12.7.20


he was takin a leak  maybe   maybe   maybe he had had too much to drink
                                                                                   Fuckin kiddin me he berated himself
on the evening he had four beersfour shots of Jack  shabby when he was younger eightnine beers a fifth of Jack THEN that might have been too much
                                 no matter following day he always remembered what happened
                                                                                                      soNO  he didnt have too much to drink


tonight . . was . a bit different

Indians of Old might have known what they were talkin about  those who refused to have their photographs taken  fearful . of having their souls . . stolen


to take a leak leavin the room on his bookcase are family photographs  and loved ones who recently died  his family took it on the chin suffered four deaths  a terrible stretch
                                                             how their lives were dictated not that he could profess to believe in that how they died within a month was devastating

he was grateful no one knew what to say

there wasnt anything to say

he appreciated they didnt

anif someone said

he wasnt polite
                 Please Would you shaddup . please

he could suppose they might figured . errantly . he had a built-in excuse . . to be . rude

No

they were rude

he was an abrasive brusk mirror held up to their faces  SHADDUPplease


their photographs were on his bookcase

he looked at each as he passed

their eyes met

they didnt avert theirs  

their eyes hardened 



as he took a leak he thoughthe imagined they disapproved of his boozin

well . . when they were alive they kept their peace Dammit being dead shouldnt change that  they could keep it still

he missed them terribly
                             and sometimes he missed them more                                                                                            
like tonight

2034,  Reggae Friday,  10  7. 20
1336, Saturday,  11  7. 20

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