he couldnt say for sureTHAT drove him nuts

                                               he had it he had it had it had it had it   lost it went right out of his head

GO TO JAIL! 

DO NOT PASS GO.

DO NOT COLLECT $200. 

                           he didnt even get a chance to flip an orange Chance or yellow Community Card

GO!  GONE!

            what a bitch thought sure-as-shit itd stay tangledwrapped up in the clutter cobwebs and detritus in his skull

a fucking cat burglar

he didnt even know where to dust for prints

two days he ran any tape he could think of that might jostle the words free two words a vowel difference amiably opposed or so he seemed to recall

                                    should have written them down

rather he got caught up in roiling hypnagogic bit plays

who needed acid

who needed to get stoned

every morning he woke nuts YA FUCKIN KIDDIN ME

at the end of two days he ran the white flag up the flagpole Dont shoot Dont shoot  I surrendered 

                                                                                                            Now tell me

He wasnt saying an the other he wasnt saying or him or them or they or those monster dill pickle eaters

everyone kept their traps shut tight 

he was surprised they didnt pass out mouthbreathers all  they were just like him  three times broken virtually eradicated his ability to breathe through his nose

the best he could come up with was Want and Wont  Want and Wont tied up in a neat daisy chain chasing each other round and round his headbefore his eyes for the better part of the night until REPRIEVE

                                                                                            hed be remiss if he didnt admit to the daisy chain running counterclockwise for a bit a breathy voice Don’t say I never did anything for you. he didnt know who that was had to have been infiltrated he and his never used never Verboten Nein Nyet Non Ochi Bango  Ochi Greek Bango Japanese hed been told No by all flavours of women which only made all the flavours of women who said Yes more sweet

counterclockwised

infiltrated

toss his ass in an iron maiden an walkaway

Want Wont maybe one day the words would present themselves

his REPRIEVE was delicious

the words were gone

the daisy chain ceased

in their stead was a trembling iceblue circular cake with four identical candles on it the candles were lit they seemed organic to the cake it didnt look like the candles penetrated the smooth fluid icing  as they burned they cast an orangeish dusk light which heightened the colouring of the decrepit stained cardboard box the cake sat on

the cake celebrated something or other but he had no idea  what he knew was was he was there on purpose to witness to celebrate  and he was going to get a slice or handful of cake despite he didnt like cake

                                                                                                          not his Wont

but definitely his Want

1003,  Thursday,  25  6. 20

1404,  Saturday,  27  6. 20

Richard Harris  MacArthur’s Park  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iplpKwxFH2I        

he needed more time

Then I have everyone else’s order?

the table of men nodded

she excused herself saying shed get the coffee water and juices

returned  dispersed: What will it be, cowboy?

he cast a surreptitious glance around the booth to see if any of the others caught what she said she saw himsaw the roughneck the hard man sitting before her  despite the suit and tie

I'm still thinking.

Should I wait?

Yes. he liked it when people had to wait for him 

the man looking out the window through the venetian blinds into the parking lot said  He likes the items you have pictured on your menu; he’s wondering if you might have a menu that pictures all your items, he leaned forward to glance the nametag on her breast  Jody. 

she snapped her gum which should have been answer enough for most but cowboy held his menu tightly earnestly

No. she said

the ferretfaced man on the aisle to her immediate right said He’d like to know if substitutions are allowed.

she didnt reach across the table to cowboys menu and point it out  she wanted to badly At the top of the menu you can read it’s an additional Twofifty.

the ferret said  He doesnt like to read

I suppose that’s why he’s surrounded himself with you, guys. then only turning her head  Cowboy. Make a decision?

The coffee’s fine. he handed his menu to the man to his right who reached across the two others beside him and handed the menu to her

Okay. I’ll put the orders in and doubleback to refresh the coffee.

she returned she refilled everyones mug and left

immediately cowboy asked  How’d she do that, give me and Mike our Decaf?

a stunned silence descended on the table

Mike answered  Sir. You and I are the only mugs that have coasters beneath them. That’s a tell, so she and other waitresses can refill our coffee without asking decaffeinated or regular. It’s more efficient, sir.

