. . . all belligerent and convinced of their own uniqueness

                                                               Ellroy The Storm

thats somethinghuh speaks for more than a few

it was appropriate he set his sights and wrote it on a piece of paper paper stained by white tea

                                                                                                      he needed something to write on the pages above it were ruinedhe hated to see paper wasted

he worked his way down through the ruined pages until he found the first page that might holding his ink without being shredded by his pen thrusts and lashings

he wrote on it while it was still damp avoiding those portions which might not have withstood his penpoint or its torque torture

the page was worth its rescue he hoped his words alike

the clutch of pages had white tea “accidentally” dumped on them 

                                                                     accidentally was happening more and morehis granddaughters assigned accidentally to everything they did wrong or ruined

attention

they wanted attention

he understood that

                     but he couldnt tolerate it

children or notthey werent stupid children

if stupid hed be more tolerant

the pair prefaced all their errorsall their wrongs with I accidentally

no they admitted they werent thinking

although they thought enough to ruin each others things or other peoples things

It’s not mine unsaid was I don’t care

his daughter and her husband called their actions  mischievous

                                                                     as though the word ameliorated their actionsthat their angel-wings wouldnt be trimmed

hed have hacked them off at their backs

he wasnt so kind

                   did his daughter forget she didnt have that leeway

                                                                          or was this one of those things that a child learns growing up feeling affronted by their parents swearing if they had children theyd never suffer their children in kind

WHA A FUCKIN EXCUSE

his daughter and soninlaw didnt admit it

they allowed “accidentally” lock stock and barrel

                                                     as if it was magic

it was reminiscent of his youngest daughter wanting him to allow I didn’t do it; my brain did.

                                                                                                  which he immediately dumped back in her lap like a hot shitNah Your brain is you It isnt a separate entity You can think what you like but whatever you do your actions your brain does Im hanging around your neck

she looked in his eyes

                        he had taken a knee as he always did so they were eyeball to eyeball so they engaged on the same playing level

That’s not fair, Papa.

Good lesson Life isnt fair

he sighed

           Im running through my head all sorts of other recriminations make you wear a wood shingle around your neck defining your error carve with a knife or burn with a hot iron into your forehead Nathaniel Hawthornestyle a scarlet letter

he was being extreme  ridiculous hyperbolic

he understood that everyone is and should be agog of their own uniqueness

                                                                                that everyone was created their molds smashed never to be replicated forever unique  definitely unique

but unique isnt necessarily a good thing

                                           no matter how one feels about it

accidentally

they werent his children to raise

he raised his right or wrong

                              and always advised them as they were growing up that every decision he madetheir mother madethey made together was made out of love

1657,  Monday,  20  1. 20

1117,  Reggae Friday,  29  5. 20