her voice was rawshrill eggshell thin  You didn’t say anything. I thought you would.

There wasnt anything to say

                                 As I wrote  It was a simple yes or no    Im a simple guy

Yes. I read that. But I didn’t reply.

Ya did 

I did not.

            You wrote me . a simple yes . . or no.

I did

      You replied

   But I didn’t write you anything.

You did not

              You did not

So by not replying . I implied . . no.

Correct he didnt want to aggravateexacerbate the circumstance by saying yes

she seemed incredulous So I’m very clear.  Not replying I implied . . no.

he sighed deep in his chest so she couldnt hear

                                              You didnt say yes  Your silence said no

That’s pretty onesided. 

                          My silence suggesting no.

   If one does not refute a contention their silence is complicit

                                                                   It   Agrees

But I didn’t say.

Baby you didnt have to  I wrote three weeks ago   

Youve said Its not brain surgey   I heard you 

                                                 I heard you loud an clear

   Were not talking because youre going to tell me yes 

                                                           Are you

No.

                                                                                     2216,  day-between-2-Ts,  8  11. 23

Shardechar wid me october

she agreed   mewed  she had the sun

                                            shes his queen the three other cats in the house are her kittens

she birthed them between his legs

he felt her archsuddenly straining

                                   No no no he said sitting upright

looking downthought she shit the bed

                                       No no no

then the turd moved

in the next hafhour she birthed again twice

first born shy March19

                          second leftie third bomber born March20

a helluvaway to spend midnight

                                  found a boxthrew a soft bathtowel in itplaced it under the bureau

she bound off the bed with one in her teeth he helped the other two down

stripped the bed

the mattress protector failed

blottedabsorbed what he could

lathered the mattress

patted up what he could

began laundering the sheets

checked on her

she was outexhausted

he grabbed a blanket slept on the couch

waking in the morning

                       Nah

hadnt dreamed

was sleeping on the couch 

shardechar

             october understood him

if someone read it they might not

hed devolve it rehydratereconstitute it

shar de char

share the chair

                 say sharethechair lazily

say anything lazily

slangy

cats follow theyre cool

they get ya

               deybecoo

   Yare on your own

1042,  day-between-2-Ts,  8  11. 23

Beatles  All You Need Is Love  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1A8sOOKianA

he finally shaved

itd been months

shaved  hiswanted to say the but suppose if you grow it you own it  his moustache an goatee

                                                                                               hed been getting into character for Halloween a Method actor Trick or Treater

when he shaved he became nonDude

                                        original Dude The Big Lebowski was played by Jeff Bridges John Goodman was Walter Sobchak Steve Buscemi Donny  bowlers  helluva a castmovie should have won an Academy Award

   nonDude

             kinda comes off as nude

nonDude nude

Thasa reach

For youya got short arms tough to masturbate besides who asked

No one An observation

                         Cant have you runninround pattin yourself on the back how fuckin clever you are

Not as clever as obvi . .

. . Obvious   Obvious

                        Ya kiddin me

Not obvious to you

                     Farsighted too Thamust make masturbatin a bitchbent like a pretzel Stay away from the snacktray someone might snatch yaup an eatya

   he glared at him

Nothing

   Yah  Yah Im afraid so got butkis

Yah

      I don know wha Id say either

Kinda happy I beatya to the punch

I know wha yare thinkin

You do

When you ooze back into the mire an folds of my brain

   You do

I do

Wha smart guy

Youll come up with something clever

                                                           Anyall think

Ill think . . .

              Wha

Come yare not thinkin   Think

Ill think . . .

Thas it

 

Shit

Yup

  Trepverter 

Yup

     Your clever retort will come to you at the bottom of the stairs   Too late

Say it with me

Wha

   NonDude  Nude

Nope             

2237,  day-between-2-Ts,  1  11. 23

1032,  day-between-2-Ts,  8  11. 23

Carole King  Too Late  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkKxmnrRVHo

