  It Don’t Come Easy  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSRkfYu4wrA

 

THANKFUL   formers not

 

Isaiah Berlin wrote The Hedgehog and the Fox in 1951

                                                           a critic E. H. Carr responded that what Berlin had really said was that any political program carried to an extreme will have authoritarian consequences so it would be better to avoid the political  concluding he wrote “Surtout, point de zele.” taking the phrase from Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Perigord a diplomat who skillfully survived the French Revolution “Above all, gentleman, no zeal.” Berlin liked it so much he adopted it as his motto for the rest of his life

George F. Kennan American historian and diplomat best known as a strident advocate of a policy of containment of Soviet expansion during the Cold War his critique was that totalitarianism takes advantage of peoples weaknesses manipulates “the irrational sides of their nature . . . what preserves us from being manipulated is the recognition that although we are imperfect, our problems are susceptible to solution by rational processes, and should be so approached and solved.”

            by rational processes, and should be so approached and solved

hence the weak irrational former can be solved absorbed eliminated by recognising he is 

by recognising there is one political party in America called the Democrats Republicans are not their equivalent and will not be until they embrace governance embrace seeking compromised solutions to problems the nation faces  provides a thoughtful political platform

                              NOT UNTIL

he was invested in common sense invested in not being anyones pawn   able to think for himself 

                                                                                                          not take orders

0952,  Thursday – Happy Thanksgiving,  23  11. 23

I got a Thanksgivings Eve thought  briefly

You, brief?

I can be brief

Awright, what you got?

Historical law precedent

                           A little thing called misprision which the former is guilt of

Youll have to tune me in.

The deliberate concealment of ones knowledge of a treasonable act or felony

I didn’t know that.

You know what else

What?

   Wait for it

Waiting . . .

Misprision ought to park formers ass in prison  Funhuh

2200,  Monday,  20  11. 23

1525 5s!,  day-between-2-Ts,  22  11. 23  President Kennedy assassinated 60 years ago

Thas something you don see every day he motioned his head leftkept looking

driver glanced at himquickly followed his motion

                                                    What?

Wha  Its still happening

driver looked quickly again

                             I’m not seeing anything.

Its  still  happening

                         I cant believe itId think something out of the ordinary woud immediately capture your attention

I didn’t see anything.

   And    its  done

                        I gotta tellya your eyes are shit for detail

I’m driv . .

. . Theres no traffic youre not doing fifteen miles an hour its a worked dirt road drivin to the top of the Dump

                                                                                                               Whoya gonna kill

I’m driving.

Shit excuse

It’s not. I’m being a conscientiou . .

. . My ass Yare makin excuses

                                 Had I been driving Idve seen it

You don’t know that.

I do Even driving I see comets strafestreak the sky

                                                       This was cometish  something waaay out of the ordinary thawoud

I think natural attract someones eyes If theyre observantI don think you are an tha goes for seeing things when yare not drivin

Fuck you.

No fuck you the worlds going by anyare missin it

So says someone who walks around town reading books.

   Might wanna think tha through

What’s to think?

The hunreddollar bill I found on the street the loose change  Glancing over the top of the book I see the lay of the land whos approaching me hear who or whats coming up behind me . .

. . Yeahyeah. So what did you see?

Were in the Dump Things are dumped

 

You’re point.

Dumped things are inertagree

Inert?

Lack the fuckin ability to move  Inanimateyah

Okay. Yes.  I agree.

Fuck  Me

          An automobile tire by itself   rolled more than onehunred yards It was making a break Nobody was watching

You saw it.

Im nobody

1130,  2sday,  21  11. 23

1102,  day-between-2-Ts,  22  11. 23  60years ago President Kennedy was assassinated; 1916 Jack London died at 40

went down early last night

                            had hiked in the hillsneeded to breatheleave people at his heels gratefully he didnt come across anyone

                 so

he tuckered out earlier than his usual early morning

he wokehad been dreaming of a woman repeatedly incanting her point of personal privilege  as she did she patted the empty bed at her hip

her privilege  he have sex with her

why wouldnt he

                    she looked like Jaclyn Smith in her heyday

waking he had to use the bathroom

finished urinating washed his hands  it was still dark

he crossed the hall into his studio eyeballed the shelf where he knew a travel clock to be  he said to one of his cats who appeared suddenly at his feet Im gonna shit if theres a five in the time hed been dancing with 5s in the morning all week  he flipped the overhead light On5:45 then Off  Wha the hells tha all about

gave him something to ponder as he laid back down

the cat beat him to bed

Leftie whadayathink

she didnt think much kneaded the blanket between his legs at his crotch  curledup  sighed she was going to sleep

he thought it wasnt 5 5 5 S S S 2 2 2not going down tha rabbithole again

                                                                              Whawas with the woman

point of personal privilege how did her privilege precede his  woud he have incanted his woud she have come to bedYes

