31.12.23


cat ate a canary grin on his puss

   Whacha smilin about

My sisters. My brother. Several people who I’ve befriended through them are going to get me into Heaven.
                                                                                                               his grin twisting more

Woudyastop yalook ridiculous

Can't help myself.   I’m In.

   In

Yabetcha.

shook his head  
                  Youre In as much as me which means a cold day in Hell Although Ive renounced it loudly more virulent than you

Yeah, I’d think you’d temper that just in case.

In case of wha

In case.

Fuckyou pullin your agnostic card again  Commit

I’m just sayin they’re believers, true believers.
                                                   I’m In.
Praytell
         he didnt laugh though it coudave been a joke
I will.
All ears

They tell me they’re plus one.

Plus one
            Like a wedding plus one

   Yeah. Exactly.

Then you an they are full of shit  Plus one my ass

1537,  Saturday,  30  12. 23
1612,  Sunday,  123123


She woudnt accept me wishing her a Merry Christmas I coudnt she said because I don believepissed me off

You let her go.

I did not She made a production about it an I don take shit off anyone

She’s mother-in-law.

Motherinlaw
               I don take shit off my Mom   Nobody

Well. You don’t believe.
Careful

   You don’t.

I told her I celebrate Christmas  Tradition
                                            She laughedsnorted literally spat tradition  An I went after her God her loving benevolent God  Yah tell me Maw tell me about God in the MiddleEast twentyone to one dead Gazans to Jews Palestinians to Israeli some real proportionality Bibi clutching to power somebody ought to make him a statistic  Yahtell me about God  Slaughtering each other over religion a religion like yours

You didn’t.

Donbe an asshole Im telling ya
                                    A religious war whastha called  Im heated I cant think

Yeah. I know what you mean gimme a second . . on the tip of my tongue.  On the ti . . oxymoron . .
. . Thasit thas right oxymoron
                                 he laughed
You’re laughing?

I am

What’s funny? You were brutal with Mom.
Oxymoron

   What?  Oxymoron.

I tend to think humblebrag

Humblebrag?

An oxymoron   

1504,  Saturday,  30   12. 23
1129,  Sunday,  123123


he laughednearly choking on his coffee Muthafucker thawas hilarious
Yathink? his eyes eager

Yah I think
             But because youre so rarely funny
Hey!
Truth
        Ill give ya credit ya try But youll have to admit you usually fall flat

   begrudgingly  Crazy. Funny when I don’t intend to be.

A scream


he had drawn a line on paper  labeled pseudointellectual left at the extreme right intellectual
                                                                                                     Thalook right to you
he nodded

I coud make it more extreme turn the paper longwise

No. It doesn’t strike me there’s that much room between them.

Why the page upright struck me as reasonable

I agree. Reasonable. We are talking intellect.

Good he chuckledno pun in intended  Were on the same page

Choice. No pun intended.he laughed  That’s funny yeah, I made a joke.

   No

buddy deflated

Question

Let me recover, wouldya?

Wasnt tha far a fall
                      Rally

No. Not so far.
                   dejected sighed  What’s your question?

What is the gulf between pseudo and intellectual called sipped coffee

   Purgatory.
almost blew coffee through his nose

1500,  Saturday,  30  12. 23
1014,  Sunday,  123123


. . . Oh fuck you Mom

You said that on the phone to your mother?

I did she was full of shit
                            I had to bring my argument home an she wasnt listening
Got her attention

So you said Oh fuck you Mom.

he noddeddisliked redundancy sayin again

That’s unbelievable.
Believe it

             Its the freight of fuck
Nothing comparable Nothing approaches its ardor nothing can replace it


      The freight of fuck

1531,  Saturday,  30  12. 23
0011,  Sunday,  123123

30.12.23


turned off the music

he was sober

the year was ending
                       the next year was going to be like those   2020  an after
on his heels  a relentless bloodhound trying to tree him
Fuck tha dog


tomorrow was New Years Eve

123123
          a friend texted him

he was usually on numbers like a blowfly on raw meat

he texted his thanks complemented them on beating him to the punch but to be honest  he was horribly honest
honest to a fault

   honest
             unsparingly unsympathetically  brutally    honest
he couldnt point that at someone unless he could pointed it at himself
                                                                           and he did
pressed the barrel upward under the crook of his chin aimed out the top of his skull like a tortured  tormented   suicide

