it occurred to him

                    he wouldnt refer to his fouledup airline flights as an adventure

but rather a voyage

it appealed to him 

                   then

thinkingimagining  an itsybitsy bit furthur

                                               he thought   voyeur 

                                                                     then

he posedsuggested to himself  voyeurage

                                            he

a voyeurager

which tickled him tremendously

he livedloved to humour himself

he could scarcely wait for someone else to try their hand

he respected standup comediansthose who tickled his funny bonetickled his brain

                                                                                        cerebral humour

where sarcasm irony absurdity roiled  fucked each other blind

intellectuals can be fun

butts of jokes

               however if they put their minds to it  they could be funnier than crass comedians where crude sex or profanity rulesrails

                    which isnt to say he hadnt a crassbone in his body

he did

lotsa crassbones

                  funnybones inlayed with wetglistening mother-of-pearl  blackwater bioluminescence

   paints a pretty picture

                           an when shookuproused with sidesplitting laughter his insides looks like spastic disjointed lavalamps

those many funnybones

1900,  day-between-2-Ts,  20  9. 23

339preferred,  day-between-2-Ts,  4  10. 23

never ever everEVER  go to use a toilet in an airport without first checking to see if theres toilet paper 

                                                                                                           a rancid bowl would be second

not that its happened to himcaught on a pot without a shred of paper he had handkerchiefs  but he could see it happening if someone didnt have their head on a swivel

he could see it happen to a couple of his buddies

                                                    who might possibly beTHEY WERE selfabsorbed too selfabsorbed  contractingcollapsing into black holes of themselves

one in particular liked to regale him with his solipsism

Isnt to be argumentative

It is. Don’t tell me what I believe my philosophy . . the self is all that can be known to exist.

I know wha it means

I’m just saying.

Goes without saying

                      Apodeictic

   Excuse me?

Clearly established Beyond dispute

Ah, that’s a good word.

Yes

Again please.

Apodeictic Incontrovertible

Thank you, yes, but however as I was saying knowledge, outside one’s mind is unsure; the external world, other minds, are unknowable, and therefore may not exist outside the mind.

I know

You agree with my definition?

Yes  Again   Or

   Or?

Narcissism  Love adoration of ones self

It is such, although regarding me it would be incorrect.

Was just teeingup another possibility Don see no sense in not lettin a babe whos neverabsolutelyever to irritated him absolutes  his hand went to the back of his neck rubbed it  seen a ball before turn it roundanround in their hands  Jungs ball of other possibilities

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

I just said   

           Jung was a psychoanalyst

I’m not familiar.

Ah  Not collective unconscious either   But if yare interested ya can look him up

You’re not going to say?

Im not

        For outside your mind he may not exist

1344 DFW-time,  day-between-2-Ts,  13  9. 23

1242,  day-between-2-Ts,  4  10. 23

hed set an alarmthought Thas offputting  An alarm alarming  Coudnt set a birdcall a siren sweetly singing his naked ears torturedJesus  tha woudnt work either  tortures alarmingFack

he set the alarm a trusty old travel alarm he purchased last century when things were still madeconcerned with qualitynot  planned obsolescence 

                                       human beings are planned obsolescence

set the alarm for 3:30

he wokenot woke 2:57 from a tooexcitedtosleep sleep more akin to campedout in a hypnagogic state

                                                                                                         he didnt even yawn

had to take a leak

returning to bed leftie the catwho he disrupted when he got out of the sack also returned  

she jumped upwalked up his leg onto his belly Hey grrl Im gonna try to snatch me a catnap Got a halfhour

                                                                                                                affectionately

she nuzzled his chin

he thought She knows She knows Ill be gone a week hed miss her

Pretty grrl

           scratched the back of her head rubbed her shoulders worked his fingers down her spine to her tail held her

Youll be good while Im goneyah

if she answeredsaid Yes he was gonna calloff his trip and take her on circuit The Talking Cat everyone had to ask YesNoquestions

                   Can you talk?   Yes.   Will my date tonight have sex with me?   Yes.

he humoured himselfcontinued petting her

THE ALARM WENT OFF

                              Arya fuckin kiddin me he said aloud to himself I pet you a halfhour Wha  Am I crazy

Christ

gently he set her off to his side

                                 Awright baby time to rise and shine it was still dark time to get the show on the road

she hopped down onto the floor headed out into the hall

watching her go he muttered  Petty pet

made the bed  went to shower

   it was going to be a long day tooexcitingforwords   heading out for his Dads 100th birthday

