where had he read it it percolated up into his brain  unworthiness passed down through your lineage

Yafuckin kiddin me

Kahrist

         it was percolationspauses like that he pondered that made his mug of coffee go cool  kool   kold    kryinoutloud 

                he did it again

he could drink coffee straight throughenjoy it while it was hot

but as much as that was his intentas much as he wanted to

                                                                it didnt happen often

coffee was like an oil

slicking his gears

lubing his thoughts

refreshing his dreams in his eyes like a forlorn bum catching him at a red light in the city and washing his windshield for a buck

            he always found it was worth a couple of bucks and some loose change from his console

more often than not coffee helped him see things more clearly

this morning his hot black coffee bolstered with a splash of Irish whisky its aromatic steam almost made him choke though a pleasant choke  like a whiff of cocaine a nose-hit off a found roach laced with hash oilWAAHBAM

FLASH Maureen his months old girlfriend before he left Chicago for Miami began babbling in angel dust

she blamed him for it

                       You’re ducking out on me.

before they datedwhen they met at a party he told her that he was moving in a few months

some sawed-off Eddie was plying her with the PCP phenylcyclohexyl piperidine – a cyclonic Pepperdine – thats the word game is played to remember the scientific name of angel dust – he told her she could call it by its scientific name hed take a hit too  she never did  neither did he

                                                What? He’s giving it to me for free.

Aint nothing free Maureen anits angel dust

You’ve never tried it, you’re no standing or experience to bi . . 

. . Scientific name  An true But I havent taken heroin either I have a strong idea what can try me an Ive no intentions of taking it  Nevertheless I care about you

You’re leaving, that’s how much you care about me. I’ll be out of sight, out of mind.

You really think that little of yourselfwho you are Who you are in my regards

she sneered Out of sight. Out of mind. Don’t put your regards on me. You’ll be all over the scene in Miami, I ain’t stupid.

Im not going down for the scene Miami the Keys theyve been on my radar for as long as I can remember Id love to have you come down once I get situated when youve finished school

Yah. So you say what you say goes, right?

It does Ive said it Im good to my word

Your word? You’re something special.

Were gettin off track Angel Dust Shithead purveyor

You don’t know him.

Hes a dime a dozen A shithead Hes plying you with that shit an thats all I need to know Says a world about him

You know so much

I know guys  If I wouldnt want him as an acquaintance why would I want you to have a relationship with . .

. . Because I want it!

You want it It  It as in relationship or it as in angel dust

I can have both.

You can I care a lot about you But if you dont care about yourselfhave respect for yourself  I cant either

Fuck you.

Awright I believe youre making a mistake but everyones welcome to their mistakes I dont have to watch it happen

You aren’t. You’re going to Miami.

I am As you knew

he went

Maureen didnt respond to a single letter or postcard

too bad

some of the shit he wrote was pretty provocativepretty crazy worthy of something back

he dreamed he ran into her on the Intracoastal  two slow boats crossing  

she said she had a key

someone said she gave the key to him

she hadnt

But so and so said you have it.

So an so Yah Whos so and so An why would so an so say if you dont remember giving it to me  A key for what

as the sterns grew furthur apart she yelled To my heart, asshole!

kold koffee

1051,  Twosday,  14  1. 20

1104, Sunday,  24  5. 20

she threw a whachagot kick shedve hurt somebody if she connected

her bed lurched

probably a good thing it was on casters

the air mattress baffledmitigated its violence  made him miss his mattress and steelspring box at home

she would have made his bed cry wounded it made it whine like a broken accordion like industrial music  paint peelingsifting rust I-beams clinking exquisite white noise

some people prefer ambient white noise wind through trees cottonballs halfdipped in paint thrown against a wallSPLAT slithering

he preferred knowing who was screaming  and why

white noise made him think of toxic dustblack mold bacteria mice sidestepped Aint no fool they may not have the words but they have a nose for survival

                                          better than some people

Mousetraps 

Stop

     baited with cheese baconWHAP human beings can be baited too Get off your highfuckinhorses WHAP twitching bugeyed bowels and bladder evacuated twitches slow eyes glaze death rattle Ya oughta be listeninya killed it Sambas blackcloaked and hooded partner taps a shouldersteps in dances off with the mouses soul

mice and human beings are similar

                                      except human beings set traps traps baited with food for hungers  appetites  whims wants

I deserve it.