  12 31 23
              The End

Beginning Again 

1621,  Reggaefriday,  29  12. 23
2320,  Saturday,  30  12. 23
Listen  do not watch  Beatles  Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/In the End  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYHPH2LEKiI

he looked the stainedglass windowslooked around the church
                                                                upandown the pew cross the naveacross the transept
watched intently as the priest mounted the altar
saw him over the ambo
altarboy to each side

she tapped him on the thigh
                                  What are you doing?
Im looking
 

she understood he didnt Believe

   but she knew he would listentake in the sermon

he was an exceptional listener
                                seemed always to hear moreunderstand at a deeper level than her  or perhapsas hed say  . . . in the moment it escaped her
                                            no  she knew it didnt
Tempest Shakespeare  What’s past is prologue.
he shared with her
                      Im steeped babe

which was accurate


occasionally during Mass she glanced at him
poker face
                hed tell her what he thought as they drove back to her place

Seatbelt?

You know I don wearem

   For me?

Not even for you baby

she wasnt pleased but theyd only be on neighbourhood streets


So . . you were very attentive.
                                    What did you think?

I very much liked the priests message  Hes a good speaker

And the face.  What was with the face?

he noddedsmiled  Youre observan . .
. . I was on tenterhooks, I knew you wouldn’t saydisrupt anything.   What bothered you?

Bothered  Yes
                 It was only a bother  I want you to understand tha

she said with mite trepidation
                                   What bothered you?

Its church

Yes.

I really did enjoy the priests sermon

You said.
             What was it you didn't like?

The parishioners  At least those I saw listened to

Didn’t like?
No
      During prayers

The prayers?

   Yes 
          I was disturbed because their tone  their tone struck me  as insincere    Rather  Rote   Passionless
If there was a God Im not keen Hed been keen listening to their faith disposed  I apologise   Rote
Sounded like memorisation
                             Flashcards  Addition subtraction   Multiplication 
I felt the priests words were uplifting but they   werent following
Not you
          I adored your recitation    Your faith

she smiled warmly
                     
I adore your faith in me  despite ours are dissimilar

   a tear fell to her cheek she didnt brush it away 
                                                       in a clear voice While I disagree with you you havent a soul. Your spirit is strong tangible.
                            Tangible.
Stop stop woudya
                       Ya just wanna get in my pants when we get to your place

1959,  Thursday,  28  12. 23
2010,  Saturday,  30  12. 23

   fantasy   fantasising    healthy
                                        he exercised his fair share  probably more than other common Joes Toms Dicks & Harrys hed leave it to the womenfolk to name theirs
however
          fantasy has to be recognised for what it is  tempered  life cannot be just deluding ones self
                                                                                                           referring to the spiritual philosophical psychological self 
not one abundant in readycash  billionaire  who may be able to afford fantasy  pay through the nose for it  because anyone party to a billionaires fantasy ought to understand their leverage  play it to the hilt
                                                                                                there are various depths to actually achieving particular hiltsCAUTION  donae kill the animal
                                                                      just bleed it
thinkleech  thinkvampiric though not create a vampire as understood through fiction


fantasy accompanies him to bed
the menu replete
                   pages he hasnt turned
Table of Content
Index
No
      the fun would be spoiled

theres a game he played anwoud encourage anyone to enjoy
                                                                 Burroughs of Junkie fame turned him onto it  Bill in turn explained he was informed by painter/writer/poet/mystic 1959 Brion Gysin cites ’59 as it is a hot branding iron  coud have been tha he didnt discover ithadnt placed the layers of newspaper as a mat to protect a tabletop from being scratched while he cut paper with a razor blade
                             dumb luck? 

   his game  randomly open a book  drop an eye in  extract wordsportions of a sentencegobble a whole sentence  close the book  repeat  until the song is complete
HERE
         Sartres Being and Nothingness

