she sighed  and said You can take the boy out of Chicago, but you cant take Chicago out of the boy.

Is that what you thought you could do love

I don’t remember. The girls confused me. Our girls, yes.   The other girls . .

They werent other girls

I know . . I know.  But I thought there could be.

he started to step towards her

No. Stay where you are; stay put.  Please.

I thought there could be.

There could have been, you can answer me that. Honestly.

Have you ever known me to be dishonest

No. You’re not dishonest, you’re not a dishonest man, you’re principled, your ethical, you’re fearsomely honest and loyal.

And . .

And?

Yes   And

Yes.  I know.

You know

Yes.

Tell me  Tell me and Ill answer your questionhonestly  as you asked me

                                                                                Tell me

she dug her toe into the kitchen linoleum

he put his left hand on the cupboard and leaned on it disarming himself if she thought he might do violence against hershed thought that many times

                                    she asked many times  Why don’t you slap me,slap me silly, bring me to my senses?

he replied warmly he smiled  You have your senses  Those are them

I asked you to tell me  Please

You . .

Yes

You love me.

Yes

she wiped the tears that welled up in her eyes with the heels of her hands

Yes  I love you

                 And yes  yes  there could have been  There could have been if I wanted  Ripe for the picking

I was ripe for the picking.

Ohyes  you were

                    And I picked you As you picked me  We exchanged vows even if we hadnt

I didnt need to make vows

My vow was when I told you I loved you 

The rest was theatrics  theatrics to please other peopleyour parents my parents   fuckin community society

I conceded  because you insisted   you insisted you wanted it and  then   that was what I could give you

We didnt have a pot to pee in

she laughed  her hand to her mouth We didn’t.

No  I cant say that I was ever happier   You  you made me crazy happy

I am sorry for your pain

But its not pain Ive caused you

he took his hand down from the cabinet  and stood upright facing her

Try as I may  I cant help you with it

I have tried

You have; you have you  her voice broke hysterically  you have youhave  her hands went up before her face

he spread his arms to her  opened them wide

You shouldn’t have . .

I did

she choked on her tears  sobbed silent into her hands  spread open across her mouth

Maybe  maybe youd like a Made in Chicago hug

                                                   from a Made in Chicago boy

she sputtered in her hands

but the sputtering had a different sound  a relief   like the last of the air running out of a heavy toy balloon

he stepped towards her  You know my hugs are hard

Yes

she stepped towards him

No one has ever hugged me like you hug me.

No one has ever loved you like I love you

she stepped into his arms

he gently wrapped his arms around her  they grew six incheseight inches longer as he embraced herheld her  his nose pressed to her widows peak  inhaled her scent

No one has ever loved you like I love you

Yes

she struggling to catchto catch her breath

No one has ever loved you like I love you  Yes

she exhaled sharply  Yes.

Yes

Why would they?

My love

         Theyre fuckin idiots and arent worth a precious moment of your timeany time you lavish on them

If I was going to slap somebody silly  Id slap them into next week

she giggled like broken glass into his throat

he kissed her forehead  And now my love Im going to crush your ribs  he hugged her hardhe hoped he could crush all the bad air out of her lungs so when he released her she would inhale the odor of her cinnamon toast and breakfast tea his orange marmalade English muffin and black coffee  and that they would enter her and fill her lungs

goodness
               simple goodness breathed in

1250 & 2324,  Thursday,  23  4. 20

Crosby Stills Nash & Young  Our House  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKYjUn-SBcg

Millennials pretty much on par with Baby Boomers

                                                       they know when theyre being shit on now if only they were threatened by a Draft then theyd probably swing a hard-on in the governments face a stinking government housing different people but inhabiting the same mentality and focus and policies that told him Relax relax Just relax while it tried to fuck him in the ass whether when he refused to step forward at the Draft Board or was on the streets demonstrating against Nam

                              he still had three cop hats on the shelf in his closest his pride and joy is the pale blue helmet he yanked off a Chicago cops head who was beating him with a police stick it couldntve played out well for the cop a longhaired freak appropriating his equipment that was Grant Park '68 it still brings tears to his eyes reminds him of his healed welts and grateful his reoccurring tears werent caused by the chemicals in the tear gas

he did however have a gripe with his familial millennials 

they knew he was full of shit

yet they also knew better than try to malign his memory of music and films  hell art for that matter

his niece asked him What film was “squeal like a pig” from?

Deliverance

No. No it wasn’t.

