15.5.24


he overheard the exchange

he was in the kitchen doing dishes

everyone else was watching television

hed rather be doing dishes  wouldnt be joining them


What’s the horse’s name?

It doesn’t have a name.

You haven’t named your horse?

You don’t name something you might have to eat.
                                                    there was a collective groan from the den
made him chuckle
                    hed eaten horse he wouldnt tell them that they wouldnt eat half the things he ate  have eaten
sometimes he thought he might be a secret Asian  ate everything but the oink moo bark baa bubbles it blew
waste not want not
never was picky
gave it two shots
NO
     afterwards wouldnt sit to eat  No thank you  excused himself
You’ll be hungry.

   I will
          never followed the abject necessity of stating the obvious   axiomatic
something he didnt do
repulsed him

   truly

made him think Eejit

Aaw why he do tha  eejit
                            reminded him of a homeless taking one of his tame ferals off his porch followed him to the woods where homeless was going to kill his cat eat it before he could turn he hammered him in the back of the neck his face hit a tree going down peeled crumbled bark face got torn he was cold checked his pulse  had one thought good  if he had killed him hed have to eat him
nothing but him for weeks
                           Jaysus
 
2037,  2sday,  14  5. 24
1045,  day-between-2-Ts,  15  5. 24

he didnt catch her quite
                           Idle  Whas tha
I’ll watch it, instead.

Watch it  Instead
                    Please  whaya talking about

Idol.  I told you.

Whas idle

The show.

Wha show
It’s Idol.

I don mean to frustrate you I apologise
                                          Coud you explain

Idol. There are singers, then there are idols.
                                                    exasperated American Idol. 

I don know it
                I don watch TV I don have one

   You don’t have a TV.

No

How do you not have a TV?

Bad memories
                  Ill leave you to your show
Ill read

You can watch with me if you like.

No thank you

1957,  2sday,  14  5. 24
1015,  day-between-2-Ts,  15  5. 24

    pictures of people you dont remember


he was going through family albums with his mother
                                                         . . . Aunt Frances Uncle Walter . . .
Scarcely remember Maw

. . . Aunt Helen Uncle Gerald . . .

Scarcely Maw

she turned on her hip on the sofa and looked at him   Really?

Sorry Maw I was a little boy when they died
                                                 I have glimmerings of time with them but theyre few  I was a little boy
Id bet the other kids woudnt have a clue
Why you have me look with you

   she hmmmd

Yah

You may be right.

Don get me wrong I love looking at the pictures with you
                                                            They never fail to prompt memories thaya share
Were not really dead until no one talks about us tells stories about us

That’s very, very true.
                               innocently Who told you that?

he threw his arms around her kissed her hard on the mouth
                                                                      You
Me?      

You

gave a bemused smile  I’m smarter than I think.

You are
          You are our historian the repository of memories our families Dad an yours  Ours
I love spending this time with you
Note the other kids make themselves scarce
                                               Albums come out  Adios
Because they don know whosin the pictures

   Cant blame em


I wish they would.

Well Ya got me babe
                       As Sonny an Cher woud sing

   Who?

Stop woudya
               singsang They say were young an we don know we wont find out untiiil we grow
Yah

Oh, oh yes.

See  Youre not a lost cause
                             Show me more theyd be even older pictures people he definitely didnt remember
but she did

1957,  2sday,  14  5. 24
0937,  day-between-2-Ts,  15  5. 24
Sonny and Cher  I’ve Got You, Babe  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JxIw58lkHQ

Mama Cass Elliot  . . . dream a little dream of me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ0PZRYin2s
                                                                                                            howbout  dream
with me
would have
but Mama couldnt tarry had places to go people to see things to do
                                                                         left
he preferred places to go things to see people to do
thought that said a lot for him
                                spoke for him to him
dream  dreams
                Jaysus
bawdy
       but thats the reason why he went to sleep  to break on through to the other side
not Morrisons
                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFeUko-lQHg
not Death

shit waited for him
                     dared him to take the wheel  be lucid
he could do krazy with the best of them
                                            but sometimes
he wanted to be a passive passenger
an amusement park rider
didnt have to worry how tall he was
                                       rather
how in command of his senses he was
                                          because
like any real good carnival car operator sketchy at best they intended to scatter his marbles
                                                                                                   Take your best shot
the best had attempted
                          wounded him
but not shotdead in the head

approximately 6AMish,  2sday,  14  5. 24
0830,  day-between-2-Ts,  15  5. 24
Tears For Fears  Head Over Heels  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sn6gVWJn9r8

