demeaning dementia

hes been called demented

took the caller to task

You know know always pronounced enthusiastically  he wished theyd be as enthusiastic about their lives half as much as they are about his what I’m talking about.

Lemme give it a shot 

                      Derives from the Latin de to undo mens meaning mind  therefore to say a person has dementia says that he or she has a disease process that undoes their mind whereas I am demented is tantamount to saying I no longer have a mind

                     Like making grapes into winewhine

gave him awry smile Frankly I don mind

Goddammit! he snarled he snarled only because he knew he wouldnt hauloff and belt him You think you’re so funny.

he had a family pass

hed sic Mommy or Daddy on him

                                    asif Mom or Dad had any influence or sway over him

he wasnt him

however he understood his touchiness

headmittedly was becoming forgetful

he couldnt forget if he tried

                            couldnt forget the enormous bluewater glass tank the three men he knocked into it jumped in after cut their throats with a razor knife

he thought their bodies would sink to the bottom

they hung suspended like puppets

on strings of their blood

                         couldnt forget going to a rural dirt road drive-in he entered it riding a motorcycle its name was Rear View art deco signage lit with lightbulbs above the stacked words were the yellow spectacled eyeswatching eyes of Dr T J Eckleburg  The Great Gatsby he negotiated the price of his ticket  I don have a trunk to hide people

couldnt forget the albino alligator palestblue eyes that stalked him through the swamp had to be frustratingstalked  might be too strong trailed him  the big lizard utterly too obvious

couldnt forget at a distance the gleaming pearlescent airport he parked his car nearby in a neighbourhood walked to climbed its security fence snipped the razorwire crossed the tarmac and snuck aboard a Douglas C-47 a twin-engine propjob that was chartered for Marilyn Monroe who soon boarded   Hiya Marilyn   Ohgood you made it. We’re going to have a ball. he appreciated her enthusiasm

                                               couldnt forget

was abetted by a long long memory

   he was tempted to shake his brothers head and listen if a pea rattled around inside

1101,  Thursday,  19  10. 23

1158,  Reggaefriday,  20  10. 23

“Are we ourselves?

   “One of them is asking. One of them thinks this is a rhetorical question: there’s continuity of memory, and that makes a self. A self is whoever remembers being that self.

   “One of them corrects: Continuity of memory filtered through endocrine response.

   “One of them corrects: We all remember being that self, are we are not the same.” *

                                                                                            a triad

How nice he thought being only three twos a company threes a crowd he smiled appreciatively  shehes heshes couldnt resist smiled with him  Whaof my myriad they nodded  they ran circuits percolated collated were subtle ran roughshod sometimes meteoric others tumbled like tumbleweeds stumbled like bums

                                                                              a self is whoever remembers being that self . . . continuity of memory filtered through endocrine response . . . we are not the same

We are he looked across the room inside himself at the myriad he understood they helped maintainworked together with him for his bodys and psychological equilibrium equiltlibrium eustasis  tides

was dumb luck

was fortune

   spidereyed compoundedeyes faceted facile 

                                                    it took him a long timehis childhood to bring together the concerted concert consorts cons thick as thieves  inspiring  aspiring  rarely despairing

and because of them he thoughtindulged Why not rather than Why

are we ourselves

                     only if we know ourself

1430ish,  Thursday, 19  10. 23

1019,  Reggaefriday,  20  10. 23

*pg347  A Memory Called Empire  Arkady Martine

endocrine response  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK278995/

Uriah Heep  Look At Yourself  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMMrazRIdx4

must have thought it was a butterfly

                                          though not a very smart butterfly

it was smarter than thatthey were smarter than that

                                                         but maybe not  he couldnt differentiate one from another

maybe the few he interacted with were females  his natural inclination assumed they were

as was his experience with females of his species 

he was inclined to say females of most species were smarter than the males

   shrubjays 

               the California edition

like bluejays the East of the Rockies edition 

                                               an never the two shall meet naturally the mountains unless a preternatural shrub or blue was undaunted which made him think of Bachs Jonathan Livingston Seagull 

