James Baldwin  People who shut their eyes to reality simply invite their own destruction, and anyone who insists on remaining in a state of innocence long after that innocence is dead turns himself into a monster.

                                                                                                       how prophetic

1558, Monday,  18  2. 19

https://www.brainpickings.org/2018/11/19/gwendolyn-brooks-james-baldwin-library-of-congress/

he hadnt cared for the mongrel since first he heard him yip yipyip  immediately he wanted to strap him with a muzzle or roll a rubber ball out into the street FETCH! before a milk truck  and fantasise about the broken bottles of cold white milk spattered with hot red blood and twisting in the gutter among the spoils curdles of pink brain matter 

the mongrel has a name Stephen

                                    he is responsible for Drumpfs Inaugural American carnage the Muslim ban SIT! he sits across from Chris Wallace Sunday and relates that Wall is a matter of national survival however he couldnt refute that none of the prior 59 national emergencies since 1976 tried to get around Congress to grab military construction funds  he stated there are 4000 troops along the Southern border  overtly  obviously  omitting that the troops are there only because Drumpf ordered them to be there or that of those national emergencies only two authorised military construction one during the Gulf War  the second because of September 11

                                                        quickly he tried to sidestep those notable examples to insist that previously we have engaged in military adventures to destroy drug fields in foreign lands in Afghanistan and in Columbia and therefore they are pretexts for Wall to combat the criminal cartels at our border the criminal organisations that are destabilising the Western Hemisphere (and) are fundamentally foreign policy 

destabilising the Western Hemisphere

                                         thats a breathtaking pronouncement

Stephen Miller a policy wonk another wannabe American oligarch

he hated to admit it but for once he agreed with Ann Coulter The only national emergency is that our president is an idiot

evening,  Sunday,  17  2. 19

1319,  Monday,  18  2. 19

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmDFg4jJ5c8

paper mache

somebody said ithe overheard it  somewhere    whohe couldnt remember  

it percolated in his ear as if it was whispered too close  it woke him

he stuck his little finger into his ear and wiggled it trying to cease or dislodge the words 

                                                                                             paper mache

paper mache

paper mache

               then they quit they left him  and he laid in his bed restlessly staring up at the reflected coppery light on the ceiling off the rain soaked street  through the window  

he had taken the shade down the blinds he pulled the curtains wide apart  he disliked any obstructions between himself and the outside and if it wasnt for the rainspeckled glass panesdespite the cold he would have slept with the window open too

paper mache 

               it irritated himhe was irritated by its artificiality by the emptiness  hollowness  he knew it enclosed 

he despised it no matter how fantastic or beautifully it was configured

colourful  imaginative  piñatas 

                                   flour paste stripped newspapers over a toy balloon or balloons to devise shapes their formers desired  or elaborate masks rap rap rap nothing there behind it nada nada nada

like a closed elaborately carved door leading into an empty room

yet he kept knocking  listening

knocking  listening 

                           once someone was there

he didnt see them leavehe would have seen them leaveshould have he kept watch

they left like a ghost

they should have said they were leaving

                                           leaving him on his own

had they he wouldnt have waited despite saying he wasnt

they he wasted his time

some time,  Twosday,  13  2. 19

1613,  Saturday,  16  2. 19

Fleetwood Mac  Woman of 1000 Years  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQYHFWGXeDk

I know you

I know you she said

she unnerved him

I know you.

they had met the only place he could have met her at a liquorstore

she was young 

she was with a girlfriend

she was the better looking of the twoseemed the most forthcoming  personable

they were standing at the threshold of an aisle across from a large glass case filled with topshelf tequilas and mescals

he asked earlier if he could help but they declined

Excuse me she said You’re a man.

I am Thanks for noticing they laughed she didnt cover her mouth her girlfriend did  Thats quite a line

still laughing A terrible line.

Awful

Oh, goodness, I didn’t mean . .

. . No you didnt It just came out funny

Very funny. Oh, goodness. he joined their laughter

Okay We got that behind us  Yes

Yes, yes. What I meant . . 

. . Yes

You’re not going to let me off the hook, are you?

No I havent had this much fun meeting anyone in a long time  You were saying

What I meant, I meant I mean, you would know what a man would want.

