funny how it is

                  when he had to get something off his chest he was rude could care less a bull in a china shop wouldnt  heel

      though sought to heal what was wrongbugged him

his mother God bless her

                      Son when she called him son he paid strict attention  she only called him that when she couldnt bring herself to call him by name  she was pissed

                                            You don’t interrupt people when they’re talking.

You be polite Im not

                      They need to know immediately I disagree

That’s rude.

Thas right

            Im not subjecting myself wont tolerate themtheir opinions  I refuse to acquiesce remain silent

You embarrass your father and I that we didn’t teach you any better.

Yadid

       Have them come tell me that  Im not you or Dad

he knew he pressed his advantage  firstborn her favourite  pissed her off regularly when they didnt see eye to eye

Theres nothing wrong with tha Maw

    ohbut there was

he defied her

she was trying to exert her dominance I’m your mother

he told her

            Save it for Dad                                                          

only violence heeled him

                           spanked as a boy  lesson learned  took up boxing  taught him fight or fight  no thing fight or flight response  was dog roped like a Cheyenne warrior  rawhide rope  picket pin

wouldnt back down

people learned he had no interest in pleasing them

    hmm  maybe funny isnt the right word

despite it feeling funny to him

1047,  Thursday,  29  8. 24

friend finally got hookedup on Netflix

                                        Any recommendations?

friend knew his brother before his brother introduced them

                                                               Bobby recommended Suits

Suits. What’s it about?

Attorneys Photographic memory  Fraud

                                                     Or if I had my druthersone of these days Ill get my hands on them fraud spelled P H R A U D  Appealing because one can swing like Tarzan on a vine to pharaoh Then swinging back find Freud who of course was a phraud

What are you talking about?

I ran on because you didnt look impressed or interested by my initial descriptors

There’s so many cop attorney shows on.

Youre failing to take into account tha Bobby recommends it

                                                               Only reason why I dipped in an was glad I did

So you recommend it.

I think Bobby’s recommendation is more meaningful than anything I woud have to say

How’s that?

Really

         Tell me the last time you followed a recommendation I made

See  Silence   Kiss of death

                                I appreciated Bobbys recommendation think you will too

Guess I’ll check it out.

                           What are you watching?

Not tha it matters

No.

Tryin to be polite

Yeah. Ya got me.

More than you give me credit for

phone rang

looked

friend

he usually texted

pickedup

         Wha the hell?

    I think it’s . Hell-o.

Don try to be clever

                    Wha the hell 

Had to call.

             I took Bobby’s recommendation, watched Suits.

No shit

I actually . . what’s that called . . . called . . . splurged?

Wha

I watched the entire first season.

Its called something

                     Don think splurge though I know wha youre talking about  I don do it

No . not you . . you're too ascetic.

Disciplined

Ascetic.

he disliked it immensely but sometimes he had to use it WhaeverOH  I got it

                                                                               Ya binged

That’s it.

Sound proud

I don’t know if you kno . .

. . I know

Fuckyou . what do you know?

A lot of shots of women in tight skirts shapely asses walkin out of scenes

DAMN.

        You do know.

Bobbys an ass man  Thought yaknew tha

                                                Attorneys  Really     My brother  Fat chance

 

116 more appealing than 1316,  day-between-2-Ts,  28  8. 24

0902,  Thursday,  29  8. 24

Suits  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Q18TnxZxLI

Strikes again

               gettin old

AI aint all tha

               although he understands the vested interest Microsoft has in it  it an OpenAI  mothers of ChatGPT  

what a horrendous fuckin idea

helping dumbdown the masses

                                 how low can you go

                                                          obviously

lower

he wasnt in that spectrum

                             not the visible spectrum

was using WORD

he wrotetyped

                Anya know  I don need thanks

pretty fuckin simple

looked at his words

Microsoft its algorithm  hasnt learned adman (there they goagain – wrote  a damn  an it changed it)  hasnt learned a damn thing about him

repeat

redundant

Microsoft  its algorithm  hasnt learned

thought the process as touted   LEARNS

wrotetyped

             Anya know  I don need thanks

when he looked he found that WORD had changed don need to donned

                                                                              SLAP THEIR GRIMY PAWS

crossed his mother as a boy a teacher at school they slapped his handscracked him across the knuckles  pain makes one present

pain teaches

little tough to teach hardware software

                                          aah  AI

if IT had hands he would

1303, day-between-2-Ts,  28  8. 24

0954,  Thursday,  29  8. 24

Che Guevara said

                    “Words are beautiful, but actions are supreme.”   made him smile

Rachel Maddow says

                        “Watch what they do, not what they say.” 

of her quote she also said “That’s just weird.”

which by nearly four years predates Governor Tim Walzs  “. . . weird” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BK155YkhoEY

hes a fan of the three

2003,  2sday,  27  8. 24

1036,  Thursday,  29  8. 24

Maddow  August 21, 2019  https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/trump-admin-coverage-maxim-watch-what-they-do-not-what-they-say-66934341943

role models mentors  heroes

                               ZIP

there was no one he aspired to follow  in their footsteps chuckled

                                                                            Gawd you abandoned me when I needed you most

laughed

punchline

           “ . . . times when you (saw) only one set of footprints . . . I carried you.”

