It aint origami reprise

            what panicks one

                                                       doesnt necessarily panick another

its symptoms: breath sticking in ones throat eyes bulging fisheyed trying as part of the bodys sympathetic nervous system to see sharper and furthur widen their peripheral a ticking up of the hearts tock tick tock ticks the swift flow organs bathed saturated in adrenaline daubed with a broad brush of blue inhaled opium moist palms scalp armpits backs of knees and feet

an organism cued up by the virtue of their panick
                                        with nowhere to go

inevitably theres someone in your head who intones unsympathetically Come on Nothing here to panic over
while youre pins and needles amped ALL SYSTEMS GO!                              

you disassociate

you grab that heartless sonofabitch whos so reasonable(to themselves) by their windpipe throw cautions to the wind and squeeze it tight
             if it crushes like a paperstraw so be it

thereby impeding forever any unsympathetic uncompassionate peep or pique

                                                                   his panick surprised him

he reasoned that afterwards while standing in a hot shower letting ribbons of water sinuously overwhelm him                                                                    

he wasnt feeling well
rendered by the hard black rubber-souled boots of pain that kicked the ornate whitewashed baseboard scuffed and marred the handsome tiled and linoleum floors

his pain and panick made for the deep grunts and groans that spasmed in his mouth You whore! You piece of shit! Gawddamn!

he didnt know how he saw it
out of the corner of his eye
a daddylonglegs caught up and desperate in the splash and roil of water coming out the bathtub spigot 

it precipitating an existential moment

but he unable to stoop and snatch it to safety with his hand because he was stove up his joints ratcheted his pitiful tendons and muscles inflexible

its thin legs were inarticulate on the boil and bubbles
its body the size of an appleseed no more than a few pieces of pinched pill off blackened fabric

then suddenly so quickly this small life seemed overwhelmed and conceded capitulated brought it legs in together assumed a mammalian fetal position
of abject submission

he saw but he couldnt snatch the longhandled shower body brush


he finally freed it from where it hung by a hook on the wall from its looped cord and dipped its bristles to the water between the spider and the gurgling drain

he had imagined like Velcro the spiders legs would get caught up on its bristles 

he lifted it to safety

he carefully closed the toilet lid and landed the brush on its back

the spider origami beaded with impossibly tiny water beads did not move  IN  HIS  PANICK  HE  THOUGHT  HE  KILLED  IT  but then he assessed No the aerated water not-yet-hot the bubbled surface No

painfully he leaned forward and gently bumped it with the end of his pinkie

the black origami moved slightly

it was alive

it was in a good moment a brief moment of selfanesthetised homeostasis

finally
      in the shower his eyes closed their yearning ceased the mydriasis blown pupils abated the hot water redemptive to a point he repeated in his minds eye the daddylonglegs negative panick

Huh  made sense to him    Now

it was likely he wouldnt have considered any aspect of it unless he had almost killed another earthling

        

0709,  Friday,  27  5. 16