And if I hide my coaster?

Then, sir, you get what you ordered.

I’ve ordered Decaf.

Sir. Then leave your coaster where it is.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/jun/27/russia-offered-bounties-afghanistan-militants-killing-us-soldiers-report-outrage

cowboy didnt want anything off the menu

                                              he just drank his Decaf with powdered Cremora and Sweet ‘n Low

0808,  Saturday,  27  6. 20

https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/problem-trump-s-denial-russia-bounty-controversy-n1232378?cid=eml_mra_20200629

“Aides insisted there would be no change in White House strategy to fight the pandemic, and no additional money or new resources given to states dealing with spikes in cases." 

                                                               https://www.politico.com/news/2020/06/25/coronavirus-business-as-usual-trump-340521?nname=playbook&nid=0000014f-1646-d88f-a1cf-5f46b7bd0000&nrid=00000167-851a-d01a-a567-d79e0c9d0000&nlid=630318

“ . . no change in strategy to fight the pandemic . . “

“fight”

       Hmm he thought itd be a wonderful idea to get these “aides” other White House senior officials head of the CDC ofcourse Trump ofcourse his cocksucker Vice President into a big room and have a battle royale

                                                                                                      the way they fight

hed walk out alone covered in blood their blood

1248,  Reggae Friday,  26  6. 20

Bob Marley  Buffalo Soldier  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5FCdx7Dn0o

he wondered if . . . if. when he fell asleep . that maybe his body wasnt inhabitedhe woke  found  albeit . . superficial . wounds  punctures   scrapes  long catlike scratches  his blood staining the bed linens

his wounds didnt comport with the dreams he had

he wouldnt be . . wouldnt . be adverse to whiling in his dreams suffering if he provoked it or joined into a melee he was willing to accept those wounds or punishments at least hed know from where they came when inflicted who he had offended

his life offended others why wouldnt his dreaming

seemed possibly a curious balance 

                                       a toy teeter totter

but if he were inhabited just to be taken like a used car for a careless run around the block hed have issue with that

he wokehe could still feel cool water on his skin his hair feeling heavy and matted 

it was a shallow pool filledfed with salt seawater

its submerged mosaic-tiled apron littered with happy sea creatures and seashells ran out towards the sea from three curved steps continuous like a surfs wash they provided entry into the pool

a twist of thick long seaweed undulated in the pool one end pointing to the soft waves entering through the breakwater

the seaweed curled up on itself formed a languid S

maybe high tide was sent to gather it but it failed  the seaweed turned and rolled in the shallow blue water quaked by the tide

         it shifted listlessly

he was compelledit wasnt his idea into the receding water to aid the tide and to drag the weed to the break where he would release it back into its elements help the sea reclaim it

dragging it it was heavier than he thoughthe hadnt bother to gather or bunch it its length worked against him

when he went to regrasp it part of it got hung up on his hand  tendrils wrapped his wrist yanking free of them they snappedPopped! at a sudden the weed quivered spasmed  it was alive  an eel a worm two red eyes appeared in rents and fluttered it twisted and shook in his hold its violence began to unravel the weedyness hidden inside the long vegetation was tangled dark hair  emerging it came off in ugly scabs clots clumps the beast shiveredreared like a snake and rising shaking its skull emerged from the falling weedweed like putrefying flesh  its skull white brilliantwhite shookwrithed violently and tall in the water defying physics its jaws openedhe thought to scream but they came unhinged as its long skull split in halves and fell away and from within as it began to fallfalling limply an astonishing small red eyed automaton emerged from the split skull a ribbed metal thing falling it tickled the air with thin insectlike appendages

he was horrified

                but he caught it by an appendage in midair and hurtled it at a pillar which held up part of a pink stone colonnade that arced before the pool 

his aim was true

it smashed against the stone and fell to the sand 

it twitched

he hoped it momentarily was stunned

                                        and splashing out of the shallow pool on a dead run he lifted a rock used to sit on above his head and smashed it  again  crushed it  again  pulverized it  again  again    again

