he wasnt fond of whiteyhad little room in his heart

                                                        if retarded he had a huge room

he was white

though had more in common with black folk

reading The Free World Louis Menand it wasnt recommended to him  he had a habit of finding what he needed

pg 415 hafwaydown

                       1960 Leopold Sedar Senghor first president of Senegal “White reason is analytic through utilisation . . . Negro reason is intuitive through participation.”  Menand  “African thought is animistic; it sees objects as the expression of a life force.”

lotsa words for action speaks louder than words

                                                   one could suppose four hundred years bent over labouring would provide American black folk that sense

also during the 60s Diversity Equity Inclusion DEI came into being

                                                                       crazy whitey Republicans and some black are attempting to use it as a stick to beat Vice-President Kamala Harris when they want to give her the opportunity shed counter work them to the corner beat them senseless beat them until that big snotbubble broke or their legs collapsed

PLEASE

         he dared them to say it to her face

Kamala  DEI  if a cheapskate  start at the 10minute-mark through 13minute-mark  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKYyiBD00Bs

WE’RE NOT GOING BACK

he had a very good habit of finding what he needed

2300ish,  day-between-2-Ts,  24  7. 25

1132,  Thursday,  25  7. 24

https://www.britannica.com/biography/Leopold-Senghor

https://www.cooleaf.com/blog/a-history-of-corporate-dei-strategies

whitey idiots  no plan  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nE2I9mnMU9g

he kept letting his body do its job 

was a huge fan 

                  treated it as conscientiously as healthy as he treated his pets

after his cat lost his shit when the neighbour fired up some gawddamn machinery directly opposite the studio window bomber lying in his lap  probably luxuriating in a hypnagogic stateFREAKED

                                                                                   twentyplus pounds of churningthrashing claws and teeth

hed recommend bomber shouldnt have been in anyones lap

   Tore  Him  Up

                   but 

this was his fifth bite

any number he hadnt a guess of punctures scratches

                                                       thats having a feral cats

damned if hed have a pet store variety

loved FERAL with zeal

                        had sex with women who scratched the hell out of his back

went back for more

and more

an more

   pain is a state of mind

ya don mind it don hurt

however

          hes had a long intimate intense relationship with pain

his mother saididentified he was too enthusiastic

You forgot passionate

I don’t want to know.

I woudnt say Not one to kiss an tell

Doesn’t appear you were just kissin’.

                                       she loved getting the last word in

worked on his eight siblings

                              but on the other hand

he was the eldesthad been aroundhad known her since she was eighteen

they were virtually the same generation

                                           Ohno definitely not Ya gotta rein in feral fillies

You understand who you’re talking to?

Do you understand who youre talkin to

                                          I relish my relationships with fillies an pussies

pussy

       she checked out

his daughter saw the wounds when she stopped that night

                                                              Jesus Dad. I think you need stitches, probably antibiotics.

I don

     My bodys on it

 

1142,  Thursday,  25  7. 24

checkstand light aisle 2 was lit

he swung in behind a woman unburdening her cart

a strawberry blonde

petite

she turned back to gather a bottle of Hendricks gin

incorrect pleasingly not so petite

Neptunia hadnt seen that before

setting it on the conveyor she turned to remaining fragile items to top off her grocery bags she saw he had few items

Would you like to go ahead of me?

Fuck  green cateyesNo no thank you thas kind of you You beat me he laughed she laughed could see she had no idea why she was Im working on my patience

he heldup TOAD a library book

                                 And I have a book so its not like Im waiting

she mused  beautifully Patience. That comes with age.

Or injury Ive contendedcontending with both

Contend. musing beautifully again  she was killing him  That’s a nice way to say it.

A better way to think

Yes. Perhaps so.

Your Hendricks Neptunia I havent seen it befor . .

. . It’s delicious. Cucumber and Rose. Finishes with a smooth citrus whisper.

Sold  Ill take it

she laughed Get your own.

shed placed the last of her items on the conveyor and tried to reach for the divider bar to place it between their items couldnt reach it

he thought Maybe you can try again  Thank you

                                                Divider bar Gauche  The Dutch refer to it as a beurtbalkje

I like that. she smiled warmly  I won’t remember it but I like it.