1335,  day-between-2-Ts,  13  9. 23

1010, day-between-2-Ts,  4  10. 23

Cream  Tales of Brave Ulysses  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRSbjpXZYEA

he wasnt grizzledhe didnt thinkhe was  yet maybe   inside

                                                                 wasnt brittle hardened    chiseled perhaps more apt

when he thought of grizzled he thought of bacon

thicksliced

welldone

crispy

        he preferred his plump  chewy

if it wasntcame to his table  hed sling it back

cook could crumble it over some poor yahoos Cobb salad

he liked to think he was elasticpliable  agile stretchy   with an edge

                                                                          whoknew

maybe he wouldnt cross grizzleds threshold

                                              Time would tell  such a cunt   couldnt keep a secret for its life

fingers crossed

when imagining grizzled he thought of someones brain

grizzled brain

                not cervelle de veau tasty   wetscrambled with eggs coarseground blackpepper

grizzled brain

               charred smoky    unappetising

maybe

         but maybe waste not want not

slathered with catsup

raw grated horseradish

   still edible     the Why of catsup

1741,  Thursday,  28  9. 23

1248,  2sday,  3  10. 23

leftie

   cracked him up

he finishedup his toiletry before bed spit toothpastefoam rinse his mouth swallow a couple handfuls of cool water wiped his mouthhands with a handtowel steppinback from the basin lookindown left leftie would be lookinround the corner from the hall

                     Bedtime baby

didnt need to ask twice as he began down the hall she bolted past himbeat him to the sack

none of the other three cats followed suit

                                           though shy or bomber might later 

hed wake twothree sleeping with him

Awright leftieshe was up at the pillows lemme pull things down get in

                                                                           reluctantly shed back off

made him think hed like to meet a woman as enthusiastic  fat chance

broke her mold

                was the onethe only  pussy

once in bed shed come up onto his chest to be pet scratched her tailtugged shed turn on his hand spikedhim with her claws sometimes break skinsometimes not bitenot too hard meet a woman as enthusiastic

                                                                                             shed roilturn clockwise two

three times reverse herself eventually park her ass between his legstight to his crotch

beddybye time

   leftie

            his night cat nightcap

0130,  Monday,  2  10. 23

1147,  2sday,  3  10. 23

Tom Jones  What’s New Pussycat?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQvIAs-nPSo

Yeah Yeah Yeahs  Phenomena  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4dfIfoBk3k

when push comes to shovehe was already over the top

his old man told him

                      There’s a moment  when a fight’s inevitable . .

. . In in . inevit . tabell Dad? I don understand.

Certain. Certain to happen?   Unavoidable?

Certain.

For certain.

Yah.  Gotcha thank you.

You’re welcome.

                 The moment that happensyou're sureya hit ‘em  get in the first punch.  There’s been lots of one punch fights.  Rockim.

his father may have had something to do with his volatility

their privilege exhausted himcompounded by his set-in-stone entitlement attitude  which he had going for himselfthe pair born white  when that occurred to himhe had it he took it ran with it   but their additional germ of privilege was vile   upended him

Difference between you and mewhich you think otherwise  is yare dependent

Im independent

You need attention

I do not

You need to be assuaged

I do not

You need people

I do not

You need peoplepeople to like you

I  do  not

            So to the said items  care to refute any say otherwise

he glared

Gonnasay

Thinkhard 

            Ya donwanna trip up the tenet you declare sacrosanct primacy

You tell the truth

I tell the truth

                 But I tell it bettertell it more convincingly honestly

Because  I have conviction Im authentic

I woudnt cross myself if you put a gun to my head

Ya worrybout gettin beat

Ive been beat  I didnt mind cuz I remember  A time will comeit always does always presents itself to get even 

An I have

The cards clean

They wanna go two out of three Im happy to oblige

They win       

Happy to go fourbest of five an on an on I do not go away

   hard white tightlipped

                                 nothing

  

2220,  Monday,  2  10. 23

1018,  2sday,  3  10. 23

Daniela Andrade  Crazy  (cover of Gnarls Barkley)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzxag7U3Snk

Jacob Banks  Worthy  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvcbDaNsPKQ

Kaleo  Way Down We Go  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-7IHOXkiV8

Michael Kiwanuka  Cold Little Heart  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOubjLM9Cbc

it goes without saying

                       or  apodeictic  clearly established beyond dispute

an article headline

                    New study suggests people experience ‘new dimensions of reality’ when dying

YES

        theyre dying imminently  not the longknown process be-it-someday  but rather its on the doorstep coming in

Youre leaving

however

          he was troubled by Sam Parnia and his colleagues

they understood the transition from life to death trigger a state of disinhibition in the brain

“ . . . appears to facilitate lucid understanding of new dimensions of reality – including people’s deeper thoughts – all memories, thoughts, intentions, and actions towards others from a moral and ethical perceptive . . .”

