Miller

grateful

perhaps if not for Nin no Miller

                                  queer

he didnt find her until a freshman in college in the library exhausted by Biology needing respite a changeup saw a palindrome author on a bindingspine

                                       The Four-Chambered Heart  beside it House of Incest        biology

opening it

             to his surprise a woman

he had not read a woman writer until then

    prejudiced

not really

           read science fiction adventure Hemingway Dos Passos Durrell  Steinbeck  Conrad  Twain  Algren  Joyce classics  Iliad Odyssey  Dante

not skirts

    was uninformed

an unforced error

in judgment

Miller

       “Even if it last for only a few moments, the privilege of looking at the world as a spectacle of unending life and not as a repository of persons, creatures and objects to be impressed into our service, is something never to be forgotten.”

had to be after Saturday,  19  1. 92

1216,  Sunday,  17  11. 24

Bottle of Venetienne please

                                You may call it Venetian

the man stared vacantly at him

Do you understand

                       Recommended by Rabelais Rimbaud Villon Baudelaire   Perhaps Whitman

A sailors remedy

    blinked   For what?

Clap

If we wish not to be gauche

Syphilis

Gauche.   blinked

Unsophisticated Awkward   Lacking ease or grace

I know what it means.

Youre expression does not communicate  tha

                                                      Have you a bottle

A phial.

A vial  For something vile

expressionless

    Have you a phial

I have.

          Nothing’s worse than worry. Do you understand?   finally an expression

Fay ce que vouldras

Inscription on the gate of Rabelais’ Abbey of Theleme.

In his satirical Gargantua and Pantagruel

Yes.

Means

Do what you want.

Yes

        I did  Now I need help with as you say  My worry

that had beenwould be his most trying interlewd with a pharmacist

    fortunately he did not present

fortunately

                because he was allergic to penicillin

had to be after Saturday,  19  1. 92

1124,  Sunday,  17  11. 24

https://jmvh.org/article/syphilis-its-early-history-and-treatment-until-penicillin-and-the-debate-on-its-origins/

they asked if they should record him

My utterances he shrugged

                                Why notperhaps  Coud be garbage

But then one mans trash is anothers treasure

they shrugged

                 listened as he began

    each chose their particular passage  noting the tones nuances rhymes rhythm  deepbreath pauses

                                                                                                                 hard

sometimesstartling emphases

they knit their brows stroked their temples worried their lips

                                                                listened  listened   listened

leaning in asif he whispered

he saw

         Am I hard to hear need I speak louder

they shook their heads no

    he chuckled Am I worth a price of admission

they didnt respond

                     unvowed   his words like drops of rain on dry thirsty dirt

gentle washes for tired eyes

massages for exhausted bodies

appealing murmurs to their ears like a songbirds

                                                     like lies they were desperate to believe

his voice came from behind masks they wanted to see

    his words cradled them as breaths or breeze turn colouredthreads of incense  quivered gentle candle flames

listening

          became childlike again  without hurt anger doubt

pinkskinned once more

wideeyed once more

                         gentle

they took him like mothers milk

                                   closed their eyes  suckled

listening they dreamed dreamed dreamed

                                               fantastic fearless dreams

    they should have brought scribes to record him

they didnt have time

0138,  Saturday,  19  1. 92

0947,  Sunday,  17  11. 24

    WARNING not Skull an Crossboneish: had nibbled a cheery cherry

made him contemplative

                            not contemptuous of anything hed read

Your Inner Fish

                  “a fish with wrist” was wild

The Lost World of the Dinosaurs

                                   anticipating the Sixth Great Extinction

“There’s no such thing as climate change. That’s sissy talk.”  https://science.nasa.gov/climate-change/effects/