You so sure hombre  a mariachi asked

Yes

How

I lucid dream

You do

I coud have made her do anything I wanted

You coud

I coud have twisted her like a pretzel dipped her in spiced mustard an nibbled her at my pleasure

Yes

     If I may

   Yes  he had to think about it

She certainly had her way with you

She did

Do you think  maybe she lucid dreamed you

he was stunned I hadnt thought of tha

Two sides  multiple faceted sides to everything

Yes

      Thank you for reminding me

Happy to . . .

                          he fell back to sleep

day-between-2-Ts,  22  11. 23

0934,  day-between-2-Ts  President Kennedy assassinated 60 years ago

Rodrigo Rodriguez  Come Back  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zgXDsBYmXU

he caught the effervescent dance of a butterflys shadow on the polishedconcrete coffeeshop floor where it appeared to sliplose its footing careenwildly haphazardly between the round café tables the hard sharpedged chair legs between oblivious patrons flitting across their shoeleather strapped sandals laced gymshoes

                                                                                          people turned with their drink in hand stepping on it but the shadow instantaneouslypainlessly came up through their feet to playing at their laces buckles flaps

he sighed

           he was grateful it couldnt be smashedgrateful when it alighted on the shelved brownbagged pounds of beans and casually deliberately stretchedflexed its wings which paced the beating of his heart

                                                                                                    he smiled

at least something else was deliberately taking a pause

                                                           he felt a kinship with the lepidoptera O pterodactyl

he laughed outloud disturbed the table of cackling women beside him whose breathless conversations were of either a soap opera The Voice Dancing with Stars or some other bullshit that aired the night before  its drama was their drauma

he disturbed a clutch of young men at another table who were strugglingnoisy with their Fantasy pro basketball picks evidently pro football picks has metastasized they had money riding on the outcomes

                                                                                           then

the shadow of the white butterfly he saw it through the plateglass window departed  he stoodtook his off the floor and left disappointed by the tables entertainments which had breathlesslyinsinuated itself into their lives necessary  perhaps required  had become a living thing

                                         which was the parasite

Reggaefriday,  18  11. 05

1515,  2sday,  21  11. 23

Reznor & Ross  Eventually We Find Our Way  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6i2qpf8LhQ

ouroboros

            thasawesome  4 Os 

2 nights back 4 Os exploded from her throat when she went off Oooohfuck awwbaby she moaned  Oooohya got me good babe got me good her head backspine archedhands clenching a fistful of hairYAHhe got her he meted her beat rhythm synched his tongue nose chin gently teeth to her unabating grind 

   the tension finally went out of her neck her chin came forward she relaxed  she lookedlazily at him between her thighs madgrinning

Ouroboros  to himself he always listened to himself  a few others Arya really gonna bitch ifya go out where ya came in Im not I didnt want to knockup anybody get stuck paying for an abortion get shackled in a bad marriage dance with parents who may have been against I disagree  You’ll shut up she’s our daughter.  Abortion is murder.          

Nobody ought to get stuck with something they don want

I bought condoms it was a rite of passage drugstore kept them behind the counter had to ask a pharmacist 

Thank you. 

                No.

You said we coudnt have sex without a rubber

                                                  I agreed

I changed my mind.

If I may

            Why

   God doesn’t approve.

he didnt restrain the wag of his head Who

I’m serious. I’ve given it thought.

                                   God doesn’t approve.

Im not having sex with Gawd

Ouroboros  to himself  Ive know assknow pussy there was a time when I didnt know either  If this is where it ends me by myself

           Im cool    Ouroboros

2053,  Sunday,  19  11. 23

1011,  2sday,  21  11. 23

Reznor/Ross  Please Take Your Hand Away  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypyNyfExz58

Richard Slotkins Regeneration Through Violence

                                                     a heady title not a book he could have through his library

unfortunately books he wanted to read were becoming increasingly rare an more so with the advent of ebooks audiobooks others  rather than physical texts

                                                  he was a physical text

not a sleeve to be emptieddeposited  refilled

said of the book “. . . persuasive and eloquent arguments made for including and remembering, rather than for merely giving focus to or encoding crucial historical experience . . .”

