A cunning pensee

    Sez you!

linguist

quick with their tongue

thrusts and parries entertained

in bright daylight or quiet night

tasty cunt, pursed anus

1300,  Sunday,  27  3. 22

Whellshit crept into his brain he saw over the top of his book

                                                                he walkedread up on an old sunfaded blue Buick idling in the parking lot 

the driver an older gentleman sat ramrod straight apparently waiting

Romans 5:8 occurred to him

God helps those who help themselves.

gentleman was certainly helping himself to more than his fair share of gas atmosphere abundant ignorance 

hed rap on his window ask him to kill the car rather than idle whiling away his time

why was he given to this thinkingwhy Romans things from Church still stuck in his crawhis brain

the license plate number

                          6 E J S 4 4 5  smacked of J E S U S code 

                                                                             clever old man

he rapped a knuckle on the driver side window

rosary dangling from the rear mirror trembled

old man kept facing forwardstraight ahead

ignored him

I usually keep to myself  he said into the side of his face  but your conspicuous consumption smells  Yaoughta turn the engine off while waiting 

                         then he kept walking returned to his book essays  James Baldwins Price of the Ticket

he didnt walk 33 feet when the old man revved the Buicks engine

he kept walkingreading

took the book in his left

flipped him off with his right

if the old man came after him he had parked cars to either side

wouldnt rundown a pedestrian today

walkingreading didnt mean he wasnt keenly aware of his surrounding

approximately 1415,  Saturday,  26  3. 22

1201,  Sunday,  27  3. 22

it irritated himdrove him nuts

                              a buddy could manipulate his dreamscalled lucid dreaming he was always getting laid seducedseducing getting head gobbling pussy after eating her alive hed crack her bones suck her marrow

WHY NOT HIM?                        

Patience I keep telling ya its a process Ive been at it since I was a kid longbefore  foreverbefore I ever heard lucid dreaming

Dreamer related the very first thing he had to have was a journal he was committed to recording his dreams or whatever he remembered of them in COMMITTED Aint that don bother

                                                                 second was preparation whatever trick hed use to enter dreaming it could be sound or scentany comfort that helped him relax his mind helped lull him to sleep into dreams

last a scenario the individual he wished to pursue

hed try

             trying was irritatingfrustrating the hell out of him

Breathe Be patient

    he tried

                  manymany  many nights

he was rewarded with glimpses he wrote them in his journal

glimpses eventually became modest glimmerings promising constructs

 

  then

        Awman, at long last . .

. . STOPsorry gotta interrupt a thing I do whenever I hear or read At long last  bear with me  Joyce  end of Finnegins Wake he closed his eyesrecited A way a lone a last a loved a long then the beginning riverrun, past Eve and Adam’s, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodious vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs.

he thought Dreamer was strange

                                          Okay?

Yes Thank you   Joyce mesmerises me

  Okay.    As I was saying at long last  I finallywell nearly . . actually I think I did . . I got laid in my drea . .

. . Congratulations! Whahappened   Aint like kiss an tell

No, he laughed I suppose it’s not.

                                    but as he told him the dream dissembled crumbled his recall stumbled 

threw him a rope Were you between her legs 

Yes, I’m pretty sure. 

                      Were you thrusting

I was . I think I was

                      Did you feel your orgasm rising

I was real hard but I don’tcan’t say . . that I came. 

                                                      Lets say you did

You think?

            I think when yare sliding into Home Home aint moving

Strange way of looking at it.

                              Yare welcome to whatever analogy ya wish I was just saying saying to comfort him

I think I had sex with her.

                             an admission rarely heard or said he didnt say  Dreamer smiled  he would sayhed say because laughter is the best medicine an he could see his thinking so was diminishing the possibility he dreamed sex fraying

Yaknow wha thawas doncha

he was looking grim features once flushed with elation darkening

What that was?

                No.   What was that?

he chucked him in the shoulder smiled broadly 

he couldnt himself he returned the toothy grin

                                                 What? he chuckled

I think you got a pity fuck  A dreamed pity . .

