when Moby said it it puzzled him

                                   he knew what a glockenspiel waspreferred a xylophone preferred wood to metal keys an because he reallyreally liked the way xylophone looked   Agatha he didnt care for the way the name lookeddidnt read Agatha Christiewouldnt date a knockout named Agatha   Agatha did not appeal to him

                                                                                    Moby  phenomenological glockenspiel we are played malleted malleable “by an unseen hand” he repeated Sam Harris Neuroscientist Jimmy Olsen Superman  Harris earned a degree in Neuroscience  didnt practise

                                                           calling Horseshit

“From the perspective of your conscious mind, you are no more responsible for the next thing you think (and therefore do) than you are for the fact that you were born into this world.”  The Moral Landscape  pg104

Michael “Gazzaniga is surely correct to say ‘in neuroscientific terms, no person is more or less responsible than any other for actions.’ Conscious actions arise on the basis of neural events which we are not conscious. (wouldnt date a knockout named Agatha) Whether they are predictable or not, we do not cause our causes.” Ibid, pg217

                                                                                                   . . . we do not cause our causes   Horseshit 

                     Talkbout gettin off scot-free

  phenomenology  study of consciousness and the objects of direct experience 

a philosophical movement founded by German Edmund Husserl

Husserl elaborated critiques of historicism and of psychologism in logic based on analyses of intentionality 

historicism social and kulturell phenomena are determined by history also the tendency to regard historical development as the most basic aspect of human existence

psychologism tendency to interpret events or arguments in subjective terms to exaggerate the relevance of psychological factors Husserl claimed psychologism fails to do justice to the idea that truths are eternal

intentionality the fact of being deliberate or purposive

                                                          wouldnt date a knockout named Agatha

his cause

 

. . . we do not cause our causes

nothing personal Agathas             

Suntime hur  5:11:23,  Saturday,  23  4. 22

1306,  Twosday,  26  4. 22

https://salvomag.typepad.com/blog/2012/01/relativism-in-action.html

R E A L I T Y 

                     the word burgeonedbadgeredbludgeoned his dreams it wasnt spoken  spelled like playing cards turned over one at a time beginning a second time after the r and e were flipped he slapped the remaining cards roughly out of the dealers hand Quit fuckin with me five fell landing faceup i y a t l

                                                                         if it was a game it was his construct it unfolded in his head r e a l i t y 

as he evaporateddistilled towards consciousness hypnopompic fingers plucked him an bit by bit he knifed and cut the word in two real ity  real could stand alone on its two hindlegs ity needed an itsybitsybit of help had the reals l repeatedregurgitated creating lity doubled its t litty slungslang  litty is something exceptional intense fun  litty dope turnt poppin  intoxication

                            real-litty trembled  it saw whawas coming   another volley before he awoke opened his eyes

he resisted that he liked to look at what scribblingsgraffiti may have been thrownsprayedsplayed on the back of his eyelids litty morphed to laity real-laity laitys first definition distinct from clergy  laypeople  second  ordinarypeople  distinct from professionals or experts the protomolecules of mankinde culture society coacervate chimes cant help himself aqueous phase rich in macromolecules proteins nucleic acids formed through liquid-liquid phase separation LLPS Were not in Kansas anymore Dorothy leading to a dense phase in thermodynamic equilibrium protoToto macroToto  definitely not Kansas 

                       much lidscribbling biologist perhaps coacervates cluster that eyematter that sometimes crusted his eyeshad to wipe out of their corners to see clearly ocu-cluster of molecular aggregates in colloidal form bound by membrane mensbrain grows by absorbing molecules from the environment or soup ocu-soup an divides by budding

                                                                                                            maybe lidscribbler had a Joyceanhand

                                      he opened his eyes no crust or crumbles and on the ceiling not obscuring the fan he saw in hardblack letters R E A L L A I T Y 

