30.6.20


it had been an outdoor terra cotta paver patio 

the last home owners coopted it and incorporated into the house

they did it poorly
                   or they hired someone who did it poorly

few electrical boxesoutlets sketchy overhead canned lights set on dimmers that maybe worked or didnt

lousy insulationlousy glazer illfitting broad doubledoor way which bled energy when hot air was run during winter or airconditioning during hot summers
                                       if a parasite could be a room itd be this spacethis sunroom


however it wormed its way into their livestheir hearts

his daughter and soninlaw seldom utilised it like a scab they didnt want to pick so not to scar

it was an empty room save for the far end that abutted a common wall with their office it was a wall of shelves and held their accumulated library photograph albums and Blu-rays before they opted for Cloud or iCloud
he wasnt a fan of electronics and its thievery


the sunroom was ten feet deepeighteen wide

he told them itd be great for a ninefoot tournament pocket billiard tablehe was ticklingtempting their memories of pool halls and bars they played in before they married
                                                     he thoughthe wasnt sure if he heard it in his daughters voice his soninlaws or their voices commingled When I was a child yadayadayada I put away childish things Fuuck you Yaplay computer gamesya create avatars Dont talk to me about putting away childish things
                                                                                           he hustled pool he made a lot of money he had scars on his head from his scalp split by cues in the hands of bad losers
                                                                                             which was better than a knife in the guts


Nevertheless he said the room has character Eventually it will present its purpose



when his daughter became ill – fuckin genetic monster ALS – her bedroomshe and her husbands bedroom wasnt conducive for her care

she needed a hospital bed

they had Hospice place the bed in the sunroom

it amused themthey laughed finally the room had a purpose
                                                                 24 / 7
her husband her sister and he tended her

she struggled for three months

she taught them


she died



the sunrooms empty again

not truly

it holds a void that cant be filled

not ever


0702,  Thursday,  23  1. 20
1118,  Twosday,  30  6. 20
Phoebe Bridgers  You Missed My Heart  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pK1cwjGw74s


porn he didnt wanna to see
                              Washingtons clown in the center ring taking it in the ass or Putin slamming his cock in the clowns grinning glossy redrimmed mouth


Fuuck 
          uuglie
1853,  Twosday,  30  6. 20


Stop  take a breath
                      if the president is willing to kiss off the lives of 128 thousands Americans who have died from coronavirus 
             whas 20 30 soldiers in theatre who willingly put their lives on the line – thats their problem isnt it

2016,  Twosday,  30  6. 20
Creedence Clearwater  Who’ll Stop the Rain  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIPan-rEQJA

$128K -- killed


Awright he tried to look away from the train wreckthe asshole standing on the side of the 405 talking on his cellfone while everybody in trafficfive lanes wide is rubberneckingMUTHAFUCKERS!

he gets caught up in that shit

he told his daughter he hatedHATED LA   

he grew up in Chicago

riding the Kennedy into the city made him puke

he couldnt understandshe knew why his daughter didnt get it  FUCK LA

Baby lets meet halfway Ventura  Ojai  Santa Barbara   FUCK LA

he conceded he wanted to see his little girl

it took her ten years to concede to meet him in Santa Barbara though she was mercenary she developed clientele in Montecito and Santa Barbara
                               then they saw each other every couplethree months  which was the shit


trainwrecks and assholes
                            he didnt forget 
DeSantis and Drumpf

Drumpf and DeSantis

interchangeable gears

a pair of cocksuckers

he was yanking Adam Weinsteins line giving it a good hard tug making sure if he wrapped around either Republicans throat itd be an admirable garrote
                                    Fuckyah if he couldonly if he could hed wrap it en masse around every Congressional Republicans post policy neck and hang em at once
                                                                     BUT  he keeps hearing thats why elections are held 

he might rally around elections if Republicans werent rigging them Voter Fraud   hed love to name his cock Voter Fraud and shove it down their throats WHA I dare ya Say it  I dare ya




Adam Weinstein The New Republic 
                                      "'(Governor) Ron DeSantis is the latest in a long line of Republicans who made (Florida) a plutocratic dystopia. Now he’s letting its residents die to save the plutocrats. I can’t help but wonder if DeSantis and his partisans’ coronavirus calculus is an essentially eugenicist one: They seem overtly content to let lots of people die, as long as they’re the right people.”