Next time we happen in line together Ill remind you

You’ll remember me?

he smiled I think Ill remember you

                                     I miss grocery counters in Chicago in Missoula before conveyors Though I hope whoever they made millions from the concept

Growing up all the markets in Santa Monica had them.

I like Santa Monicawhich is rich  I dislike LA

                                                Howdya endup here if I may

Thank you.   I met a cowboy.

A nice cowboy

Began that way.

Ended

Yes. Yes it did.

                Our kids are in school. They have friends. I have friends. All in all, made lemonade.

she looked right as her groceries began to move forward  Awnuts, you’ll excuse me. I better bag or you’ll be reading a while.

baggers

         let someone else do more with less  must be a market mantra

since he always had few items he bagged himself

if there happened to be a bagger

                                   I got it Take a breather

he was walking  the canvasbag had to be packed particularly

                                                                 shit not casually tossed in Youre supposed to be a bagger

no sense of pride in their work

he was long over it

she finished bagging her items took her receipt was leaving What’s the word? 

Beurtbalkje

I told you I wouldn’t remember. I hope to see you again.

Thad be nice Be well

    he turned to the checker Howya doin kiddo

she giggled  

1440,  day-between-2-Ts,  24  7. 24

0954,  Thursday,  25  7. 24

dizzy

                dizzy

                                dizzzy

                                                  space

                                                                     staring

                                                                                             downUp

                                                                     staring

                                       

                                       SHOCKED!

                                        TO SEE!

                                                                     dizzzy

shocked to see . . .

he didnt fallon   his  face

Saturday,  26  4. 08

1117,  day-between-2-Ts,  24  7. 24

A man walks into the spare bedroom to gather his winter coat

Sounds like the beginning of a joke, a guy walks into a bar.

 

What of it?

You can see tha

Yes.

Some guy with his back to him is getting a blowjob on the edge of the bed can make out her long blonde hair past his hip

See

Okay. I’m uncomfortable.

You stay or do you go

Stay or go?

Stick around

 

Im sticking around

   You’d stay?wouldn’t quietly step back step out?

You woud

I wouldwhy would you stay?

Im looking at a guys back catching a wisp of hair I don know who they are

Maybe they wante . .

. . Privacy

Yeah. Sure.

Didnt lock the bedroom door  

                               Some people dig the possibilitythrill of getting caught in the act in a compromised position

Youd leave while a guys getting a blowjob

Possibly a blowjob for you

                               The voyeurisitic element

   I’d leav . .

. . Because youre a prude

I’m . .

. . Save it Im stickinround

1700ish,  Monday,  22  4. 24

1234,  say-between-2-Ts,  24  7. 24

  deliberated

an exquisite liar

a sacred coolstone death that dreamed and dreamed and dreamed of warmmulched earth

                                                                                                  tall yellowgreen grass

   air

unbroken

              whips of long unbrushed maiden hair

Saturday,  26  4. 08

1102,  day-between-2-Ts,  24  7. 24

he rarely wrote I   pronoun theyre certainly taking a lap these days   rarely wrote in first person

I smelled these mangy stone and mortar walls their thicksweat blackexcrescence mold  degenerate rot

                                                                                                             and waondered bluethoughts

   angst

rogue aberations amberrations   capture

ambition

aberration

deliberation

   I waondered

Saturday,  26  4. 08

1029,  day-between-2-Ts,  24  7. 24

page among a sheaf 

                     things that occur he sees them in his mind  they occularcur

once seen he tries his damnedest to arrest them but like vapour most tend to shimmer  ease away

some things unseen are thoughts sharplightning against black night

                                                                           what of expectations

what he had to do to have them

   he couldnt say

majority of his life the things that mattered most had been unexpected

                                                                            therefore

to relish the truly unexpected he tries to live without expectations 

   without   anticipations

career which hes eluded manage expectations

                                                when they fail they breed disappointment disillusionment distemper  breed unhappiness

while on the other hand

                          to not expect helps foster happiness which hes enjoyed abundantly

he wrote he was heading to work rode the bus thought of Dickens Great Expectations which he hadnt read and taking a seat beside Monty a rider acquaintance he mentioned Dickens Monty said Chapter Twentytwo.