                                            R E A L L I T T Y didnt make the cut both were viable candidates if he had his druthers they were vacationing he would have sided with R E A L L I T T Y real-intoxicated reelintoxic on his heels

leftie bounded up on the bed

Whas up girl Time to get the show on the road

bomber followed shy leaping up a moment later october leapt onto the window sill

                                                                                      kitkats or coacervates they were hungry  it was TIME to get the show on the road

before getting out of bed he looked up on the ceiling again faded faint REALLAITY  

it was gone when he returned to make the bed

0830,  Thursday,  21  4. 22

1242,  Anielas birthday – Monday,  25  4. 22

he didntNO didnt need to be prompted

                                        last thing he wanted from his eversoclever computer  reminding him of his daughters birthday

                      IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING  OR TO BE REVEALED

they shared the same birth month

                                    he remembered fortythree years ago thinking their baby might be born nearer his birthday two Aries vs. his wifestheir mothers Piscesness  teach her to eat a little humble pie   baby went long    Taurus

she was a gorgeous baby illuminated  infact she was as beautiful as their second daughter at birth was not  their little Gemini looked exactly like he did at birth  and as he aged became handsome so she grew beautiful too  the darker beauty of her sister

   tomorrow

              tomorrow is Anielas birthday     he liked to stay up and send her a text message at exactly 3:25 AM  when she was born  it tickled her pink   it tickled him

he stays awake now until the time she was born to tell herwish her happy birthday to tell her how very grateful he was she was in his lifeshe was their daughter they were her parents

                                                                    his lifetheir lives would have been less if not for her

     he didnt need a prompt from a machine

1200,  Sunday,  24  4. 22

 

   GOT GARGLE?

Moby fledhotfooted it not his cup of tea

                                          he hadnt seen someone run off like that in awhilemaybe since he was a kid on the lunch school playground the bully went after a kid who was a friend kid was fastwasnt courageous  bully wasnt courageous either

he gathered some friends seems to remember they were five they knocked the hell out of the bully after school

                                                                                                                     leaving him in the dirtfetal position standing over him You know us  This is just between us Try an hurt anyone beyond this anwell beat you again

the other guys were worried hed go to his parents or to the school

                                                                     Naw Its settled It was between him an us We aint saying  He wont say either

they didnt he didnt

Moby  Come back   Im kiddin I just love watching the expression come over your face ya freakin homophobe

from a distance

                 I am not!

For someone who pleads hes not ya certainly get squirrelly when boy on boy conversation rears its wideopened mouth deepthroating head

That’s distasteful!

Ya don mind when we talk girl on gir . .

. . That’s different! 

                    he was sauntering back

Not different

It is.

Is not

Is.

Got gargle

  Jesus

         The way you thinkthe shit that comes out of your mouth.

It was funny

You thought so.

  You did too  Before you scurried off like a bipedaling simianoccasional knuckles after the scent of mashed bananas

Admit It was funny

Maybe . . it was.

Fuck you Was

Moby had been carrying on how he couldnt imagine a guy making a play on him an ofcourse his manhood would be besmirched if man found him attractive hit on him  he swang hard right  pugilistic Offended

Yer an idiot Ya acknowledge the complimentThank you Im not interested though  Shouldnt be offended It was meant as a compliment

Yeah? A compliment?  You imagine what's running through their mind?

No You

   I can imagine.

You were sucking his fat cock

JesusChrist!

A threesome

Aw man . . you’re disgusting.

Fat cocks an Christ Period piece Sounds like the makings for a hot porn togas olive oil sandals braidedleather bonds not purely homosexualnot necessarily sadomasochistic spiced up salt an peppered toss in a couple delectable creatures from the other team

                    Im in

      crickets

Yare no fun

             Ya fail to recognise that aside from a consensual zesty homosexual encounter that some young men may have been plied willingly or not with alcohol drugs curiosity   or money

                                                                            Say Sean Conn . .

. . Leave Sean out of this.

Sean Connery  rocked it for years  He was an appealing male . .

. . James Bond.