. . FUCK YOU!

              then he howled  Dreamer joined in

1345,  Saturday,  26  3. 22

1034,  Sunday,  27  3. 22

she was a free spirit  decisive  wayout ahead of things when marijuana was legalised coudsay she cornered the market locals were true blue to her 

                                     a fiercely independent spirit

I thought you would have known.

How woud I know

Your daughter.

You palled around with my daughter

Yeah . . well . maybe not palled . . maybe, not . . . but we were friends . I slept overnight at your apartment for a birthday party, we pulled some antics together.  I may have been a little too nuts for her. I was Aggie she was athlete, but we definitely shared some attributes.

thats how they got acquainted

                               then randomly they ran into each other then successively more and more frequent like the Fates or Gawd made them happen

their joke You stalking me?

she was definitely stalkable

                               drove a Mercedes-Benz Sprinter cargo van Gunbarrel gray. her colour description   Not unpolished silver   No. Gunbarrel gray.

                                          unmistakable around town

                                                                        which was probably what he honed in on had to see her in it behind the wheel more than a few times before he recognised her outside of itbefore he thought it wouldnt be untoward or inappropriate to approach her  Friends

Aw, you want to be my friend.  she teased

                                                Truth be known.

Truth be known

Maybe someday, maybe . . maybe like her friendship with his daughter But in the meantime let’s enjoy our encounters.

it made him curious in the moment

                                    but he tucked it awayrelegated to that once upon a time memory 

 

he was sitting outside a coffee shop a couple of towns over taking fresh air reading writing a letter to his father

a shadow fell across his hand pen and paper 

                                                 Hello, stranger.

he looked upthrew a hand up as visor to block the sun out of his eyes

                                                                          Ohwow Mel Whacha doin in these parts

Had a delivery, picked up some vials for CBD oil, other product.

hadnt seen her in spaghetti straps khakigreen ribbed scoopedneck he was almost amazed he didnt have to clear his throat before he spoke

                  We got to quit meeting like this

We do.

        When should we meetdon’t you think?

a highpitched squeal happened in his ears like hed gone deafthen a rush that he hoped it hadnt shone in his face

                                                                                                                Man wish I had something clever to say ya caught me offguard

she tilted her head like a pup fuckin cute anyways  like she heard his silent squeal whistle You haven’t given it a thought?

No Ive thought  thought it over an over  Didnt think to sa . .

. . Wouldn’t be appropriate?

Yare a big girl anything we entertained woudbe appropriate

                                                                We have an obvious attraction  I preferred obviously  not to risk our friendship or tread on your kindnesswe really havent had time to address mention  other relationships

Are you in a relation?

I am not you

I am not.

Blow me down

Ive been thinkinbout it.  a deliciously wicked smile simmered on her face

                                                                             What are you doing right now?

Not a thing I wont stop

So stop follow me. she began walking

                                        over her shoulder I saw you from across the parkwaythought it might be you . . took a chance.

her Mercedes-Benz was ahead

she slid open the side door

he hopped inside she followed sliding the door shut behind her they could standup in it

Ive not been inside one of these its amazing  he squatted down for a fauxseated perspective like Sistine Chapel baby

Crazy huh?check this out.

                            she stepped towards the rear leaned over ass in his face made some upper body movements at somethinghe didnt see her ass in his face  There. she turnedher ass wasnt in his face shed made a bed sat down on its edge elbows on her knees 

                                 Wanna get high?

I do an Im not apologising or excusing myself for looking at your tits 

Tits.

Tits

I’m glad you said titsyou’d’ve tipped me if you said breasts.

Nice tits

Thank you. she grinned  That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.

Ive not seen you dressed for summer the heat before we havent seen each other summertime before

We have.

  Have  When

After graduation, a bunch of us were poolhopping, beat the heat, we stopped at your complex, you happened to be there swimming . . your daughter always talked about you swimming . we jumped in to disrupt youseriously . then we began a game of Marco Polo . . . I invited you to play with us.

I played ofcourse

You did. You captured me more than several times.