Same size feet?

You realeyes . .

. . Nice

          Realeyes

Thank you

            You realeyes thas evidence

Committed to paper

                     Yes

It can be used against you

   Or for me

How do you see tha

Wha do you see

If there is a Gawd

Im incorrigible

             If   He ought to let me return to whence I came

Whence  Wheres tha

No clue

You confound me

Yet yastick around

Its a good group

                  Yare charismatic

A character

Cant take a compliment

From a cast of shehes heshes

                                 Be selfcongratulatory  Ya know I need no thanks

Selfishsufficient

I like it like it

Have a  dare I dare we

Dare you

            puzzled him

 

    We have a role model mento . .

. . Stop

Hero

Woudya STOP

they cackled

2022,  2sday,  27  8. 24

1400, day-between-2-Ts,  28  8. 24

https://www.geneseo.edu/~heap/footprints.html

he was hassling him again about the difference between an intellectual and a genius

Ive told you my view

Yeah well . . I’ve forgotten.

No you havent Youre being a pain in the ass

                                                But expecting you to be I looked up intellectual

Open the quote An intellectual is a person who has a lot of knowledge and prefers to think about things on an abstract or theoretical level rather than a practical one. Closed the quote

   We done

You’re crazy abstract.

Doesnt make me an intellectual

                                   Im curious  Unquenchably so

Because you’re always sitting around on your ass writing, reading, or readingwalking, walkingreading, whichever way you say it.

I don

       I do it

A fuckin’ recluse.

So says the social butterfly

                              You coudnt do wha I do

I wouldn’t want to.

 

Coudnt Be honest

                     Wha I do isnt everyones cup of tea an it neednt be  Each his own

So get off my back

    Recluse.

Anesthetised ascetic

Anesthetised?what the hell?

With thought

Social butterfly inside my head

                                 Imagine moths at night ghosty  madly flutteringround a lighted bulb

Thall give you some idea

    Some    Idea

1224,  Saturday,  4  5. 24

1229,  day-between-2-Ts,  28  8. 24

walking into his condo livingroom bookshelves to the ceiling a ladder to get at the top two

Have you read all these books? she asked

A goodly portion  Mind you Ive collected them all my lif . .

. . An avid reader. You touted that on your resume.

I did

It was . . . . particular.

Thought you were going to say peculiar

I wa . .

. . But then you thought to be kind

                                     Thas nice but unnecessary

Unnecessary?  That’s curious don’t you think?

No

    You neednt worry about hurting my feelings I havent any

she burst out laughingdidnt cover her mouth that appealed to him more than shed know hed compliment her

                                                                                                              gathering her wits  Ohmy, you’re serious.

I am

      Since were fresh you should know you can say anything you like or dislike  Be honest  No need to look over your shoulder

Speak  Freely

smiled sheepishly

                      Fresh.  Refreshing if you really mean it. I’ve negotiated a string of . .

. . Who are not me

                    You have my condolences

    Condolences.

Unfortunately  my experience   the majority is not representative of me

                                                                             They have nothing to offernothing I could want

she tipped her head aside like a little bird very appealing

                                                             Friendship.

I have very few friends anwha friends I have live way across the country

                                                                              Mines an ascetic not religious lifestyle  An ascetic atheist

Stick tha in your pipe Tolkien

Tolkien?

Yes Cellar door

                 Phonaesthetics He declared it the most beautiful word in the English language Im at war with him

He wrote The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Thas the guy

               I liked The Hobbit

And given all these books . . . do you have them?

I do In paperback

                    I prefer hardbound gesturing to the shelves but as you can see I also have a lot of books scifi early  tha arent

Pulp fiction

I see.

I don loan them

You do not?

See a book youd like to read See the table there  Thats the reading table

Like at a library.

No Librarys loan books

You’re funny.

Youve no idea

               Im a scream

    If I may, you said you’ve read many of them, but not all.

Not all

And the ones you haven’t read . . .

 

a question  hed let her ask in her time

The ones you haven’t read.

    Yes

Why do you have them? Keep them?

I buy books to read

                      Books keep me company

1022,  2sday,  27  8. 24

1046,  day-between-2-Ts,  28  8. 24

Ben Harper  Excuse Me Mr.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJjsEyW5l6M

the alarm disliked it with extreme prejudice clock woke him at Fourfortyfive

shaved

        Managements earnest suggestion  who knew they bothered with what he looked like  his departmental work was peerless 

heard the coffee machine start

showered

dressed

entering the kitchen turned on News radio

as a bagel toasted he poured himself a bowl of Cheerios topped with Grape-Nuts sliced banana tumbled blueberries

filled his thermos with black coffee poured himself a cup

SAT

breakfast finished News hadnt irritated him too much  he relaxed  looked out the window through wisteria into the grassy courtyard at the rear of the condo