“the totality of persons
“would be projected outside me
“I am passive
“to be for and through himself
“Having, Doing, Being
“do not actually deserve
“full consciousness, all its
“humiliat(ion)

“he is nothing more

“the problem of the Absolute."


   take tha bitch to bed hed bet shed kill him with sex

fantasy                

0100,  day-between-2-Ts,  27  12. 23
1319,  Saturday,  30  12. 23
don underestimate the power of a hot bath
                                             theyve taught him more than he can say
just last night
hanging up a piece to let the wrinkles fall outdamn thing bunchedup like a balla wad of clothing for too long
                                                                                                                 crazy since it was written longhand on a sheet of flat coloured paper  maybe the coloured paperpretty
                                                                                                     he did have to write in black ink also not usually in his wheelhouse
it was crinkled prettybad
                           no telling what he couldnt see or missed in the fissures For Sure   Shaddup   I can say   I can break your jaw   Sheesh wha bug crawled up your ass   A bug tha hopefully I can soak out in a hot bath   Hot Bath   Oh  enthused by the prospect   I am I am Ill shaddup   Thank you   Thall help ya think muse   It will so . .
Ill shaddup

he upped the ante
1 2 3 4 5 6drips of lavender oil no more no less perfect ambiance or perfect to him  like a recipe provided  their ingredients but not their measure
imagined the call
                   Really Maw

Really Maw, what?

Got your recipes

Yes.

Thank you

Yes. You’re welcome.

Ingredients but not how much

It looks like the right amount or tastes like it. Our tastes vary, who am I to say what you’d like best. You’re a smart, boy.

Yacoud have provided yardsticks an I coudve taken it from there

Son.
       What fun would that be?


conversant doppelgänger or Mariachi or Maw
                                                  by baths end
the wrinkles had fallen away

AH
      I see now
    
1010,  Saturday,  30  12. 23
Bruce Cockburn  Trickle Down  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1TA0i-AHTY

29.12.23


WORD imagine didnt recognise stealthiness
                                                  underlining usually suggested he misspelled
hed pausestop
                 spent a year proofreading a local paperpaid gig make a mistake they took it out of his pay
wasnt docked once

S  T  E  A  L  T  H  I  N  E  S  S steal thinness minus an N
                                                                     thats how its spelled
went to the New Oxford American Dictionary  Second Edition  page 1657  thirdlast column two definitions down  stealthy adj.  concluding its definition  stealthiness n. 

did his due diligence

double-click stealthiness
                           added it to WORD so it woudnt badger him again
doing his part to combat AI ignorance
                                         rife ignorance
AGI Artificial General Intelligence

AI Alternate Intelligence
                           Tha ought to be the hook if he had to get behind something  Tha
but he wouldnt

machines pissed him off

was a fuckin diehard dyedinred Luddite
                                            people desire Easy  he liked hard
has any woman ever been fucked with an easy cock

   Dude ya can take something for tha to artificially fly your flag
                                                                      WORD of warning  priapism
  
1120,  Reggaefriday,  29  12. 23
1606,  Reggaefriday
Marv Johnson  You Got What It Takes  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LBMe04Anow


called him Teach

called her Kiddo

they met when she was fifteen and a half

he resigned from education when No Child Left Behind was implemented
                                                                               Bush  4-letter word
Harvard MBA if he had one hed say My Black Ass  but unfortunately he didnt
                                                                                  Harvard ought to reassess it Masters programme
it ought to be embarrassedashamed that an alumni was so assbackwardsso easily manipulated inane   inept


she broke from a gaggle of girls crossing a timed traffic intersection  pedestrians had 30-seconds

they were going one way he the other

Hey! she called to him as she was catchingup

despite reading as he walked his ears were attuned to what was around himparticularly that behind him electric cars his bane
          he took the book down from his facewas almost at the curb  looked over his left shoulder
Hey.

