21.4.21

 

he vied backanforth backan forth   zigzagged maybe hed twist one up
                                                                          which way to go whichway does he go ahNope no no nopenope  nope  which way whichway does he go

he was irritated


as preface to his quandary 
                             he lived in a part of a community called The Colony it is the original neighbourhood built near public buildings and a mall after the town was founded chartered 

he knew that through the historical society 
                                              he didnt however call it The Colony those who did were a little too haughty for his tastes and they took a particularly delight and pride in calling it so somehow making them feel separate and better 
Kahrist

living there he discovered that there were more than a few 
                                                              it appearedhe laughed to himself he went from the pan into the fire albeit the pan was twothousands miles east   

to be fair it took years and had been a convoluted path

 

he lived in Chicago proper until he was five then moved and spent his boyhood and teens in the suburbs  Hazelwood  being suburbia streetsigns told you when you went from one city to the next one wasnt different than another they were like run-on sentences zero punctuation 

his folks still lived there 

his siblings lived within ten minutes of themwithin twenty minutes of each other

The mailman takes exception to your letters his folks told him in turn he adored their redundancy 

Why

You upset him, he doesn’t find you funny.

Im not 
        An I aint writing him he knew exactly why the postman had a bug up his ass Since I usean I seem to be the only one who does the nine-number zip I could probably drop Exxon-Valdez Illnoise and by your street address an zip youd still get it  

He’s not amused, Joe.

Maw I could give a shit Im amusing myself  
                                               Ya tell him for me Do your job Can you do that

Joseph, he’s a nice man.

Then tell the nice man Quit editorialising Yacan remind him anwhy I remember this is beyond me Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of an oil spill stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds He might recognise the bastardised creed


The Colony like Hazelwood was anti-Semitic 
                                               Twentyfive thousand population fortyplus church no temples synagogues mosques blacks few and far between anbecause its Califormia it has to suffer Mexicans 
                                                                                              who else to do their yardwork

it late in high school when he realised his crewcut mistakenly identified him as a skinhead he grew his hair out 
Kahrist
         out of the pan and into the fire

he was white

he was straight

he would have fit right in if his politics werent his politics or if he didnt know history 

he refused to let his children participate in Thanksgiving programs at school Go along to get along his wife her family his distant family members counselled him a concerted effort he hadnt asked them his children werent participating he ended up going before the school board it refused to acknowledge that Wampanoag were two to one to the pilgrims anif it had not been for the First People the pilgrims might likely have perished he resisted the temptation to standfist raised over his head and chant Remember Roanoke Remember the Lost Colony Remember Roanoke

he testified Ive always been of the mind that the red man in their parlance they werent going to correct him which he would have bet the farm on should either have packed the pilgrims back on board the Mayflower returned it from whence it came or killed them

the Board slackjawedincredulous was visibly peeved

he capped off his remarks 
                            Sixteennineteen the year prior to the Mayflowers landing another vessel The White Lion arrived Its heinous cargo was twenty to thirty black Angolan slaves 
                                                                        Maybe we should celebrate The White Lion not the Mayflower not the pilgrims not their obviouslycherished lives which helped make the founding and formation of America our country built on the backsthe bodies of slaves The pilgrims fled religious persecution sought out religious freedom in the New World  But whakind of freedom is that which enslaves people 

 

their silence said it all 

he couldnt resist 
                  Ya donknow what Im talking about do ya Yare the School Board Might wanna look it up My girls should be taught history not mythology unless the mythology is defined as such

 


that was only part of his conundrum


he had to movewas displaced 
                                he rented a house in The Colony after his children graduated schoolwent to college were making lives of their own

tragically his wife died 


since he arrived there seemed to be or else it was just him a concerted effort to take down trees and when trees were cut down they were not replaced with saplings

he was particular about trees
                               as a boy a youth military academy was shuttered in Exxon Valdez and the land company that acquired the property published in the local newspaper that anyone who wanted a tree or trees -- there had been an arbor a tree nursery the cadets worked -- could come onto the premises and take them a sixty day window was provided 

on the first day a Saturday he and his father took the stationwagon over and dugup four trees to plant on the hellstrip and in their yard on Sunday they dugup another four two each for two neighbours 
                                                                                        his father had what he wanted so thereafter he persisted on his own initiative and walked over to the grounds pulling his wagon behind him and removing two trees at a time he divvied them among other neighbours he approached who were happy to have a free tree or trees

he didnt count how many trees he saved

he wept outside the gate on the sixtyfirst day when earthmovers cleared the remaining grove piled them  snappedbroken violated green wood   