                                    finished his coffee

going to stand to do the dishes his legs didnt work

                                                     his ass  numb

bottom of the coffeecup  grime   wasnt grounds

he licked the end of his pinkie swiped it tasted it

                                                   bitter

his wakeup was drugged

he swallowed his coffee in good faith without scepticism

                                                                    preferred C to K didnt need to be remindedunderstood KEPT

his scepticism     

Christ

        wasnt Six yet

he didnt concern himself with being poisoned

    by someone he loved or cared for

someone

           who had access to him

 

it would have been awfully nice to get back into bed

                                                         even if he was dressed made him chuckle

0510ishness,  Sunday,  10  2. 08

0923,  day-between-2-Ts,  28  8. 24

riding side by side on the bus into town he turned his headlooked at him

                                                                              You said . . Moanday?

I did

Why?

Im not sleeping well

                      Another aspect is my fear  I wont have a chance to say goodbyesay goodbye  to my Dadmy father-in-law  one of the most unique relationships Ive ever had with a man

                                                                          Our mutual respect founded our discordant love 

Hes in Hospice care in Arizona

I’m sorry. I didn’t know.

tears welledup in his eyes

                             This is one of a few times I am almost grateful my wife isnt here  Losing Maw my mother-in-law was very very difficult for her Losing her father would have been a dagger to her heart

Inevitable

            Inevitability batters down any door

I am terribly sorry.

he did get to see him

was able to make the trip

had to leave 

               was a week before his Dad died  Halloween of course he did his favourite holiday

their last words 

                  I love you very much Dad

I love you too, Tiger.

leaving his room he pausedturned in the doorway

                                                        Ill be seeing ya

    I’ll be watching.

Noonish,  Moanday – Starbucks,  8  10. 07

1133,  2sday,  27  8. 24

his daughter flew in spent a few days went through the boxes she had in storage he was maintaining

                                                                                                            About time, huh, Papa?

When it was its time

It’s time?

Yah

Kind of a weird way to look at it.

No not necessarily

                    Im sure youve heard everything in its own time

I have. I don’t agree.

Youre welcome to disagree

Dad, I came across this, it’s yours.

three sheets of paper

he wrote on the back of printouts of cellular phone feature matrixes

                                                                        waste not want not

upper left corner angled

                25  9. 07

            Tuesday even-ing

need even-ings to balance out workdazes

                                             immediately right P/REACH

right an beneath it  centered  

You cannot p/reach me

You cannot preach me

You cannot reach me

                         belligerent

under the angled corner workdazes

                                       he continued

and during our daze our rote our ME-chanisms thrown to make our mealy bread meating our sustenance our sub-sistenths

           to coin a phraise  anon anon anon

And so it goes

                and Oh Well . . .  the Gospel of Sot Kurt  Wit-ness of Dresden  City-cum-Oven

inhale  “What’s that smell?”

inhaled  “What is that smell?

inhelle  “Aw, they went and burned it.”

inhelled  “Yeah. Badly. Way overdone.”

 

---------  0  ---------

The point!

There is no point.

and the frustrage of it

wants violence

First Chair and Second Chair Violence

the epitome of hardstrung heartstrings struck and dragged with resined catgut screaming . . .

    page three

                angled in the uppercorner as the first page

MY GAWD

ZOUNDS

          immediately right  a harrowing caterwaul  catwail

beneath

         The planet believing its wheel needs greasing brakes . . .  tries to stop . . .  physics  hurling momentum scatters gravity

          gravely bravely floats away

and that which NOT has been is flung

                                          unfurled

                                                      unraveled      TO UNK

seeing he finished reading his daughter asked  Keeping it?

Ill hang onto it for a while

                            Hard to believe I wrote it straight

Are you sure? she teased

Trust me I didnt know anyone who had access

Ah. That was later.

   Much later smart ass

1242,  2sday,  27  8. 24

“The deeper an artist sinks into the time stream the more it becomes oblivion; because of this he must remain close to the temporal surfaces. Many would like to forget time altogether, because it conceals the ‘death principle’.”

                                                                                                   Lucy R. Lippard  Overlay

sounded hairy to him

                        the force the energy of endings

it was suggested he would be wise to entertain itJOKE he pumpedpumped locked his brakes was on a skid of deaths and that huge momentum was proving inviolate stingy  refused to be overcome

he hazarded Truth is the vision closed eyes can see

    And what of eyes sprungwide in shock or suddenawake, what of them? annoyed Is suddensight subjected to confusion, diaspora, lying?

Or is truth when finally gazed at, obscured by distraction? so very much deliberately crowding in to be seen

   Disattraction

Distraction.

Dystopic

            Dystraction dysattraction

Do you have to do that?

For as much as you wont

    eventuallyhe assumed  it would slow slow and stop

until then he was holding on trying hard to appreciate what he suffered what was keeping him so very present   

Sunday – Beverly Hills,  3  6. 07

1031,  2sday,  27  8. 24

https://carlgreer.com/working-with-the-archetypal-energy-of-endings-the-death-principle/