Deliverance Ned Beatty Burt Reynolds

No, no, no. That’s not it.

she began fingering her cellfone they all didall millennials gotta know immediately

NO

     What film do you think

Definitely Deer Hunter.

Deer Hunter With DeNiro Walken directed by Michael Cimino Academy Award Best Filmfuckin Meryl Streep about Vietnam

Definitely.

Go to the kitchen and grab your cousins Maybe collectively theyll or at least by odds there will be a brain in there  and bring them out

Okay, Uncle Joe. You’re just going to embarrass yourself.

Wouldnt be the first time baby

she went in and in a heartbeat returned with five of them  four nephews and a niece

Okay girlie  Ask them

she turned to her cousins  The old man’s losing his mind. What was the name of the film that the line “squeal like a pig” was in?

they all burst out laughing

                             Ryan the junior of the groupthe smartest of the group asked What did Uncle Joe say?

Nope he cut his niece off Yadont get that Answer the question

five voices chimed Deer Hunter

he rolled his eyes  Im fucked Im absolutely fucked  Youre the millennials who are supposed to comfort me in my old age Im fucked

the six went after their cellfones

he figured they figured one of them couldnt wait to be the first to laugh in his face

six faces screwed up as they looked down into their fones

Survey says he taunted

in the dull quietin the blue or yellow light from their fones washing their faces Ryan finally asked his sister What did Uncle Joe say?

He said what are fones are telling us.

Yah  Better you believe your fones than me  At least for this one  Im sure youll get me some other time

I recall perfectly because a couple of friends and I were making a canoe trip the week following the release of Deliverance 

Hell we even determined who among us could squeal the best Always alwaysalways a competition among guyswho can piss the furthest First place was agreed Actually it was unanimously But probably no one was thinking except me perhaps But first place earned the right to take it in the ass for the team  

Hilarious

Although not as hilariousyoull excuse my humoured bluntness  not as hilarious as you sorry motherfuckers thinking it was from Deer Hunter  Christ

I love yahs

Thursday evening,  12  12. 19

1602,  Thursday,  23  4. 20

Widespread Panic  Tall Boy  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtUVn9CafyY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gLN3QoN-q8   

                  some things are never forgotten

as a boy he learned that when theyhis family were heading out for a Sunday drive in the countrystopping for a picnic lunch his old man would holler at him and his brothers Time to tap a kidney, push til you blow air, boys. I’m not stopping the car because you have to go to the bathroom.

kinda like a hymnal  preached to him and his brothers

                                                           anif they had trouble going because they were told his father walked up behind three of them gathered around the commode and turned on the sink spigot just right  letting the water flow

it never failed

               they peed to their little hearts content or their bladders were empty  whichever was the matter

he wondered what his mother told his sisters  he never asked

raising his girls it was the nearly same before a roadtrip Time to hit the headthe bathroom girls an dont come out til youve blown air Ill be outside the door listening

they were funny little girls in turn as they finished on the pot they whistled and coming out into the hallway they said You heard, Daddy. We went!  

Goodness such talented little girls I bet youse could make some serious money if you went professional

his wife gave him a chuck in the ribs with her elbow Stop. They’re little girls.

Yes Thats why Im saying it now Theyre little Its going over their heads in one ear and out the other I guarantee therell be no side effects our girls wont be turning tricks for money

Would you shaddup. 

sometimes she didnt have a sense of humour

yup his little girls thought they were awfully damn funny

after a little while riding in the car he started whistling absently  not continuously

which provoked them absently theyd start whistling

                                                        and before they stopped he suddenly swung the car to the side of the road jumped out run around the front of the car to their side door and yanked it open Out Quick Dont wancha wettin the backseat

first couple of times they stumbled outnot really listeninghearing what he said not knowing what to thinknot following what he was yelling about

but they caught on

they remember that

his eldest daughter called him one eveningchecking in just to yap shed missed a couple of his calls and emales  Dad.

Hey baby How are you

I’m fine.

then they rambled about herabout her life her husband and children her business then ramble about him if he was taking care of himself

Youre sweet love You know Im taking care of myself Im all on me I havent a choice

Just checking, Dad, just checking.

Thank you

Yes.  You're welcome, I’ve been meaning to ask.

Whats that

Piano music. Could you shed some light on why I get sleepy when I hear piano music?

Yes  I could

And?

I thought if I gave you a moment youd recall on your own

I have a suspicion.

Its unlike you not to act on your suspicions

Yes. Which is another reason why I wanted to call tonight. Could you confirm my suspicion?

Im sure I can  Unfortunately the buck stops with me

Yes. Unfortunately.  I suspect it has something to do with me when I was young.