Kool-Aid dont care

its terrible to concede that life got in the way

                                                of Death

its been twentynine days since hes returned to Worldometers terrible undaunted tally

today it recorded onemilliononehunredeightyonesixhunredantwenty 1,181,620 Americans have died of Trumpvirus

on October 9 he learned  twentynine days ago onemilliononehunredseventyeightfourhunredanfour 1,178,404 Americans had died

threethousandtwohunredansixteen 3,216 Americans dying since

                                                                       an average of onehunredaneleven 111 – actually 110.896 deaths – the .896 unfortunately equals 1

   the former remains deluded

                                   unfortunately almost half of America continue to sip his orange Kool-Aid

1812,  2sday,  7  11. 23

https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/us/ 

Kate Smith  God Bless America  (6  10. 1963) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsOjZgMJS88

not a snake  

              a seedpod

not a chiton a curled dried leaf

not a mole a rock

   he constantly imbued inanimate things animation

                                                        as Steinbeck wrote in The Log of the Sea of Cortez enthused by biologist Doc Ricketts An ocean without its unnamed monsters would be like a completely dreamless sleep.

he named things other than they were hoping one dayAbracadabra the moment would flop like a wet sodden thing and the Improbable would prove its existence

might be asking for a lot

when in truth he was asking for the minute

                                              a sliver a shave a glimpse in a Funhouse mirror realised for a quickenedbreaths duration

desperate confirmation

fortunately he was an optimistic soul

he saw ghosts dead onhead on

caught things out of the corner of his eye

                                            he learned if he didnt avert his eyes to see them theyd stay

queer companyqueer companions

made him laugh

tickled him

his mother warned him  That’s just your imagination.   I enjoy it   Well, just as long as you don’t get carried away.   Theyre not big enough Maw   I don’t mean literally, children are so literal, so naïve.   You donae get out enough Maw  I meet naïve adults all the time   Maybe they’re not as wellread as you.   Anthas on you   It is.   You got tired of reading to me didnt you   You were insatiableare insatiable, was time you read what you wanted for yourself because goodness knows I didn’t want to read to you the books you wanted to read. Didn’t like the pictures.   I did not  I wanted to see pictures painted by words

   a seedpod not a snake

at a glance they look similar

1230,  Monday,  23  10. 23

1009,  2sday,  7  11. 23

Jeffrey Martin  Garden  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Emywv6tiBI

Amigo the Devil  The Dreamer  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FLZ8Hdtz1I

Unbelievable 

he showed teeth  gritted clenched

                                        assiduously

the message suggested pain

                               not his

Do  Not  Fuck he assumed they could complete the sentence With Me

his sneer an invective

                          instructional if one wasnt too thick

chicklets canines

                    visual connective tissue inertia building defiance uninhibited fomenting  coud lose his shit

                                                                                                                   except

except for the pervasivepersuasive voice in his head singing Keep it cool boy real cool

   easier said than done

at issue 

at his bank

              how he dated his checks

his issue

          hes dated checks letters as such since a high school freshman

   No. For instance asif he needed an example today’s date in November 7, 2023, or you can write it 11/7/2023, we begin with the month, then the day and the year, not the nonsense you write.

Keep it cool boy  real cool

   Whell I cant tell you how much I dig concurring 

                                                      So Ill concur with virtually all other countries in the world and our military Furthurmore if youll look at the clock on the wall to your right youll see the hands read 8:37 which youll absolutely read as Eightthirtyseven I read it as Eighthundredthirtyseven hours were nearing Ninehundred hours at Oneoclock this afternoon itll be Thirteenhundred hours

So please  keep your nos to yourself 

Ill keep writing the date as I do

You have record of all checks Ive written Theyre precedence Find one where I havent

                                                                                           One

I appreciate your time

he walked out of the bank

kept it cool real cool

                      thawas unlike him  particularly regarding petty things tha shoudnt exist

save for the petty people who bring them up

1516,  Sunday,  5  11. 23

West Side Story  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wugWGhItaQA

I like it better when you write about sex. Not so serious.

Sex isnt serious

I meantno . . I mean . it’s serious . I follow . . . it’s just I like it when you don’t write about serious stuff. You get dark.

I mean to be dark

                    Brightwhite an shiny casts a shadowsome darker than others  I remind people not to be blinded by the light

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band . .

. . Pink Floyd  Dark Side of the Moon   Yes

                                               So yare interested in the sex

I am.

Barbi  Barbie  Recently Ariane an Sephora  Laila   Eve Hallie     Marilyn

Oooh. Marilyn’s hot but . . but . disturbing.

Disturbing

Making love having sex with a woman who admitsyou admit . . is dead.

Dreams

         My dreams are uninhibited  Which also instruct me while Im awake

Whas to gain by building walls

Protection.

From yourself

No. Others.

You intend to have sexmake love to these others

                                                      Or are you masturbating

Others.

           she blushed   Masturbate.

