he thought hed have more stories from his trip back east to the land where Drumpf would never show his facehes at least that smart  the city of big shoulders they would crush him    he must have inadvertently shut down his receptors collapsed his antennae  went east disconnected  braved not being as alert or observant as he usually was   but then he was visiting the only place hes ever truly called home despite every house he lived in there had been razed  his running joke was that one day the razing was going to catch up with him  and thats when hed die    

its the one joke he tells that hes the only one who laughs  

evidently mortality isnt as funny to other people  but then a lot of thing were funny to him that didnt make others crack a smile

he hadnt been home in seven yearshadnt seen his parents(some thought he was pushing it  Fack theyre too ornery to die was his correction) hadnt seen his siblings his only surviving boyhood friend  however these seven years passing hadnt felt like years at all 

Why 

he didnt have a clue

he looked out into the murk and saw nothing intrinsically was going to change and so there was no urgency compelling him to returnand he wasnt deef or dumb to the affect that if he didnt go there no one was coming here 

rarely had anyone come to him

but he enabled thathe and his wife  years years ago  when they made it a priority to travel from Minnesota to Chicago for their childrenthemselves  to maintain a sense of family if even at a distance 

so why would that be turned on its head after his wife died after his children moved on and away for their lives

it wouldnt

hed be a dumb fuck if he thought otherwiseanybody  would be a dumb fuck   ya dont trade horses midstream an if lifes anything between birth and death its fast water curling whipped white  its midstream

                                                                         but if ones confident and has a good grasp strong hands why not grab the next horses mane and pull yourself over onto it  yer horse likely could use a rest and a break from being between your legs swimming for youI didnt sign up for thisYer a horse shaddup  hed seen men savagely punish animals for their incompetent  like wicked children   he hurled himself into those frays because those men werent accustom to something coming back at themSurprise  Surprisesurprise  the element of surprise is legendary  it was like he was a mob
                                       and why it was unlike him to brave not being readily alert or observant

but then he wasnt beating animals or abusing anything

                                                              thats not true

his family would say he hadnt curbed his tongue

still hadnt learned to take a step back

still hadnt tamed his knack for confrontationI aint no fucking gelding or eunuch  Still flushed with blood and testosterone

his family bruised too easily

like thinskinned fruit

liked the feeling of kid gloves

liked pretty pretty prettythingshe wondered where he got offwhen black and blue appealed to himwhen blackbirds gathered in a tree above his head didnt sound caws  but growled and spit

he couldnt say

maybe before he knew better he swapped horses  and had been swapping since his wife died

theres no telling the depths of that trauma

1508,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  22  3. 17

1351,  Saturday,  25  3. 17

1395 days remaining or less

Evangelist  God Song  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gCmXCoFvCM

Allen Ginsberg  Howl  https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=sites&srcid=c3R1ZGVudC5iY3Nkbnkub3JnfG1yLWFsYmFuby1ob21lcGFnZXxneDozNGZkZDg3YzJjYzhlZDBm

Cul de Sac  Sands of Iwo Jima  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hlPDHaMqMs