Yah  Republicans are a bunch of eugenicists

they must have missed class or misunderstood what Nazi Germany was about



he did say he tried to look away


some things deserve Polaroid snapshots seared collectively on humane American minds

he was bumming the American Negro College Fund line 
                                                           ordinarily 
A mind is a terrible thing to waste
                                     but he couldnt summons any pity for the lockstep goosestepping Whites Only Churchy God brigade of unmitigated ignorance 
                                                  and he was willing to take Weinstein completely out of context . . let lots of people die, as long as they’re the Right people


he detested them

1034,  Monday,  29  6. 20
0027,  Twosday,  30  6. 20

29.6.20


one is rarelyhe was rarely afforded such a welcoming introduction

walking into the bank on its tiled foyerthe black mat to scuff the bottom of his shoes if they were wet or dirty he saw beneath the tall fourlegged writing desk in the carpeted lobby a young woman on her knees 
                                                                                                her round bottom facing him her skirt pulled tight across it  a tantalising hint of thighs

he strode directly over to her and also dropped to his knees beside her Good afternoon Can I help you

she tilted her head to look at him her glasses had slipped down on her nose they made her huge hazel eyes huger loosened hair hung in curly tendrils on her face
                                                  he was ahead of her she would say I believe that’s my line.

she smiled her teeth broad and white against her complexion Afternoon, she probably recognised him as a customer he always did his banking in person I think that’s my line.he liked her immediately chica round fanny  sense of humour curly black hair blackrimmed glasses Possibly had you been facing me when I entered You were engaged  Can I help

the smile grew widergrew more humoured I lost a contact len. I was helping a customer with some paperwork and it jumped out of my eye.

Im your man Im really good at this Im very handy helping damsels in distress

Perfect. I’m in distress, I can’t speak to the damsel part.

Young  Unmarried

Then I s’pose I can, I am a damsel in distress.

An Im here to remedy you

laughter peeled out of her throat gayly uninhibited she didnt cover her mouth though to be fair she was on all fourshe liked her on all fours  she was memorable on all fours

Im on it

Lotsa luck, I’ve been lookingwhat time is it?

I dont have a watch

I’ll guess nearly ten minutes, and I got get back to work.

Youre working he eyeballed the carpetdeeper pile than most commercial ventures Youre helping me help you

Right.

Finders fee

A finder’s fee? they were both eyeballing the carpetfingering it Kind of mercenary, aren’t you?

Dont follow damsel but ya know mercenary

Well, my Momma says men are mercenary; they expect something in return. Are you expecting something in return? they fingered the deep pile carpet

I dont expect but something is awfully nice even if its Thank you Im easy to pleaseridiculously easy to please


he found it inside five minutes  Told ya Im good at this

Thank you.



he did get her name Ysabel. A Y not an I.

My names Joe she noddedshe was still wearing her glasses he felt like she could see through him which was awright he wasnt hiding his admiration Its been a pleasure meeting you Ysabel Were now properly introduced though mighty hard to beat our original introduction

Our original introduction?

he had nothing to lose it was a blatant compliment Yes youre attractive on all fours facing away  I just had to see your nameplate but youre not wearing one

You noticed.

I noticed

I get in trouble for not wearing mine. I think it’s a subtle business reason so men can look at my breasts.

I think you got something there

Thank you. By my figuring if someone wants to know my name they can ask me; like you did.

Maybe I wouldnt have asked if you were wearing a nametag

I’m not sure I believe that.

I dont know But Ive enjoyed meeting youtalking with you But I suppose youre not paid to talk to mesuppose I ought go now that weve concluded my business



during their brief intercourse he learned she was born April 6 Aries Yes she said And you would know that why? I was born on the 9th Pregnant with possibilities Excuse me? You born on 6 and me on 9 Yes. Yah  Born 6 and 9 is pregnant with possibilities? Not for conversation here Ysabel Maybe some other timesome other place You sound prophetic. I hope so I truly hope so





the Bears were playing the Packers on a Thursday Night

he had to go out if he was going to see the game he didnt have TV

he was within walking distance of the business district which proved to be boon he could walk home if his buzz exceeded the states .08 fuckinkiddinme Four drinks in an hour Unlikely that was ever gonna happen
                                                                                                          still cops are always a snaky bunchselfserving they cruised the main drag through town looking for an opportunity to sit on someone he didnt take kindly to being sat on by anyone so walking  he negated Opportunity

game time was 1715 hours Happy hour in full throat people out of workdone for the day he tried to arrive 1730 that way hed get two pints at Happy hour prices and imbibe waternibble pretzels between them  usually a third pint at the end of the third quarter 
                         he was running late

hed get in just under the end of Happy hour for a pint

walking up to the door he cast a look at the car at the curb where a woman was leaning at the passenger window halfbent  talking to people inside the car
Hold your horses cowboy
That ass looked familiar

she stood up stepped back waved as the car pulled away

Ysabel

he took a couple steps towards her Ysabel

she turned Joe she smiled huge she was wearing her glasses

he motioned against his face eyeglasses You tryin to throw guys off the scent wearing your glasses

Momma says men aren’t keen on women who wear glasses; but no, end of the days I like to slip out of my contact lens. I’m not a fan.

