SHUDDER

                freakin appropriateconsidering the prior dreampiece

but thats not where this came from

Irish writer John McGahern  The Pornographer

                                                  believes either Ken Bruen turned him onto McGahern or one of the many literary online sites he read informed himhe couldnt say

                                                           he read an awful lot

jotted names titles brief phrases that incited him

                                                    excited him      challenged him

a sharp cuff on the cheek with a kidskin glove

“The shudder that makes us flesh becomes the shudder that makes us meat.”

                                                                                             if that does turn ones head theyre dead

shudder   flesh  meat freshmeat

shudder

           loved the wordloved      the sensation

erotic

fear

appalled

creep

one or all the above

multiple choice

fortunately

             not a test one needs to fear failing

as a matter of fact

throw other descriptors atop them like an obscene slathered sundae treat

                                                                                gobs and clots and lipsmacking

shudders

one might understand his tilted  erotic

                                         cut of cloth   steepedDNA     proud to say

0737,  2sday,  17  9. 24

1055,  Monday,  7  10. 24

not surprised

he was long gonelong past surprise in regards to his dreams

awake

           he antagonised people who refused to see outside the box

was perpetually on the outside looking in

last night

dreamt urban domestic comicbook panels

                                           four characters a middleaged man perhaps his son relative friend and two women contemporaries aged halfbetween the men

animated expressions

                         panel after panel after panel

some coloured coloured incomplete some sepia some blackanwhite

perhaps

          suggestive of emotion  intimacy

one on one

three

never four

no words

no script

    then

          finally

last panel he realised

over it

in an attractive bold font

QUIS NON VIS MORI CONCUBITU

Who wouldnt want to die having sex (in sex)

                                               sounding dangerously close to incest

stupidquestion

0717,  Monday,  10  7. 24

1001,  Monday

names Lisa

               triggered Cat Stevens https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVUS6G__6Vk  Sad Lisa

he coudnt shake the songwoudnt consider any woman namedany woman christened Lisa

he didnt say

                 Im not interested

I understand she’s a knockout.

Youre gullible

She’s a beach strand girl.

Aint the samenot the same as when you were a kid a teenager

                                                                     Care to agree

I was told . .

. . Know by who

                   I  she  don share the same taste in women

Though you seem mighty curious

I am. She talks her up.

                            Supposed to be quite the specimen, lifter, traine . .

. . Knock yourself out

    You should meet her.

Im not interested

                   Tell your girl friend shes talked about her a lot an we you  we ought to meet her  Not I want to meet her

We

Not I

Youre curious

It’d be easier, we could swing it if you’d say you were interested, changed your mind.

Ive already said categorically  Im not

You could have a change of heart.

Yafuckin kiddin me

                      Know me to change my mind

    No. But that’s not to say it isn’t possible.

Your girl friend doesnt know me well but she knows me enough to know thad be shit  Wrong play

                                                                                                        Say youre interested youre curious shes painted a curious picture

She might reconsider your relationship

                                           No punany

Yea  Maybe punany

    You think?

Hope springs eternal

You think?

    Fuck no

0740,  2sday,  17  9. 24

2107,  Sunday,  6  10. 24

. . . it’s called love.

he was fond of the guytryin real hard not to be too critical but its been too longHell  told him six weeks in it was a no-go hed have bet money

                          Love

Yes. It’s become love.

Friend love

No no.  No.

             Love. Why do you . .

. . Place an adjective at the leadbecause it is

                                                 Its nothing morebeen nothing more

We’d disagree.

No we

       Been nothing more these  two  plus   years

I don know tha don cut it

You have no ide . .

. . Please

             Ive married as you  Ive had children as you   Love

An as you Ive lost love

Drop no idea or Ill knock it out of your mouth

    So quick . . to . vi . . so . quick to think you know.

Not think  I know

                     You oughta know

She calls you  friendhence

                                Friend love

No. It’s more than that.

Hate to shine the light

                         Its not

You don’t know what happens between us.

No sex I do

                 Anthas wha yare holding out forwhich  as she said   I quote  You

I don’t want to risk our friendship.

Youre confused

I’m confused?

