16.1.24


. . . really . . it’s nothing more than a matter of discipline.
                                                            he closed his eyesnodded pursuant he may have imagined himself sage gravitas

which he wouldnt bestow no way no how in hell
                                                All ears Buddha Continue   Im listening

It’s relative. A incise matter of internal, external discipline, conjoinedcomingled.

he opened his eyeslooked on him


   Im listening

What is it you can’t or are unable to discern?

Discernment This is your argumentnot mine
                                               Theres no reason I shoud discern Not as you stand before me  exercised  eager  wanton to extoll the virtues of discipline whichif I may   if I may probably understand anave benefitted from more holistically than you

Sosay

he sniffed Internally, and externally.
Meaning

   How one submits themselves.  Externally. Submits to . .
. . Authority
                 Authority

Yes.

Disciplined by authority

Yes.

Coerced
I didn’t say that.

You didnt
             I did
Thas not discipline

It is.
    Heads tails    Yinyang

Complementary forces

Don’t get caught up in the wee . .
. . Weeds
             I disagree
With your assessment

Youve been reading again

Do you disagree that they exists?

No
    Though I believe one should only submit to themselves External is prophylactic an artifice either to breakdown or be broken down
                  Sooner the better

1448,  Reggaefriday,  12  1. 24
2254,  2sday,  16  1. 24

he had no idea how he got into shit

seemed it was a knack

a friend big house  threw a party

he was hesitant to attend
                           You know how often you blow me off?I ask you say you’ll think about it, end of day, not the next day or two later you call, thank me, decline.

I said Id think about it
Come.
         Please. Got some people coming who are as bizarre as you.   Afraid of a little competition?

Youre not gallin me

Not my intention. I’m just saying.
                                     The facts, ma’am, nothing but the facts.

he called that evening

Well?

Ill be there
             Wha can I bring
Yourself.

You know me
                I bring something or I cant make it

Awright awright. Ice for in the drinks.

Crushed Cubed
Sure.
        Both.

Ill be there


a number were unique
                        but not bizarre  not to his standard
he wasnt bizarre

just wayaway of mainstream



he couldnt take a leak on the grounds per usualwater the plants the two heads downstairs were in use figured master bedroom bath
                 out of bounds
door shut
out of bounds
he bounded in
               Ooops  closed the door behind him

sitting on the bed a woman Claire he met that afternoon was expressing herself
pretty sleek equipment
                         function primary
Claire also functional
primacy 
          primal

Excuse me walking towards the bathroom door Need to hit the head

she noddeddistracted  busy


he washed his hands rapped on the door alerting her to his exit
                                                                   Not necessary. Come. I’m nearly done.

he walked over to the bed
                             Joe
Yes I remember.
                  Introduced strange Joe.

Actually strange is my middle name Joe strange

she chuckled coloured her faceheightened her freckles

Whas your story

I’m a surrogate. Fell into this sweet deal with the parents. They’re covering me maintaining my lactation. Turns out I’m so plentifully I donate.

Dairy cow

You’re not looking to score points.

No Call a spade a spade

   Or a dairy cow.
                         absently There.  Finished.  she removed the breast pad
a tantalising pearl seepedmarbledappeared at the very tip of her nipple
                                                                               May I
followed his eyes
                   May you . . what?

he didnt answerleaned forward gently upswiped her nipple with his indexfinger  dolloped the drip licked it

her nipple firmed
                   Really?
As a baby  had swallowed hard  ached a sixpak of wet nurses from the neighbourhood Was a fat baby  Twentysixpounds at six months
                                     Obviously fond of breastmilk  Cant take tha out of a boy

Are you done

No.

You havent expressed your left breast

   No.

May I

May you?

May I
         On tap
Tap?
     her nipples hardened
he believed joyously
                     I imagine things have been at a remove remote   Clinical Rigorous   Stringent  

nodding They have.

Care for some humanity

Humanity?

Selfserving
              Though I believe helpin myself Id be helpin you also  Win-win Claire

   I don’t  know.

he slowlyachingly reached to her breast deliberately upbrushed her nipple she sucked in a breath  involuntarily she expressed
             I know  I know

gently he pushed her backshe didnt resist on the bed
                                                       took her breast in both hands reminded him of his childhood hot summer treat a huge slice of chilled watermelon greedybites juice leaked from the corners of his mouth to his throat wetted his tshirt front


   one thing lead to another

he hadnt had sex with a lactating woman before


   they exchanged numbers

AMish,  2sday,  16  1. 24
1510,  2sday


they were going to have coffee

had been like clockwork

go for an uphill hike

incline wasnt too steep

good to make the top

better coming back down
                           though

past fourfive weeks hes begged off the hike but still says Let's meet for coffee.

a small place mileanahaf off his
                                   Ill walk Ill meet ya there

I go right by your place, I'll pick you up.

