9.2.17



Christ  the rain was unremitting
                  he drove San Diego to the Central Coasteight hours fiftythree minutes wiperwhipped
arrived home he was hungry thirsty exhausted  Slain the thirst first  he poured himself a whiskey three fingers  bolted it   the side to side wipers in his eyes faded a bit

he leaned into the refrigerator his hand on top of it and grabbed a bottle of beer by its throat  with a church key he had since was a teen he uncapped it and took a long pull 

he reached in and grabbed a second beer and uncapped it too

with a beer in either hand he went into the bathroom and began a warm shower 

finishing the first beer he set it down on the stonetopped vanity lit a candle for the balm of its light and scent undressed and entered the shower holding the second beer by its throat  with the spray on his back he took a sip then turning eyes closed spray in his face he placed it on a ceramic shelf above the showerhead

he stood for a bit with the spray pelting his face warmly massaging his eyelids easing bit by bit the black shadows crossing his visionsyou cant see something for nine hours straight and it not have a determined residue



the beer finished the shower complete he shutdown the water and pulled the shower curtain aside

he stood for a bit in the palliative flickering light and breathe the raincooled fresh air coming in through the screened window

he snatched a bath towel off a hook beside the shower and pressed it to his face  he massaged his eyes with cloaked fingers still the whip then he dried his throat chest arms torso crotch his asshe stood on one foot and dried his bent leg an footstepped out of the shower onto the matt and balancing on it he dried his other leg an foot  then he stood twolegged threw the towel over his shoulder drying them worked his way down his back  when he finished he draped the towel over his shoulder closed his eyes and sighed deeply  he luxuriated in the still of the bathroom saw through closed eyelids the gentle massage of the candleflame breathed its lavender scent  the flame tossed about on the quiet breaths blowing in by the breeze through pursed lips that would be a delicious mouth to kiss his head bowed hung from his neck by the weight of his exhaustion  it would to have been nice to have his Asian nurse who tended him after his shoulder surgery who bathed and massaged him smiled teasingly when she told him she cared for all her patients alike Oh bullshit he said she didnt decline she never said she simply warmly smiled and her smile was as much a balm as her hands
he felt like a child naïve and curious at their arousal the heat emanating from their loins   he was exhausted



he had no idea how many times he sighed  but with a last sigh he lifted his head and lifted it back so when he opened his eyes hed be looking up at the ceiling and see the candlelight making images there painting it with its deft fingers and tongue painting it with yellow light

he opened his eyes

he admired the lightfashionings though they were too quick for him to actually see akin to hypnagogiato hallucinationsto ignorant eyes not able to see the future cast by bones  and in this odd reverie his eyes slipped away from the lightning show and he looked into the corner to the left of the basin where appleseed sat suspended in her web  
                                                                            she wasnt there
he gasped out loudChrist  where was shetwice now hed saved her from suicidefrom washing herself down the shower drainhad he fucked up missed seeing herwas she swept down the draindown the drain like bugshe was too late to save him Fuck fuckFUCK

he panickedhe stepped forward quickly to better examine the webthrew on the overhead lighthe went out from under the towel on his shoulder and damp it fell heavier than otherwise  it sounded like a sob 
her web was emptyFuck he barked

he searched the shower though knew that was hopelessridiculous  though he was clinging hope against hopefuck

and when it seemed the iron was about to go out of his legsutterly defeated  he looked up at the ceiling again  above the door jamb  appleseed sat
                        Jesus Christ grrl he croaked  You gave me a fright    

very carefully he placed a maple stool he kept in the bathroom before to the door opening and blew on her to chase her back to her web in the corner

when she was ensconced againagitated at his breathsactually bouncing in her web  he stopped blowing on her
he very nearly burst into tears


he stepped down off the stool  returned it to its place  snatched the empty beer bottle from the shelf above the showerhead and made for the kitchen where he poured himself another three fingers and sipped at it 

he sipped as he made a cold meatloaf sandwich tomato and onion slices  a bowl beside it of cold edamame to shell

he went to sit down on the livingroom couch but needed to see confirm that appleseed was in her web 

she was


he moved the candle into the livingroom and ate under the muted sound of the rain falling on the roof 

he was fucking exhausted


Twosday afternoon,  7  2. 17
0928,  Thursday,  9  2. 17

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