                                                       Truth be known.  Mel didnt sit backshe let him feast

Yave said that before I remember

You have.  Good memory.

An

Truth is . . . Ive wanted to sleep with you then

    truth is

               they didnt sleep

1530,  Thursday,  24  3. 22

1558,  Saturday,  26  3. 22

See therehe pointed  There . .

. . Whar . .

. . THERE just on the barbedwire just beyond the birdbath  THERE  SEE?     

Awyah See   A hummingbird

A Rufous hummingbird.

                        he was a boider that was his name for him boider not that he knocked him watching birds he saw them too although they didnt inspire him to admirationdefended himself Im prone to black and white shadows notsomuch brilliant colours he told naysayers if he wanted colour he could invoke it was attracted to muted soft not garish to pastels bruises subtle colouring  not those who screamed at the top of their lungs desperate to be noticed wanting to be the center of attraction like a loudmouth kid

Rufus

Yes, a Rufous hummer.

Lil guys got standinghuh

he turned left sharply to look at him Standing?

turning rightmeeting his he didnt know wha that look was he stepped back halfstep gave them some roomlittle breathing room he needed thatdidnt like being crowded

                                                  Yah  Street cred

Street cred? Street cred. he halfstepped back toorealising he was up on him  I’m not following, what are you talking about?

Street cred Yaknow must know

                                     Rufus

No. Rufous is a kind of hummingbird, aggressive, known as a keystone species, which means it links the fate of other species scattered over large landscapes.

    Keystone  Well there you have it    Still zip street cred

I’ve heard tell . . prominence?

Prominence

             Somebody vying for street cred might bitchslap ya for that Prominence Jeez  As ya know I grew up in Chicago Our Rufus was a big redheaded kidBIG Belligerent Bully We contended with him not threefour months then fivesix of usdepending on whos telling the story ganged up pounded the snot out of him His street cred had preceded him  antics preceded him

                           Smartlythe smartest thing he ever did he didnt say we didnt say Later his old lady helped him get into the service at seventeen Maybe he wanted his cred back could find it elsewhere  heard said Kill some gooks as he called them Mebbe they heard him Clipped him fourfive months incountry  Cant say we shed a tear

after 1700hrs,  Saturday,  22  1. 22

828,  Saturday,  26  3. 22

Can we talk

We’re always talking, always at ease.

Happy you said that

                      Though thinkin this might make you a wee bit uneasy

Really?

I think but I coudbe wrong

Should I buckle upbuckle in?

Please no buckles  coudbe injurious

Injurious?

           Is this going to . . hurt?

I wouldnt hurt you unless you wanted me too

they liked the games they playedhad safe words

it was a strapping good relationship

Awright. Whatcha got?

Thas my girl

I was thinking last night as I went to bedcoudnt turn it off  I rolled over got my pad and pen from the nightstand wrote in the dark crossed my fingers I coud read it in the morning

                                                              Remarkably I print legibly in the dark

You’re beating around the bush.

No In the immediate area of the bush

Cant ever get a straight answer out of you, ya always make me dig . .

. . An think of all the places we ended up that we might not have if you didnt Were constantly unearthing thingssubjects

rattling on in our own little world   I like our little world never feels like I need anyone else

You love me.

I do  Deeply

              Deeply he mused   they were very unexpected

So what did you write last night?

I actually wrote Can we talk

You’re funny.

Nah I really did  anfollowed it up with anilingus

Anilingus.

Yes

Yes?

Ahhuh

When?

Game

Baby anything for you, everything with you . .

. . For you for you   I wanna turn you inside out

she took his face in her hands and kissed him

                                                   You constantly turn me inside out. You’re a very giving lover.

As you as you my love

she laughed abruptly

Wha

Yare gonna strap on the feedbag. her eyes bright   happy hazel agates

2046,  Thursday,  24  3. 22

1111,  ReggaeFriday,  25  3. 22

he tried it once lookedFuck didnt feel right in his finger as he tapped shook his headWrong  backspaced it erased itwrote it againWRONG  AGAIN

                         Hmmm something was afootworkin him something buggin him he spelled well   why was this refusing to come out correct

took a deep breath

Be calm Dad. his daughter encouraged him   Ya think I really need to be calm   If anyone does it’s you.