No climate change Xcuse me ladies I apologise  Thas cunt talk

couldnt say when he scribbled it

                                   opposite side of the paper didnt correspond datewise

on it was Id rather attend an Arent You Dead Yet than a Life Celebration

likely somewhere between Twentyfirst Century ‘Fourteen and ‘Eighteen

                                                                                    Twentyfirsts off on a shaky start

                                                                                      America ought to be ashamed   

    had scribbled

                     The world is an . . . illusion

                                    a . . . collusion

                                      . . . collision

                                      . . . coliseum

                                    a . . . Theatre of the Absurd immediately beneath that

                              I cannot host the infamy of the world in me

of course he could

                    had to toss a little soap opera schmaltzness in

1552,  Saturday,  16  11. 24

distill

   My springboard

                     Henry Miller: “I had no need of God than He had of me, and if there were one, I often said to myself, I would meet Him calmly and spit in his face.”

Really?

           Where you going from there?

Woudya like to hear

Do I have a choice?

With me as you know you always do

Always. Absolutely.

Anybody play with absolutes more than me

   I can’t think of a soul. Which is probably why you’re so convincing. You make people want to believe.

Thank you

she rest her hands on her thighs

he would have to work hard not to be distracted by her voluptuousness  her nakedness

If when you’ve finished you haven’t wasted my time, I intend to ravage, to savage, you.

I hope its as good as I think he thought

                                         I declare wha I think

An having said so I think of it no longer

I evacuate an make room for more

my brain like my bowels an bladder an lungs have to be emptied  to be refilled

emptied again an agin until tha time someday   when death empties me completely

an finally  with one warm grateful spasm squeeze

where in my bed

or on a floor

into the earth

will gush the last vestiges of what I had been

I will sorely miss not being able to kneel among my stuff like a small interested child

who sorts an pulls through it to discover trembling treasures

the funk

an fuck

of it

there my happiness an horror will be found

if I were this child

or may be had been my childrens

or secondplace bastards

if they were discerning

amid the odor

                 a fragrance

an feeling stones in my surly muck

                                      if their eyes didnt deceive them  betray them

an their nerves not faint

    gems

Sunday,  August 1, 1991

October 16, 1993   Saturday

What do you think?

I think its wonderful You obviously worked very hard

Would you read it to me so I can hear it outside of me outside my head?

Love to

I was weary of this day, of its arguing,

chiding, chaffing, its dull incessant haranguing;

and that I, in its midst, had nothing to offer

for my words were worthless useless clutter.

So I walked away, my legs odd and stilted,

looking for refuge before I wilted,

before the weight of my head collapsed my bones

and rode it down my spine “clack clack clack” and owned

a perch in my pelvis and lowed like a cow.

“I am better than this,” I said and coaxed.

So beneath only the cleansing air on my face,

I laid and admired the swallows chase

the clouds, the sunrays, the harbors there unseen;

and smiled immensely for my head grew wings. 

he came up the hall into the kitchen

she sat at the café table braced in the sunlight coming through the window behind her

                                                                                               looked freakin angelic

You’re coffee’s cold.

Tell me bout it

   You okay?

Lemme say this Nothing constructive came of it

Jeez. You.

            she pushed back on her chair  Let me . .

. . No  Let me

                Refresh yours

Please. she pulled her chair forward

                                         I love you.

I love you

             Any good news in the paper

The Funnies.

Youre a riot

I think so.

he set her coffee to her right kissed her on top the head  smelled her hair

                                                                                You smell like freshbaked bread

Why thank you.

                     Any ideas what you might like to do today?

This morning  One idea

                          Afterthas out of the way Im sure others will come  You

I’d like to paint. Got some ideas going on . somersaulting.

Any sticking their landings

Yah. Every damn one.

neighbor stopped for a cup of sugar  parlayed with freshbaked blueberry muffins  he made a fresh pot  she had a cup with them  left  her sister was stopping by had a sewing project she needed help with

    Wha time ya got

she leaned back kitchen clock was on the wall above the stove

                                                                    TenOtwo. Why?

Ships come in

Didn’t needed that information.