                                                                                                        he was shotthrough with adrenaline he didnt stop smashing it until it broke into dozens of pieces pieces that no longer articulated or trembled insensate 

its red eyes were crushedwent out with the first blow

he was wounded

                        but he knew how

     

Twosday morning,  7  4. 20 

1109,  Reggae Friday,  26  6. 20 

which 16 members of the House Freedom Caucus identified statues and works of art of Confederates as historical – historical doesnt sidestep the Confederates avowed racist and treasonous identity

https://freebeacon.com/latest-news/house-freedom-caucus-urges-barr-to-crack-down-on-rioters/

they want to crack down on “rioters”  theyre protestors 

wouldnt it be easier to crack down the inane 16 House members  bind and gag them

Biggs has the biggest mouth –ofcourse he would – “Rioting, looting and now mindless (he didnt think so), aimless (he didnt think so) attacks on statues and work of art – this is nothing less than mobocracy. The attempt is to sanitize the symbols of our history which are being destroyed by those who do not understand (yawanna bet?) or know our history (yawanna bet?).”

Eeny Meeny Miny Moe

                         Alabamas Mo Brooks  Gary Palmer  Arizonas Andy Biggs  Debbie Lesko  David Schweikert  Paul Gosar  Colorados Ken Buck  Floridas Ted Yoho  Bill Prosey  Matt Gaetz  Georgias Jodie Hice  Idahos Russ Fulcher  Iowas Steve King  Marylands Andy Harris  North Carolinas Ted Budd  Dan Bishop  Greg Murphy  Ohios Warren Davidson  Jim Jordan  Pennsylvanias Scott Perry  South Carolinas Ralph Norman  Jeff Duncan  Tennessees Mark E. Green  Scott DesJarlais  Texas’ Michael Cloud  Louis asshole Gohmert  Chip Roy  Randy Weber  Ron Wright  Virginias Ben Cline  Morgan Griffith  Denver Riggleman  West Virginias Alex Mooney and Wisconsins Torn Tiffany

1342,  Reggae Friday,  26  6. 20

Lesley  Gore  It’s My Party  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIsnIt1p978

$127K -- killed Americans

cant make this shit up

                        during the rising CoVid-19 pandemic the Trump administration asks the Supreme Court to overturn the Affordable Care Act (ACA) – theres a reason what Republicans shriek stamp their feet and say they hold their breaths until theyre dead – DIE – preferring to call it Obamacare!

                                                                    https://www.politico.com/news/2020/06/25/trump-supreme-court-overturn-obamacare-340851?nname=playbook&nid=0000014f-1646-d88f-a1cf-5f46b7bd0000&nrid=00000167-851a-d01a-a567-d79e0c9d0000&nlid=630318

“The president is moving forward with the legal attack, even as some republicans worry it will hurt the party’s electoral prospects.”

            Congressional Republicans are fucking idiots they havent learn three and a half years later Trump is who matters not the Republican party

1311,  Reggae Friday,  26  6. 20

it was another National holiday that few were able to share or enjoy the paid day-off

which one  he had no idea  what he knew was was he had work 

working constructionhustling theres no such thing as a National holiday 

he did that until an accident ended it  disabled him then forcedhe forced himself to work indoors had to eatkeep a roof over his head he didnt get National holidays off either

                                                         what a fuckin gimmick  why is it a National holiday if everyone doesnt get to enjoy the paid day-off he wasnt gonna blow somebody for that kind of job

his girlfriendgood for her had a job like that she didnt blow anyone for it but sheher cross to bear was she had to contend with an office full of cunts

hed met three of the clutch

they were cunts

he didnt think the others would be an outliers

she said it paid extremely well

he said Then baby please dont complain to me about the job

You could be more supportive.