14.5.24


leftie couldnt find the right spot

he slept on his back
                    occasionally turned to one side or the other but not for long shoulder surgeries had put the kibosh on that
   kibosh
             ask a Yid they smile demurely but don say
he knew better
                 he asks only to confirm his understandingbelief   belief  understanding which   he doesnt accept thinkhe believes
                    belief
fellow Kretins are opportunists whod rather lazily take accept   than create
big brains afford that
                       when he asked  the Yid wily accepted credit  when its wasnt due
kibosh sounds Yiddish
                         not Irish
its believed Irish early Nineteenth Century   derived in a London neighbourhood

when he looked in the dictionary its described of unknown origin
                                                                       just like the Irish race
if Jews can be a race
Whynot
          by the bye colloquial evidence kibosh may have been a derivative of caip bais  cap  death


leftie couldnt find the right spot

she slept between his legstucked up against his balls

like her mother used to

where she was born

second of three

between his legs
                 he had a deep abiding affection for her mother and siblings

for her restlessness he slept lightly episodically
                                                   anwhile he did he roiled in the realm of hypnagogia where visions dreams werent a narrative rather miredadmired  a mishmash of disconnectedstrange personalities uproarious imagery that bordered on phantasmagoric
                                   truly Escherish flirting with Irish again
tobogganing on a sleeve of corrugated cardboard down a steep empty rotting concrete parking lot that terminated in multiple alleyways which entering one sluicingnavigating hed be disgorged at the top of the lot to give it a go again

playing strip poker sitting across from a fat man who lost the hand and struggling finally got his tshirt over his head and tossed it aside sat barechested  he groanedblinkedSUDDENLY was across from a young woman who lost a hand and like a seal slipped off her ribbed tank sat barebreasted

sitting across from a stereotypical gypsy woman headwrapped baublesbangles candles flickered incense moldered who after he shuffled the tarot cards spread them in a Celtic Cross but before beginning she shook her head said No, that’s not right. Shuffle them again.

and more and different and sorted and on and on and on until he finally threw in the towel
Leftie

she sat up crawled up his body

he rubbed petted her
                        Whadaya say grrl Time to rise an shine get the show on the road  she answered a plaintive mew hopped off the bed ahead of him as he tossed the sheet and blanket aside and got out on the right side  literally

6AMish,  2sday,  14  5. 24
1046,  2sday
pull-quote:
           “‘Kibosh,’ (Joseph) Conboy (a railroad man whose hobby is Gaelic culture) . . . “comes from ‘caip,’ which means cap, and ‘bais,’ which means death. It originated in Ireland about the time of Judge Norbury, who was called the ‘hanging judge.’ When the people would see him reaching for the black cap he wore when giving the death sentence, they would say: ‘The prisoner is “finished. The judge is putting on the caip bais” – kibosh. Thus when we say we ‘out the kibosh on something,’ we mean we have disposed of it.” 

13.5.24


heard the shrubjay
                        saw himherherhim in the twistinleafy boughs of the live oak above him
sounded mischievous
reminded him of he in his youth
had to get the last word inhad to fuckprovoke whomever raised his ire
didnt take much

   was always spoiling for a fight
                                     but
hed pocketed what few would have imagined he had

   training

a Golden Gloves boxer
                          a little shit
but who knew how to box

anwasnt keen on takin prisoners


shrubjay cawed
                   understood its advantage
No ya don
CAW
Donya dare
like thawas a threat

in startlinquicksuccession it dropped limb to limbworked its way to the least obstructed perch above him
Whacha gonna dobout it
fair question

   they did

nothing he could dobout itcouldnt even avoid its hotbullet trajectory
                                                                          hit him in the throat

sheheheshe cackled as they flew off

1240,  Sunday – Mother’s Day,  12  5. 24
2234,  Monday,  13  5. 24

. . . movies are stories he could never write
                                                 but he could write a movie . . .

1949,  Monday,  13  5. 24
Willie Nelson  The Scientist  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZKa0ZjvTjo 

FILE  #17

   not ITEM #17 not PORTFOLIO though wouldnt be portfolio or folio neither in his vernacular
                                                                                                      file
anwhy #17
not 17
       17 is a number   why reiterate

   his why was legit

it was his dream
the tyranny of dreamingUnless  like him
                                           one can manipulate it  lucid dreaming
which hes had down pat since his early 20s
worked like a dog
                    its paid off

but last night he went with it
seemed a dare


FILE #17 remained static on the back of his eyelids for a long time

he thought You started this

his patience after years of doctors waiting rooms surgeries recoveries had patience
                                                                                   nearly indomitable
helped to be an Other as perceived by majority fearful Whitey
                                                                  wasnt racist
race is like pornography
                            ya know it when ya see it
an most cant hide it
though they dearly believe they are


FILE #17 turned out to be an oversized 3-ring binder
                                                                Aah 3-ring circus
an it was
it wanted to come across like a dossier about him
                                                     but for a dream it should have been more accurate
it was frustrated

evidently dreams havent long memories
                                              forgot
   he was lucid
                  an distorted every page as it was turned
he dampened some HOT shit
                                    he knew it
but he was Authority

dreams  often they believe they are    think Freud think Jung think psychotherapists

NO
     had the reins firmly in his hands

good try though
                 nice try

have to see if it – they would remain diligent

6AMish,  Monday  13  5. 24
Eurythmics  Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cp58INalLYQ

12.5.24


Woudya quit   Please
                         Quit
Ya remind me of a chick
An youre neither cute or silly

I like ‘em . . and because I like to yank your chain.

Not yanked  An irritant
                          To add a little more fuel to the fire tell me the last time I yanked your chain  Something I dondo

I think you do.