                                                                                                              begrudgingly

she was onto something

took another deep breath

cleared his head

Awright begin again

                      he had a question of a friend what were the odds that a six-figure number did not repeat a single integer whawas the equation  he conceded he wasnt a here goes again  sloowly    m a t h e m a t i c i a nBAM did it mathematician  mathematician mathematician mathautomaticJOY  Mathematician

                                                                                           although remembering his error he was terribly fond of it

hed keep it near

unfurl it on occasion to fuck with someones head

                                                   You mean mathematician.   Thats wha I said   No you didn’t.   I did

Didn’t.   No  I did   Okay, okay man . . if that’s what you think you said Ya didn’t.

                                                                                                 Passive aggressive waste of time be aggressivestick to your guns  he would 

he said mayhematician T an Y sidebyside  he liked it

                                                       he was partial to mayhem lived in Miami for several years

Whadoes that have to do with anything Spell it backwards I MAIM

919,  ReggaeFriday,  25  3. 22

buddy of hisRalph was a vegetarian

it was always a trip going to dinnernot that they did it very often more often they met for a drink then Catchya at work tomorrow

          which they rarely did because they were in different departments if they crossed paths it was usually him reaching out for explanations that would allow him to do his job better he wasnt afraid to ask on the other hand his superior was so they didnt he quit telling them he had many managers over the years he was going over their heads he just did  other management heads also learned their titles carried no weight with him Yare the perfect person to ask an I hate wasting my time  he never said he hated wasting theirs or apologised for darkening their doorways  however he genuinely expressed his gratitudethanked them for sharing their time their expertise and seeing him they recognised long ago they had to see him because he wasnt going anywhere

                                                               he and Ralph were on friendly terms because they didnt work together

at dinner on occasion Ralph asked the server for a vegetarian burger he would then give him that Wait for it look which he volleyedthey were on the same page Would you like bacon with that? Ralph was always magnanimous No thank you. but hebecause of his nature speared it out of the air and tossed it at their feet like a flopping fish  Id think if he wanted strips of pig he would have ordered them the usual was Well, sometimes people forget to order it with their burger. they were upselling he didnt replyhed already dismissed them

Why do you do that?

Why don you Afraid theyre gonna spit in your food

No, they’ll spit in your food.

Ralph was ever slow on the uptake or maybe thats how infrequently they went out for a bite he didnt order hed have a whisky an beer enjoy Ralphs company take the bus home prepare his own meal he hardly ever pissed himself off enough to spit in his food not that that would matter

whenever he referred to quail he called it frecklebreasted

                                                           eyebrows leapt men an womens Wha I dig freckled breasts

usually thereafter only an on the sly womens eyebrows went up again  his interest was their audience

some guys who tried to stay in play intimated the bird wasnt a quail rather a ptarmigan the name great fungreater fun the way it looks Nah grouse is considerably larger than a frecklebreasted quail

                                                                             he didnt play a game of tug of war while they were rubbing dirt or spitting in their hands he already yanked the hemp out of their reach

                                                                                               he wasnt good at sharing

only brought enough for himself

quail grouse are tasty game birds

however like vegetarian meals

they shouldnt be wrapped with pig

fact of the matter was the only plate he enjoyed with bacon was a BLT thickcut bacon brownsugar cured black pepperedHeaven chewy sourdough not iceberg tomato slabs whole Claussen Kosher dill pickles black olives variety of thicksliced cheeses potato salad cold beer

                                                actually a recipe to steal his heart

   

lets go with 5PMish,  Saturday,  22  1. 22

2351,  Thursday,  24  3. 22

he hummed pearshaped boy to Billy Joels Uptown Girl

                                                         he wondered if he could make the lyrics fit

why woudhe

              because thats the way the conversation went

free formed

frankly he listened

                   for the life of him he couldnt remember exactly wha kicked off the reminiscence they were talking about grade schoolmaybe  grade school   as kid how you coudsee something coming inevitable irresistible  Natures Way* see other kids nature but were too young to put things together