You could pay me to be

                         the joke non-joke usually fell flat  he had her back  as a matter of fact if he hadnt asked her about the National holiday she would have gone into work not knowing she had it off

he asked because he thought hed take a personal day and they could spend Sunday and Monday together they hadnt seen each other 23 weeks

they didnt

her choice

they textedthey talked on the telephone

to be fair he always tried to be fair her health was dicey so he put the ball in her court good thing it was their ball and not his

they had a good relationship despite the absence

                                                    but he always said that he wouldnt do anything that would jeopardise their friendship

1759,  Monday,  21  1. 19

1129,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  24  6. 20

London Grammar  Metal & Dust  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=as5FZJI6xJU

Are you fuckin kiddin me

What?! he was irritated Does this make a difference?

It makes a difference

People gotta live.

They do I lived in a trailer on twenty acres in Montana I had no neighbours I could tolerate the trailer Cant . . 

. . You makin’ jud . .

. . No Im makin a call a choice

Judgment.

Pull the car over Ill walk back into town

Just like that?

Just like that

Where you gonna spend the night?

Not here 

Thas . . that’s a pretty severe jud . . 

. . Careful

Ah, a pretty severe . . choice.

Trailer parks an I dont get along Ive gone in innocently an all hells broken loose Third time was a fuckin charm a tornado Killed a dozenfifteen people I made a ditch face down heard it screaming as it passed over me

Man, it’s a clear night.

You miss I said third time   Stop  Ill walk back Like you said its a clear night The walk will do me goodclear my head 

Alright, man. he pulled over they were about halfway into the bowels of the trailer park Tell them, if you’re asked, you were at Nelson’s, Number 34B.

Poor girl

Huh?

Nothing I like to humour myself

You’re sure?

I am Dont mistake please that I dont appreciate the offer to spend the night Didnt imagine Thats on me

Cool, man.

Thanks

he got out of the car and began walking up the gravel road his shadow was cast in the cars red brakelights  probably was stalling to see if he didnt change his mind  he wasnt changing a vow

he watched his breath move in the winter air

there were brushes of dirty snow against shabby pottery that may have held flowers or plants once upon a time

beyond a row of trailers yellow lamps lights blue television lights bled from aluminumframed windows through thin drapes stood a broken line of tall denuded trees  a windbreak

he sidestepped puddles and holes of broken ice and dark water

the wind picked up and fell

when it relaxed he heard music or television programmes or conversations through the trailers thin skins

up on the left a doublewide was loud  music  voices  windows open to cool the contents

some of the contents spilled out onto a broad stained redwood deck  people smoking drinking wine  drunk  loud 

closer up he recognised that they were all men

HEY! someone on the deck called to him WANNA PARTY!

NO THANKS

NAH. WE DON’T TAKE NO FROM A BROTHER.

I aint your brother

as he walked by through the gaping sliding glass door off the porch he saw men pawing each other saw men sucking cocks                     

               party

HEY!

he walked right by muttering Fuckin trailer parks he was sure he saw unspooled flypaper tape hanging down into the livingroom

             aint been flies for at least a month

HEY!

the HEY better stay right where it is

HEY!

Fuck  footsteps closing  he might have to hurt someone

HEY!  close

Nelson 34B  Go back to your shindig  I prefer not to hurt anyone

JUST WANNA TALK. YA LOOK INNARESTIN.

