only up for a short while he conceded

he heard his body outlistened to its deliberationsits particular demands 

there wasnt going to be a discussion  

it was either  or

fuckin tyrant

but

   he fought his body more times than he cared to admit  an mind over matter if you dont mind it dont matter  while utterly improving his tolerance for pain it did not heel the pain  it helped him ignore it to get through what he needed to get through

then

through

his body had its way with him

he couldnt play victim 

not when he victimised himself

Put that in your pipe an smoke itbitch

he ran an unmercifully hot bathfrogs arent stupid theyll hop out of the water went it gets too hot the frog that boiled to death in the notorious nineteenthcentury experiment  its brain was removed before it was immersed his thick reptilian brain was wrapped up tightbound by his neocortex  an it was fast an made wicked knots

he squirmed letting the hot water flow to the places he needed it to touch then he slipped downput his right heel on the spout lower right back compromised crossed his ankles laid outhis nose breaking water

he wished he had gills

he tried emptying his mind not a huge chore  men dont usually have much going around inside their heads  unlike women who seemingly recirculate an recirculating redo an redoing redo the redux  they refuse to put it downput it away  let it go 

one thing didnt let go 

it got hungup on a spur a snag  thrall  rapture   were they one an the same  blackmirrors   did they precede death

before immersing his ears he could hear from the kitchen the coffeemaker sputtering its lastconvulsing belching steam through vents in its crown mad swirling steam gushes gouts pissed off at him again for finishing out alone  solitary  even machines like audiences occasionally  an in its liquid rattling he flashed on The Witchhad watched it the night before on dvd  Caleb Harvey Scrimshaw his paroxysmhis death orgyorgasm going to his Sweet God

was that thrallwas that rapture   are they precedents only the dying witness

ohbaby boys

            why do parents push their sons hands away from their penises when theyre changing their diapersfree only in that unswaddled moment to touch an feel their sexualityan daughters from their clitsthe childrens innate sexuality trumped by their parents embarrassmentperhaps too  by their trumped sexuality

an organic chain paranoid bits that then passingcling to the spurto the growing elastic tendril

                                                                                                  the mind refilling

mindfullness

Aah he got a halfhour 

                      while his back loosenedhis brain burgeoned  Anonymous  another film

I would go mad if I did not write down the voices

they werent this morning                                                                               

they were mute  expressive pictographs an zoetropes

1224,  Saturday,  6  1. 18

1424,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  10  1. 18

Kendrick Lamar  The Spiteful Chant  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISFUG005Flg