13.6.18

wrioting



                     disillusionment

                                                                                                                                                                                   delusion
disillusionment
he knew it was  he knew it was as he wokehis eyes blurry  woke  and  watched  the texturing on the wall at his feet melt  go flaccid without blemish  serenely flat    hardmirror flat
                                                              the sunlight falling on it moments beforerevealing its blemishes now glances and reflects and sees itself on the wall adjacent at his right painting a concise rainbowribboned arc as if it were revealed through a prism

he knew that was disillusionment
                                   for yet in a hypnagogic phase or fashion he rightly knew that the driedmud smeared on plasterboard for texture beneath the paint could not melt like bits of congealed butter  he knew that he willed it he smoothed it with his mind and willingly saw it 

he did not actually see it


had he seen it


he would have deluded himself
                              and his reasoning was too acutetoo raw to ever actually see something that was not there



his roommateshis ghosts were there
                                   their breaths on the back of his neckon his facemaking him flinch like a babehis name said audiolised perhaps kin to idolised idol-eyed idolatry giveidleatry they made him giddyspooks can do that  and just when sex was thought primeval to males giddy their goofy fuckfaces declaring Im cummin!  a spookll do that
a suckubus  an incubutt theyll make you put chewed gum where you wouldnt chew it again

they were his frenetic reality
                            not frantick disillusionment
not Somewhere Over the Rainbow delusion coloured Oz blackandwhite Kansas tapping rubyred slipperheels together Theres no place like home Theres no place like home Theres no place like home
delusion

one worked hard to delude themselves aint talking psychoticbreaks like windows psychicslips on ice or bananapeels


the first time he saw The Wizard of Oz he didnt see the coloured OZ until he shared the movie with his daughters in the 80s Awcomon  The tornado would have eaten her alive
SHUSH! Watch the movie.


he relished the righteous apple trees nobody touched his fruit unless he wanted them to
   

lazy 1000ish in bed,  Sunday,  10  6. 18
1212,  Monday,  11  6. 18

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