No Im good stretch my legs   Ill meet ya there

hed buy coffees but he didnt want them to chill
                                                   wouldnt set a clock by him
five tenminutes fifteen twenty
                                hed arrive
no skin off his ass

had his canvasbag couple of books clipboard paper pens inside 

wasnt like he was waiting

he glancedup past the clock tower in the park 

hed come from parking in that direction


   he saw himwatched him stuff his hangdog
something was up
                        something had been up

he hollered COFFEES ON YOU MAN

he noddedveered left

his coffee was black black coffees black

his on the other hand was a moving target but always lightened with cream   sweetened


put his book down  Thank you

You’re welcome. Sorry I’m late.

I wasnt waiting



   So man   
              Whas got ya by the throat

Me? Nothing.   I’m cool.

I watched you come through the park
                                        Yawannasay

I said ther . .
. . Excuse me  excuse me   Ill ask once more
                                                Three an yare out I can see youre off anya pride yourself on being honest

Ya don have to say

But theres something

Serena.

nothing serene about her met her twice not his slice of pie

Feels like things are going south.

   She told me I could call anytime.

Held herself up . . you know.

I don

I could call her anytime.

Anytime.

Weel
       There coudbe a brilliance to her remarkdoubt it  Whaya heard might not have been wha she meant  You coud call her anytime

frustrated the sweet in his coffee wasnt cutting it 
                                                But she doesn’t pick upwhat are you talking about?
She didnt say she woud
                           She only said you coud call her

That’s wrong.

According to you
                     Did she say shed answer

If I were to cal . .
. . She say shed answer
                              No

Shes not wrong


Who’s side are you on?

I havent a dog in the fight
                             I woud agree there is an implication  But only that

That’s little solace.

Coud havemight have been more if youd been on time answered first time I asked
                                                                                       Well never know
   
2128,  Monday – Mark Luther King Jr Day,  15  1. 24
James Taylor  You’ve Got A Friend  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKaWQxlTsRM

Dylan  Love Sick  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y_VTtGujPI

15.1.24


he was smug wasnt a good look on hisanyones puss You’re cynical.
                                                                     Why not admit it.
Im not  Thas not true

So you’re not mistrustful . .
. . Distrustful  Distrustful
                             By my experience
You interrupted.

   You’re distrustful . . . I don’t see a diff . .
. . You should  Yaoughta know the words you use
                                                      Words ya casually carelessly break
under his grimace he ground his teeth
                                          he cleared his throat You distrust your fellow man’s sincerityquestion . his integrity.                                                      
I have no fellow man
                          Authenticity wanes

shook his head dismally Just semantics.

Whimper Susurrate  Semantics  Suck a limp dick
                                                         Authenticity is unshakable A toggled harpoon
Whas past is prologue Shakespeare  Tempest
I see whawas helps me see up the road ahead A far piece  Obviously beyond you
                                                                                         Youre not a student of history 
Ya hang on my words  Shame on you  Ya don look or learn Ya don know for yourself

   I am not cynical
                     Im aware

Thaya don want to conflatecombine the two thas on youyour decision
                                                                           Out of my hands
I aint gonna break a sweat over whaya think

I  Believe
            I do not think

   So you believe. Not think.  Mistrust.   Distrust.

Yes
      The weight is behind me Years goneby now   You have no idea
                                                                            You havent invested

I’ve no skin in the game?

None An astute recognition
                              Bravissimo

1500,  Saturday,  13  1. 24
1936,  Monday – Martin Luther King, Jr Day,  15  1. 24

Tiikk  You Weren’t  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fndhEBrEv9Y

he caught her abrupthalts  had he blinked he would have missed themhad he missed them he would still have had his suspicions

she was a synesthete counted in colour saw time like pictures in her head smelled in colours

but she was a witch
                      a good oldfashioned witch without the cackle without the wart with a depth of soul that was bottomless
             she had a fantastic bottom
   was the first time a fanny swayed him

no  small  feat

approx1400,  Sunday,  14  1. 24
1551,  Monday – Martin Luther King Jr Day,  15  1. 24

    sex alleviated soothed his angst
the blue lacy agate his daughter selected for him helped  but wasnt the trick it was heavy hard in his hand in his palm
she told him it would help calm him  Yareally think I need to be calm calmed
                                                                                 You?    Yes.
   he needed something softer  more pliable delicate
He knew
           the deeperHim knew
He mustered a salve a dreamed salve at once a voicenot his wordsnot in his hand he listened to the voice followedread with it like a subtitle
                                     she glistened  and looked  and felt  and smelled  and tasted like split stonefruit

he could feel his spine relax become a snakespine able to curlcoil a catspine elastic agile 
                                                                                                an atop it his skull warming
soothed  bathed 

angst away


glistening

looked

smelled

tasted

split stonefruit

   He saw the day comingstress coming and wanted him warmedup stretchedout to face it

AMish,  Monday – Martin Luther King, Jr Day,  15  1. 24

Kings  I HAVE A DREAM  https://www.npr.org/2010/01/18/122701268/i-have-a-dream-speech-in-its-entirety

American Greed second to none ticks him off egregiously
                                                            anyet what had been distant in the rear mirror is up on his ass on a crappy one lane road