Among other roles

                   He was comely masculine  Ya wouldntve blow him for a thousand dollarsI would have

his face pinched sucked a lemon

I would  though first would have asked 

                                          GOT GARGLE  or a good Scotch

Suntime,  Saturday,  23  4. 22

354preferred,  Sunday,  24  4. 22

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIL1DDXcu8U

Rachelle Ferrell  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7zRnuN6_Pw

Hey Bil ly the door sighedsqueaked closing behind him

                                                       he tippedhalfturned his head gave the voice an ear hairs on his back of his neck rose

taking a leak he thought about Hey Bil ly if he truly heard right his senses were playful not beyond enabling hinting something that in fact was not presence  he tried to convince himself it was only a noise sound  not Hey Bil Ly   someones name

he flushed the urinal tucked his tshirtbuttoned his jeans up over it cinched his belt soaped washed his hands took a haphazardgander in the mirror he didnt look disturbedwasnt letting it get up on him then he turned took two brown paper towels from the dispenser and dried his hands 

                                                        since Trump virus he kept the towels in hand to pull on the metal handle and open the doorheld it with his foot as he tossed them into the trash

stepping into the abbreviated hallway at the back of the store Womens room left Produce right he listen to the door as it closed behind him

                       nothing nothing    nothing  Hey Bil ly 

Billy

the market wasnt old

old buildings have their ghosts like churches and cathedrals police cells and prisons motels and hotels

                                                                                                              he was familiar with them  found them at the foot of his bed or leaning over him  hovering over him  found them outdoors  that was rare   but he met them there too

Who was Billy

he approached the store manager Lance who manned the Customer Service kiosk up front since going therebetter than fifteen years ago Lance had managed it

they exchanged pleasantries

                               Lance seemed relieved he didnt have a receipt in hand to get an item free and be reimbursed the money he spent on it

This may seem odd but do you recall any Billys who worked for you to the best of your memory

Billy who?

Billy just Billy   Yaknow like Hey Bil ly  he tried to get the cadence  tone   right

Hey Billy?  You just whisper?what . are you talking about?

I was in the bathroom was there ever an incident in the bathroom where a Billy was hurt or foundmebbe in the stall  drugs

Whenabout?

I have no idea

I’ve had police remove individuals . homeless people . over the years but names . . no . names would be inconsequential to me.

       They were only . . . a problem.

Why?

  Why  Always a good question

Somebody blackpen graffiti in there again?

No  no not that Just a perception  a sudden whiteness creased himcrossed his brain out through his eyes

                                                                                                                    Ever a kid taken in the store  Kidnapped

Hell no!not on my watch.

Sorry Im sorry I didnt mean anything by that

Not on my watch. Lance repeated  then seemingly as if mesmerised

                                                                         Not my watch. 

Your watch

Not mine. Happened while I worked here, not management, green grocer, meat department, swept floors . . . a kid, don’t remember her name, mother freaked, had the store locked up, found her in bathroom dressed up like a little boy . . the woman chopped off her hair, it laid scattered across the stall floor.

                                                                      It was queer, so fucking queer people were so disturbed, police removed her, the assailant, they had to protect her from the people in the store.

                                                                                                     Was really ugly . . terrifying.        Terrifying.  I wasn’t twenty freaked me out . . what the hell was with people?

Lance wasnt talking to him

    Why did you ask?

I heard a voice in the bathroom

You heard a voice?

  Yes

      Frankly I prefer seeing  Hearing is more distressful

You heard a voice? his eyes had bugged a bit

I heard a voice

                        Yahwhell thank you Lance  for putting up with me I apologise if I riled up an uncomfortable memory  I had to ask it wasnt a choice

You’re creeping me out.