                                                                                                               had to read it like he had to get highhad to take LSDhad to do other psychedelics

                                                                       had to exceed natural impediments

he used an old beatup tin cup actually a TWO CUP measure to feed kibble to his feral outdoor cats

having fed the four of them he set the cup down on the porch railing kibbles remained he had thought he heard something over his head he looked didnt see anythingHide ‘n Seek jay concealed itselfsquatted in the raingutter 

then walking away on the wraparound overlooking the sideyard to say Gmornin to his white sage Ayo – Joy English walnut Eye Idi – Eagle Skinny he still had no idea what Skinny was she was tall and slender and Slim she was also an English walnut although he did not transplant her 

                                                         and saying hello he heard a scuffle a dullring of the tin cup on the redwood deck

saw a shrubjay leapaway

                             it tried to land on it feed like a sparrow at seed

the heavyweight stood on the blacktop drive bobbing waiting  waiting for him to toss the spilt kibble to it

Boid

      they all were Boids

he couldnt distinguish one from another but it or they humoured him by their willingness to eat catfud

as it was

           he was trying different canned dogfoods to determine which appealed to his taste budswhich texture appealed most

Dinki-Di

           couldnt find it

Mad Max in Mad Max 2 turned him onto the idea

                                                    nourishment to get him through his old age

   he did say females were smarter

1349,  Saturday,  20  5. 23

1616,  Thursday,  19  10. 23

Dinki-Di  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7lMlz3DX_Q

The Pipkins  Gimme Dat Ding  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeIb7Ms4xHc

AI

not Ai  definitely not Ai Shinozakidefinitely not   Obrutha

   he had a bitch about AI a virulent resentment   abjection

“ . . . no algorithm (is) innocent of its designers. It couldn’t be. There was an originating purpose for an algorithm, however distant its past – a reason some human person made it, even if it had evolved and folded in on itself and transformed. A city(society) run by. . . an algorithm had . . . initial interests embedded in it. A city(society) run by an algorithm designed to respond to . . . desires was not innocent of those same  . . . desires, magnified, twisted by machine learning. A city(society) run by an algorithm . . . could suddenly rise up against anyone . . . designated . . .”  

he couldnt have said it better

page287  A Memory Called Empire  Arkady Martine

finally 

        someone saw it as he did 

AIs inherent foible  Achilles Heel

                                   that it is not purenot innocent  a machine cant be unless it is a hand tool  hammer  saw  rake  hoe  a 0 or a 1  compounded tools  pliers  pinchers  hedge shears 

                                                                                       lights go out  theyll still work

when the Lights Go Out 

will libraries have remained

paper texts remained

human curiosity remained

creativity remained 

who will be carrying the fire

   he thought out loud a lot LOUDLY

1634,  day-between-2-Ts,  18  10. 23

1239,  Thursday,  19  10. 23

Hendrix  Fire  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-2m07d2Neo

https://lithub.com/what-is-it-really-like-inside-a-sensory-deprivation-tank/?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Lit%20Hub%20Daily:%20October%2019%2C%202023&utm_term=lithub_master_list

they didntwhoever they were didnt have to bait him

                                                       didnt have to tempt him   tempt him to turn a blind eye 

thats why he had eyes 

                           two  fuckin   eyes

they planted succulents in a red True Temper wheelbarrow

don put pies on a windowsill to cool

                                     think he couldnt smellcouldnt see how wonderful they were

Mrs Garzino wasnt second to a single aspiringmother in the neighbourhood he watched his mother elbow to elbow with her learning how to make a lemon meringue pie for his birthday cake

it wasnt until they moved from the old neighbourhood that he had a pie his mother made all by herself he wasnt surecouldnt say that any of his pies werent Mrs Garzinos