Minds cleared ideas shall sally forth

Sally wouldya.

Indeed 

0750,  Saturday,  16  11. 24

1057,  Saturday 

E E D D

              Whawastha

    whawas he thinkin when he woke this morning driftingupout of hypnopompia

E E D D

              hed give it some thought

as he made the bed fed the cats inanout started coffee started roasted garlic pasta sauce started laundry

                                                                                                                 started

wanted at least to start some letters

everyone likes to get a letter in the mailhe didntbut he hadnt expected returnletters

writingem was his forte

hed get calls Thanks

                       get texts Thanks  emails Thanks

E E D D

         Whadafuck sayin it louder didnt help

Woudya think

               rapped his skull with his knuckles                       

he heard echoes longpast

                           his daughter throwing a dive off a ten metre tower  her teammates below  You got this! You got this! Bring it home! You got it!

she did

         she was a phenom was since she walkedthen ran    

    whowhowho bbubbled out of his throat  recalled   ecstatic esthetician

                                                                                met her poolside late night friends house party closing out happened they had the same wise idea skinnydip  no one round no lights lit only by the light of the full Beaver Moon  no coincidence serendipitous truly in a happy beneficial way

Joe  Youre Aisling

Gonna pound your chest?

                            he laughed  Me Tarzan you Jane

Not shabby for a polack.

Understand youre one too

I am.

Might explains why were here

Could suppose.

Esthetician I understand  I see

she smiled

            slipped like a seal into the water went under swamup to him  stood  squeegeed the water from her hair with the flat of her hands

smiled again  wolfishly

                           Wheres your carpenter’s belt, Tarzan?

Loincloth baby Thad be work

                                 Evenings  are for pleasure

    D D

           selfexplanatory

0710,  Saturday,  16  11. 24

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nightmare#/media/File:Johann_Heinrich_F%C3%BCssli_052.jpg

. . . he completes my thoughts

Milo?

    Yeah  Thas who Ive been talkin about

He completes your thoughts?

An this part of your hearing test confirms youve no potatoes growing in your ears

                                                                                      Congrats

Thaswha I said

That doesn’t sound queer to you?

Queer  Howso

    What’s queer mean to you?

Youre queer

ignored it

           What do you mean?

Completes my thoughts is accurate

    How so?

Tha woud have been appropriate earlier  Milo my barber is in his nineties

After he sheared ten months of uncut hair from my headhad to be the Dude  Im a method Halloweener as you saw Saying goodbye after hugging him I said  Ill seeya he cut in When you see me.

                                                                                          If I’m still here.

Youll be here

               Cant leave me swinging in the breeze without a barber  Thad be criminal

he laughed into his hand

                            I’ll do the best I can.

As you always do

                     Aint nobody makes me as beautiful as you

You realise . . that’s queer.

No

     Wha I realise is tha youre homophobic despite protesting otherwise

after1700,  Thursday,  14  11. 24

1404,  reggaefriday,  15  11. 24

You gotta be so grim?

    Not necessarily grim

                             My black humour Thaway I can laugh about everything not get twisted by angst an disgust into a pretzel

I like twistin back

Yadon

    Unlike you, I don’t. Not in my characte . .

. . Or lack thereof

You have to be insulting?

    You have to be milquetoast

                                    Someone fingering through the froth of your body wont find a spine

Has nothing to do with a backbon . .

. . Everything to do with a backbone

                                       Don pushbackno matter the odds but youre an odds counterworry them

Don pushback gonna get pushed around

Nothing

Not grim

            Id rather attended an Arent You Dead Yet than a Life Celebration

1702, Thursday,  14  11. 24

1322,  reggaefriday,  15  11. 24

Microsoft WORDs fuckinwid me again

You can’t let up let that go?

You kiddin me thas confrontation  I don stepaway no way

It’s a progra . .

. . Programme dickinround wid me

                                     Asif I don see em happen  Aint slippin a fastball past me

Awright awright, what it’s this time?