Creeping Good word for it 

                              Might thank your lucky stars ya havent my perceptions huh  Those I have an don have A precious little game we playLater  Lance

Lance watched him leave the store

                                    creeped he saw the storefrontthat storefront  before the remodel

approximately 1300,  Saturday,  23  4. 22

1106,  Sunday,  24  4. 22

his eyes hiseyes hazeleyes shitbrowneyes  realeyes  wrong   NO couldntve been born with babyblues cleareyed honesteyed

            not lyineyes YOU WON’T BELIEVE YOUR EYES! CoverGirl Zendaya 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDs1OZQAJ0o NO I don believe my eyes they lie strains of Eagles Lyin Eyes dappledtickled his eardrums Liars to be sure not always but if he didnt pay attention theyd mess with him

  take for instance

                     this afternoon outside a used bookstore

                                                               Awreally

his eyes YESreally!

                    he was thrilledcouldnt believe someone nuttedup had the audacious to write it  Bouttime he thought

he snapped the book up out of the steelwheeled Sales cart opened it randomly dropped a giddyeye in it rolled on the printed page SURPRISE! passage on the formation of the Grand Canyon NAWgimme a fuckin break wanna readbout ifanythin a slick blubberinwet Grand Chasm 

he closed the bookdidnt bookmark it with a fingerthe while imagining his happy finger tucked up in a pie  pussypie fingerlickin good   TITle wasnt a TITle title  his eyeballs were freakin gleeful GOTCHA!  Muthafuckers  Title was Dream West

               not Wet Dream 

 muttered Wha a lousy cumdown

1330,  Saturday,  23  4. 22

1447,  Saturday

Lyin' Eyes  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjQPnTOAKVc

this cat was something else

                           Yare something else man

Excuse me?

Ya heard me he disliked it when he played stupid or deaf  May work with chicks but not with me

Why am I something else?

  Lets see

             When your sisters bring Satan up in conversation you abide itrefuse to shut them down or call them out anthen in a next breath ya cite eminence grise  you and your French describing it because I had not heard it before I lean Latin wonder if there is a Latin equivalent ya describe it as the hidden hand wire-puller power broker behind the scenes actor maybe akin to that damn devise Dammitwha is it used to pluck ancient actors out of scenesGOTIT deus ex machina god from the machine like me like right now providing an artificial contrived solution to an apparently insoluble difficulty

                     Deus ex machina  as close to Latin as Ill get in accordance eminence grise a device used behind the scene set pieces  Im prattling 

                                    Something else 

                                                      Not necessarily a good moniker

I’ll take . . somewhat mysterious. 

                                    I am a man of mystery.

Don let it go to your head

So, anyways, what’s this about?

Pretext

Pretext?

Yes

Why pretext?

Or a diversion

  Diversion?

              Which? Pretext or diversion?

Or ploy pretense ruse Similar in context text  texttext    textualisation

                                   

You having fun?

I am

I asked what’s this . .

. . Yes you did Man of Mystery 

                                  Maybe Im tryin to be as mysterious            Its foreplay

I recalled our Monday suntime conversation Youll recall the monkey helping trim the tree next door

Awyeah! the monkey, no shit? . . you remembered?

I did

What was it?Tell me.

he laughed in spite of himself 

                                Yare gonna shit 

I will!  he began laughing

Monkey chewing   lettuce BLAH HAHAH

Ohshit!  he howled

                     they thought pretty funny shit

4  4. 22

1156,  Saturday,  23  4. 22

https://wordhistories.net/2019/07/24/eminence-grise/

The Kinks  Apeman  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRHqs8SffDo

I remember she said they went to grade school together got split up went to different junior highshigh schools he ran into her at a restaurantSURPRISE both returned to the city to visit family  I remember you were always good in math, sorry, arithmetic, as kids we studied arithmetic.

Yes You remember correctly

I also remember why you said you were good at it.

You do

she smiled brightly sheepishly Yees. Always made me think of you during the years of school we didn’t see each other, we were quite the tandem in fifth and sixth grade.

Seats rather desks side by side

                                   We were good friends 

We were incorrigible.

Ohmy we were werent we

We were, we had each other’s back, and I’m grateful our teachers recognised we were good together, we compelled each other, they were probably the best two years I had at school academically, and too, at such a perfect time, bolstering, establishing ourselves, who we were . . I dare say who we are.

