Robert Mapplethorpe once told a BBC interviewer “If you say too much you lose some of that mystery. You want to be able to pick up on the magic of the moment. . . You don’t know why it’s happening but it’s happening.” 

Mapplethorpe was an acquired taste  like scotch

he tried it several times before the ship came in  he understood   but he had that kind of patience for spirits and Art

as a youngster teen young man he was not known to be patient

it wasnt until his rashness physically damaged him and he had to heal had to rehabilitate his body that he recognised patience being a patient was demanding knitting made him submit  and there were few things he willingly submitted

. . . the magic of the moment. . . You don’t know why it’s happening but it’s happening.

 

after the happening is the possible realisation

                                                if one really thinks about itputs it through its paces

been put through paces put through a wringerhis own doing he was reflective  WHY an excellent hypothesis  and he is only person who could assess or know WHY

                                                the magic is revealed  starkly

one either learns through objective asnearlyasonecanbeobjectiveaboutthemselves reflection  digging in excavating   or they dont

a lookingglass reflection should be as true as possible

                                                          act for yourself  no one else

Twosdayafternoon,  6  7. 21

1446,  Thursday,  8  7. 21

The Hollies  Look Through Any Window  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXCbDICvoxk

it didnt take much to pique his ire be kind 

                                                  prick him

an unsought wounding

he made sure his blood flowed free

whisking away risk of infection

                                  being that it wasnt his prickhis fault

whoever pricked him probably wasnt aware he was a bighuge believer in an eye for an eye Old Testamenty  his favourite parables and allegorys 

                                  he laughedhe laughed harder  ridiculously   he laughed hard in pleasure to offset the nuns who became belligerent and the broomsticks they made him kneel on 

until he didnt

               Wha am I doin  Am I stupid 

eye for an eye

actually though  ultimately not really

                                       for he preferred to err on the side of caution and always went big

had he better angels they may have argued with him for proportionality 

                                                                          but he didnt

so he went big . . 

he didnt believe he was vengefulwhat goes around comes around

                                                                     he just wanted to make damn sure it came around swiftly  and vividly

a lesson learned

with an !  

          enthusiastically 

earnestly suggesting to the pricker there was more where that came from if they provoked him again 

aside from this little facetfault in his personality he was kindliked to think he was kind

kind of kind

 

2051,  Twosday,  6  7. 21

1136,  Thursday,  8  7. 21

Be Kind  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePao0cTGG-o 

 

 

when one is in the habit of pickingup pennies theyre plentiful because when people drop them they are either too lazy or too fat or itsonlyapenny to bend over and pick it up 

                                              when one is in the habit of pickingup pennies other change the rare bills  obviously incentivised  they findhe still does it that over their childhood they learned to be observant

keen eyes help his vision was TwentyFifteen

                                             but being observant lends itselfaffords other adaptations one a prescience  a presciencefortified by experience similar circumstances reoccur such as when thirty thirtyone thirtytwo are realised more than likely thirtythree will follow on their heels they see because they were looking A B C  then likely D these varietiesvariances present almost daily if one troubles themselvesno trouble at all to look

he prided himself at looking and seeing 

                                         and for adeptly recognising situations he sufferedinappropriately accusations jealousies that he had attracted the particular happenstances that he was a kind of magnet 

                                                                                                 Attracting . .   Wha wha am I attracting   Attracting fine metal filings.   Nah not at all Its a matter of being in the right place at the right time or more so an awareness to see it coming heading it off at the pass  a willingness to witness

If I have to explain thats how it works

                                         the fact that he was explaining told him he was talking with someone who didnt stoop and pickup pennies

to their detriment

  inobservant

                 a myopic existence

OhWell

209 or 1409,  Twosday,  6  7. 21

1244,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  7. 21

 

wiredraw 

           the word was creeping up as one of his favourites  probably second place to rawawkwardness  he was attracted by the aws the ws  

when he finally relenteddecided to lookup wiredraw up in the dictionary he found dictionaries printed it as wire-draw to draw (metal) out into wire especially by pulling forcibly through a series of holes of gradually decreasing diameter in a succession of dies strain at, pulling or trying hard to get meaning from a word, analogy 

                                                                                    he didnt care for wire-draw

he preferredif hyphenated he didnt like hyphenations wired-raw  or wiredraw

then knowing what he knew he decided to stick with wiredraw  androgynous  chameleonesque   camouflagedoctopus

because he liked to think of himself as wiredraw

                                                   raw  rare    like meat 

whachasee is whachaget

it ofcourse was a product a birth of childsplay 

                                                 childs-play  child-splay   fuck if he knew

childsplay 

wiredraw

           rawawkwardness

 

