I know you

I know you she said

she unnerved him

I know you.

they had met the only place he could have met her at a liquorstore

she was young 

she was with a girlfriend

she was the better looking of the twoseemed the most forthcoming  personable

they were standing at the threshold of an aisle across from a large glass case filled with topshelf tequilas and mescals

he asked earlier if he could help but they declined

Excuse me she said You’re a man.

I am Thanks for noticing they laughed she didnt cover her mouth her girlfriend did  Thats quite a line

still laughing A terrible line.

Awful

Oh, goodness, I didn’t mean . .

. . No you didnt It just came out funny

Very funny. Oh, goodness. he joined their laughter

Okay We got that behind us  Yes

Yes, yes. What I meant . . 

. . Yes

You’re not going to let me off the hook, are you?

No I havent had this much fun meeting anyone in a long time  You were saying

What I meant, I meant I mean, you would know what a man would want.

I would know what I want however men these days trouble me often theyre notfor lack of a better word as mannish as Id expect or want them to be  but thats a whole other kettle of fish Im interrupting  Please

That was a mouthful, not that I disagree. But, what I wanted to ask you is, I’m two weeks into a relationship and I’d like to buy him a small gift; he likes tequila.

Ah Do you know the tequila he likes or drinks

He drinks Patron Silver.

How does he drink it

How? Um, he shoots it.

Thats a shame I got a buddyJim when he and I get together I bring a bottle of silver Patron Hes like your boyfriendBAM its gone I think of Patron as a cocktail liquor tequila to be sipped Jim laughs You sip, that just means more for me.

Yes, he shoots it too. I just don’t have a lot of money to spend, and it’s more expensive than I thought.

It is

I didn’t realize it was this expensive.

Not the way he puts it away

Yes, not the way he puts it away.

Lemme show you something Youre two weeks inyou obviously want to make an impression not that thats hard he smiled he dipped into the watch pocket of his jeans and withdrew a talisman he always carried with him Open your hand she held her hand up and he set it in her palm

What is this? she looked at it A buffalo?

Yes A handcarved buffalo made of bone Before my girlfriend became my girlfriend ten years ago she gave it to me An at the time she didnt know that my totem animal is a buffalo or that I am fascinated by bones their shapes their feel We hadnt known each other long enough to really discuss our likes or dislikes When I told her as muchthanking her I was terribly touched She said I looked I exhibited the attributes she thought a buffalo possessed

It didnt cost a dollar

You couldnt buy it off me for any amount of money

she handed it back to him her eyes were shining her girlfriend sighed

So  money  what a gift costs isnt important

But youd like to buy him some tequila

Yes. I don’t know anything about tequilas.

But a man would

Yes she bursted out laughing againher girlfriend not a step behind

This is too much fun

What I might suggest this is a 375 millilitre reposado the silver is blanco young  reposado is aged sixty days to a threehundredsixtyfour days he pointed to an anejo anejo is aged at least a yearno more than three an there are extra anejos aged three years an more

The silvers are usually for mixing he smiled at her or shooting I suppose But I like to savor my alcohol straight 

This reposado is by Casamigos George Clooney is attached to it although while celebrities tout advertise products Clooney co-owned Casamigos anif youre aware of Clooneys acting directing writing producing he doesnt halfass projects not if his name is on it

Id suggest if youre sold on giving him tequila the 375 is affordable Then you can get a sip of it to educate yourself An maybe you can teach him to savor Rather than gobble Which would be he winked at her to your advantage the girls blushed  The colour befits you both

I know you 
             she had just referred to his buffalo how he carried it everywhere with him That’s so sweet.