Arya humourin me

    A little.

              Though I have to admit your abject recoil appeals to me.

My harrassment appeals to you

Yeah.  Abject recoil harassment spelt with two Rs.   I gotcha.

Two Rs  Excellent  You remembered

If you’d have a tombstone I’d scribble Harrasser on it every time I visited your grave.

An obviously no stone obviously ya don visit graveyards an obviously Im survivin you anif youd have a marker Id visit scratch Harrassed into it then visit you aginanagin to luxuriate

Yawannabet?

Youd be dead I coudnt collect   Thasaid

                                                WORD

he had to think about it  did he want to parry

    Times awastin

WORD.

Albeit venial I wont forgive

It’s a program. On a machine.

Apparently programmed to harrass me

                                           My backatcha

Which waswould ya get on with it?

 

I woud wrote  he was a dead man

                                      Which WORD saw fit to correct to  added man

Whadafucks an added man

    Not . . . ad man . marketeer?

Look at you  Marketeer

No big woot. Had a thing for Annette Funicello, a Mouseketeer.

Jesus

         Amen brother

You said it.

1035,  reggaefriday,  15  11. 24

https://www.vintag.es/2018/09/annette-funicello-beach-party-swimsuit.html#google_vignette

“. . . ‘bright eyes’ – the refined art of the physiognomical gaze – Seventeenth Century – so as to decipher in the signs of the face the character of the spirit”

                                     mumbled  Ya shittin me

set the book down

                     Aint all tha simple

What’s not simple, babe?

he read it to her

    I believe that.

Becky   Really

Really?

        Hermetic.  I throw tarot for you, occult tradition, as is alchemy, astrology, ya dig.

    No I didnt dig tha deep

                               noddedconceded Youre right

Palmistry.

I said youre right

I love when you tell me that. she giggled

                                                Say it again.

Yakiddin me

               Itll cost ya

If it costs likely it’ll pleasure me as much as you

he smiled  There is tha

                           cleared his throat    You are right

she giggledeyes smiled  dimples deepened

                                               Baby. You make me wet.   laughed wholeheartedly

Find anything else that might interest me?

    Copernican controversy

Church. Galileo?

Youre sharp grr Cardinal Bellarmino

                                        Dig the cat Engraved on his tomb is the epigraph “With force I have subdued the brains of the proud” 

Nineteenthirtyone he was proclaimed Doctor of the Church Only thirtysix saints have been conferred Doctor

                                                                                                                  Slimpickins

Bellarmino was the first to admonition to Galileo not to hold or defend Copernican theory after the publication of Paolo Foscarinis book an defence from the charge that it clashed with Scripture

Foscarini thought Copernican theory was more probable than the old geocentric system  everything circled the earth  yet understood there was no evidence He argued if it were proven one day there should be no conflict with Scripture

    Galileo conceded.

Conceded

             Thas generous

He was forced to kneel forced to abandonrecant his opinion recant his lifes work

                                                                                      Found I quote “vehemently suspected of heresy”

He didnt he was a dead man

Thawas Sixteenthirtythree during the Catholic Churchs Inquisition which you may recall held sway for almost fourhunred years canya imagine  Youdve been burned as a witch me too as your consort

    Are you my consort?

Sortof yah

             Yours  Allisons

She’ll be tickled to hear. An that said we better get on dinner. She asked for your waffles bacon fresh fruitDO NOT . forget blueberries . you need to go pickem up.

On it

    musically giggling again  You say the sweetest things.   

this century, likely 2010

1048,  reggaefriday,  15  11. 24

http://galileo.rice.edu/sci/theories/copernican_system.html  

http://galileo.rice.edu/chr/bellarmine.html

https://uscatholic.org/articles/200807/chronological-list-of-the-doctors-of-the-church/ 

https://www.history.com/news/galileo-copernicus-earth-sun-heresy-church