 

in the past year amid havoc wrecked by Trump virus he worked from home more and more of his Colony neighbours bought dogs who bayed and chorused throughout the day

he was not fond of dogs

he had cats

but wasnt it unusual it seemed so to him that after hundreds of trees were felled that a hundred dogs he didnt know would be brought into the neighbourhood

it seemed counterintuitive 


but maybe not 
              not if the Colony was as special as many of it thought it was 


he was irritated
                    vexed

0205,  Monday,  19  4. 21
1203,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  21  4. 21
Sting  It’s Probably Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FsKmmD_NV8

20.4.21

 

he was so cocksurelaying down in bed to go to sleep that hed remember in the morning what he was visualising right then                                                                                                                              it was so rarified how could he possibly forget


he laid there he let the image roamNah roam wasnt correct  there was no room to roamnot in that showerstall in that tiny bathroom in that Kalispell motel 
                                       Fuck me just imagining the confinesthe cheap laminatepaneled partitionwalls the slick steamsweat on them pukegreen coloured turdtan patches functionalnot aesthetic made him claustrophobic and claustrophobic warned himbecause he wasnt he had better get the image down before he went to sleep because his sleep may decide Fuck you, buddy, ain’t holding your hand through that again, you’re on your own, cowboy.

Anfuck you I aint nobodys cowboy


he and cowboys didnt mixed 

oil and water

hed walk into a bar theyd walk in they seemed to smell each other 
                                                                      cowboys liked their boots prided themselves on the skins they wore on their feet they really liked them because knocking him off his feet they could kick and stomp him like prissy lil girls  hard soles hard heels 
                                        they rode horseshorses? whores? they liked to rideliked to be on top they rode because nobody could walk very far in those highheel leathertooled boots

they may have figured they could take him down quicklike   

but his melon was all bone

too bad his skin split as easily as it did 
                                          thoughto be sure it certainly encouraged them all that blood Man they thought hes goindown gonnabe an easy fight

he rope-a-doped without ropes Ali informed 

they became brazen

came in too closetoo fast
                       a right from up off the floor to the jaw a wicked left hook if it wasnt starslights out they were suddenly a spider on its back legs arms goin no floorno web then crabbingup coveringup 

he wouldnt kick or stomp a man while he was down 

if they were comfortable on their back they didnt have to get up hed let them lay

he was mighty grateful cowboys didnt gang up not usually  anif so thats why he wore softsole shoes he could scamper away like a pronghorn
                        anwhile he often felt like taking on the world
he wasnt stupid

a bar full of Indians once upon a time cured him of that notion as a teenager in a Wisconsin reservation tavern 


he digressed

 

a small part of him thought he wouldnt parlay the image through the night and remember it in the morning

a small part

then he concededhe preferred concurring but none of his apes from their corners or outside peering in through keyholes dare say it first

useless beasts they shaddup   othertimes he couldnt shaddemup 


he conceded

he reached onto the wood feedtrough standing on end beside the bed and took his cellphone in hand

he texted himself

he felt like he was cheating

an ape at the back of his skull bouncing lackluster bored up and down on his neocortex cautioned him to suck it up without saying a word 
                       mental telepathy frisson he had that going on with those mooks but again when they wanted currently just rooming inside his headstanding around  staring like watching a outrageous stripper who took their breath away or an inept novice wouldnt be cool to laugh at her unchoreographed uninspiring performance  stripping is an artform