I would know what I want however men these days trouble me often theyre notfor lack of a better word as mannish as Id expect or want them to be  but thats a whole other kettle of fish Im interrupting  Please

That was a mouthful, not that I disagree. But, what I wanted to ask you is, I’m two weeks into a relationship and I’d like to buy him a small gift; he likes tequila.

Ah Do you know the tequila he likes or drinks

He drinks Patron Silver.

How does he drink it

How? Um, he shoots it.

Thats a shame I got a buddyJim when he and I get together I bring a bottle of silver Patron Hes like your boyfriendBAM its gone I think of Patron as a cocktail liquor tequila to be sipped Jim laughs You sip, that just means more for me.

Yes, he shoots it too. I just don’t have a lot of money to spend, and it’s more expensive than I thought.

It is

I didn’t realize it was this expensive.

Not the way he puts it away

Yes, not the way he puts it away.

Lemme show you something Youre two weeks inyou obviously want to make an impression not that thats hard he smiled he dipped into the watch pocket of his jeans and withdrew a talisman he always carried with him Open your hand she held her hand up and he set it in her palm

What is this? she looked at it A buffalo?

Yes A handcarved buffalo made of bone Before my girlfriend became my girlfriend ten years ago she gave it to me An at the time she didnt know that my totem animal is a buffalo or that I am fascinated by bones their shapes their feel We hadnt known each other long enough to really discuss our likes or dislikes When I told her as muchthanking her I was terribly touched She said I looked I exhibited the attributes she thought a buffalo possessed

It didnt cost a dollar

You couldnt buy it off me for any amount of money

she handed it back to him her eyes were shining her girlfriend sighed

So  money  what a gift costs isnt important

But youd like to buy him some tequila

Yes. I don’t know anything about tequilas.

But a man would

Yes she bursted out laughing againher girlfriend not a step behind

This is too much fun

What I might suggest this is a 375 millilitre reposado the silver is blanco young  reposado is aged sixty days to a threehundredsixtyfour days he pointed to an anejo anejo is aged at least a yearno more than three an there are extra anejos aged three years an more

The silvers are usually for mixing he smiled at her or shooting I suppose But I like to savor my alcohol straight 

This reposado is by Casamigos George Clooney is attached to it although while celebrities tout advertise products Clooney co-owned Casamigos anif youre aware of Clooneys acting directing writing producing he doesnt halfass projects not if his name is on it

Id suggest if youre sold on giving him tequila the 375 is affordable Then you can get a sip of it to educate yourself An maybe you can teach him to savor Rather than gobble Which would be he winked at her to your advantage the girls blushed  The colour befits you both

I know you 
             she had just referred to his buffalo how he carried it everywhere with him That’s so sweet.

If you knew me youd know Im not sweet

I know you she winked

she unnerved him
                   but as he wasnt ticklish he also didnt blush

evening,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  13  2. 19

1152,  Friday,  15  2. 19

he fingered the telephonehe wasnt going to call

he didnt want to contend with the disappointment of her letting his call go to voicemail

which inevitably it would

                           he wasnt going to send her an emale a text message either

the ball was in her court                            

he gave her the ball a long time ago and when she complained of his silence he reminded herhad to remind her -- I don’t remember, you know I have trouble remembering things – he reminded her of the quiet ball he gave her to be selfish because she needed it if she was to mend and heal

to call to communicate would be an affront

so he didnt call didnt emale didnt text

not Good morning

not Im at work have a fine evening

not Im home

              not I love you

if she didnt know

                    telling her wasnt going to make a difference

1331,  Saturday,  16  2. 19

National Emergency

emergency  (citing The New Oxford American Dictionary)  a serious, unexpected, and often dangerous situation requiring immediate action

the FAKE PRESIDENT announced a National Emergency (33:20 minute-mark) . . but I want to do it faster, I could do the wall over a longer period of time, I didn’t need to do this, but I’d rather do it much faster. And I don’t have to do it for the election, I have already done a lot of wall. For the election. 2020. And the only reasons we are up here talking about this is because of the election . .  

