it is frustrating to wend stories No  not frustrating maddening   to tell talesremind others of stories   who had been therewere witnesses  who then when he finished shrugged  No, I don’t remember. I don't know if what you said is true or not; although it was very entertaining.

Jesus my intention wasnt to entertain you  Im asking youreminding you  Can you confirm it or not I wanna know that wha I said happened  that I didnt dream it read it elsewhere  that I didnt make it up it wasnt a fabrication I spun with spiderwebs from the creature inside my headcreatures  more accurately   inside my head

they scratched their heads 

                             No. I can’t say that I have any recollection of what you said, what you're talked about, at all. I just don’t remember.

and it just wasnt his parentshis oldest friends  they were twenty and eighteen when he was born 

                                                                                                        to his thinking that made them contemporaries they were in a stones throw of growing up alike

he was a precocious youthknew his letters could print was reading Dick. See Dick. See Dick run. before he entered kindergarten

that was to say he was aware

he was visual

                   he comprehended 

he was observant

he remembered 

his parents perhaps distracted with age  were uninterested in digging up the past no matter how much fun it had beenthey had had

he felt like when he told his stories looking for confirmation they listened to them asif they were nothing more than entertainment he was talking to entertain them

Christ if they wanted entertainment they could watch television

hed turn down the television when he talked with them 

                                                         then catching their eyes he turned the TV off so he didnt have to compete with the fucking thing 

                               Im talking with you Can you listen to me

it was particularly grating because he didnt live in state

he tried to visit once a year

because if he didnt they werent visiting him

                                               the unspoken life sentence for a child who chooses to move out of state away from their parents and siblings who not only remained in-state but also remained living within twentyminutes a halfhour of each other

the mountain doesnt go to Muhammad

Muhammad goes to the mountain

as Francis Bacon wrote in his Essays 1625 

                                               Mahomet cald the Hill to come to him. And when the Hill stood still, he was neuer a whit abashed, but said; If the Hill will not come to Mahomet, Mahomet will go the the Hill.

it was curious to favour two Francis Bacons  one a philosopher  the other a modern painter     

it was worse if one wasnt religious

one could suppose if he had been religious he wouldnt have abandoned his family

abandoned 

             their word

submitted 

            his word

 

his stories remained stories

                              just stories

nobody for years and years remembered a whit of what he related

yet when they spokewhen they told their little stories  aside from a different perspective as people would and should have                                                                                                                               he knew their stories

 

he gave up on the disconnect long ago 

                                         and the disconnect was made easier because he didnt live among them and he stopped visiting once a year and when he did visit  particular after his parents move northa couple hours north and he stayed with them his siblingsif it wasnt convenient for them You know where we live. Come to us.  No You know where I am

We can go. said his mother 

                              No

No, we can go. said his father 

                                 No I aint going anywhere If I can travel more than half the country they can travel here When was the last time you saw them

that painted a picture his folks didnt like so they dropped it 

                                                               Hallelujah  if he was religious   Can I get an Amen

 

thats the way the cookie crumbled for years 

                                               which ofcourse was no skin off his ass because he didnt eat desserts

 

then out of the blue he reconnected with a friend

she had lived next door

she was his first romantic interest

they laughed a lot 

                    until they didnt  which was okay   they were teenagers with their whole lives ahead of them 

she remembered the stories that involved them

 

what a fucking gift 

 

0104,  Saturday,  30  1. 21