If you knew me youd know Im not sweet

I know you she winked

she unnerved him
                   but as he wasnt ticklish he also didnt blush

evening,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  13  2. 19

1152,  Friday,  15  2. 19

he fingered the telephonehe wasnt going to call

he didnt want to contend with the disappointment of her letting his call go to voicemail

which inevitably it would

                           he wasnt going to send her an emale a text message either

the ball was in her court                            

he gave her the ball a long time ago and when she complained of his silence he reminded herhad to remind her -- I don’t remember, you know I have trouble remembering things – he reminded her of the quiet ball he gave her to be selfish because she needed it if she was to mend and heal

to call to communicate would be an affront

so he didnt call didnt emale didnt text

not Good morning

not Im at work have a fine evening

not Im home

              not I love you

if she didnt know

                    telling her wasnt going to make a difference

1331,  Saturday,  16  2. 19

National Emergency

emergency  (citing The New Oxford American Dictionary)  a serious, unexpected, and often dangerous situation requiring immediate action

the FAKE PRESIDENT announced a National Emergency (33:20 minute-mark) . . but I want to do it faster, I could do the wall over a longer period of time, I didn’t need to do this, but I’d rather do it much faster. And I don’t have to do it for the election, I have already done a lot of wall. For the election. 2020. And the only reasons we are up here talking about this is because of the election . .  

                                . . I didn’t need to do this . .                                

an emergency requires immediate action

FAKER is an emergency  but unfortunately he cant be removed immediately he could step down

Climate Change is an emergency
Student Debt is an emergency  
                                    however FAKER will never address those

1152,  Saturday,  16  2. 19

16  2. 19  Rose Garden address  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dQ6USl13AY 
https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/trump-undermines-emergency-declaration-as-soon-as-he-makes-it-1443682883506 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZe_EYYZVnQ  https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/student-debt-college-public-service-loan-forgiveness

the small billboard was hidden in a side parking lot off the main street

he supposed you had to know it was there like a peek show a pornshop  for a particular discerning clientele

HOP’S BOUNCE HOUSE

INDOOR Bounce House

OPEN play ALL day

he could suppose children were discerning but what kid really wanted to play inside 

once upon a time when he was a kid that was like pulling teeth

                                                                   Lemme out of this hole!

when he was a kid he knew what he wanted though typically what he wanted was denied

he supposed that formed character thats what he was told

he certainly was a character

but growing up he thought about the other kids from families who were spoiledgot everything they wanted  they talked about sailing skiing in Colorado during Christmas break summer houses they stayed at in Wisconsin or summer camps where they recreated 

recreated

           he wreckcreated at home summers after his paper routes chores cut and edged lawns cut firewood hustled babysitting jobs  people liked the idea of a boy watching their kids playing with them getting them fed and down for the night on time he wished he got paid at home   he was the eldest of six  

then as often as possible he made it down to the river to swim or fish usually swam  fishing took time

his family wasnt from across-the-tracks  but they lived mighty damn near them

on a rare day of nothing to have to do after his early morning routes he followed the train tracks out of town into the farmer fields the pastures tree stands he loved the sound of the leaves shaking in a breeze

usually he hung a couple of books bound by a strap over his shoulder a surplus military belt and canteen slung around his hips a jackknife in his pocketnah actually an illegal switchblade a cop he knew gave to him Ostes

Ostes was his huge guardian angel Christ, kid, beat it home before curfew. You know what time it is. You don’t even try to hide; just walking in the street swinging your dick. It’s a good thing I like you.

Ostes lived next door to one of his two best friend 

                                                    he must have been selectivenah he had more girlfriendswould rather spend time with a girl that a guy  for obvious reasons  if you got bored you always had something to do

he looked at the sign the happy white rabbit wearing a smile and green bib overalls its ears erect their ends rounded and turned down

                   its happiness verging on leering

the voice went off in his head spoke to him

Wouldja cut it out

Me cut it out it said  I’m only saying what you’re thinking.

What Im thinking

It ain’t me doing the thinking.

Fine  What am I thinking

Man, I wish just once I could punch you in the arm, slap your face. You know what you’re thinking.

I do . .

. . See! That wasn’t so hard to admit.

And?

Are you going to say?

Yahsure A bounce house ought to be adult playground  Open a bar girls in swimsuits bouncing up and down up and down live music some evenings Why should kids have all the fun

Adults are just big kids

I dont know why they refuse to accept that asif play is beneath them I mean play  Not golf and other shit Play Go swing on a swingthrow a rubber ball against a wall

Play

Have fun

A bounce house sounds good to me.