Don tell me you know the verse too

got ruffled a little was a religious cat  dryly drolly  No.

                                                            ChapterTwentytwo “I wavered again, and began to think there were greater expectations than my own.”

You know this why

he laughed

             Aside from the synopsi . .

. . Which is whaIve not read it

It’s a classic.

It is

     Tha Ive not read

The synopsis. Pip. An orphan. Rises to Wealth. Deserts his true friends. Then becomes humbled by his arrogance. Monty was a college science librarian

Thank you        

You’re welcome.

Monty got off the bus

                        his greater expectations stayed  unexpectedly

he thought great is abused  few farfew things people are great falling from great can kill

he thought I think Id be aware if I was in the presence of greatness or for that matter inclined to greatness or declining ordeal

OR

Ya gotta say

I do Thas why we hang around

                                      May I

Knock yourself out

Or youve simply lead your life on a small stage few actors few characters

I coud

        I can say I havent been around  he chuckled

Wha

When I was younger I expected   choicehuh

                                                I expected Id have been around much much more My stage could have been larger unexpectedly  but didnt

Im not disappointed

You are not

             We are not

he nodded gently A good team

    Is tha praise

We don need praise  

0550 – in the shower,  Monday,  7  4. 08

0948,  day-between-2-Ts,  24  7. 24

Aaron Ross  Methlab  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DeXg99eUsU

howbout something simple

                           he needed to unwind unknot straighten his spine

something awfully simple

stand it on its two legs

I always have whiskey on handnever truer words

thats –E Y –E Y –E Y oh whiskey  Irish twelveyear Redbreast  --Y whisky  American

he had whiskey around to sip

had it as an antiseptic

kept it in lieu a styptic pen  to stop bleeding

simple

easy to follow

best joke of the day

likely hed be the only one to enjoy it

skin in the game

no skin

couldnt give a fuck no matter who they were because

                                                         had no skin in the game

it was that simple knowledge that made him an outstanding intermediary  negotiator

made a good living

allround him Skins freaking out which was perfectly understandableperfectly human

he was the quiet handsomewrapped bundle of patience and sanity

best joke he toldhad told in some time

I always have whiskey on hand

his huge tom a tabbySTARTED nextdoor neighbour firedup something mechanical had been lying on his lap as he sat at his desk reading an on-line article about Mieville Reeves book Book of Elsewhere hed bet money hypnagogic not that he was a betting man tom tornup his arm chewedup his thumb gouged his thigh belly opposite arm

                                                                             punch line whiskey on hand

poured some into a Hazel Atlas fourounce Say When frosted shotglass and stuck his damaged bleeding thumb in it

On hand

    Simple

1302,  2sday,  23  7. 24

if not a gymnast go near bottom of the piece without the gymnastics

  

from a reef of pages emerging like a red volcanic island boiledup from the seabed

                                                                                       five

first page  simple

                    1  2. 08  1February

smackdab middle he printed               

                                                inspired by R. Crumb video . . .

second page righthand corner he reiterated the date

angling down from the lefthand corner

                                      I gradually felt I was becoming UNHINGED

So I took drugs

became hinged

angling left from midpage halfway down

                                       The screws twisted tight the shackles lost a link When I looked away the slackshackles became

below the fold the page was empty

page three the same date in the upper left albeit EVENING added

                                                                       immediately hardright He blew his descending letter by letter one beneath the other S T A C K slipright a space A C K slipright a space A C K antiaircraft fire

                                                                                                              midpage right descending like/he had a/hope in hell/of/knocking/anything an arrow arcsleft descends and immediately across from the prior words he wrote OUT

beneath it  of the sky

beneath it  save an occasional dumb bird

that inadvertently

waondered

into

     words descend one under the other   the   line   of   fire

tuckedright bottom of the page  Your goose is cooked he didnt mean the bird

page four

          angling down from the lefthand corner word under word NOT   EVERYTHING   IS   FOR   EVERYONE

an arrow arcsright ascendsdescends points at AND WHY NOT? beneath that an arrow arcsup to middle of the page and plummetspoints midpage ISN’T   EVERY   THING   FOR   EVERY   ONE? beneath that an arrow arcsup hooksdown at the edge of the page angling left OR beneath it IS EVERYTHING beneath it TOO MUCH? beneath it IS EVERYTHING AN OVERSTIMULATION beneath it THAT THEIR SIMPLE MINDS CAN’T centered beneath it MANAGE, centered beneath it AND THEN MIND?