Yadont  Ya have a high opinion of yourself

One should.

Yes However Id caution some humilitysome modesty A realistic assessment Not overinflatednot a pie-in-the-sky pretense Not delusional

                           Not my feet dont stink

the cause of her ferocious kneejerkher kick

                                             she had wakened she wasnt sleeping much and saliva and condensation had gatheredpooled at the bottom of her masklapping her chin nearing her lip

he tipped her mask up slight and with tissue caught the fluid from rolling viscously down her chin he replaced it then with another tissue wound round his finger he lifted the mask again to gently wiped dry her chin and a cursory wipe at the masks edge he replaced it and with another tissue he thoroughly dried the inside of the mask its edge her chin again

Better

her eyes acknowledged him she couldnt speak

Good

he checked the masks seal no leaks

Almost like I knew what I was doing he said

she gave him a big smile breaking the masks seal the ventilated air escapingwhispering loudly

Easy girl he said

she texted  :  :  EEW, huh?

No

:  :  Drool.

he laughed

             I prefer to think slobber Your dream was savory

:  :  Okay. Slobber. Thank you for helping a girl out.

Still EEW. I’m just saying.

Youre a funny girl But youre my girl

I am.

they fell quietsaying nothing just looking in each others eyes they conversed with their eyes

I’m disappearing, Dad.

Ill always see you love  Always

I’m counting on you.

Ill not let you down

No. No.  You’ve always been there for me.

Ill always be there for you

I could be a ghost, a spirit.

No Please dont Transition  Transition as you say you have an will again in the future

You don’t believe in that.

You do

           Do what you do baby  Do what you do when the time comes

I love you very much 

I love you, Daddy.

she never called him Daddy

                              only when they spoke with their eyes

0444,  Sunday,  12  1. 20

1228,  Friday,  22  5. 20

sitting on a bench outside the school compound schoolchildren are held in compounds for their protection their protection or protecting the school or district from lawsuitscertainly not protected when the walls surrounding them are breached and a shooter enters and theres nowhere knowhere they can run 

                                                                               if he was a kid hed rather run for the hills than hide under desks or in broom closet or behind a fallible locked classroom doorthe teacher with them as terrified as they are   

he could only suppose no one had heard the old adage As easy as shooting fish in a kettle he preferred kettle to barrel which readily lent a link to a kettle of fish meaning awkward difficult bad situation  killing two birds with one stone

he was waiting for his granddaughters

he didnt like that they were incarcerated in school

                                                     that they were being educated that safety is attainable only inside walls keeping them

                      keeping the other out

a pretty nifty way to indoctrinate children  enforcing grim socialisation and captivity

the way he was when he was a kid

                                      he wouldnt have seen the electric light inside one of their classrooms or ever have to listen to the harrowing shrill of their spoonfed curriculum an administration anxious and more concerned to provide groupthink hive or ant mentality than grapple with his freethinking which likely would have deemed him incorrigible

his daughter and soninlaw chimed Different times, Dad. There’s more trouble out there than when you were a kid.

No Troubles always been there Community was stronger Mothers were home There were walls but they were invisible and it was a better thing then to be able to walk through a wall and be held accountable

his children believed child trafficking suddenly reared its ugly head

                                                                        he said Milk carton Missing kids

they werent going to agree

they didnt have to

he raised his

theyd raise theirs

You’ve grown colder, Dad, as you’ve gotten older.

