he was weeding  working the plants in his yard  watering them with a galvanized two gallon can

the weeding  it humoured him  it was no different than plucking the occasional grey hair out of his chest
and every time he did he found himself caught off guard by the queer hairlessness his American culture desiredits obsessive shaving waxing  bare skin  an unseemly obsession with impossible youth   children arent hirsute   he was struck that adults couldnt seem to accept their bodies

“. . when I became a man I put away childish things(Corinthians 13:11 KJV)” teased him

out loud he said Its called puberty  


it was the closest thing Americans had to a rite of passage

we werent compelled to kill a lion with a spearaspire to a vision questthere werent life- threatening challenges to attain our manhood or womanhood that other cultures once commended  

but then this culture wasnt of his choosing

he was embeddeda weed sown years ago and grown in their midsthis taproot was deep

he kept his head on a swivel looking out for arms that reached hands hoes weeders

that they didnt try to extract him surprised him(tables turned  he might have)

they simply flourished  grew up all around himtheir hairlessness tats piercings plugs
they spent scads of money identifying their uniqueness  although it seemed it was consumed by everyone elses until no one was anything more than just another tree in the forest  stereotyped  IDd

he was obvious for what he didnt have

unclothed then more obvious by his scars

they were as close as he was ever going to get to a tattoo

he took pride in them their origin and storiestheir unexpectedness




shoving liquor bottles on the counter towards him Wheres your tattoos man

No tattoos he repliedhe smiled I wouldnt have a tribe that would have me

nonplussed the man glared at him

quickly ringing up his order You havent heard that oneGroucho Marx

No I havent  No tattoos man

None

haltingly abruptly he paid his bill with crumpled cash Why wouldnt you have a tat 

They never appealed to me


You think Im unappealing

handing him his change looking him in the eye Definitely  Thank you for your business  then he looked pass him to the next customer
Man  Youre a freak

No I am not  You should take your purchaseyour nonplussed puss and leave the store
Wha Puss  Ya callin me a pussy

If you think nonplussed is pussy   Sure Why not  Please take your disconcertedness and go

Big words man

No Vocabulary  If I had a moment Id write them down for you so you could look em up in a dictionary

Fuck you man


So sorry Youre not my type

1504,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  17  5. 17

1340 days remaining or fewer Russian buhbye

David Bowie  Changes  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pl3vxEudif8
 

well  he couldnt dispute it was a clever machinethe Keurig  although(butt) its convenience didnt fit into his lifestyle
its conspicuous wastessssshhing carbon footprint  it reminded him of microwaves yet another devise(not vice) he had no use for  his parents lambasted him were disturbed that he didnt have one and when you have disturbed aged parents who refuses to forget such an incidental returning to it time and time again as if their strenuous repetition was an argument to make him fold concede  anyways   disturbing them was saying something without saying a word  which to his mind was the best way of saying anythingAction  action is louder than words

which was more powerful  the letters he had written or their content?

that only his parents replied(their habit too) didnt persuade him not to continue writing his siblings and friends

he didnt expect replies

any more than he expected his parents to answer the questions he asked in his letters  even when writing that his questions werent rhetorical

You write to hear yourself talk(a question or an accusation)  he wrote to communicatehe wrote to informhe wrote to understand in more detail their thoughts and beliefs(Plato is accredited: an unexamined life is not worth living)  he wrote so that he might provoke them to spill itanything

Why write if you can call on the telephone?

                               Mebbe because I dont have a Keurig a microwave watch television or have cable

Mebbe because I read fiction and nonfiction

Mebbe because I walk rather than drive to get to where Im going unless the highway impedes and intrudes

Or mebbe because you have no ambition?

                            Or mebbe because I have no desire for the trappings of possession  or flaunting  or fingerwagging consumption and corruption(a question or an accusation)

its almost funny “to each his own” is suspicious when someone is unlike you

it didnt bother him he was unlike(unliked by) others  though it often seemed to bother others(assured that either he secretly craved their ascensiontheir possessions or was jealousenvious of them) 

if they chose to pronounce their assuredness

he pricked their over-inflated over-indulged coloured balloons

pricked them so they pissed helium and shriveled into disgusting shapes reminiscent of slick rubbers hastily dropped from the backseat of a steamed up sedan onto the blacktopped or graveled parking lot

he was not jealous or envioushe had what he needed

                                      he couldnt be cajoled by what he wanted

 

0608,  Twosday,  11  4. 17

1105,  Saturday,  20  5. 17

1341 days remaining or less Russian buhbye

Lesley Gore  You Don’t Own Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDUjeR01wnU

for a cannibal appleseed was being mighty fuckin generous sharing her bathroom

first she allowed a corner at the ceiling to bugs(who committed suicide in the shower) who within a month was replaced by spud
                and now in the third corner outside the shower diagonally across and as far away as possible from appleseed huddles x  wafting on woven spidersilk invisible to his eye

NOW dimwit

NOW lugnut
         he was feeling like Santa Claus on Christmas Eve

dimwit and lugnut precariously took up the same corner inside the shower on invisible skeins like x
they are wee spiders  very wee


he didnt see an eggsac to contribute them to appleseed  though through 2016 he wasnt one to seereally see much of anything

that appleseed was large helped  and sheby her presence aided him throughout whatever it was that ailed and besieged hima rheumatologist said rheumatoid arthritis RA(thats a sun god! a falcon-headed god glitzed with a sun disk atop his head wrapped inside a cobrahed have grooved on that!)a latter internist said she wasnt a rheumatologist but reading his labs she wasnt convinced he hit the threshold she understood RA to covet(muthafucker! he was cool with covetingwhich without would have meant there never would have been soap operas that metastisised into reality TV(he wouldnt waste his time implying that TV could ever be elevated to the quality of his youths four-channel sign-off-at-night television))

yes appleseed   aided by his cat indie  indies outdoor brother-by-another-mother bigfoot  they got him through the unidentifiable horseshit and pain
                              arachnids and cats  a grove of apricot saplings okore an oak sprout
ayo a white sage sihu an orange tree okchako–itti a blue spruce skinny no fuckin idea NFI what kind of tree she isshe started growing in an untenable spot and he transplanted her maryjane another transplanted shrub of some sortNFI shes squat got a big ass tormented by gophers refuses to roll over  all much like him 

these earthlings who others may dismiss helped him plait and wind his way back from a painful infirmity  an infirmity that forced him to chase his girlfriend and family away to battle it
he couldnt withstand their invasion and its
he had neither the time nor patience to acquiesce to their compassion



he had neither the time nor patience to acquiesce to their compassion


looking on his wordsthe sentence   they appeared rude

he wasnt apologising
             selfishly he had no room in his life then for anything other than his battle and his inarticulate cohorts who held him in their sublime elemental reign

he wasnt going to explain

their feelings werent his concern

he said he was being selfish


selfish has only room for one
  

1738,  Saturday,  6  5. 17

1101,  Friday,  19  5. 17

1342 days remaining or LESS Russian buhbye