he texted himself  :  :  2 fat naked cowgirls – now the apes speak: They ain’t fat, they’re big girls, they grow ‘em big in Montana. They’re from hardy stock. apes ought to know  he considered it for a damaged heartbeat -- Hardly boys  Theyre fat gals  
     2 fat naked cowgirls in a cheap motel showerstall . . hadnt a fucking clue how they fit . .  he looked on the floor for a shoehorn or an empty plastic bottle of lubricant . .smelled vaguely of cocoanut oil  momentarily he was tempted pina colada .  . but so  much   naked    flesh  he couldnt distinguish between themwhere one began and the other ended . . reminded him of oldtime pranks at different colleges where they tried to set state or national records for packing co-eds in a telephone booth

the gals werent appealing

 

when he woke later in the morning he didnt remember

he did remember sending himself a text

OhShit yes  Now I remember

crazy that he thought he would unaided 
                                           though he could admit it in the light of day

0209,  Monday,  19  4. 21
345 or 1545,  Monday,  19  4. 21
Rag’n’Bone Man & Pink  Anywhere Away from Here  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilut9TzMfXs 
Pink & Willow Sage Hart  Cover Me I Sunshine  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvThENUScnw

19.4.21

 

Eurythmics Ive got an angel
                            anhe needed one quick if for no other thing than firingup her wings so he could frantically jump on her back and zoom the fuck out of this place before it fell down on their headshis head 
                                                                                                     he was  uncomfortable
he never bitched about people fucking 
                                          but he thought his kid brother would have the good sense not to fuck a fat chick on his couch 

thats not a knock on the woman
                                 she was fat she knew it  if taking exception to the truth hurt her feelings she could do something about it


though its funny

people badmouth women

his brother was way fat

nobody badmouths a fat manHe’s a big guy.     No  Hes fat

 

he walked in 

didnt knock

it was his place
               all that uncontained pink flesh seemed like it was wall to wall it was a small livingroom cellulite too much to try to explain away cutely fat dimplesChrist he could feel an analogy begging LET ME OUT! FREE ME!  Shudafuckup YOU LISTEN TO ME, IF YARE WORTH YOUR SALT YOU’LL SAY had a point 
                                                                                              Yawouldnt know unless I said he told his wifehe told his girls they wouldnt know how he felthow he deeply felt about them if he didnt say so he antedup he confessed he wanted to confess until the day he died  he didnt read the script he wanted a rewrite damn quick hed never forget the HaNO the trailing twisted laughter followedup with Life’s cruel, get over yourself.

since hes strung tighthairtriggered 

if he felt slighted

he didnt think

why would he   they didnt

maybe afterwards theyd think

think nurse their wounds

WHADAFUCK YA THINKIN OFF THE COUCH GET DRESSED FIND A MOTEL THIS IS MY HOUSEJesusfuckinAChrist 

she went to say something his brother said Shut up. Move. You don’t wanna mess with my brother. he didnt look at him I’m sorry, man, I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.

Don talk to me right now Call me when ya get settled 
                                                         he went to his bedroom he didnt want to witness toothpaste stuffed back in its tube


Ya let them off easy, fat dimples; really? Why did that cross your mind? Serious cellulite staring ya in the eyes . jiggling . . quivering . Christ.

Leame alone I donwanna think about it

A frontal lobotomy won’t erase that.

No  Tattooed on my brain etched in my memory

Yare so kind. Etched on our memory. 


Whawas he thinkin?

He was following his cockwasnt thinkin

 

A lot of flesh.

 

Ohfuck wasnt there 
                        An analogyJesus Whawere ya thinkin 
Sorry. I was upset. 
                     Never saw anything like that . . made me wanna tear my eyeballs out.

Our eyeballs

Com’on. Could have shut your eyes immedia . .
. . Whawas seen was seen 
                             Hard to believe

Fat is as fat does.

