Savoy Browns Hellbound Train
eclipsed in his head an ran in his ears as he spoke with his sister on the
telephone
she lived in the Midwest
she mentioned how he escaped it
escaped the family
he stopped her correcting her at length
he hadnt sought to escape
anything
for whatever his long-forgotten
reasons were he rationalised to her ear they were inconsequential to his
instinct to make a life for himself on his own terms
he explained he couldnt
remember a time even as a boy that he saw himself living as an adult in
Wisconsin Illinois Iowa Indiana
he did live in Minnesota
but
it didnt hold him long
she listened
but
when she spoke in turn he could hear in her voice she wasnt buying it
if they had skyped --
which hed done only twice
-- he was confident he would
have seen her tell
his siblings(as she called
them --
he called them his brothers and sisters) all seemed at one time or
another to question him why he left when he visited(they didnt visit him)
he replied gravelly honestly Why
have you stayed
he didnt leave to escape family
he left to find his life an
follow wherever it led him
he only recently had lived in
California longer than he had as a child and youth in Illinois
anyways he wasnt in a mood to convince her
he wasnt a salesman
he wasnt selling anything
he just called to talk
when they went to hang up he
concluded with a joke
at least he left her laughing
somewhat distracted from familial concerns
then as they said goodbye they
exchanged vows of love
hanging up the telephone however
unwinding its curlicue cord
he knew the respite he offered her from family ended with his dialtone
when the family had become a prison
he couldnt say
he didnt understand
when anything began to put up
bars around him tried to contain or incorporate him within its confines
he left
he didnt run
he didnt have to
it simply put to an end another
chapter
chapters didnt chaff him
didnt make him reluctant remiss or instigate regret
regret was a worthless
cancer
a worthless drama
some he knew had to have it
were addictedpointed fingers at it as if it was at fault
not they
he was in full attention
Aware
of his responsibilities to himself
if he was unhappy
that was his unhappiness
he had tools to tear it down
he refused to live under it
an while he didnt understand
he didntwouldnt fault anyone their decisions
an likewise no one had a right to challenge
or belittle his
as so many believed or
were conditioned like salivating Pavlovian dogs
the warm sun on his back began to
slip lower in the sky
his shadow grew longer
he could sit in it an begin to
chill
or he could seek fresh warmth
if warmth and light pleased him
why would he let darkness an its
chill pervade
he wouldnt
life was too short
he
had too much to see that he hadnt an nothing
Nothing
was
going to blinker or blind him
he didnt take anyones word for
anything
he irritated his girlfriend endlessly when she asked him what it was like outside
hed say I know what its like for me but you ought to go outside an find out for yourself
he irritated his girlfriend endlessly when she asked him what it was like outside
hed say I know what its like for me but you ought to go outside an find out for yourself
If I want to know thats what I do
his remark was usually greeted by a chilly reception
despite her knowing him as an intemperate sonofabitch
1454, Hallieday,
17 12. 15
Savoy Brown Hellbound Train https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyw-dfXRhks