I was and am incorrigible

                            But Ill remind you youre here and now Somehowapparently your mother and I negotiated the horrid jungle you fear for your girls

he heard a jet engine overhead

when he looked up from his book as he sat on the benchlooked up over the top of a low white commercial building at the end of the parking lot into the blue sky marred by watercoloured deepeninggray clouds coconspirators trying rain in front of them seeming to appear above them a lone big black bird soared glided accompanied by the whine of an unseen jet aircraft in his ears he could imagine that its noise was the birds noise

 

How fuckin cool he thought a bird could whine like a jet or the bird was actually a drone that isnt feared in America yet

1402,  Thursday,  9  1. 20

1116,  Saturday,  23  5. 20

Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs  Lil’ Red Riding Hood  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNEYfIUDkh8

he watched the full moon ascend and peak

he kept excusing himself as he went outdoors to admire it 

he mentioned that he was admiring it for her too  if she wished hed grab an unused dresser mirror from a bedroom closet and angle it so she could see the moon too 
If you like Ill do anything for you

she declined

               :  :  I can see it fall on your face, see it in your eyes when you come back in.

Im a poor substitute for the moon love

:  :  You underestimate yourself, Dad.

Youre kind

:  :  As you say, I’m not kind; I’m honest.

I cant refute you

:  :  No. No you can’t.

onefortyone in the morning

the moon stared blithely at him

no shrinking violet he stared back wideeyed  unflinching

she perfected herself directly above a seventy foot palm from where he stood the palm across the backyard in a neighbours yard the tree was fastidiously trimmed  

                                                      between the pair they looked like an inverted exclamation point – not to put too fine a point on the moment – piqued him to grin like a hyena

he lingered in the yard anxiously watching the full moon anxious to be inside with his daughter

One more moment he breathed

the moon and he eyeballed each other

finally he said Goodnight bubi

turning to go inside and share his warm ivorypaint with his daughter he liked thinking bubi replied to him specifically Back atcha, Polack.

1154,  Friday,  10  1. 20

1550,  Thursday,  21  5. 20

$96,370 coronavirus deaths

he stood and lunged forward with the others Mr. President! Mr. President! the reporter cried through his mask at the top of his lungs thinking the while Why why the hell was he cryingbegging to be acknowledgedcalled upon for a question  the man wasnt worth his exertion or his notice   Christ

Yes, you, you there. the president was pointing at him

Sir, thank you very much, Mr. President. Thank you. end of fake adulation kowtowing Sir, can you tell me how many Americans are dead now from the novel coronavirus? Thank you.

Oh my God, such a rude question, such a ru . .

. . Sir. A legitimate question.

You’re a rude person, who . .

. . Ninetysixthousand threehundredseventy

Who do you work for?

Sir. Who do you work for?

Ninetysixthousand threehundredseventy dead Americans. Details, sir? Unnecessary details?

Sit down.

You called on me, sir. Ninetysixthousand threehundredseventy dead Americans on your watch; tomorrow there will be more.

the president sneered in disdainlooked to his extreme right and pointed at another reporter You. Go ahead, your question.

the reporter didnt remain standinghe didnt glare he sat and heard his colleague murmur a question he wished rather his colleagueall his colleagues in attendance supported one another stayed on point fought for answers  and if the morbidly obese farce fled the dais let him walk away in disgust

why not the man disgusted him

he sat not dejected sat nodding to himself Yes Ninetysixthousand threehundredseventy Americans were worth his exertion to ask his question

Fuckin crime

0929,  Saturday,  23  5. 20 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTdI3osbNmA now hes talkinhes created an equivalence between abortion clinics liquor stores and Houses of Faith  they are essential 

                                                         everybody should be able to recall that religion is referred to as the opiate of the Masses

1653,  Friday,  22  5. 20

Marx  "Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people".   

Trump wants Houses of Faith opened “right now” 

                                                     in order that America can celebrate the Holy Memorial Day weekend Wha  are we heathens

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTdI3osbNmA

1630,  Friday,  22  5. 20

. . into Thy hands I commend my spirit . .