0830,  Saturday,  31  8. 19 (one year) scribbled in Estes Park, CO 

1154,  Twosday,  6  7. 21 

Kokoroko  Abusey Junction  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSv04ylc6To

wanna play hardball

  

January 6

six months later his thinking hadnt changed

the Rule of Law Defense Fund seventeen state Republican Attorney General headedup by the Texan AG who was under indictment helped advertise and outreach for Formers playdate

ah the virtue of immorality and lies

his thinking hadnt changed

                           it was unfortunate the Capitol Police didnt broadcast CEASE AND DESIST SEDITIONISTS  unless youd like to muster Neos cinematic Matrix moment

if they refused to cease and desist

                                     then America could watch as it was watching them dance with a hail of bullets

he thoughthis thinking hadnt changed  it should have taken only a singular volley

if two 

       then two

it would have saved authorities considerable resources and have had fewer defendants to stand trial 

                                                                                                           he confined himself to the reality that American democracy was trying to be overthrown

if they wanted to play hardball 

                                  play hardball

1756,  Twosday,  6  7. 21

John Fogerty  Centerfield  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMbwIXdu30E

 

orators or actors

manipulated by wordsseduced 

                                 or following someone who is at the head who leads who will succeed or suffer with you

talking heads out of harms way 

or someone with skin in the game

Verba movent, exempla trahunt words move people, examples compel them or better known to most as actions speak louder than words

                    he scribbled the Latin at work at the liquorstore in a down-momentduring a lull  he was allowed fifteen minute breaks during his shifts but he didnt take them  a scribble was the only break he allowed in his stride  he preferred hitting the floor and keep running  occasionally looking up from busying himselfthere was always something that needed tending he recognised he hadnt run into or seen his coworkers  he worked evenings so there were only three of them which was cut to two for the last two to houranahalf dependent 

                                                                           at the front of the store he went to the near wall  as he walked he looked up aisles then crossing back to the far wall he found that they both were in aisles on their cellphones  whether Googling or texting or conversing he didnt bother to ascertain  he had things to dohe had to pickup their slack 

orators or actors? 

                    dumb question

 

circa 2019

1103,  Twosday,  6  7. 21

 

No means no

he got it 

         he got it as a boy unlike a lot of his buddy and guys he met later You know they don’t mean it.  They mean it  They say no, but they mean yes, it’s a game, man; they have to get No out so that they’ve said it as they were taught.   Yawerent taught right whadaya mean when you say no   I’d never say no to making out, getting laid. 

fuckin Neanderthals 

servicing their dicks

 

No means no

shy his cat looked at him her paw nails at the screen No means no hed have thought the yearplus Trump virus and his constant attention an sayingso at her at all of them they would have learned and he held three of his five in high regard because they were females females are sharper than males

                                                                 no matter the species

had to be the language barrier

                               had to be

she released the screen brought her paw down temporally suggesting with subtle finesse Oh, you're talking to me; perhaps you should have said Shy, no means no; so I would have known you were directing No at me and not my mother or siblings or uncle indie.   You see another cat in the room   Do I have eyes in the back of my head? That’s a model of cat unreleased and unlikely to evolve because such eyes are unnecessary; were they they would have evolved by now.  he hated existential conversations with an animal whose breed and collective unconscious was threepointfour million years old he knew if he pressed the issue shed remind him his rudimentary species might be at its oldest fourhunredthousand years old  shy didnt call him a punk or a moron he apologised  Theres that he said in this inaudible exchange next time Ill say Shy No No means no  

hed kill her with kindness 

                             or just kill her 

I heard that, prick.

1431,  Monday,  5  7. 21

https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2017/06/world-s-oldest-homo-sapiens-fossils-found-morocco 

https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2021/06/stunning-dragon-man-skull-may-be-elusive-denisovan-or-new-species-human      

 

he was trying hard to pull back from politickle slights after the electionafter the last five years  but the fat mango Mussolini wasnt letting him

                              the Former 

if yadon bury the dead they rot they smell to high heaven 

thats where he found himself

dogs and cats shit they get their nose down in it and smell  then they scratch and dig to bury their scent   

seems we donhave the commonsense of animals

he watched recent reporting on three groups that the Feds were coming after for the insurrection on January 6