Yeah Me too

1437,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  1. 19

0926,  Friday, 15  2. 19

a civil rights Valentine

from his elected assemblyman a Republican who he didnt vote for who he personally knew their politics didnt align sent him an informative email

Friends it began  February is Teen Dating Violence (TDV – of course it is –everyfuckingthing has to be reduced to an acronym hiding in plain sight)  Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

the email continued  It is important for parents and teenagers to know the ten most common Warning signs of Teen Dating Violence:

1.  he or she checks their girlfriend/boyfriends cell phone without permission

2.  he or she exhibits jealousy or insecurity (theyre teenagers)

3.  he or she constantly belittles or puts down their friend

4.  they exhibit explosive temper

5.  seek to isolate their girlfriend or boyfriend from their family and friends

6.  they make false accustions

7.  exhibit constant mood swings towards their girlfriend/boyfriend

8.  they physically inflict pain or hurt in any way on the other

9.  exhibit possessiveness

10.  they tell someone what they can or cannot due

it concluded with  If you need help or someone you know does, please reach out to the National Dating Abuse Helpline by calling 1-866-331-9474 or texting “loveis” to 22522

hmm

       seemed to him one should talkapproach their parents first parents worth their salt ought to be able to set things straight with the girlfriend or boyfriends parents  

he replied to the assemblymans email  NO 

                                             he replied NO  because February is Black History Month  he enclosed the site http://mentalfloss.com/article/91756/why-was-february-chosen-black-history-month to help remind his representative what February was and that ought to be reflected upon  engaged   taught

TDV was welcome to some other month not February 

                                                        if he truly wanted to engage his constituency regarding violence he could engage the historical violence the brutality of slavery  the heinous lynchings   the Jim Crow laws    or recall that our president sought to mollify belligerent white racists at Charlottesville  (there were) Some very fine people on both sides 

NO there werent       

he learned earlier in the day during a television interview with Spike Lee (for his Academy Award nominated film BlacKkKlansman) of the date 1619  400 years ago the first Africans arrived at Jamestown however the Smithsonian suggests that might be a misguided date  scores of Africans plundered from the Spanish under the command of Sir Francis Drake arrived at Roanoke Island in 1586 and enslaved Africans arrived in what today is South Carolina as part of a Spanish expedition in 1526

Spike Lees interviewer Joe Scarborough then enlightened himhe didnt know it he learned that 10 of Americas first 12 presidents owned slaves

                           or maybe  rather  they were plundered Africans  a plundered African might not be a slave

2233,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  13  2. 19

1421,  Thursday,  14  2. 19

is civil rights a warped Valentine

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/08/trump-defends-white-nationalist-protesters-some-very-fine-people-on-both-sides/537012/

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/misguided-focus-1619-beginning-slavery-us-damages-our-understanding-american-history-180964873/

John Paul Young  “loveis” in the Air  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNC0kIzM1Fo

Gloria Gaynor  I Will Survive  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYkACVDFmeg
Heal  https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5239942/videoplayer/vi1534834969?ref_=nv_sr_1_v_1

he walked better reading 

he needed only to lift his eyehave it snag on something and thensuddenly he was out of his element

crossing a parking lot he glanced upleftright for cars not looking for casual pedestrians  the glanceright hooked him

jaguar spots

a tight top

            hed been a sucker for jaguar spots since he saw one as a boy stalking its cage back and forth and back and forth at the Brookfield Zoo

its quiet dignitysteady stalk impressed him but it was the beauty of its skin that drove him nuts he was a little disturbed when his mother told him the jaguar was a male then it didnt bother him it was another species wasntit cats were so damn androgynous he learned the term later boys and girls arent taught androgyny they almost have to fall on their face over it to learn for themselves curriculum whether at school or home sticksfast to its prejudices seemingly refusing to trust the innate intelligence of children born tabula rasas scribbled-all-over-with-coloured chalk   rascals

in and out of school he was politely referred to as a rascal though he preferred the other termshonest words adults muttered under their breaths he wasnt malleablewasnt iron to be heated up and poundedmolded into shape

into appeasing shapes

                    speaking of appeasing shapes jaguarskin on ffuull breasts pressed together jiggling cleavage