GO  ADIOS Dont let the door slap ya on the ass goin in

https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/in-reversal-white-house-tells-cdc-to-post-church-guidance/2020/05/21/ca05cf18-9bac-11ea-ad79-eef7cd734641_story.html?utm_campaign=wp_the_daily_202&utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&wpisrc=nl_daily202

1513,  Reggae Friday,  22  5. 20

Ruke 23:46

Wabam

There

Finally

Tenacious lost its grip

the doodle-lined pubic hair had withstood six urinations – directed at it – two bowel movements  the toilet flushed

it couldnt withstand the seventh urination Ooops Ooops   Oops he saw its grip loosen  he was ridiculous its failing made him feel like he was some kind of champ 

                                                   Really prick

You finally  beat a pubic hair into submission Go aheadtout that Tag a brick wall with red spray paint  Wha

Hmm hed have to think of Wha 

                                    I OVERCAME!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aor6-DkzBJ0

Inappropriate

Overcum  Ya fill her cunt to brimmin 

                                          Braggin

Really brimmin

Really

Nah

he supposed he better not do a Victory lap slather a brick wall make too much ado about fukin  nuthin

he washed a tenacious pubic hair away

                                           finally

Nah dongive a Heros Welcome for dat 

                                             Unless unless  he was this President   

1409,  Reggae Friday,  22  5. 20

Incest fassinated him

                        dont trip over your jaws  Incest refers to Nins book a selection from her unexpurgated diaries

incest turns peoples headsOH MY GOD!

He aint got a damn thing to do with it

one would have to believe in Him to empower Him

he didnt

God gum on the bottom of his shoes scrape it off with a stick hope nobody else steps in it

a lot of things fascinated himmade him curious

he was a sucker

people fascinated him

good people lousy worthwhile perhaps worthless  because 

                                                                  he was sure he fit and filled all those billings for others

the difference perhaps was that he didnt care one lick

                                                          when he started caring a whit about what others thought of him he relinquished his authority to lord over himself

we should know – knowhere – we should know exactly who were are

not knowing

nowhere

                were chaff separated from the grain

0045,  Sunday,  5  1. 20

1517,  Thursday,  21  5. 20

DNI   Dunce Not an Idiot   https://www.cnn.com/2020/05/21/politics/john-ratcliffe-confirmation-vote/index.html

"I haven't served in an intelligence agency.”  READ  I have no experience  “I think that bringing a different kind of experience today is really going to be vitally important,"  READ  I know what I know and I think it cant be a difficult job because I was selected by the President; we both have really big brains. Ratcliffe told Catherine Herridge of CBS News after he was nominated AGAIN in March.

"You know all of the experience in the world isn't helpful without judgment,”  READ  And theres no one more judgmental than me, except for the President, although our judgments usually go hand in hand. We trust our instincts, not facts. “and I think what we've seen is that some of our most experienced intelligence officials have gotten it wrong with respect to important issues,"  READ  Im gonna get those dirty bastards; the President and his actions are above reproach and always legal. Ratcliffe said.

1003,  Reggae Friday,  22  5. 20

earlier he had written he beheld the sinuous mesmerising motion of a womans hips and fanny -- those two dont always go together – he wanted to labour the point -- the motions there but no ass  the ass  but no motion 

                                                                                                        its a precarious 

indubitable  fact

precarious

he hadnt thought what he witnessed when he urinated would be as precarious  

he thought rather it was a donedeal

it hasnt hands or fingers or is porcelain a particularly grippy surface at least from where he stood

hed scrubbed the shit out of his porcelain toilet bowl and if pressedif asked hed acknowledge that the bowl was smoother than a babys ass

that said

           put a dick in a boys hands and hes looking to put out fires write his name in the snow piss on anothers guys leg after athletics smash cigarettes butts with his hi-powered urine stream whipping it to a froth

a pubic hair

              clung to the forward part of the bowl

he pissed hard  until he blew air

it shimmied

it shook  

it didnt come loose

it confounded him

though he had a nuclear option

                                  flushing the toilet

he slipped his cock back in his briefs 

he may have hawhawhawed cruelly

he flushed the toiletcommitted the pubic hair to the tumult and violent turbulence

Yafuck! I’m still here!

he didnt have a clue what the pubic hair was hanging on by

                                                                he assumed PURE STUBBORN TENACITY

it could stay until it relented

he was no onesnothings master or tormentor

My hats off to ya brutha  Prevail

1218,  Thursday,  21  5. 20