Moral

Ethical

Perceptive

Please

        an error by the writer  perceptive is an adjective  moral ethical would describe a perception

be that as it may

death aint enlightening anyone

                                 or perhaps a particular vile person will be enlightened by their death  too little too late

Lets move em along

Perhaps on a moving sidewalk or escalator

1306,  Monday,  2  10. 23

https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/medical/new-study-suggests-people-experience-new-dimensions-of-reality-when-dying/ar-AA1hyLAt?ocid=mailsignout&pc=U591&cvid=92eb8fc014d34bb5a1894ed62bee75b4&ei=103

Unknown: Cave of Bones

Netflix

the Dinaledi chamber

   prepare to lose your mind  he loved doin tha

1731,  Monday,  2  10. 23

https://www.archaeology.org/issues/466-2205/digs/10493-digs-south-africa-homo-naledi-burials

it was a spiralbound notebook  coil at the top

                                                  in addition to the pages contained therein stuffed full of loose pages it appeared wellusedhe assumed prolifically written sketched notated photographs newspaper magazine cuttings held fast with Scotchtape

it wasnt his

his daughters

she was thorough

   it was coming undone

the spiral badly beatcrushed in places bangedbent into each other wire broken pulled  unspooling

he didnt want to say shabby 

                               though overall it was

it would be difficult to look through the pages stubborn to be turned

it was unlike her

it laid on an old wood desk he didnt recognisehe was in a room he didnt recognise

sat  in a ladderback hardwood chair

                                       which suited him

an occasional chair not built for comfort   utility

he was waiting

   he assumed he was waiting for her

he didnt open the notebook

defied his curiosity

he respected it was hersmeant for no one other than she

maybe she left it out so when she appeared shed share with him

                                                                              appeared

   thinking  appeared

he knew where he was was unreal

she was dead

   so much of his life had turned on herhis daughters 

he knew them longerwas more intimate with them than he knew his wife

who was also dead

he sat to the side of the desk kitty-corner from a comfortable chair before it

overhead an elaborate electrical chandelier lit the room

he didnt look about

her spiral notebook transfixed him

he waited

   he waited

and waited

                                      an waited . . .

6AMish,  Sunday,  1  10. 23

1223,  Monday,  2  10. 23

   Curious  perhaps curiouser and curiouser

                                                     he had to read their day to day definitions  rabbit hole  memory hole  because thinkingwaondering on them he recognised his takes were probably inconsistent with what others understood

he was contrary by nature

the accepted standard   a complicated or difficult situation to slip out of   the second named for Orwells 1984 character Winston who by Big Brothers dictates either alters or outright disappears documents photographs transcripts other records the memory hole a small incinerator chute used for censoring say   as formers Chief of Staff Mark Meadows used relentlessly

his rabbit hole belonged to Alice which he recognised as more so an adventure a riot  a raucous alternative

he did a lot of drugs when he was younger  determined to descend deep into himself  determined to explore

his friends let Yahright him go firstwaited to see if he would return before theyd even try whatever it was he ingested

was fun to be an explorer  the first

his memory hole was difficult

it is a physical place

jampacked

his memory was disturbingly vivid  long   and deep

                                                        his parents were confounded  theirs was that in some instancesmany he was a toddler  which wasnt accurate   to toddle was to amblehe didnt walk until he was two his younger brother walked before he did

                                         so

hes figured

like a fat sponge  he was fat

   he was terribly observant

and has remained observant throughout his life

                                                   thereby

his memory hole is a very emotional place

                                            he dreamt of his dead sister last night

she was youngertwentyish  she chucked his chinsmiled   You’re so emotional.

they were in brickwall basement surrounded by things of his things long gone

                                                                                   he weptadmitted  I am

he prefers his holes to the current faithfuls

AM-ish hypnopompic,  Monday,  2  10. 23

1048,  Monday

a friends kidbrother was wayway  waay ahead of the times 

                                                                 tattooed randomly  lacked theme coherence

which wasnt fairtruth be told  had the mind of a child

if he had tats he would not 

                            they wouldnt be eclectic disparate randomimages floating on skinspace like so much outerspace trash  no symmetry

Hey man welcome

Yeah.