a fragrant chasm a yearning

                               then like the proverbial cherry-on-top  the spots clinging to a caramelcoloured cinnamoncoloured woman ffuull-bodied  slender waist  ffuull hips 

quickly dropping his eyes back into his book he still saw hersaw her strideswas mesmerised by the potent potion she exuded that stuck him like a dart from a blowgun

the lettersthe words laughed and ran aroundacross the open pages like children at recess

he couldnt remember what he was reading

he placed his finger in it as a bookmarker

closed the book

took one more glance

the second screamed on top of its lungs confirming his first 

                                                              a ffuull body flaunting jaguarskin

breathtaking

he walked in a pleasant dazewalked with his two glances walking with him and absently as he crossed the street he might have hoped if he could it wasnt against traffic  and thereby depending on the vaguerythe kindness of strangers  that it might be extended him and they didnt run him over he wouldnt have felt it  and he be trouble trying to dig him out of their grillwork and tires tread          

jaguar spots

              had an uncommon effect on him

1424,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  1. 19

1354,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  13  2. 19

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2485333/pdf/jcca00021-0037.pdf

the BBC is not CNN 

                     but Drumpfs legion cunt tell the difference   AH  to be ignorant is bliss

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/12/us/politics/bbc-cameraman-attacked.html

2023,  Twosday,  12  2. 19

as he walked reading a book he became keenly aware of a cry he heard  he tried to distinguish with his ears alone where it emanated  it seemed to come from all around him

                                                                he imagined a raptor aflight and therefore confusing himcrying from the sky that he couldnt see up into because of the canopy of arched trees limbs overhead

so he listened as a bat or dolphin might reversed echolocation

he listened hopeful that it might take to a tree roost  then reveal itself

it sounded formidable

                      and who didnt appreciate natural formidable creatures

inside a half kilometre it seemed the raptor had settled down

                                                                 he stopped walking along the roadside no longer read

he was possessed by his ears listening raptly to its occasional cries

listening he began walking backwards the cry behind him 

                                                               there were no curbsno sidewalks it was an old neighbourhood that didnt account for pedestrians or rather then there were insufficient cars to worry the mixing of vehicles and people afoot which was probably why he had affection for it he wasnt a squirrel to be run over hit him with a car and they better hope they killed him because he carried a kbar in a rucksack slung over his shoulder hed carried it since he was a teenager a gift from his older brother a Marine 

You’ll never know when you might need this.

                                               he branished it only twice  once in the city where four black teens took exception to him taking a shortcut through their neighborhood to reach the lakefront they chased him  he made a corner ahead of themturned and when they rounded it he had it in hand an went at them screaming Who wants it first! they bolted back around the cornerhe bolted in the direction he had been running  the second time he cut a deers throat  along a rural length of Wisconsin highway the truck ahead of him clipped itnever brakedkept right on going  as he passed he saw it convulsing in the tall grass in a narrow gully fashioned to divert rainwater he stopped walked back to it its hindquarters were twisted horribly its spine was probably broken 

You’ll never know when you might need this.

There he thought the cry was strongest to his right up  up in a tree   which tree  

he slowly turned to face a bank of trees downhill from him growing behind homes

he stole the sensual power out of his ears and fixed it to his eyes

There  threequarters up a digger pine nearly at the end of a ridiculouslythin branch among other branches there seemed a light tan patch a tanned breast it looked from where he stood like a huge chickentoo light to be a turkey easily a stone weight motionless asif it recognised the being down below was looking for it and not moving it appeared to be any one of several gray boughs of parasitic mistletoe thriving in the diggers crown 

then with another cry  eversoslightly it turned its headgave itself away perhaps unable to resist a tell

huge

a hawk

a young eagle

from where he stood he couldnt say 

he marveled at the gift of its presence and lingered  

several vehicles hurtled past him ignoring of the twentyfive mile per hour speed limit passing him they pulled briefly at his open jacket

maybe it was time to a carry a brick with the kbar 

                                                     You’ll never know when you might need this.

         

1317,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  1. 19

1400,  Sunday,  10  2. 19

she walked her cartmaybe two three loose plastic bags in it to one side immediately outside of the 99¢ Store automatic doors and stopped to hold her cellfone to her ear

I can’t she said

                I can’t. You’re gonna have to wait til my next payday before I spend any more money on you.