Why are you blushing

I’m admitting I masturbate . .

. . Like everyone else

                       You see me blushingsee me blush while I write the sex you really like 

I need blood elsewhere

OHMYGOD.

Comere  Touch me

I’m not touching you.

Ill touch myself

                 he put his hand down his pants  You playin

I’m not going to play.

   Not with me

                    You

You want me to play with myself?

Id rather you play with me but if youd like to play with yourself I promise Ill remain sitting on this end of the couch

But you have to remain on your end

                                      Got a safe word

A safe word?

               That’s for stopping.

Howbout a safe word to kick it into gear

That’s crazy.

They are whawe make them

What we make them.

I like the affirmation in your voice

                                   Now hikeup your skirt lose your panties spread your legs   I wanna seeya glisten

1150,  Monday,  6  11. 23

1234,  Monday

. . . some silicone sister  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rzk3x3HZbJI

Pink Floyd  Brain Damage  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFdkM40KOhE

I hear you.  Stochastic.

                          I wouldn’t say terrorism . . violence.

Terrorism in these circumstances

You don’t know that for certain.

Not certain Absolutely 

                         Thaswha bullies do

It means randomly determined . . can be analyzed statistically . .

. . Betcha coudnt wait to toss tha out

   It can be analyzed statistically.  But may not be predicted precisely.

Which enables the declaration of plausible deniability

                                                         Wave fly tha muthafucker like a flag

Plausibly deniable.

I know youre not defending them

I’m not.

Trip the Light Fantastic with me loosenup a bit

                                                 Stochastic from Greeklooked it up  stokhastikos S T O K H A S T I K O S  Know wha fascinated me about the word

No.

S  drop the T O K H

                       After S enter W A S T I K A drop the O S ending

When lookingup the word an my eye fell on the Greek it screamed at me

Swastika.

   The Greek means aim at  guess   Ill give you your due

Random 

         Easy to fall back on cover ones tracksThey didnt mean it   Tha doesnt mean it was accidental

A random variable random element random  aim

                                                    Good defence  Ifya got something to hide

Lie

You don’t know that.

You don know tha

What are you saying?

How many bullies did you stand your ground against

I gave them wide berths.

I didnt ask you tha

What do you want me to say?

A question I asked

                     Though admittedly  I didnt give you my usual answer right out of the box

No. Usually rightupfront in my face.

Yah

     Yacant miss a bully as a kid

No. You can’t.

So wha I did was find a few other boys who saw wha I saw

                                                                Anwe knocked the hell out of him

You gangedup on him.

We did

        In my elementary school junior high high school  There were no bullies

Walks like a duck swims like a duck quacks likes a duck

We knocked the hell out of them

Only took one sound beating

   Crossing my fingers behind my back I might agree its stochastic violence  Ill concede it may not be terrorism

And you didn’t get in trouble at school I imagine you did it at school.

Performed it on the playground during recess in front of the kids and teachers

                                                                                  Yes I got in trouble

I told them it was my idea 

I told them the truth

Its hard to get in real trouble telling the truth

I was accountable

Today

        A horrific lack of accountability it strung on lawyer strings asif a dumb woodenheaded puppet

Plausible deniability.

Amen brother  Amen

afternoon,  Reggaefriday,  20  10. 23

1113,  Monday,  6  11. 23

The Who  The Real Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6y1c3xllo8c

while hes on the stand mistyped came out satand  ask former during his whamustbe testacrimony  what the word stochastic means

might provoke an aneurysm which would be bad for him  possibly very unfortunate

                                                                                         although

one needs a brain to suffer a cerebral aneurysm  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hG3mJcUzwaI

stochastic terrorism

                      defined as public demonisation of a person or group or specifically two black election workers* resulting in the incitement of a violent act which is statistically probable but whose specifics cannot be predicted

                                                                                                            lone wolf  DEAD

whos incited more

plausible deniability

                       I didn’t do anything. I didn’t do anything.  I didn't do a thing.

Why the smile

I’m not smiling.

Why the smirk

I’m not smirking.

No

No.