Thanks Forrest Gump

1417,  Sunday,  18  4. 21
1018,  Monday,  19  4. 21
Eurythmics  I’ve got an Angel  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk0GiiT2DTw

18.4.21

 

that was an eyeful 

he hadnt expected it

hed come to expect a lot of weird things in a guys lockerroom 
                                                                had one played sports in high school  in college things only got weirder 
            because guys were fucks 


if women only knew how fuckedup guys were theyd swing wiiide of having anything to do with them 

theres a bell-curve that IDs fuckedupness in boys growing up into men 
                                                                          given his competitive nature  organised sports junior high to college on the curve left of mean he was deficient  the stats continued up beyond where he was 
he wasnt near mean 
                     yet hed met and knew and competed with many athletes who were on the other side of the bell-curve  demented clowns who truly thought they were fuckin hilarious 

though he assessed if they had to contend with anything near what they perpetrated theyd lose their fuckin minds 

that was the mentality he entertained going into his dream 



he dreamed of a pregnant bruisedred an purplecoloured hermaphrodite 
                                                                            why shouldnt they be pregnant 
shehe was obviously more female than male 

shehe sat on a wood bench at the entry to the lockerroom  oiledup  swollen   naked  an undeveloped cock at the crest of her vagina 

shehe was close 
                he could see the fetus turn  tumultuously  under herhis tautstretched abdomen 

when he entered the lockerroom he nodded to herhim nonchalantly  

he seemed to recognise herhim 

shehe definitely recognised him 

shehe smiled 
                a brutal smile  vengeful smile 


then momentarily others entered behind him 
                                               herhim disgusted them  herhis condition a monstrosity   but shehe didnt get knockedup on her own and when the fourfive clustered holding up others from enteringwhen they yelled Fuckin' freak, get outa here!  

well 
     not memorable last words  vile   but not memorable 
and as they pressed forward towards herhim to physically dump herhim outside the lockerroom dump herhim in the lobby 
      slickly from behind herhis back shehe pulled a 9mmOHSHIT BANG  BANGBANG   BANG  BANG a coup de grace BANG  BANG two in the back who turned to flee
shehe was damn accurate 

let the pricks come 
                    shehe had been contending with them all herhis life  narrowminded pricks 

however being narrowedminded didnt diminished the waterballoonsize of their heads 

at close range 
               ample targets 


he stood off to a side 

blood and brainbits slithered to the floor drain 

shehe sat violentlyquiet  at ease  at peace 

despite spattered with blood and gore shehe was quite beautiful 
                                                                     it was understandable how she could get knockedup 

men were pigs 
                had he a cheerleading outfit and pompoms he would have donned them and cheered GOOO TEAM!

he wasnt an accessory he was a witness 

he had a good sense where shehe was coming from 
                                                        shehe was flattening the bell-curve 

 

dreamtime early Saturday,  17  4. 21
1744,  Saturday,  17 4. 21

 

Congressional nativists

White?

Do they come in any other colour

You crack me up; what of them?

They call themselves the America First CaucusJESUSCHRIST Originally it was shared with mepitched as the AFC I despise acronyms but thats why they fed it to me they wanted to raise my angstmy ire

White raises your ire?

Lemme think January SixJanuarySick lemme think 
                                                        Lemme thinkwhite members werent afraid  but had the insurrectionists been Black Lives Matterwhich it wouldnt have been  had the insurrectionists been antifawhich it wouldnt have been its a freakin ideology  antifa wouldnt have attacked the Capitol unless it were filled to brimming with Neo-Nazis Neo-fascists white supremacists lions and tigers and bearsOH MY  racists OHohoh alt-right creeps OH QAnon

But Ill not let you take me off my game 

AFC

Ahyes, your disgust of acronyms.

Donroll yer eyes

Can’t help myself, I find it amusing, they’re time savin . . 
. . If yaknow wha the acronym means Had I dumped AFC on you without any context whawoudya think   AFC

Fried chicken . . I . ah . I wouldn’t have a fuckin’ clu . . 
. . My point precisely 
                     They didhowever preface it saying it was a new Republican political group


Soo, you’re killing me, what did you guess the acronym to be? A doozy, Im sure.

Yes

And?


Anally Fucked Congresspersons
                                 They bout shit themselvesHAR har har  they barked Not badnot bad at all  America First Caucus

Youll love this Anally Fucked Congresspersons vow their North Star policy is to serve the American peoplenow ya gotta ask yourself as an American  do yawanna be represented by these HeeHawsthese dingleberries they insist that this North Star implies a – youll love this – a degree of ideological flexibilityOhShit a certainSoitenly  hats off Curly love im a certain intellectual boldness If I only had a Brain thanks Scarecrow a boldness amongst members of Anally Fucked Congresspersons to follow in the petty footprints of the disgraced former president anI think this is my favourite part potentially to step on toes and sacrifice sacred cows for the good of the American – those aforenamed Americans – the American nation


And?