                                                                                                                    the Feds should those were seditionists who crashed the Capitol seeking to overthrow American democratic process

the three the Oath Keepers the Proud Boys the Three Percenters  the insouciant mentality of outmanned but not outgunned

            however  humouring himself  theirs was a faculty of few military veterans and lotsa paintball wizards 

get an eyepatch 

                 try an look hardened 

paintball wizards 

this isnt a game

this is our democracy

1806 or 606pm,  Monday,  5  7. 21

Who  Pinball Wizard  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFrDpx7zLtA

 

he knew stormy wasnt doing well

                                    when he came home from work before he went to work out he fed the cats they werent his cats they were his wifeshis daughters but they had places to go people to see things to do  in death   and in life  reality is that someone is always left holding the bag

                                                                 he wondered if there were support groups that helped one that they could commiserate with whichto be sure that wouldnt be he he didnt buy into team effortsonly concerned himself with what he brought to the table  he didnt buy into help counselors selfhelp publications he preferred to root around on his own like a pig after truffles after he determined the correct direction to go in

stormy was his wifes cat

                           she felt their girls ought to be brought up with a pet  You had pets growing up.  I had a goldfish Goldie when I was in second grade Goldie was gutted by a parakeet when he or she rose to the top of the bowl if you scratched its rim usually just before feeding him or her Goldie would rise and roll over onto their back he could actually rub Goldies belly  gutted by a parakeet Sissy 

                                     before they married his wife gave him a Samoyed-Husky for his birthday April  he was a fat puppy he named him Fatty  Fatty was shot to death by a rancher before the year was out

she felt their girls ought to be brought up with a pet 

stormy was eighteen now

he fed her separate from the other four cats put their food down and kept stormy up on the kitchen counter to feed herhers was a wetfood unlike their dry food

                                               he stood guard because young cats will be young cats

stormy pushed the food around with her muzzle didnt eat anything she was out of sorts

he put cellophane on her bowl and refrigerated it

taking her down off the countersetting her on the linoleum floor she was lethargic she squattedseemed content to do absolutely nothing

Stormy whasup girl 

                      he preferred not to miss his workout but   he hadnt seen her off her game but once when she was young  an extensive surgery saved her life

picking her up from the kitchen floor he brought her into the livingroomtucked her against him with one arm and placed a record on the turntable he didnt remember what he played then he sat on the rocking loveseat with her on his lap

an hour or so later he felt it in his fingershis hands an electric bolt shot through her spine contorted her bodycurled it so that stormys head came up back an nearly touched her rump

she collapsed senseless

her breathing was laboured 

she spasmed threefour times more

seveneight hours later in the dark in silence she died on his lap 

his wife felt their girls ought to be brought up with a pet

 

stormy died his wife was dead his girls were gone from home at college

Yah dontell him Life isnt fair not by a long shot

Summer of ’19

1345,  Monday,  5  7. 21

5 July 1852

 

History 

        and why history has to be understood in its context not cherrypicked not ignored or denied because it was ugly  because it remains ugly

History  Truth & Fact 

                         necessary to punch a hole in and deflate a Macys helium balloon dedicated to American mythos

Americans are not who they believe they are but rather who they should be known to be in toto

 

Frederick Douglass

“Fellow-citizens, pardon me, allow me to ask, why am I called upon to speak here to-day? What have I, or those I represent, to do with your national independence? Are the great principles of political freedom and of natural justice, embodied in that Declaration of Independence, extended to us? And am I, therefore, called upon to bring our humble offering to the national altar, and to confess the benefits and express devout gratitude for the blessings resulting from your independence to us?

“I am not included within the pale of this glorious anniversary! Your high independence only reveals the immeasurable distance between us. The blessings in which you this day rejoice are not enjoyed in common. The rich inheritance of justice, liberty, prosperity, and independence bequeathed by your fathers is shared by you, not by me. The sunlight that brought life and healing to you has brought stripes and death to me. This Fourth of July is yours, not mine. You may rejoice, I must mourn. To drag a man in fetters into the grand illuminated temple of liberty, and call upon him to join you in joyous anthems, were inhuman mockery and sacrilegious irony. Do you mean, citizens, to mock me, by asking me to speak today?

“What, to the American slave, is your Fourth of July? I answer: a day that reveals to him, more than all other days of the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is a constant victim. To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty, an unholy license; your national greatness, swelling vanity; your sounds of rejoicing are empty and heartless; your denunciation of tyrants, brass fronted impudence; your shouts of liberty and equality, hollow mockery; your prayers and hymns, your sermons and thanksgivings, with all your religious parade and solemnity, are, to Him, mere bombast, fraud, deception, impiety, and hypocrisy — a thin veil to cover up crimes that would disgrace a nation of savages. There is not a nation of the earth guilty of practices more shocking and bloody than are the people of these United States at this very hour.