                                                                 American mythology  which many take as gospel truth  it aint            

Slotkin utilised an epigraph from D. H. Lawrence his Studies of Classic American Literature tha is an ebook through his library SURPRISE

“But you have there the myth of the essential white America. All the other stuff, the love, the democracy, the floundering into lust, is a sort of by-play. The essential American soul is hard, isolate, stoic, and a killer. not to be celebrated if one is an American  It has never melted.”

                                    American mythology

the reason of this preamble is to understand how he got to Joseph Conrads quote which chilled him “death illuminated by unresponsive eyes”

from John Scalzis Old Man’s War:

“And there’s just one of me again.

The other me. I can tell because I’m no longer staring at the new me anymore, I’m looking at the old me.

And it stares at me likes it knows something truly strange has just happened.

And then the stare seems to say ‘ I’m no longer needed.’

And then it closes its eyes.”

                               in the Old Mans case transference rather than death however the lonely uninhabited body shell has died  expired  is meat

                                          whahave you

“unresponsive eyes” got him

tossed him to the grim lions inside himself for the unresponsive eyes hes beheld

he might not be – though unlikely – not be as twisted if the eyes were those of strangers rather than people he loved

sometimes

              he just had to say it outloud

set it down

be unburdened

   it will still be there to carry after he composed himself  rested

Reggaefriday,  19  8. 05

1131,  Monday,  20  11. 23

https://www.google.com/books/edition/Regeneration_Through_Violence/552NfCm3-WwC?hl=en&gbpv=1&pg=PA3&printsec=frontcover

things can aggregate or come apart when playing

                                                      he was a dabbler dauber   amused

commence  seedling  ripe with possibilities

                                                 seedling  seedy  seedyling seedylings

seeddysling  see-eddy-slings

seedyslings – coudbe porn  coudbe belittling posts

see-eddy-slings – tha thawoud come off an eddy  he imagined shotput or disc anything expelled from a vortex

                                                                                                                     playing

yearlings

yearnlings

starlings

starelings – voyeurs

startlings – upset by voyeurs

                                 playing

deepbreath

attic

antic

addict

edict

panic

frantic

frenetic

freenergetic – free energetic

freegenetics

freeeugenics

freergenetics

freehermeticism

freehermit

freemimetic

freed

freed of greed

                     now he was really playing

Reggaefriday,  19  8. 05 (might suppose better late than never)

1005,  Monday,  20  11. 23

You remember triple scoop icecream cones?

   terrible such an innocent question would have him careen off the trackthe straight an narrow

                                                                                                      I do

You don’t sound enthusiastic.

I his mind was running away with the balltakin it goin home didnt fall over myself for an icecream cone he tried to play nice  Sugar or cake

Cake.

Sugar One scoop as yasay  I called it a dip he could hear him running away his gymshoes too big his Maw said it was alrighthed grow intoem  they had been his big brothers

Dip? 

Triple dip

            You sounded inclined

Yeah yabetcha

                 What single scoop was possibly plenty?

How many flavours

Flavors?

The icecream shops name

Thirtyone Flavors?

It was Thirtyone

What were you thinking?

Twentynine

Why would you think that?

Wasnt a fandidnt pay much attention

How could you not be a fan of icecream

I liked shakes malted more

                             Except for one  I don think it was called icecream  An ice I thinkyah  Daiquiri Ice  Pretty lightpaleblue Tasty  Occasionally I had one of them

One scoop?

Dip he needed to get off this subject   Arya getting off   Ya gotta say tha

Scoop.

Whaever You don say thaya gettin impatient   Ya know wha Im thinkin   I do

Why do you call it a dip?

Shes killin me   Tell her   OhHell no

Hmm?

I was told it once An I really liked it

                                       In particular Thawas a triple dip You goin there   I am not           

So you’ve had three.

I have

Daiquiri Ice?

Nah

   No?

No 

    crazy partycrazy everybody he rolled in after the wheels had come off the ride people were fucking on the couch on the floor place smelled like sex he inhaled deeply through his nose FUNK a gal on the floor reachedup grabbed him by the thigh her voice sexhusky Suck your cock Yah by the time he unbuttoned his 501s she was on her kneesfumblin with his briefs yanked em down took him in her mouth made his cock sound delicious slurped like it was a melting popsicle this other chick walksup There you are? he looked at herdidnt know her Not you my sister crazy bitch. she wore a ribbed white dago-T stripedblue panties he tuggedtweaked her nipple Ouch ohbaby. he tugged againOuch yanked her dago-T aside grabbed her breast from below like holding a melon in his palm What?  Great tit her nipple was hard her aureole swollen her breast full Triple dip, lover, a triple dip.  he indulged

   No?

Not Daiquiri Ice

9PM,  day-between-2-Ts,  15  11. 23

1158,  Sunday,  19  11. 23