she crushed it

he hadnt had another lemon meringue that bested hers until his girlfriend set her mind to it

she crushed it 

               and it was with notable pride that he told her hallie had which did not endear hallie to her  that wasnt his intent a no-brainer   he told her Im just telling you the truth  Never thought Id ever tell you that  I was amazed

lotsa women had tried and were found wanting

not that he didnt appreciate their efforts

the succulents in the wheelbarrow

the tire wasnt flat

like Mrs Garzinos pie on the windowsill

                                          they went with him in broad daylight

they went with him

which is different than taking them

   anyone could see that

1346,  Saturday,  20  5. 23

1202,  Thursday,  19  10. 23

Oh The Larceny  Man on a Mission  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OckkpXgYpvc

a banner day an eveningabsolutely banner few get better than today

hes a kind of guy who stopsstoops picks up a pennyBenjamin Franklin A penny saved is a penny earned. he actually wrote in 1737 Poor Richard’s Almanac A penny saved is two pence clear. pence penny foundnot spent hence two pence saved

hed propose a found penny is a penny earned

                                                 but thats him

however

          earlier in the day crossing a bridge built in 1931 loves that bridge walkingreading Benjamin creeped up on him a $100 billBenjaminSHIT WHO FINDS A ONEHUNREDDOLLAR bill   he did thatll put a hop in your step

NOW he wasnt going to save that entire windfall part would provide a celebratory beer after dinner he went out for a beerone beer at a favourite tavern he hadnt been to in a long while he called it a tavern it was a brewpub they made a dropdead doubleIPA hed have a pint an call it a night

   NIGHT  just as he said

walking homecoudnt read in the dark he found a quarter and a penny in separate places

                                                                                             was on a roll

cherry on top the sundae

                            walking back to his small house on secluded hill through the neighbourhood lookinround something he couldnt do while reading he looked up into an apartment complex windows flickeringblue lit by televisions flatscreens one though  one  flickered ivorylit a frosted bathroom window an in it a silhouette  profile

buxom woman vigorously drying her hair  she stopped   brieflybobbled her breasts

                                                                                          turning awaysmiling he hoped she topped her shower bath off with babypowder or a perfumed talcum

                                                                            he would give her the benefit of a doubt given what she gave him

   cherry

1349,  Saturday,  20  5. 23

1348,  day-between-2-Ts,  18  10. 23

Esther Phillips  What a Difference a Day Makes  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1_vsu2DyLs

or a cover by Satomi Kowase, Miku Yonezawa & Etsuji Ogawa  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYbIDdpB4JM

he didnt mean to be that way

he was  innately

              it was the way he arrivedwas wired

dark things occurred to him quicker than pretty or colourful or wonderful bright things endearing things

                                                                                                              he was many things  endearing wasnt one

brusque

confrontational

brother-in-law called him contrary

                                    which he took offence his brother-in-law wasnt discerning  Mary, Mary, quite contrary . . .   wha did that have to do with making a garden grow a nursery rhyme 

                                                                                           no nursery would have him rather  no nursery in its right mind

outside of hospitals there were no nurseries

                                               theyre called daycares

Mommy and Daddy have to work as hard as possible to support themselves an onetwo children  three children   whos nuts

he was listening to reports of Hamas attack on Israel

                                                             listening

he dimmed his television screen so he couldnt see images

his imagination was plenty enough

he didnt need to see war porn

classic  If it bleeds it leads

listening it was reported there was an acute shortage on body bagsPLEASE  excuse him all the way to Hell and back

an acute shortage of body bags . . .   its what we do          

                                                        were the people who created meat factories

chicken

swine

cattle

human being

              we can cellophanewrap shrinkwrap anything that was alive

shortage of body bags

                        somebody was driving up the pricesome purveyors prettyhuh makin bank

1744,  Monday,  16  10. 23

1139,  day-between-2-Ts,  18  10. 23

sorry Alice Cooper  I Love the Dead  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpKGfFw8FEA