fifth page

           angling down from the lefthand corner each parcel under the other I   PAINT   WITH A BIC PEN   AND   WORDS   AND WHILE I’LL SEE COLOUR   IN THE WORDS   THEY MAY NOT BE THE SAME COLOUR   THE READERS RENDERS

                       arrow doubles back arcsleft hooks down  AND NEITHER   I   NOR   THEY   SHOULD BE OFFENDED   BY   THE   DIFFERENCE

                                             arrow rollsup right rollsdown points to words angling left down each under the other from the edge of the page THE BEAUTY   OF   LIFE   LIES   IN   OUR   DIFFERENCES   OUR DIFFERFENCES   BOUNDARIES,   MAN,   IT   ALL   COMES   DOWN   TO   BOUNDARIES. 

without the gymnastics

I gradually felt I was becoming UNHINGED So I took drugs became hinged The screws twisted tight the shackles lost a link When I looked away the slackshackles became       

He blew his STACKACKACK antiaircraft fire like he had a hope in hell of knocking anything OUT of the sky save an occasional dumb bird that inadvertently waondered into the line of fire

Your goose is cooked

he didnt mean the bird

NOT EVERYTHING IS FOR EVERYONE  AND WHY NOT?  ISN’T EVERY THING FOR EVERY ONE?  OR  IS EVERYTHING TOO MUCH?  IS EVERYTHING AN OVERSTIMULATION THAT THEIR SIMPLE MINDS CAN’T MANAGE, AND THEN MIND?

I PAINT WITH A BIC PEN AND WORDS AND WHILE I’LL SEE COLOUR IN THE WORDS THEY MAY NOT BE THE SAME COLOUR THE READER RENDERS AND NEITHER I NOR THEY SHOULD BE OFFENDED BY THE DIFFERENCE  THE BEAUTY OF LIFE LIES IN OUR DIFFERENCES OUR DIFFERFENCES  BOUNDARIES, MAN, IT ALL COMES DOWN TO BOUNDARIES.

1151,  2SDAY,  23  7. 24

The Dramatics  Whatcha See Is Whatcha Get   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlNSpyyj1U4

still off an runnin

                     he wondered if he could catch himself saddle the clown running amok

                                                                                                  fingerscrossed

Thas stupid  fingers crossed ya cant grab him by the mane

Good point

Youre welcome shook hisher herhis head in disbelief  Canya believe this guy   No the others agreed

Thank you

            Now ahright ahright break it up move it along

Nothing to see here

My line

Wes stepped on it

Whadaya want from me

A little restraint

No can do not my nature as you know

Ya don try

I leave try for things I can try

Youre tryin us

Ya know where the door is don let it hit ya in the ass on the way out

Just like tha Youd let us go

I didnt extend invites ya showed I didnt evict

he didnt

they hung in

              shehes heshes conceded things wouldnt be as fascinating in the O . .

. . Donyadare

Fuckinguys brutal

                    Awright  The outanbeyond

Thank you

           he disliked with extreme prejudice acronyms  they were going to utter OAB cut em off at the knees

Yah Us at our knees while in the meantime youre still off an running

                                                                          Priorities

Eventually Ill tire get hungry an return Yaoughta runaway sometime

                                                                         When I did my folks didnt come lookin for me  They knew I knew I had it good not the best  but good

imaginengine

dreamer dreamist

                     d-reamer

An were off

Buckleup

D-reamer  finest cut to create a fitting piece from an all-ready fashioned piece

                                                                                   an extantexact tapper

A reamer reamist reaper reapist a rapierer rapiererist  alas   raper rapist

Jesus

An evoker elicitor

Full of shit

Not a revoker

               An evoykeur   Blended  an evokervoyeur

   Sooo full of shit  

Tuesday – Christmas,  25  12. 07

1239,  Monday,  22  7. 24