Moby riffed on pearshaped boys he knew

                                             You remember? 

he didnt have memories of boys except for the few he hung around with

                                                                            I cant say I remember pearshaped boys from school  Nah Excuse me  onemaybe Michael  Micheal yeah  was nothing athletic about him  soft  Is tha whaya mean when you say pearshaped boys  Like birthing hips on a chickbut to be sure that didnt occur to me until high school  Not until I got a couple under me  Remember Debbie she said The softer the cushion the better the pushin.  Wha  Ohcomon! Wha  Never the softer the cushion?  Debbie I don know wha the hell yare talkinbout  Well, bouttime you did, come with me*.  HohoOHSHIT

                         she took his handshowed him the ropesGAWDDAMN she loved converting virgins 

However man ya gotta remember I grew upwas raised in Chicagothe Midwest Not here where you were born an raised  Howdoes that work

How does that work?

Yah Born an raised an yare still here

    I like it here.

Like it here he mused as he said it   Home

Yes, I suppose . . home.

Theres no place like home Dorothy

Sure.  Why not?

Probably because I havent found that place  If I had to say it was the house I grew up in but thas been razed

                                                                                                                   Might suppose Im homeless Don get me wrongthis will do Followed my wife here this was home to her She was most comfortable here

I can be comfort most anywhere except Chicagolove visiting visiting family theyre all still there  Love leaving better

I don’t know what that’s like.

Yacoudnt

          But good for you Must be like churchgoers in the sense that they derive peace comfort solace belonging while gathered

          Im not a gatherer

Like my own company

                         But no matter  You were saying pearshaped boys

Oh.  Yes. A lot of them. I knew a lot of them in school, lots more in grade school than middle or high.

Id be careful who you said that to who you told

But I did.  Why?

No judgment Seems an unusual admission

                                              I remember school girls rather than boysHell for that matter I scarcely notice guys now Unlike you and how yare always noticing guys running

You gotta go there?

Fact is you do

                Wanna call me a liar

I wouldn’t . . . but I believe that speaks to how observant I am . .

. . Fuck you seeing guys run aint observant

You never notice.

I don They havent anything of interest to me

 

Billy Joel  Uptown Girl  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-0Oect0nVQ

Pearshaped boy

Hed been living in his pearshaped world 

I bet hed never had a backstreet guy

I bet his daddy never told him why

Im gonna try for a pearshaped boy

Hes been living in his white bread world

As long as anyone with hot blood can

And now hes looking for a downtown man 

Thas wha I am

And when he knows wha 

He wants from his time 

And when he wakes up

And makes up his mind

Hell see Im not so tough

Just because 

Im in love with a pearshaped guy 

Yaknow Ive seen him in his uptown world

Hes getting tired of his high-class toys 

And all his presents from his uptown boys

Hes got a choice 

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh 

Oh, oh, oh, oh 

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Pearshaped boy 

Yaknow I cant afford to buy him pearls 

But maybe someday when my ship comes in

Hell understand the kind of guy Ive been 

And then Ill win 

And when hes walking

Hes looking so fine

And when hes talking 

Hell say that hes mine 

Hell say Im not so tough

Just because 

Im in lust

With a pearshaped boy

Hes been living in his white bread world

As long as anyone with hot blood can 

And now hes looking for a downtown man

Thats what I am

Oh, oh, oh, oh 

Oh, oh, oh, oh 

Oh, oh, oh, oh 

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Pearshaped boy 

Hes my pearshaped boy

You know Im in love

With a pearshaped boy

My pearshaped boy

You know Im in love

With a pearshaped boy

My pearshaped boy You know Im in love

With a pearshaped boy 

My pearshaped boy

after 1600hrs,  Saturday,  22  1. 22

1208,  Thursday,  24  3. 22

*Spirit  Nature’s Way  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvQa04JP73o 

Jimmy Page/Puff Daddy  *Come with Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxQ0hSAoAFY