                                . . I didn’t need to do this . .                                

an emergency requires immediate action

FAKER is an emergency  but unfortunately he cant be removed immediately he could step down

Climate Change is an emergency
Student Debt is an emergency  
                                    however FAKER will never address those

1152,  Saturday,  16  2. 19

16  2. 19  Rose Garden address  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dQ6USl13AY 
https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/trump-undermines-emergency-declaration-as-soon-as-he-makes-it-1443682883506 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZe_EYYZVnQ  https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/student-debt-college-public-service-loan-forgiveness

the small billboard was hidden in a side parking lot off the main street

he supposed you had to know it was there like a peek show a pornshop  for a particular discerning clientele

HOP’S BOUNCE HOUSE

INDOOR Bounce House

OPEN play ALL day

he could suppose children were discerning but what kid really wanted to play inside 

once upon a time when he was a kid that was like pulling teeth

                                                                   Lemme out of this hole!

when he was a kid he knew what he wanted though typically what he wanted was denied

he supposed that formed character thats what he was told

he certainly was a character

but growing up he thought about the other kids from families who were spoiledgot everything they wanted  they talked about sailing skiing in Colorado during Christmas break summer houses they stayed at in Wisconsin or summer camps where they recreated 

recreated

           he wreckcreated at home summers after his paper routes chores cut and edged lawns cut firewood hustled babysitting jobs  people liked the idea of a boy watching their kids playing with them getting them fed and down for the night on time he wished he got paid at home   he was the eldest of six  

then as often as possible he made it down to the river to swim or fish usually swam  fishing took time

his family wasnt from across-the-tracks  but they lived mighty damn near them

on a rare day of nothing to have to do after his early morning routes he followed the train tracks out of town into the farmer fields the pastures tree stands he loved the sound of the leaves shaking in a breeze

usually he hung a couple of books bound by a strap over his shoulder a surplus military belt and canteen slung around his hips a jackknife in his pocketnah actually an illegal switchblade a cop he knew gave to him Ostes

Ostes was his huge guardian angel Christ, kid, beat it home before curfew. You know what time it is. You don’t even try to hide; just walking in the street swinging your dick. It’s a good thing I like you.

Ostes lived next door to one of his two best friend 

                                                    he must have been selectivenah he had more girlfriendswould rather spend time with a girl that a guy  for obvious reasons  if you got bored you always had something to do

he looked at the sign the happy white rabbit wearing a smile and green bib overalls its ears erect their ends rounded and turned down

                   its happiness verging on leering

the voice went off in his head spoke to him

Wouldja cut it out

Me cut it out it said  I’m only saying what you’re thinking.

What Im thinking

It ain’t me doing the thinking.

Fine  What am I thinking

Man, I wish just once I could punch you in the arm, slap your face. You know what you’re thinking.

I do . .

. . See! That wasn’t so hard to admit.

And?

Are you going to say?

Yahsure A bounce house ought to be adult playground  Open a bar girls in swimsuits bouncing up and down up and down live music some evenings Why should kids have all the fun

Adults are just big kids

I dont know why they refuse to accept that asif play is beneath them I mean play  Not golf and other shit Play Go swing on a swingthrow a rubber ball against a wall

Play

Have fun

A bounce house sounds good to me.

Yeah Me too

1437,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  1. 19

0926,  Friday, 15  2. 19

a civil rights Valentine

from his elected assemblyman a Republican who he didnt vote for who he personally knew their politics didnt align sent him an informative email

Friends it began  February is Teen Dating Violence (TDV – of course it is –everyfuckingthing has to be reduced to an acronym hiding in plain sight)  Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

the email continued  It is important for parents and teenagers to know the ten most common Warning signs of Teen Dating Violence:

1.  he or she checks their girlfriend/boyfriends cell phone without permission

2.  he or she exhibits jealousy or insecurity (theyre teenagers)

3.  he or she constantly belittles or puts down their friend

4.  they exhibit explosive temper

5.  seek to isolate their girlfriend or boyfriend from their family and friends

6.  they make false accustions

7.  exhibit constant mood swings towards their girlfriend/boyfriend

8.  they physically inflict pain or hurt in any way on the other

9.  exhibit possessiveness

10.  they tell someone what they can or cannot due

it concluded with  If you need help or someone you know does, please reach out to the National Dating Abuse Helpline by calling 1-866-331-9474 or texting “loveis” to 22522

hmm

       seemed to him one should talkapproach their parents first parents worth their salt ought to be able to set things straight with the girlfriend or boyfriends parents  

he replied to the assemblymans email  NO 

                                             he replied NO  because February is Black History Month  he enclosed the site http://mentalfloss.com/article/91756/why-was-february-chosen-black-history-month to help remind his representative what February was and that ought to be reflected upon  engaged   taught