Why bother then

Maybe because men aren’t keen on women who wear glasses.

Horseshit You look fantastic in glasses Your eyes become enormous

Men don’t usually look you in the eyes.

They aint men

What?

You heard me You out with friends

Maybe.

Maybe youll stay out awhile longer with a friend

Are we friends?

Were acquaintances But friendships got to start somewhere

They do.

You like football You like beer

Im not too familiar with football, so I can’t say. I like an occasion beer.

Howbout this Bears and Packers Im a freak for the Bears When youre born in Chicago they inoculate you at birth a rite of passage so to speak boy or girl so youre a Bears fan for life I can infect you  So be careful if you think to say yes
I will guarantee you however I will guarantee you a good evening even if you dont think watching football with a Chicago man can inspire you

Are you daring me?

Would that work a playful dare

Are you being playful?

he smiledquickly she smiled back

Im a good playmate

I’m tempted.



she thoroughly enjoyed the game despite not understanding it 

she called him Crazy! more times than shed ever called anyone Crazy

he told her he walked into town if shed like they could walk back to his place and he could give her a lift home or if shed rather hed call her a cab an Uber or whatever the fuck else it was there was

You don’t sound like a fan.

Theyre off my radarNonexistent Im pretty selfsufficient

How’s that working out for you?

Not shabbynot shabby Though there are some things Id rather not be selfsufficient at

that beautiful wide white smile Yes?  Do tell.

Do walk

Yes. But do tell.


he told Ysabel



at his place she excused herself to use the bathroom

coming out she said  I like your shower curtain.

Thank you

Sperm whales.

Yes

It threw me, although you did say you’re playful; and the painting about the toilet?

My brother painted it and I stole it when I left Chicago

It’s . . ?

Thats for whoever views it to decide

It’s . . erotic.

I think so

Would you share with me what it looks like to you?

I would


And?

The way I grew up if someone asks you what you thought  they were compelled to say what it is they thought first

Really?

Yes
     If I were to ask you if you thought your ass was attractive I would say first  your ass is roundis exciting I would say your ass was attractive You

Do your remarks have anything to do with your brother’s painting?


Not necessarily Though possibly


Okay.

You going to reply to the painting  or to your ass


Can I think?


Yes And if youll excuse me while youre thinking Im gonna use the bathroom

And look at the painting?

Ive memorised it Had to have it  Why I stole it


I’ll think.

Ill be back



when he came out of the bathroom he went right up the hall to the livingroom  

Ysabel

she didnt answer

he entered the kitchen

she wasnt there

he went out onto the front porch Ysabel

he walked around the corner of the wraparound porch

she wasnt there either

he reentered the house Ysabel BAMhe was struck at the end of the hall beneath the fulllength mirror was clothing

it wasnt his clothing

Ysabel

he walked down the hall  his bedroom was to the right

Ysabel

she was on all fours facing away from him reenacting their first introduction It’s erotic, Joe; leave it at that?

You dont have to say another word I can see what you think


And your ass Is your ass attractive he began undressing

You’re a tease.

Talk to me

Yes, I think my ass is attract . .
                                 Ysabel didnt finish saying anif she did he didnt hear he had his hands at her asspulling her apart like a peach and was lapping

earlier & 1151 & 1504,  Monday,  29  6. 20



I no know what you say No hear you

that tickled him every time he read it

it didnt tickle him that her hearing was slowly becoming problematic


her eye-gaze machine saved phrases she wrote shorthand and usuallyhe recognised it in himself both his daughters their mother too their obsession or to be kind their predilection  they sought to correct errors in spelling and punctuation  grammar

when they texted if they made an error the error was immediately rectified in the following text

it was humourous to be so anal 

the four of them thought so

yet they prevailed

so to read no know or no hear you was grace  purely an inside joke


when his daughter died her husband  because suddenly her death took away everything her husband and he and his daughter were doing caring for her 24/7 three months in that huge empty gulf her husband brought up on the eye-gaze how many times she used phrases she saved

What phrase, he asked him and his daughter, do you think she used the most?

No-brainer his daughter and he must have thoughtthey said it at the same time I love you

Yeah. I would have thought so too. Aniela said Thank you, four more times than I love you.

1009,  Sunday,  28  6. 20
four months yesterday