Im all ears
            Tell me when an why

   I’m sure you have.

Positive I havent
                   Not in my wheelhouse
Also  I find emojis emoticons tedious
Why I rarely use them
                         Sometimes to humour  my favourite the semicolon followed by the concluding parenthesis

Which iswas an early emoji endeavor an to my mind should have been the extent of them

They’re playful . .
. . Irritating
             Save the keystrokes
Save em for someone ya wanna be cute an silly with
                                                         Also words nomenclature I rarely use
Save em for someone else   Please


I think they’re humorous.

Okay  Ive asked nice
                        Tell me the last timesince you were unable to cite when last I yanked your chain the last I recommended a comedy movie or told you of one I watched

 

  Yacant

Also
       Because Im rarely moved to harhar
I like witty I like grim

Also

Which you unfortunately fail at



You’re awfully cut and dry.

I am
      Im also someone who doesnt entertain or wishes to be entertained
My hands are full with me alone

Hence my zeal my pleasure surrounding my solitude

1419,  2sday,  7  5. 24
1205,  Sunday – Mother’s Day,  12  5. 24

he couldnt say
                    if he looked in a mirror it was because he didnt want to cut his throat shaving with a straight razor
old habits die hard it was his grandfathers
that said
           he read in Bruens Galway Girl Jack Taylor dresses to go out and takes a gander and what he sees

I had the look of a failed accountant who moonlighted as a morgue attendant.

   hmmm
even if he looked  but because he wasnt going anywhere and whenever hes invited out he declines  preferring his own company   solitude


   maybe his cats had an opinion what he looked like

Wittgenstein

Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.

he loved the quote for its whereof and thereof

that he cited two quotes made him smile
                                             also  something else he wouldnt see in a mirror

he was unable to describe his “look”


at least he was able to say that he was grateful he wasnt a vampire

face all nickedup  those fresh an those healingscabbing
                                                             an not one unaided by a styptic pencil or a liberal scintillatingsplash of Pinaud Lilac Vegetal
 NO 
       ones scent is not their look
DAMMIT


   if he had to say hed say  I look like I smell after shaving without a mirror

Thursday afternoon,  9  5. 24
1103,  Sunday – Mother’s Day,  12  5. 24
Uriah Heap  Look at Yourself  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMMrazRIdx4

due diligence

   his eyeballs had incitedhumoured him
                                            then
they challengedinspired him  Think
                                       Ya think a blind person sees in their dreams
he hadnt thought about that
Think

   he did
           rubbed off on him

waking this morning the first thing he wonderedstill wiping sleep out of his eyes he wondered what a blind person would have made of his dream
                           waylaid sexually tagteamed ravaged by two boorishly garishly drawn cartoon women
not that they werent attractive
not that they werent favourable composed
not that he didnt thoroughly enjoy them
   their lines
               thick hasty  black oil pastel
                                              peach rosered othercoloured pastels enhancedembellished them
genuinely spoke to revealed their attentiveintense enthusiasm

   they were he was the linens were
                                         smeared
anhe somewhere in the midst of their cummings and goingons thought to hang the flatsheet as wall art


it   was   outrageous
                       
   what would the blind think
                                 if they could see in their dreams

6AMish,  Sunday – Mother’s Day,  12  5. 24
Gotye  Somebody That I Used To Know  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY

11.5.24


texted  :  :  Come. Coffee. Get high.
                                       Have food shoot pool, enjoy being Polish.

a Johnny-come-lately according to Nat Geo genetic testing
                                                              but that was only the frontend of the offering
friend on the backend

a girl friend
             which texter had a hard time comprehending  not girlfriend   I don’t know that.

he knew it two weeks in


maybe texter hadnt dated much as a teen  in college
                                                        COLLEGE
Get Out of Nam Free card                  
he didnt go
             however given his low Draft number he won better than threehunred buddies parked dough in a pot for the miscreant who had the misfortune to be drawn first TADUM aside from a sewing machinegave it to his sisters it was only fuckin thing he ever won in his life
                              he didnt stick around after high school to let the machinery of the Draft influence or find him
hit the road like Kerouac

spent time with a lot of women before STDs became a thing
                                                                     though made a point of wearing a condom
Don fuck without one
                        nearly the slogan popularised by American Express
he wouldnt


   girl friend
               lead texter round by the nose
galled him

he politely declined
had letters he wanted to write get out

Who writes letters anymore?
                                   texter had moments of assholism

  :  :  Texting with a who

  :  :  Write them some other time.

  :  :  No thank you

   However  Thank you

  :  :  She’s going to be disappointed.

  :  :  Not my problem

  :  :  You’re cold, man.

  :  :  Thoroughly imbued steeled by Reality

  :  :  So what am I supposed to say, you’ll hurt her feelings.

  :  :  I don’t care. You could make something up but I’d tell her the truth: I had something better to do

  :  :  Better?  Really?

  :  :  Then lie

he disliked people trying to hang things around his neck
                                                            Church of Brutal Beyond Belief
he was a charter member

2024,  Saturday,  11  5. 24
Glenn Frey  You Belong to the City  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4ueaD22hg8