Yes

Really young.

Yes

Really, really young.

Yes when you were a baby  When you were a baby and I bottlefed you early mornings I found a public radio show that played solely piano music I fed you burped you made sure you were dry or clean then Id walk around the livingroom you on my shoulder rub your back stroke your head You didnt last too longknocked out real quick So for as long as I fed you early mornings that was our time our time together our time digging piano music

Yes.  Yes, that’s what I suspec . .

. . Suspected what you knew You remember correctly Good thing Im here on this one to answer youMom wouldnt have known as I wouldnt know the things you did alone with her

You remembered

Thank you for confirming my memory.

Im happy I could love  But then you always make me happy 

some things are never forgotten

1029,  Saturday,  14  12. 19

1248,  Thursday,  23  4. 20

Harry Chapin  Taxi  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qYU9b5OF8M

his experience  time could devolve

its churning plowing straight ahead running over the helpless the hapless the well-healedwell-heeled  the entitled  ceaselessly

                it slowed in his eyes

slowed slowed
                crept to a stop

time  still  ticked on the clock  if someone listened

they werent

time devolved in that four-cornered room  which he never imagined

a cell

       where too many who he loved would inexorably end up  inexorably inhabit
held

contained

time sat in an obscure corner quietly  and watched

and in its arrest 

its patient exhale

it smoked the room

and those inside it

they could smell it on their skinsomething  something   something they couldnt identify

and they found themselves meandering 

falling free through time

untethered

amoebic

his loved one laid before him

sometimes animated

most of the time still  breaths aided by a ventilator

and before him also  a fine fabric  gossamer   where images of his remembrances flickered slyly

as they were in the past

their varied wheres

showering like confetti  stirred with grist    and passion

time devolved

                and revealed his relationships with the three beside him  inside the four-cornered room  in slow-motion  stutteringstammering  with notions of rainfall 

sometimes he thought time was being cruel

                                              or because he was sensitive  unable to take his eyes off the screen

he watched themlet them fall  possess his eyes   his senses

                                                                 like voluptuous drops of rain on a thirsty pavement  blotched  pitiless statements

or like snowflakes hoveringcaught on updrafts  delicately whirling   hangingdancing on his breaths

if time was being cruel  reminding him  he would always alwaysalways be grateful for its snapshots reinforcing his memory 

0813,  Saturday,  14  12. 19

1854,  Day-between-Two-Ts, 22  4. 20

Fiona Apple  Heavy Balloons  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GT8HHHuvfK8   

Undefeated

first it took her voice

                         then it took everyone elses

her voice was mutedmouth gagged

                                     her eyes then wandered the room keeping the house in order

it disabled her muscle by muscle

she lost her arms

her hands

but it failed to take her legs

                           that must have miffed it

sense by sense it weakened her

it weakened her

                   but it didnt defeat her

she would die undefeated

0158,  Saturday,  14  12. 19

1253,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  22  4. 20

Timi Yuro  Make the World Go Away  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u40r9dBEQtE

Never again

                       never again  a Friday the Thirteenth such as this

having said that some people might provision hed have regret being unable to replicate it

of course they wouldnt know what they were talking about

                                                               but that never stops some people

itd never be recreated

its price was too high

                       a kind of price that one can barely afford  or suffer  once in a lifetime

it his second bout

his defenseshis heart harrowed

he could protest

                   but wouldnt prevail

he had to play the hand he was dealt

great gifts come at great cost

his greatest happiest cost him his greatest hurt

he had no idea that was the price

0038,  Friday,  13  12. 19

1238,  Monday,  20  4. 20

There's Bright, and not-so-bright

theres a bright doctor named Dr Bright who was directing the coronavirus vaccine effort when he was relieved of his post by the president because Dr Bright criticised the presidents decision to tout hydrochloroquine

Dr Bright deemed its regime medically unproven  and scientifically illegitimate

but unfortunately we have a not-so-bright president who removed Dr Bright when the America needed him most  

https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/04/22/842013672/federal-doctor-says-he-was-removed-for-resisting-unproven-coronavirus-treatments?utm_source=npr_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20200422&utm_term=4535789&utm_campaign=breaking-news&utm_id=28916831&orgid=55

https://www.msnbc.com/all-in/watch/-11-on-the-corruption-scale-chris-hayes-on-trump-admin-forcing-out-top-vaccine-doctor-amid-pandemic-82428997510

https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/use-of-drug-boosted-by-trump-fox-news-not-borne-out-by-science-82428997928

2304,  Wednesday,  22  4. 20