“At a time like this, scorching irony, not convincing argument, is needed. O! had I the ability, and could reach the nation’s ear, I would, to-day, pour forth a stream, a fiery stream of biting ridicule, blasting reproach, withering sarcasm, and stern rebuke. For it is not light that is needed, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, the earthquake. The feeling of the nation must be quickened; the conscience of the nation must be roused; the propriety of the nation must be startled; the hypocrisy of the nation must be exposed; and the crimes against God and man must be proclaimed and denounced.”

1024,  Monday,  5  7. 21

https://www.democracynow.org/2021/7/5/james_earl_jones_frederick_douglass_july4?utm_source=Democracy+Now%21&utm_campaign=02fadae919-Daily_Digest_COPY_01&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_fa2346a853-02fadae919-192501705

  

Did you say I?

Ayeaye I did he smiled wrylyvery pleased with himself  he was high

his face responded screwedup into slantedgrimace   unhumoured 

                                                                            he finally sputtered You hardly ever say I.

I don

What possessed you?

I donknow 

              Yabeen possessed

I suppose that would depend upon your definition of possessed, wouldn’t it?

No 

No? he tipped his head like a dog hearing a whistle only he could hear Care to explain?

I can listen Ya define possessed I said I didnt know

ball was in his court he wasnt a storyteller frankly he couldnt tell a story to save his life he didnt have compoundeyes like a bug he didnt want to see things inside and out and aroundrather steadfast steadyashegoes he had binocular vision and wasnt interested in what he couldnt see 

                                                       whatever might be over the horizon held no fascination he wasnt keen to try and exercise his imagination 

Ya gonna say

No. I don’t think I will.

Well Ill not either  I wouldnt know where to begin 

                                                      However thank ya for noting I said I  Your ears work

1234 or 0034,  Saturday,  4  7. 21

1109,  Sunday,  the Fourth of July 2021

Sons of Kemet  The Book of Disquiet  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3bTnax-bTM

 

You think everything you say ought to be recorded?

      Hell why not Why do you think I have these toetotoe battlesconversations with corporate underlings who have their heads up their ass and believe were gonna to submit to corporate dalliance without complaint or rancor 

This call may be recorded for quality and security purposes.   

Horseshit Inside every call tree yare assured by a recorded voice calls may be recorded No Ask for a transcript Theyll say they have to submit a request  curtly Submit   That will take twentyfour to seventytwo hours.   Okay Fine Todays Tuesday morning Ill expect a telephone call Friday morning  Seventytwo hours  that hangs like shitty coils of flypaper in the phone line  Youve called their bluff  An likewise youve given them ample opportunity to admit that not every call is recorded  akin to the threat of a surveillance camera in a lobby is recording  which isnt legitimate  the cameras a mockup  its sole purpose is to inspire fear

Inspire fear?

Were basted in fear

Do you think you’re fearless?

Fear Whas the point 

                       Fears a leverage Everyone paranoidlooking over their shoulder they walkout into traffic get runover THATS their faultthey werent watchin where they were going 

That’s interesting.

Innarestin is ambivalent Try again

 

So your every utterance should to be recorded?

Why not What I say might be garbage but then one mans garbage is another mans treasure

Tone is recordedits nuances rhythms pauses emphases   All tells  all telling wha comes out of my mouth arent lies 

Yare knitting your brow

they quit

Yare stroking your chin

they quit

Yare worrying your lips

they quit 

Ya oughta listen to me asif I was whispering 

                                               Listen intently asif yare hard of hearing  because I am easily worth the price of admissionmy words are like drops of rain on parched earth a gentle wash soothing an exhausted body soothing tired eyes an appeasing murmur in your ears like a melodious songbird  unlike lies desperatewanting to be believed true

My voice comes from behind a mask you most want to see your deceit my words cradle you theyre coloured whirlingvapours the smell of incenses they live inside flickering quivering small candleflames

Listen to me 

             Become a child again without notions of hurt without anger without doubt

Be pinkskinned again wideeyed gentle 

                                           Take my words like mothersmilk  your eyelids growing heavy as you suckle and closing and suckling you dreamdream fantastic dreams fearless dreams  Why my words ought to be recorded