TDV was welcome to some other month not February 

                                                        if he truly wanted to engage his constituency regarding violence he could engage the historical violence the brutality of slavery  the heinous lynchings   the Jim Crow laws    or recall that our president sought to mollify belligerent white racists at Charlottesville  (there were) Some very fine people on both sides 

NO there werent       

he learned earlier in the day during a television interview with Spike Lee (for his Academy Award nominated film BlacKkKlansman) of the date 1619  400 years ago the first Africans arrived at Jamestown however the Smithsonian suggests that might be a misguided date  scores of Africans plundered from the Spanish under the command of Sir Francis Drake arrived at Roanoke Island in 1586 and enslaved Africans arrived in what today is South Carolina as part of a Spanish expedition in 1526

Spike Lees interviewer Joe Scarborough then enlightened himhe didnt know it he learned that 10 of Americas first 12 presidents owned slaves

                           or maybe  rather  they were plundered Africans  a plundered African might not be a slave

2233,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  13  2. 19

1421,  Thursday,  14  2. 19

is civil rights a warped Valentine

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/08/trump-defends-white-nationalist-protesters-some-very-fine-people-on-both-sides/537012/

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/misguided-focus-1619-beginning-slavery-us-damages-our-understanding-american-history-180964873/

John Paul Young  “loveis” in the Air  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNC0kIzM1Fo

Gloria Gaynor  I Will Survive  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYkACVDFmeg
Heal  https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5239942/videoplayer/vi1534834969?ref_=nv_sr_1_v_1

he walked better reading 

he needed only to lift his eyehave it snag on something and thensuddenly he was out of his element

crossing a parking lot he glanced upleftright for cars not looking for casual pedestrians  the glanceright hooked him

jaguar spots

a tight top

            hed been a sucker for jaguar spots since he saw one as a boy stalking its cage back and forth and back and forth at the Brookfield Zoo

its quiet dignitysteady stalk impressed him but it was the beauty of its skin that drove him nuts he was a little disturbed when his mother told him the jaguar was a male then it didnt bother him it was another species wasntit cats were so damn androgynous he learned the term later boys and girls arent taught androgyny they almost have to fall on their face over it to learn for themselves curriculum whether at school or home sticksfast to its prejudices seemingly refusing to trust the innate intelligence of children born tabula rasas scribbled-all-over-with-coloured chalk   rascals

in and out of school he was politely referred to as a rascal though he preferred the other termshonest words adults muttered under their breaths he wasnt malleablewasnt iron to be heated up and poundedmolded into shape

into appeasing shapes

                    speaking of appeasing shapes jaguarskin on ffuull breasts pressed together jiggling cleavage

a fragrant chasm a yearning

                               then like the proverbial cherry-on-top  the spots clinging to a caramelcoloured cinnamoncoloured woman ffuull-bodied  slender waist  ffuull hips 

quickly dropping his eyes back into his book he still saw hersaw her strideswas mesmerised by the potent potion she exuded that stuck him like a dart from a blowgun

the lettersthe words laughed and ran aroundacross the open pages like children at recess

he couldnt remember what he was reading

he placed his finger in it as a bookmarker

closed the book

took one more glance

the second screamed on top of its lungs confirming his first 

                                                              a ffuull body flaunting jaguarskin

breathtaking

he walked in a pleasant dazewalked with his two glances walking with him and absently as he crossed the street he might have hoped if he could it wasnt against traffic  and thereby depending on the vaguerythe kindness of strangers  that it might be extended him and they didnt run him over he wouldnt have felt it  and he be trouble trying to dig him out of their grillwork and tires tread          

jaguar spots

              had an uncommon effect on him

1424,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  1. 19

1354,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  13  2. 19

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2485333/pdf/jcca00021-0037.pdf