Im not

HEY!  at least he quit following

maybe he got it

no more HEYs

he walked past the trailer marquee left onto the shoulder of the rural highway place was called ROLL INN encapsulated a rounded redpainted metal sign in script beneath it an upside down trapezoid matching red metal TRAILER with COURT beneath it both signs were once lighted by bulbs  the socket were big black holes now 

too bad

once upon a time

in its prime

             but that would have been before the first of his three misadventures

he stuffed his hands into his coat pockets to keep them warmer

maybe hed entertain himself with those stories as he walked

few miles ahead viewed off a rise in the road city lights twinkled

seems

         always other stories are waiting

2349,  Twosday,  18  12. 18

1304,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  24  6. 20

Supertramp  Take the Long Way Home  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7btmeE8Ewa8

he didnt frequent bars

one of the reasons why he didnt approached him from behind as he watched them in the gold vein mirrored tiles behind the bar

the man mopedstaggered

was drunkwas looking for an unattached victim

unfortunately he just ordered another beer to beat the end of Happy Hour an hour which now was going to be inappropriately named Wait he scolded himself it ended in five minutes the drunk coming up behind him the mopey stealthyself wouldnt arrive inside those five minutes

Buckle in spaceman he thoughthe chided himself

the bar/brewery made a handful of beers and they just released their seasonal anniversary double IPA which was a favorite of his since the first time he had it five years earlier

he eyeballed the calendar so he didnt miss it

                                                and fortunately for the incoming stumblebum this was the third week it was available and he had enjoyed unmolested pints in that time 

Baby the rain must fall he thought  No fuckin way that 45 was on the jukebox

the rambling ray of sunshine approached him over his right shoulder 

he sat closest the wall

he was lefthanded

Hey, man, haya?

Haya  Fine  Ya

Yeah. Yeah. Iam fine.

Whats up

Yasee, yasee Berg online?

he was gratefulalmost that he cut to the chase it had been years since Nick Berg was decapitated and the video released

No

NO. Yadidnt watch?

Why would I watch that

                          he could feel his irritation rising Lemme enjoy my beer though this fuck is definitely hampered he was going to beat him unrelentingly maybe teach him two lesson dont watch shit and dont complain about the shit you decided to watch

Yaknow boutit.

I do.

Yadidnt watch.

Why would I want to see a helpless man slaughtered I dont subscribe to the word evil but that would come close So Id ask you why dafuck youd want to see a man butchered  Yaknew he was before ya went to the site

Eyyah, eyyah . . I donknow.

Ya dont know Seems to me ifya didnt then ya shouldntve

I . . I . . . I can’t get it out of my head.

I cant help ya

Lemme buyya . . 

. .No thank you Im finishin my beer and walkin home

Eyyah, eyyah . . didn’t mean . . 

. . Yadid  Yadidnt see me see ya but yadid  So if I may enjoy my beer alone

Cold, man, yer cold.

Cold You come up on me to talk about a man getting his head cut off with a knife an Im cold So now I aint askin take a hikeleave me alone

Ar? he stood uprighttried what he thought was intimidating  

Or

Yah. he leaned forward but had to catch himself with a hand at the bar

he turned utterly away and looked at himselfthe lout beside him in the gold vein mirrored tiles Nothin Ill cry Mommie to bartender Youre harassin me An its better he contends with you

the drunk rolled back on his heels Yah?

he made eye contact with the barkeep

the barkeep floated down Jimmy. Jimmy? Leave the man alone. He wants to enjoy his beer.

Yah?

Jimmy. Walk away or I’ll have to walk you out the door.

he turned to Jimmy Sorry the video disturbed you Hope you learned lesson Me Id rather watch people fuck then people die

Jimmy stumbled backwards 

                               a couple of locals working up to the bar to order caught himheld him up so he didnt fall

Jimmy ignored them flailed a bit to be unhanded treated them asif their existence had been to be right there to catch him

the bartender said Thanks, gents.

Jimmy said shit

the guys sidestepped him once it seemed to them Jimmy was stable

YAD RATHER WATCH PORN. Jimmy yelled at his back trying to embarrass him 

Jimmy didnt know that nothing embarrassed him thick fuckin skin  grew up in the city in Chicago 

he turned on his stool to face Jimmy  Yah  Porn  Better than a human being slaughtered

1818,  Sunday,  20  1. 19

1232,  Twosday,  23  6. 20

Glenn Yarbrough  Baby, The Rain Must Fall  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJO8ZUVL1xs