Yacant possibly note them verbatim or commit to memory

They have to be recorded

An when were lied to those lies need to be called out held up 

Theyre liars    

0138,  Sunday,  19  1. 92

1621,  Saturday,  3  7. 21

 

troglodyte a prehistoric cave dweller 

                                       troglodyta  Latin  from Greek troglodutes  influenced by troglos  cave  and

-dutai  those who enter 

that looked back at him from a mirror 

he couldnt fool himself 

                     nor could he abide himself if anyone was fooled eitherhe was Johnny-on-the-spot to correct them

he left Distillation on top inside the cigarbox that he told his kids they could go into after he died

no sooner

he left it out in the open inside his studio

he caught them occasionally standing before it  asif paying homage

                                                                        he embarrassed them  In due time

 

DISTILLATION

I say what I think and having said I think of it no longer I evacuate to make room for more My brain like my bowels and bladder and lungs I empty to refill to empty again filling and emptying again and on until that time when death will finally quietly empty me completely a warm grateful squeeze and spasm where in my bed on a floor or into the earth will weep the vestiges of what I had been

I will sorely miss being unable to sit or kneel in my stuff like a small curious child to sort or pull through it discovering its trembling treasures its funk and fuck In it are my bright happinesses my ugly horrors 

Hopefully my children can look maybe they can smell the fragrances in the odor or find feel the beautiful stones in the surly muck MAYBE  if their eyes dont betray them or their nerves not be faint 

I was not a part  not a cog or gear

                                     I was a thing in the bubble of its own atmosphere formed with the slime of its body – inflated with its gases and breath

  

0037,  Saturday,  20 7. 91

1420,  Saturday,  3  7. 21

 

a little different look makes a difference

shave

and a haircut  two bits get lost  drop dead   or some other facetious response

somebody expects two bits anya give them Drop dead

                                                           that makes a difference

on women

new hair colour

makeup

makes a difference

                    hed walk off no interest in walking a path of high maintenance 

the shave and a hair bit is seven successive notes five then after a pause it concludes with two

                                                                                                      sharing an apartment if his bedroom door was closed a roommate would rap at it  knock knockknockknock knock  if he wanted them to enter or engage them hed rap on the floor wall on his desk knock knock theyd let themselves in

                                                                                                the bit is originally from an Eighteenninetynine tune by Charles Hale ragtime At a Darktown Cakewalk a cakewalk something absurdly easy  what was easier than rapping and not having to get up off his ass to answer the door

usually they wanted to know if he wanted to get high  cakewalk

usually lotsa of different goodlooking women in the livingroom makes a difference 

                                                                                     and making them they were different thoughto be sure sometimes a lot different  so sue him 

he was high now

makes a difference

he didnt have roommates now

things were no longer a cakewalk

why he muddled on was because a WiFi router that stood on his desk atop a stack of WWI military books and a modem was gone he returned ithe had nothing in his house that was WiFianything his Internet company for ten years had provided it to him for free then IT decidedwithout prior notification to pop him five bucks a month 

                                                                                                     unfortunately reminded him of a buddyonce a roommate whose wife came home after twelve years of marriage and told him she didnt love him anymore and was going to start dating again  ahthe sanctity of marriage

he told his buddybecause he stood up to their wedding Excuse me all to hell she aint dead

Dead? Whadaya mean she’s not dead?

I witnessed her vow till dead do us part She may think she can ditch the to have and to hold to love and to cherish but she aint dead

Ah, well, there’s actually a simple answer . . . she’s not interested in parting . she’s bringing boyfriends home.

THE unread FINE PRINT 

                        whether on a marriage license or a no-commitment contract

a little different look makes a difference

the router was eight-inches wide seven tall in his line of vision now instead of a matte blackfaced fixture there was a white textured wall 

                     AND it was definitely staring at him hed describe the look as being a little outraged for being left out of sight for years

he was going to have to do something about that

but not rashly

hed think on it

be deliberate

withstand its outrage

its inappropriate ire

it may not have known better

he didnt know its IQ

                      but if it could eyeball him this hard it must have seen the IT companys technician placed the router

not him 

he was going to give the wallspace and himself some time

maybe they could work things out 

                                    if the wallspace could accept he was innocent

he apologised

               he didnt ask for forgiveness

he didnt do anything wrong

0944,  Saturday,  3  7. 21

1899 Charles Hale  At a Darktown Cakewalk  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHhZbkEMmUM 

Vibration Black Finger  In Rhythm  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAh1bM3CX14