Whellthen I must say  the look of idiocy suits ya

                                                      To  a   T 

324preferred,  Thursday,  5  10. 23

0948,  Monday – formers testimony,  6  11. 23

* https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/usa-election-threats-georgia/

a smattering of cloudsNO   not a smattering  staccato YES  staccatoclouded blue sky

DOTs  DASHs

                Morse Code

not since Scouts

if words escaped him

dots and dashs wouldnt be significant

                                         but he felt compelled

he followed his compulsions

which happened

                   if they didnt he hadnt intuitions or gut feelings to fall back on

compulsions were better

he couldnt stop looking at the clouds

wondered if they were talking to him  

hed keep that to himself

really wished he had a camera to record them

he had pen an paper

he segmented the clouds into clots left to right while somewhere in his head cried right to left as in Japan  back to front

which appealed to his lefthandedness

dot dash

dot dot

dash dash dash

dash dot dash

dash dot dash dot

dash dot

dot

     there were plenty more clouds in the sky but they were closelygrouped some bled into each other  he caught their merging out of his peripheral

the piece of sky he viewed  clouds more separate was sufficient

later at home he took up one of his dictionaries to see if the dots and dashes he recorded were actually letters

SURPRISE

             they were

seven letters

A

I

O

K

C

N

E

A I  O K  C N E

first A I wasnt O K by him

C N E 

       he bet an acronym which also wasnt O K by him  say whaya mean

Artificial Intelligence

                      OK  as conceding to its repugnant existence

C N E

first unfurled acronym

Continuing Nursing Education

A I is O K if its continually nursed educated 

   maybe  maybe not

it was audacious to imagine the universe might single him out to talk to

                                                                              however

who else that afternoon was looking at the clouds in the sky and wondering Morse Code

   the conjecturecant call it fact despite the fact of the clouds formations A I was communicated to him

though even clouds couldnt convince him A I was O K

approximately4PM,  Saturday,  7  10. 23

1234,  Sunday,  5  11. 23

ELP  Welcome to the Show  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_zo0FiNheI 

a quick inclusion from Helen Scales The Brilliant Abyss pg173  citing Rachel Carson 1961s The Sea Around Us  playing with her text  “The truth is that (AI) proceed(s) far more rapidly than our knowledge justifies . . . to (release) first and investigate later is an invitation to disaster.”  Ms. Carson was writing about the dumping of pollutants into the ocean  

page 44 of Helen Scales The Brilliant Abyss   Why brilliant? It’s an abyss. Aren’t abysses black?   Black abysses  coudbe the nextnewest phonaesthetic to help knock off Tolkiens token cellar door   That still grating your ass?

Its terminal

             page 44:  “. . . wanted to discover the fate of dead gators and find out whether a particular entourage of scavengers and bone eaters assembles on the bodies of big, dead reptiles. American alligators (Alligator mississippiensis (not to be mistaken for mississippipenises – penis and scrotum and testes Ohmy!)), as well as caimans, saltwater crocodiles, and various other reptilian coastal dwellers, send considerable parcels of carbon into the deep when they die.”

he was particular struck by Scales description of considerable parcels of carbon

he was a considerable parcel of carbon

                                          which was sobering

and then it occurred to him all the considerable carbon parcels locked in coffins inside burial vaults and while their composition altered by embalmment (the art and science of) they were representative of stores that could have helped sustain the planetcould have take their place in the food chain not a chain of food stores   That’s morbid.   Thas thoughtful though late to the game   To desecrate loved ones?   Isnt crating loved ones desecrating   Crating?   Semantics   they loved arguing semantics but it was usually him not him who tossed it into play  it wasfrankly  liberating

            kind of like being a sizablebreasted woman and finally getting out of her bra at days end   kind of like

he didnt say that outloud

had he him would have lost his shit

tits dazzled him

gave him frisson

he was willing to leave him with the frisson he shared with his weedwhacker

                                                                                 Yah

weedwhacker

he wouldnt go into detail of the visual that gave off

prior when hes pushed the envelopehe couldnt resist offered up having sex on a washing machine amid a poorly loaded onpurpose SPIN cycle LOOK MAW NO HANDS as a matter of fact had his fingers twined behind his head another possible phonaesthetic

he sighed

the telephone ranginterrupted his train of thought as it began pulling away from the stationchugging an puffing an building speedHELLO

his girlfriend

              whell shit she wasnt going to help  offer him respite

Happy Daylight Savings time

Sweet of you to say. Happy Daylight Savings time to you.

                                                             What you up to? 

Im terribly happy you asked

                              Remember our old washer . . .

2PM,  Monday,  23  10. 23

1058,  Sunday,  5  11. 23

Barbra Streisand  Memories  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbqsd4Flxh4

Streisand/Kristofferson  Watch Closely Now  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6Jb2CA_xx8