White  Republican  Texan  Inhumanity
                                          cost a woman and two children their lives
THEIR LIVES
              which would be more significant if one viewed those deaths through a magnified len of THEIR LIFE

Yahear the one about Abbott screamingbloodymurder clutching his wheelchair dumped in the middle of the Rio Grande

“National Guard soldiers” – those are some names we need to know the bootlicks the enablers henchmen – “deployed by Abbott did not allow Border Patrol agents to attempt to rescue the migrants.”
                                                                                fuckedup

White House spokesman Angelo Frenandez Hernandez “While we continue to gather facts about the circumstances of these tragic deaths,” – murders – “one thing is clear: Abbott’s political stunts are cruel, inhumane, and dangerous.”

   which is exactlyexactly the point

1135,  Monday – Martin Luther King, Jr. Day,  15  1. 24

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/3-migrants-drown-near-shelby-park-eagle-pass-texas-soldiers-denied-entry-federal-border-agents/

14.1.24


Ohno  No no no
                  next time he was leaned on for being severe or intolerant hed straighten their ass prontoOhyah


he was all ears

evidently yet another problem he had he loved hearin people tell him wha his problem was

Ears

Yeah. You’re hearing goes beyond the telling.

Its called active listening
                           Which then allows me to parse the others argument

Argument. You see?  It can’t ever be a discussion with you, deteriorates into an interrogation.

When I ask clarifying questions

Death of a thousand cuts.

Horseshit
           I know a gal who broke with her boyfriend because while he enjoyed provoked her made clarifying questions when she turned them on himtook him to the mat he was none too happy  Hed get mean Believed they were his prerogative his providence  Not hers

So either be groundedknow wha yare talking about Or keep your mouth shut
                                                                                   Simple
   Simple. End of conversation.

Did I say tha

Simple sounded mighty declarative.

There you have it Your time to pose a clarifying questionNo
                                                                Im deducing

   Nothing Nada   Just keepin your mouth shut

It’s hard to talk to you, man.

Not ifya know wha youre talking about
                                           Case in point Dealbreaker

What of it?

Im referencing my singular to yours my brothers an others who can tolerate threefour dealbreakers  Abide them

    Comon  True or false

Like I said, you're hard to talk to.

Ifya think Im tough I got a humdinger for ya
                                               Ran into a guy at a bar Pretty raw Conversed  I didnt care for his choice of a shot an beer he didnt care for mine  Ya know wha he calls it

Calls what?

irritated he shrugged his shoulders You know Youre hard to talk to
                                                                      Whawerewe talking about 

   Dealbreakers.

Nice Still a worm turns inside your apple
                                               Know wha tha guy called it
No.

Dealkiller
             I gottasay Best thing tha came out of his mouth Im running with tha here on out

approx1300,  Sunday,  14  1. 24
1738,  Sunday


. . . No   no I woudnt call it an obsession

Then what?
Genetic

Just like thatfrom the hip?
                            You’re gonna finger your parents for your rude . .
. . Holdon  holdon Don get ahead of yourself an start slinging aspersions atop obsessions
                                                                                                Got a real hungry bug up your ass this afternoon

You know.  You say things to rile . .
. . Don take much to roil water in a shallow puddle dude

Now who’s insulting? he bristled

he thought bristled was a good look on him Oh Was calling motels an obsession meant to be an insult  Aint
Wha obsesses you


Nothing.
           Nothing obsesses me.

Ill give you a second to actually think about wha yare sayin
                                                                Cuz I got a sharpened wooden stake to drive through your heart

   You do?
Indubitably IN DO BIT TALLY split your sternum  Fuckin uncomfortable tillya croak

You always have to be so graphic.
Middle name
               I like to paint a picture in your skullwas once an original cavepainter  reincarnated  so there is no room for youanyone to misconstrue my intent or words

So

   So . . what?

Asshole
         Your believed nonexistent obsession

You’re mistaken.

Genetic

At that again?

I am
       Whadaya got  Cuz I got

Spew.  I’m calling it shit before it’s out of your mouth.

Simpleton  Dunce
                   I got a pointy hat to replace Giants cap


Nothing

Nothing to admit.

Then Ill extracttoss it on the ground like offal you wouldnt eat for your life  Delicious

You got nothing.
Big tits 
        An aint no matter what theyre protruding jutting from natural artificial as long as theyre big  You shallow puddle  Which is redundant
                                But ohso necessaryGraphic  one might say
Deny

I don’t obsess.

You take womens pictures off your big plasma screen an text them to me
                                                                             Last time I sent you a picture of a seedy motel

Yah  Nothing
              Yamiss as in cathedrals the mass of humanitytheir emotions tha theyve left invested in the enclosing walls steeping them

Obviously a cathedral is different than a motel room But not much really

All sorts of sordid libidos smeared on walls peppering their atmospheres

Strikes me at a nanolevel cellular
                                      Genetic
Frankly only person who gives me a run for my money is my daughter an her penchant for dive bars Grrls got a nose for themcant hideem from her
                             Genetic

1028,  Sunday,  14  1. 24
ELP  Karn Evil 9  1st Impression Part 2  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cc6ymS4NGxg