We were in synch

                   It was wonderful  if one of us didnt knowwhatever  the other did and taught them

I think we learned more from each other than the teachers taught us, though they encouraged us; did you understand we had more homework than the other kids and it was different than theirs?

I think I did though I didnt pay it much mind.

Yes. They challenged us, very much like we challenged each other.  It was fun . .

. . Ohmy it was fun 

                     I was bummed out in junior high when I learned your parents sent you to a different school  That first week I was constantly late to class  during passing times I stopped in classrooms I had no business being in looking for you

I missed you too.

I missed you

 

So why were you good at arithmetic?

I liked how the words looked.

Words?

Algebra  Integer   They were mysterious looking they attracted me

That’s not what I remember.

No What do you remember

I remember you going on about figures.

Figures

Really?

I think I know wha yare referring to  he smiled

she smiled bigger

                   You’re going to make me say? in that precise moment her face changed from the woman before him into that happy cherubic redcheeked ten eleven year old he was in school with

his smile matched hers 

                          Yees

You said once you learned what thirtysix twentyfour thirtysix meant . . you were crazy about figures.

                                                                                                          she blushed there were those girlish redapplecheeks 

                           

  You havent changed a bit

                              Anthen yave changed a lot              Its wonderful running into you 

Youtoo.

343preferred to 1543,  Thursday,  21  4. 22

1023,  Saturday,  23  4. 22

Jackson Five  ABC  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ho7796-au8U 

he didnt know when the day began but after leaving the house the cats  walking reading meeting an old friend for coffee  they had edibles not an hour an a half later hed be three deep in It goes without saying3 deep

                                                                                                             he couldnt remember any other day where it occurred to him more than once now3deep he was up to his ass in it

his friend began a story he recognised

he found it curious that with every telling of itsince the first time how his friend didnt recognise or realise they were walking a wellworn path

as it happened he looked up at the round market neonlit clockface it had hands  probably why he liked having coffee in this small mart 

                it was 3:38 

Its threethiryeight 

                   he took a paper napkin from an mattblack metal dispenser and wrote 3:38 

                                                                                                  Thats a beautiful roundlooking number time isnt it

It is. Do you remember why I might like it?

he knew now4deep  he wasnt going to say he tried to muster a longdead fish vacancy in his eyes No Rooms Available

You remember why?

                      he wasnt having it the blank stare didnt discourage him Hell  he had just remarkedlaboured not ten minutes earlier about 3

                              You remember?

he nodded

Why?

he still didnt say anything he extended his armhis hand towards him gesturing Take it away.

Why?

they were both old enough to remember vinylremember what a broken record sounded like

he offered his other hand palm up

Why?

Christ  The number eight 

What about it?

Ya like it knocked off it pins lying on its side Lemniscate Infinite Over the Magicians head Strengths head fashionedjuggled between the Perpetual Pilgrims hands

In the tarot deck

No, not this time.

Bullshit 

          Every time

No. I was thinking two cubed.

You werent

             Ya bought enough time between your whys to catch yourself repeating your story

You don’t know that.

I do I absolutely know that You don swap horsesparticularly you  midstream

No.

    It’s what I was thinking.

Suit yourself

              For me Id love to see 338 emblazoned on a tight tshirt across a chicks chest Anif she was a 38doubledDduhduhduh excuse my stutter an spittle doubleD cup all the better

Sexist.

No Imaginative Appreciative   Freaking grateful

                                                     So save me the two times two times two Ya like 8 tipped on its side

turns out before they went their separate ways It goes without saying revealed itself twice more 6 times in a day Thursday April 21  a truly a memorable day 

                                                     or mebbe the edibles they ate uptitrated his languishinghigh from 4/20

what did he know

                    whad he know aside from the recurring ad nauseamy lemniscate story and an attempted coverup

 finis Latin  not French fin  334preferred,  ReggaeFriday,  22  4. 22