where had he read it it percolated up into his brain  unworthiness passed down through your lineage

Yafuckin kiddin me

Kahrist

         it was percolationspauses like that he pondered that made his mug of coffee go cool  kool   kold    kryinoutloud 

                he did it again

he could drink coffee straight throughenjoy it while it was hot

but as much as that was his intentas much as he wanted to

                                                                it didnt happen often

coffee was like an oil

slicking his gears

lubing his thoughts

refreshing his dreams in his eyes like a forlorn bum catching him at a red light in the city and washing his windshield for a buck

            he always found it was worth a couple of bucks and some loose change from his console

more often than not coffee helped him see things more clearly

this morning his hot black coffee bolstered with a splash of Irish whisky its aromatic steam almost made him choke though a pleasant choke  like a whiff of cocaine a nose-hit off a found roach laced with hash oilWAAHBAM

FLASH Maureen his months old girlfriend before he left Chicago for Miami began babbling in angel dust

she blamed him for it

                       You’re ducking out on me.

before they datedwhen they met at a party he told her that he was moving in a few months

some sawed-off Eddie was plying her with the PCP phenylcyclohexyl piperidine – a cyclonic Pepperdine – thats the word game is played to remember the scientific name of angel dust – he told her she could call it by its scientific name hed take a hit too  she never did  neither did he

                                                What? He’s giving it to me for free.

Aint nothing free Maureen anits angel dust

You’ve never tried it, you’re no standing or experience to bi . . 

. . Scientific name  An true But I havent taken heroin either I have a strong idea what can try me an Ive no intentions of taking it  Nevertheless I care about you

You’re leaving, that’s how much you care about me. I’ll be out of sight, out of mind.

You really think that little of yourselfwho you are Who you are in my regards

she sneered Out of sight. Out of mind. Don’t put your regards on me. You’ll be all over the scene in Miami, I ain’t stupid.

Im not going down for the scene Miami the Keys theyve been on my radar for as long as I can remember Id love to have you come down once I get situated when youve finished school

Yah. So you say what you say goes, right?

It does Ive said it Im good to my word

Your word? You’re something special.

Were gettin off track Angel Dust Shithead purveyor

You don’t know him.

Hes a dime a dozen A shithead Hes plying you with that shit an thats all I need to know Says a world about him

You know so much

I know guys  If I wouldnt want him as an acquaintance why would I want you to have a relationship with . .

. . Because I want it!

You want it It  It as in relationship or it as in angel dust

I can have both.

You can I care a lot about you But if you dont care about yourselfhave respect for yourself  I cant either

Fuck you.

Awright I believe youre making a mistake but everyones welcome to their mistakes I dont have to watch it happen

You aren’t. You’re going to Miami.

I am As you knew

he went

Maureen didnt respond to a single letter or postcard

too bad

some of the shit he wrote was pretty provocativepretty crazy worthy of something back

he dreamed he ran into her on the Intracoastal  two slow boats crossing  

she said she had a key

someone said she gave the key to him

she hadnt

But so and so said you have it.

So an so Yah Whos so and so An why would so an so say if you dont remember giving it to me  A key for what

as the sterns grew furthur apart she yelled To my heart, asshole!

kold koffee

1051,  Twosday,  14  1. 20

1104, Sunday,  24  5. 20