   I did said  wired

when he was outside he wasnt 

                                        he was walking a book

actually he couldnt take credit for walking a book or bookwalker 

                                                                    a sundressed floppyhat mother of a Seventh grade girl said You’re him.   Who   Him.   Whos him   The man who walks and reads. My daughter and her girlfriends call you the bookwalkerO I’m so excited to tell her I actually talked to you.   he smiled warmly Thank you thas a mighty big compliment I appreciate you sayin so   I’m so excited . . ohmy . . . HA . I forgot where I parked.  she giggled nervously Have a fine day   I am oh I am, and you helped make it.

she remembered where she parked her car

                                              or he believed she did because after they said goodbye she headed off deliberately

he returned to the book he was walking and reading  

1739,  Monday,  16  10. 23

1108,  day-between-2-Ts,  18  10. 23

a new wrinkle  that takes the cake   or just good oldfashion horseshit

he Googled wrioter for shits and giggles

                                          About (? – whas tha about – shoudnt an algorithm know the count – brags about the time it took)  708 results  (0.28 seconds)

at the top of the page  wrioter.com

                                    but  first time hes seen

Writier  in fifth place

Writier – AI Powered Writing Assistant

“Our long-form editor is the best way to write content that can compete with professional writers.”

                                                                                                        CUNT no offence to women they know a cunt when they see one  whomever would utilise Writier 

hes read several ChatGPTs “. . . an AI-powered language model developed by OpenAI, capable of generating human-like text based on context and past conversations.”                                                                                                                                human-like text and it is he found the ChatGPTs bland sterile colourless  if he ran into a human-like human hed have nothing to do with them and he has

                                                                                                   Writier “can compete with professional writers” is a far cry from “generating human-like text”

   5th place concludes he went no furthur because well  when it comes time to fuck would he want to fuck a machine or a human being “Powered by GPT-3, a machine learning-model that has been . . .” he went no further because well he wasnt a CUNT

   such horseshit

children have been dumbed down

books banned

Musks Neuralink

always shortcuts

Time-savers

excuses

                       whaelse woud he expect

2337,  2sday, 17  10. 23

1023,  day-between-2-Ts,  18  10. 23

he thought Chill woudya stepback stepaway  take a fuckin breath  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqHdz3dA2WE

things were lost in transition

not translation

                 were  those kind of things

gutted

        willing to transition

or gutted an knocked down

  Will you transition?

Lemme think about it

Should have thought about it earlier. We’re not asking again.

he didnt like its fixed machineface

                                   quickly smashed it with a ironore railroad spike  last centurys  it wouldnt have recognised as lethal 

                     stomped it deep through its neuralnetwork blueghostlightning worked up it shaft

he deftly stomped again trusting its ability to cryout communicate was severed by the violent penetration  then he stepped backanaway an kicked it in the head with his steeltoed boot  so fuckingrateful it wasnt a human skull

that would have made him puke

   willing to transition

he wasnt 

             not a hope in Hell

1415 close,  2sday,  17  10. 23

2319,  2sday

Daniela Andrade  Creep  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDjlaN-X8-0

Morgan James  If You Don’t Know Me by Now  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzncBq3nQxo

Rachel Price  Can’t Find My Way Home  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xZxxVlu7BM

Puff Daddy  Come With Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8eoVa3s-vE

Eminem  Lose Yourself  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iw5BiCxOR-c 

   recurrent  a drone in his ears across his eyes  if muscles arent exercised they atrophy if muscles arent exercised they atrophy if muscles arent exercised the atrophy . . . 

it was distracting

What are you thinking?

he sighed was with him all night long  If muscles arent exercise they atrophy  a real trophy

                                                                                                 Goes for ones brain too

took it personallyhe sneered You think you’re telling me something I don’t know?