Im happy you decided to come along with your brother for the game

Yeah.

Its rugby

My brother said football.

A kind of football Have a beer  Ill put out coldcuts later

Jesus, rugby. I don’t even know what that is . .

. . But youve heard of it   An theres lotsa ya don know

Jesus. Where’s the beerI’m having more than one.

Outside on the porch in the coldchest  When your brother said you were comin I asked him what you drank  I picked it up for you

he turned to go out the screen door

Hey 

he turned back 

When someone gives you consideration yasay thanks 

                                                          Ya know better than tha

begrudging the dressdown Thanks.

he ignored his tone Youre welcome Enjoy help yourself

He’s something. Thanks for having him over.

No sweat

            Its thoughtful of you to ask to include him

Yeahyeah. I’m trying to put some separationspace in place. He thinks every time I'm going hang with my friends he should be able to come out with me. The folks think the same.

                                                                 I’m trying to break two horses at the same time.

I imagine I also got you your beer

HA

    Arent you the sweetest thing on two feet?

Youll never know how sweet

                                they laughed together

Shit  Your brother said ya got another tattoo

Yeah, they’re cool.

What this time

A wolf I saw in a comicbook.

You don read  Who showed it to you

Nobody. I was walking past a newsstand, saw it in an oriental magazine.

Manga

I don't know, whatever.

Where

On the back of my calf.

Which

My left.

Isnt there a star there

Yeah.

An now a manga wolf

Yeah.

You realise mellpell you soon wont have room for others

Yeah.  Which is why I don like people like you.

Careful  Youre a guest but Ill bounce ya if need be

                                                      Why

put off  Cuz.

Because why

something went off in his voice Cuz you don’t have any.

I  don  have  any

                       Are you jealous

What’s that?

   Upset

          Because I have something you want Space on my skin

Yeah. That’s dumb of you.

So youre like someone Im jealous of someone who is going to read a book see a film for the first time tha I already have

Yeah.  Kinda.

he laughedabruptly

                     in that moment it occurred to him that he hadnt felt that way about losing his virginity

out of the mouths of babes

1318,  day-between-2-Ts,  13  9. 23

0409 preferred,  Sunday,  1  10. 23

Vino Volo -- Discover Great Wines   Jesus

                                                     DFW  Dallas/Fort Worth airport

a gray man sitting alone in the Vino bay at a café table noshing from charcuterie board sipping a goblet of white wine

shook him

          reminded him of his distinctdisappointment with two cops a show streaming on-line man and woman vying concluding their assessment at a murder scene

it was a slaughter

blood everywhere 

he said I could use a drink

she replied I need a drink

curt cop talk

next scene

            theyre sitting in a hoity-toity lounge sipping white wine  tie loosened white shirt topbutton unbuttoned   Jesus

Yafuckin kiddin me

he was out

the gray man had earbuds in his mouth moved in convo between bites of meat and cheese that he pickedup with his fingerslicked them wiped them off in a linen napkin on his lap

                                                                  atasudden he vigorously wiped his fingershands pickedup his iPhone that laid beside the board punched its face with a knuckle

                                                                                 STOPPED

rubbed the back of his his neck  irritated

he wore a pressed pinstripe blue-to-purplish shirt open at the throat pressed gray slacks black Sketchers

a strawberryblonde sat down at the table beside him partiallyobscuring his vision of gray she plunked in earbuds

gray donned hornrimmed glassesreally went at worried his phone

                                                                     then

a tall lanky black fella in limegreen Nikes stopped an stood directly in front of him yakking into his phone

                                                                                                                He never mentioned it again. I don’t know if I fucked up or what.

he tuned him out  wasnt an eavesdropper

confident the cat fucked up

he returned his attention to the New York Review of Books he was reading when he happened to lookup at the crowd hustling in either direction and had seen the gray man who reminding him of the hardboiled Twentyfirst Century cops unfortunately

                hardboiled

he was being facetious   Jesus

limegreen stood in front of him a good fiveseven minutes turning in a tight circle clockwise counter asif his foot was nailed to the concourse linoleum

                                    then

he split

strawberryblonde was sipping a white wine

gray man gone

                   too bad he didnt take the cops with him

DFWtime 1216,  day-between-2-Ts,  13  9. 23

1058,  Sunday,  1  10. 23

The White Stripes  Hardest Button to Button  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3ceE43AHyw