Hey

slowed on the sidewalk she came up on him
                                                 Hey.
Anyone ever tellya hays for horses

My Mom.

he didnt see that coming chuckled
                                       Very good   She didnt did she
No. Who says that?

I just did My mother was a stickler for language disabused us with extreme prejudice if we used slang swore She shoud have gone onto college She was one bright cookie
                                                              Wha can I do for you
You’re him.

Im who

He Who Walks Books.
that halted him midstep
                          her impetus took her two steps beyond  she turned faced him
No kiddin Ive only heard tha . .
. . From my Mom’s mouth.

The woman who earlier this Fall said her daughter and friends called himme tha

My Mom.

No kiddin

No kidding.


they wandered a bit then reversed field he walked her home
                                                                 Id carry your books for you but you have a knapsack
Who says knapsack?

I just did
         she surprised himlaughed with himrecalled him saying in kind to Hey  kid was on the ball

she didnt cover her mouth hed have to admit he obsessed over women who just laughed he liked her

We call it a backpack, if bigger, a rucksack.

he noddedwas familiar with the terms
                                         Look at you edumacating me
You’re funny.

Ranks with conversate

   Could I ask you something?

Certainly Youve been asking all along

Something. Personal.

Im an open book

Were you a teacher?

I was

I thought so. she dimmed browned out  asif their shared laughter not a moment earlier hadnt happened

Whas up

I . . I don’t like my teachers.
                              I’m sure I could excel if I liked . respected . . . them.
Perhapsif I may
                  You don like the curriculum they have to teach
Curriculum?

Subjects Methods
                   They may be good teachers wellintended teachers but their hands are tied


Do you think you could teach me?

I could help you if your Mom and Dad agreed

My Mom.
           And she loves youI mean . . not . love love . . . loves youyaknow?

he smiled yes
                  hoped his smile might return the brightness shed exhibited a little
                                                                                 Ask your Mom We coud if she accedes

her mother did


he taught her ethics civics politics History English Shakespeare learned sciences together demanded a current event to discuss every day of the week Youre on your own come math Kiddo
                                                                        he did not inform her regarding culture religion
those were personal choices



there was a knock at his security screendoor
                                               never did hear the religious proselytisers come up on the porch though he thoroughly appreciated their stealthiness said more than once They ought to be assassins
                                                                                                Ill be right there he was everpolite informed them he was an atheist antha he appreciated their belief as they ought to appreciate his Yacoudnt convince me any more than yacoud convince me to have sex with a man or align myself with the former president

entering the livingroom looking out through the screen
                                                            a young woman
Teach. she said

Kiddo he hadnt seen her since he walked her home an agreement her mother struck Kiddo was physically conspicuous and she believed itd be inappropriate for her daughter to be seen with an older man It’s a small town. they respected her terms he replied Nothing to it  I appreciate your candor
                                       Whaya doin here

Don’t say it like you’re incredulous, we live in the same town.

Yes yes he nodded
                      I wasnt expecting you until our lesson later this afternoon

Yes. About the lesson. she smiled 

he opened the doorwalked out onto the porchshut the door behind him
                                                                            About it
Yes.

Wha

I'm eighteenth today it's my eighteenth birthday.
Today
       An Aries
I am. Are you?  That’s why you know?

I am  Marchtwentyfirst April nineteenth  The extant the end of my astrology although I am fascinated by it

I’m into it. I throw tarot.

No

I do.

Another fascinating aspect I found illuminating

Found. You’ve sat for tarot?
Two Only twice
                  As I said  remarkably illuminating

You’ve surprised me.
                          Yet again.

Again

That you agreed to teach me with my mother’s consent.

I love teaching

she smiled Huge
                    it was Brilliant fivehunredforty degrees opposite her brownout twoanahalf years earlier
Wha

I’m eighteen. I’ve decidedmy decision.
                                         You’ve lectured me on reason, decision.  Philosophy.
Yes
       Wha

I want to sleep with you I want you to make love to me.

approximately1430,  day-between-2-Ts,  13  12. 23
1212,  Reggaefriday,  29  12. 23
Aerosmith  Back in the Saddle Again  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lX8GG3dnsp8