Wha

Something I don’t know.

   Ah  Yasay ya donwanna work tha hard

You’re, as you always do, are taking it to an extreme.

I wasnt But extreme paints undeniable pictures  Its hard to look away from

                                                                                  Pursuits are up to you

They do not fall in your lap.

Thank you

So, extreme is as extreme does, since the end of your last relationship you expecting a woman to fall into your lap?

I do not

When are you going to pickup, no pun intended, your pursuits?

Im not got things to do

You are not?

Thas wha I said

   That makes no sense, I’ve seen numerous women look after you check you out.

Thas flattering thas nice

                           Not interested

You’re not interested in getting laid?

Youre not 

             Not to put too fine a point on it yare tryin as hard as I donwanna work tha hard allows 

he sneered Clever. I’ll repeat myself you’re not interested in getting laid?

Because thaswha women are for 

                                     No  Not at the cost of a relationship time invested   I havent time

Of course you do.

Of course you do I don

What if . .

. . Im not entertaining hypotheticals

Humor me.

Not even to humour you Its off the table

                                           To each his own I havent time  I have priorities

But you’ll minimise mine?

Did I say tha

It feels . .

. . I don care how it feels I didnt say tha don put words in my mouth  tha doesnt fly with me

   I apologize.

                 So. If I can ask.  What are you spending time doing?

Im trying to figure out Structuralism Levi-Strauss Derrida Foucault Deleuze Post-Structuralism  Im not havin much luck

   So much for atrophy.

Yes

0520,  2sday,  17  10. 23

1239,  2sday

back to back restless nights restless dreams

                                                       Eileen  a piece of work

worked at the Recycle Center

was hired a yearyear  abit better than a year ago

                                                      looked overqualified for the job

if looks had anything to do with it

he understood she was crackerjack at the books numbers easy to her

they were with him too

it became a game they played who could compute the numbers correctly quicker in their heads

on any given day except today a coinflip since realising their mutual petpeeve

                                                                                 itd become a nifty competition

Look what the cat dragged in.

he looked quickly over his shouderbehind him

                                                 turning back he smiled Me  You talkin to me

You’re the only one here.

Are you  arya talkin to me

they thought they were pretty funny

she clobbered him

Ya crushed me

Did. Though when I said look at what the cat dragged in I meant it. You look beat.

Im exhausted

               Dreams have been unrelentingeach an every damn one wants a piece of me Whadaya think of tha  they shake me up so I wake turn on the lamp write em down an as I do I say out loud See  Yasee wha Im doin okay  Now gimme some time lemme dig in an Ill get back to ya let ya know wha I think

Curious. You think they’re listeningthey can hear you?

Fingers crossed  Though tryin to reenter roll back to sleep theyre leaning backs against the wallarms crossedheel up on it expectant asif by writin em down Ive handled their asks

                                                               Tell em again Ive written em down Ill get back to ya

Anyway I lay there eyes closed watch palegray ghost sheens bubbleup float through the black Theyre entertaining for a while then they cease I look around Pitch black But I wont open my eyes  Its exhausting

You fall back to sleep?

   Eventually

Eileen looked bemused

Whas up

she cleared her throat

                         Know what I do?

When you cant fall asleep

Yeah.

No  Wha

she gave a quicklaugh shook her head she couldnt toss her dimples smiled

                                                                                Iah masturbate.

he barked a laugh though he hadnt dimples 

                                                  So do I he nodded So do I   Eventually I fall asleep

We ought to get together kiddin her     

turning to the counter she picked up a business card wrote on it handed it to him

he looked at itat her

                      backing away the card between two finger he tipped it to his forehead a salute   Ill call ya

See that you do.

b4 6,  2sday,  17  10. 23

1045,  2sday

Lee Morgan  Since I Fell for You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-0i-ianljw

Brad Mehldau Trio  Since I Fell for You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RShj9RTSYMA