Its not love

You don’t get to tell me what I’m feeling.

I know wha it is  Pullin the trigger

                                    I apologise upfront

For what?

Youre doting Calling it love

                               Doting

I believe many people makehave made the same mistake

                                                               Gotta admit  Awfully convenient

True love is rarer than we think

0730,  2sday,  17  9. 24

1203,  Sunday,  6  10. 24

entering following her into the bedroom  Nice comforter Duvet  Which

Duvet. Sounds extravagant doesn’t it?

It does he winked at her

she smiled giggledsoftly Thank you, I’m happy you approve.

he smiled I didnt say tha

                              Eiderdown

It is.  her expression mussed

                                 It’s one of the very few . extravagant things I’ve afforded myself for when fall and winter descend.

it was snowing

Yes I can understand it is comforting

    But you don’t care for it?

I do not 

she walked oversat on the edge of the bed seductivelynot once looking away from his eyes undid the scarf at her throat unbuttoned several buttons of her dress

                                           humored smiled   Now?

Annow howbout we go to my place

                                      Ill throw some blankets down in front of the fireplace we can watch the snow fall through the windows talk you can sip wine Ill sip whisky

A fine ending to our delicious dinner date

she ran her hands her long exquisite fingers across the bed

                                                                 I should bundleup she leaned forward go back out into the cold again?

she was enticing

she was seriously a sharp cookie

                                       Yes you should

firmly You’re joking.

Im not

You have a reason? she was becoming irritated  it wasnt becoming on her

I do

Would you care to say?

he chuckled

            Remains a sore spot all these years later

Understand I appreciate how much you enjoydare say relish  your quilt I do

                                                                                   Im not fond

Will you say?

Of course I will

                 As you know my wife died

She bought our girls eiderdown comforters They thought them the cats pajamascoudnt wait for the cold to come over the years that ensued

Yes.

      As do I.

As do you

            I was happy for them Im happy for you 

I made no bones

I do not like them

And.

My wife bought one for our bed

                                  Which was entirely fairshe liked it as much or more than the girlswoudnt have bought them in the first place if not

So during cold weather I threw blankets down in front of the fireplace an slept there

    You didnt sleep with your wife.

Not with eiderdown on the bed no

So you’r . .

. . Obviously

0700,  2sday,  17  9. 24

1032,  Sunday, 6  10. 24

Aby Warburg

                     Ever

he hadnt

twice in two days now

    why now

his picture atlas Bilderatlas begun in the final years of his life incomplete at his death 1929 represents the origins of modern Western art history

some found the work “symptomatic of his ‘crimes’”

art

crime

Yafuckin kiddin me

somebody would have to flesh out how art crime relate

                                                               or are even relatedNo

No

blew his mind

hed be a carnival barker

                            Ladies an gentlemen young ladies in particular Step right up step right up Only twentyfivecents a slim quarter Step right upstep right up an blow me

truly

      somebody try and knot tie a red ribbon bow around art and crime insist theyre similar either they or he would find themselves picking themselves up off a sawdust floor among tossed peanut shells

scent of tequila

                     that kind of bar is art 

  

0700,  2sday,  17  9. 24

1522,  Saturday,  5  10. 24

https://artreview.com/how-art-historian-aby-warburg-changed-the-way-we-see/

he called his Dad

                     talked       Ya don sound right

I’m alright

No

     You forget we spend an entire year talkin on the phone couple times a week before I see you again

Ya don sound right   Whasup

Nothing, son, really.

Bullshit

         Whas happened

    Fine. I fell.

Where

In the backyard.

On the grass

Yes. Yes.

No bruises no scrapes

None.  Hurt my pride more.

You trip

No. Like my leg failed.  Was up then down, pitched forward.

Didnt strike your face your head

No.

     As I said, more embarrassing than anything else.

Not shitting me

No.

      I’m fine.

You wearing a belt

laughed  Holds up my pants.

Metal buckle

Yes.

So you know wha happened

Happened?

Yah

No.

Mother Earth Gravity  Magnetic center

                                         A little reverence Dad  She hauled you down

Stop.

No really

I think not.

Youre not being reverent

Please, son.