No. I can’t. 

Please.

Stop.

Please stop. What money I have left is already spent. I have bills due, I’m not gonna give that money to you.

her expression was pained

as he walked past her he wasnt going to look her in the eye wasnt going to acknowledge that he overheard what she said what she pleaded

I can’t, I can’t. Please find someone else to help you. You’ve tapped me out.

who would do that to her

who would she let do that to her

                                the usual suspects

walking up behind her he noted her flaccid legs she couldnt run on them if her life depended upon it her spine was stooped her face was linedshe wasnt old shed been worked over the whole of her life and whoever was on the other end was probably only one of many who worked her over

you dont have to lay a hand on someone to beat them  and she was beat up

I can’t. Please. 

Please ask someone else. 

I’m barely feeding myself. the loose plastic handles tossed in a wind that came up shook  anchored by what little they contained 

she shopped in a 99¢ Store for Christssake

if he was panhandling he wouldnt dare ask her for a cent 

for some reason she just couldnt say NO and hang up

I can’t  isnt NO

NO

HANG UP

SLIP THEIR LEVERAGE

DONT ANSWER WHEN THEY CALL BACK because they will

a halfhour later he was still twisting on her hook Fuckin people! he said out loud to no one other than himself if someone glared at him hed bark FUCK! then Sorry Tourettes  he didnt mind lying to strangers hed never see again in his life Fuck em  Fuck em if they couldnt take a joke

1458,  Monday,  28  1. 19

1308,  Saturday,  9  2. 19

B B King  How Blue Can You Get  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l45f28PzfCI

the cummin menage a trois

ya gotta love a February lovefest  the menage a trois  Bolton getting in on the Hanoi action   he brings a ticklish moustache

1805,  Monday,  11  2. 19

http://www.msnbc.com/deadline-white-house  The Best Beaches

sailing

a brightblue helium balloon

trailing a long yellow ribbon

slowly  delicatelyturning climbing into the gray sky

he could have assumed it was a childs toy

but why should a balloon belong only to a child

had he been near when it escaped or was released he would have jumped tried to catch it

                                                                                              he wouldnt have given it back

unfortunately all he could do was watch its silent ascent and as he did he remembered when he was a boy he floated sticks in the rainwater that churned in the street gutters imagining they were birch bark canoes and he rode inside them

and he imagined he was bound to the balloon going higher and higher and how wonderful the earth and hills and trees looked from far above 

he wasnt an ignorant boy 

                           he knew once he committed to the canoe ride he might not be able to leap to safety before it trembled and fell over the steel slants of the street grates or if he could beat the odds that the helium would escape the balloon would deflate and return him gently to earth rather than the breathtaking thrillthe sudden freefall if it poppedPOPPED!  perhaps life should end with a champagne pop a deafening scream a sudden rollercoaster ride your heart in your throat and trying to breath around its insane beating

he stood and watched the balloon while in the sky  brightblue   a dot    a speck     until he couldnt see it any more

he quit breathing high in his chestquit the thrill he imagined for its great height and distance from where it began wondering all the seconds that elapsed

                                         woandered all the seconds from where he and everyone began

he remembered the pageantrythe solemnity of the wakes the churches the black hearses the black family cars the dazzling flowersbreathtaking like fireworks shaking their heads in the flower car  he remembered the crawl of the funeral processions the raw open earth at the cemetery  the coffins  the bodies inside themremembered their awful rigidness when he kissed them goodbye the last time so terribly unlike when he kissed them while they were alive  remembered whispering Goodbye I love you so much 

while his memories flickered like old films in his eyes he transposed themoverwhelmed them with the precious flight of the brightblue balloon and then and there as he lost sight of it he decided hed have his ashes held in a cheap brown paper bag wound in a ribbon tethered and released to who-knows-where as his life had been carried to that destination

by a rubyred helium balloon

                                   he could hear his daughters gasp

his lover laugh

0123 or 1323,  Saturday,  9  2. 19

1411,  Monday,  11  2. 19

Christopher Cross  Sailing  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IST-GfqUwDA