And

I’m waiting for it . . . your crowning declaration

he laughed hard

they laughed hard with him


Yes Yare right

I am, I know am . . . and?


They can suck my cock
Mine too; after I fuck them in the ass.

Jesus thats unlike you

But not unlike you, I wanted to attest my brotherhood.

Awfuck yare sweet  sweet as honey

Don’t forget it.

1147,  Sunnyday,  18  4. 21

17.4.21


Black female genital candle   all trimmed up 
                                                 an ad offering by Magick Planet    Whatever

advertising algorithms really bit the big oneswung wide not that he wasnt a fan of female genitalia 
                                                                                                         he wasnt interested in burning them

and he didnt buy candles online 

he bought books however 
                          yes his last few purchases were Isabel Wilkersons Caste the edited Four Hundred Souls Ta-Nehisi Coates’ The Water Dancer and Black Leopard Red Wolf by Marlon James

virtually all Black writers

but thats a huge freakin leap 
                                 he supposed  That’s Marketing! Leave no stone unturned.
Ohbrutha

but why target him 

 

he decided to consult water 
                              a hot bath of lavenderscented water  the oil was from his daughter  she said to calm him she was always concerned that he remain calm 

before she died she gave him a beautiful blue lace agate  yes its property is calming she was as generous as she was beautiful inside and out 
                         she was absolutely radiant 

with her inspired calmness he slipped into the running water and laid down under moonlight that entered through the screened window

he took the water up until his body was covered and stopped the flow

he closed his eyescommunicated his distemper with intrusions that bordered on ridiculousludicrous 
                                                                                                        whoever wrote the algorithm hed like to turn it on its side and shove it up their ass

Calm

mantra

Calm

he could almost hear her voice

Calm

the water wondered why the advertisement got a rise out of him

Dislocation Anatomy belongs where it should be found  not dismembereddissected

When presumed clever isnt clever

the water wondered if his upset was because the genital candle was Black

which made him almost giggle 
                               he expected memory to be long with water

No he whispered  perhaps you have forgotten the black girl I dated nearly three years ago who bathed with me in this tub 


the water shivered 

he opened his eyes

he thought maybe a drip fell from the faucet 
                                             there were no perceptible rings or waves    still water
Times are degenerate

The pendulum swings

You will swing out of the worst of it

Clever foments

Often it is novel a fad

Try not to be disturbed


I should be calm

As your daughter instructed you

She knew you intimately

Disregard that which will not impact you


Water seeks its own level

Yes




chilled water woke him 

the moonlight was on the wall

he was cool
            at ease
that might explain that while he slept in the tub that he dreamed of a pregnant bruisedred an purplecoloured hermaphrodite 
                why shouldnt they be pregnant

Twosday evening,  13  4. 21
1136,  Saturday,  17  4. 21

16.4.21

 
NO COLLUSION!!
                   the former president beat that drum to death before the Pressexcuse me FAKE NEWS – have to have fake news to cover a FAKE PRESIDENT -- before his MAGA rallies before his kowtowing Republican House and Senate members alike 
                NO COLLUSION!!

there was  of course there was  Russia, if you're listening . . 
                                                                 an investigation was commenced during the last administration https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/collusion-sanctions-document-completes-circle-between-trump-camp-and-russian-intelligence-110288453868?cid=eml_mra_20210416&user_email=e4c91d00eead6d858374885584701152a02c6d873bb23bf387b4583a289e5951 


74 million Republican voters embraced a president who embraced Putin who is Russia 

they listened to his lie NO COLLUSION!! they listened to his lie that the election was stolen they listened to his lie that patriots stormed the Capitol on January 6 or was it antifa

he hopes eventually the truth will occur to them that they will understand and seize that they were hoodwinked by a snake oil salesman who currently is coming apart at the seams 

345 or 1545,  Reggae Friday,  16  4. 21