Paw  Imagine ifya werent wearin a belt

If I wasn’t?

Correct

What?

Shedve pantsed ya Pants down around your ankles Neighbours  Ohmy

                                                                                Maybe called the cops for indecent exposure

Still wrappin your cock around your waist like an anaconda

0700,  2sday,  17  9. 24

1355,  Saturday, 5  10. 24

Google makes things too easy

made a face What are you talking about? It’s what computers do.

Till the plugs pulled

Plugs pulled?

               Ya going off on that all things electric are marriedjoined a single wireline leads to a single plug stuck in a wall . . somewhere . remot . .

. . An gets cut yah

Never going to happen.

Brothers electricity was off for three days this summer hundred degrees Chicago lotsa old people died an were spoiling

If three daysgranted an exception  but is also a window

Take natural disaster Helene Plot against Republicans Marjorie Taylor Greenecheese in her head said  Think how long some of tha electricity is going to be out or if ever restored to some devastated parts of towns

Can happen

Too easy

So what are you doing to make things hard for yourself cause that’s what you do?

Use the dictionary to lookup words encyclopedia for historical facts

OhChrist, you slay me, really? You think of the time you’ll be wasting.

Forget the time we wasted  Ya kiddin me

That was then this is now.

I belong to the Fraternal Order of NeoLuddites no acronym

                                                              You forget about all the other words you find an read while lookinup the one  Its great fun

No thank you.

Howbout this

               I keep a New Oxford American Dictionary Second Edition on floor beside my left foot as I sit at the desk

Looked down

Saw a distinct split between pages

Slipped a bookmarker in it so not to lose the page when I picked it up

Is there a point to this?

Bear with me bear with me

Feels like you’re wasting my time.

This time is well spent

                         Set the dictionary in my lap opened it I wont quiz you on wha yamight think I opened to because you have the imagination of an illiterate miteopened it to pages threehunredninetyfour an five top left  cradle-robber opposite page top right  crave

Cradle-robber crave wha

Young women.

Ohgood youre not as dumb as you look

Didnt mean to step on your line

1612,  Monday,  30  9. 24

1131,  Saturday,  5  10. 24

Use the pan on the stove

Which? she asked

Rear right

Alright. 

         Sheeswoof . . whahappened to that?

Tha

The pan.

    Ah  Tha

               Ever boil eggs for seven hours

Thaswha happened to tha

Seven hours? Might be awfully happy it’s an electric range.

Ecstatic

How’d that happen.

Was late was hungry thought softboiled eggs easily digestible putem on went to the bedroom on the nightstand was a book I thought I returned to the library glad I hadnt physics threw pillows against the wall read nodded out woke set the book aside turned out the light went to sleep

During an intermission break between dreams saw a simmering pot of boiled eggswoke  Tadum

Scorchedblack eggshells one explodedtossed a chalky crayonish yolk onto the range

The pan looks destroyed inside.

It functions

You’re not going to toss it?

No  Functions

Awfully unsightly inside.

Exactly

          Yet it functions       Functions best as a reminder

I anticipate since I caught a break Ill not ever do tha again

Like string tied around someone’s finger.

Precisely

Alright. I’ll reheat the chili in it for the dogs.

Ill slice tomato dice onions got pepperoncini celery salt side of Claussen spears potato salad homemade by moi bought pretzelbread rolls

We’re feasting!

We is we certainly is

0621,  Saturday,  5  10. 24

1036,  Saturday

It’s A Wonderful Life  Uncle Billy squirrel and string  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpMfp-SsRXg

Where’s my hat?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mu2YEBCU76U

hes had it

there were 385,000 American deaths from Trumpvirus in 2020

                                                                   then there was January6 2021

then the next day was January6 the next day was January6 the next day January6

every day since

January6 insurrectionists shit in the Capitol

formers been shitting on American democracy every day since

1621, reggaefriday,  4 10. 24

Gottago errrans to run

Errands.

Errrans

Am I . are you . . . am I misunderstanding your pronunciation?

If you think Im saying errands yah

                                      Errrans  Made a mistake an now I gotta runem back

Had I not Id have no errands to run

How are you spelling it?

How woud you spell it

E  R  Rcorrect?

Yah

E R R . . . R?

An

. . R A N Sno D.

Perfect

        You can spellan before you say it isnt a wordcuz youre dyin to I just made it a word so it is

air went out of his perturbed tires out of his expression

                                                         You saw . .

. . Thacoming  Arya kiddin me

                                 Yaoughta exercise your liberties more oftenyoure stiff rigid  rules aint laws theyre meant to be broken

But they’re rules.

Too  fuckin   staid

                     Lemme lemming

pickedup his iPhone punched keys  Lookinup rule noun  punched a few more    Here we are  listenin

                                                                                                             rule  “one set of explicit or understood regulations or principles I disagree governing disagree conduct disagree within a particular particular particular activity or sphere I disagree”

It didn’t say particular three times.

I did

      I woud have preferred  within an anal activity or sphere give me a fuckin break   A rule is ought to be perceived as a nicety a courtesy an I find those who might typically  seems typical to me  cite rules  often clandestinely are breakinem have some farcical selfheld belief they are better than others their  shit don stink

It do

Were miles from errrans

                              I disgress

That was quite a definition, recital, diatribe.

Yare getting the hang of it

   Are you angry?

No

You sound angry.

You havent heard me angry

                              Decidedly a decisive difference   I do not deign

Had to  Ds

              Or dese

Dese?

In your coastal vernacular these

                                   Dese

Dem  Dere  Dose  Dese

                            Can take the boy out of the city but not the city outadaboy

Dig

I suppose I do.

                     I honor rules.

Of course you do Its made you who you are

What do you mean by that?

Wha I said

             Know the song with the lyric of Oh sweet mystery of life at last Ive found you

Naughty Marietta  Shes got a legup on you

                                                  Yaint ever been naughty

1030,  reggaefriday,  4  10. 24

1123,  reggaefriday

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlYGaPy3HJA 

what would he make of that

 

he woke used the bathroom walked into the kitchenwas probably the first time he had during the middle of the night during the time hed lived there fourteen years

the illuminated range clock

                             2:32 which was fine by him because the night before he didnt sleep well he went to bed after a cool shower not 9:00slept

woke again

his body hurting

got out of bed wentup the hall into the kitchen again

second time in fourteen years

tickled him

              6:16

was intrigued by the :16 and :32

returned to bed

despite pain he found a comfortableenough position that he fell back to sleep wondering of numerology

232 equaled 7

616 equaled 13 equaled 4

were 7 and 4 related

when he woke for good in the morning

for only the third time in fourteen years

he went to the kitchen again shits an giggles

third times a charm

power was out

no time showed on the range

                     THA  tickled him

  

was there a relationship between 7 and 4

Pythagoreans Riight whasa Pythagorean a follower of Pythagoras teaching and beliefs a Greek philosopher and mathematician

they believed particular numbers were invested with spiritual properties 

7 consists of the union of the physical 4 with the spiritual 3  7 means spirituality on a roll

obviously 4 was incorporated in 7

standalone  4 physical energetic knowledgeable clever confident can keep secrets are creative have sharp memory  rebellious sometimes overconfidentYah

    between the night the range perhaps  they suggestedurgedencouraged him to split differences

perhaps

if his assertiveness aggressiveness allowed him

                                                      ah Socrates  Know Thyself 

maxim inscribed upon the Temple of Apollo in the ancient Greek precinct of Delphi

past two nights 

piece of work

               pieces

he hoped the rest of the world that could slept like babies

reggaefriday,  4  10. 24

1009,  reggaefriday

sleep

                      he wasnt sure what that washe sleptdreamed twothree hours  woke  wouldnt open his eyesknew it was still dark  and let hypnopompic and hypnagogic fight a tug-of-war over him

bizarre

         though uncommonly delicious visuals                                                                                                   

when he gotup out of bed he couldnt say he was rested

                                                             couldnt say what he was

except

        entertained

153preferred to 1353hrs,  Thursday, 3  10. 24

0912,  Friday,  4  10. 24

Arnyd  Lustrous  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ur9gOu4WHEk