turning onto his rightside he found the spotTha spot which eluded him after he woke during the night and casting back into sleep found episodesnot the hard sleep that cracked him on the jawput him down for the count 

                                                                                                         finding it was a delight  he truly wanted to go to sleephe wanted Now I lay me down to sleep  be laid to rest  but then he thought Thas why you aint being buried  hed be leaving himself to be laid to rest but couldnt depend upon someone to lay him correctlynot turn his headkink his neck  sometimes he woke in the morning and knew he laid wronghis head wrongneck wrong  he couldnt imaginelet alone tolerate an eternity with a fuckin kinkd neck and not the life in him to move his head and neck around or rub it out fiercely with his fingers EUREKA! Fuck tha! Torch me. 

he found the right spot didnt want to move

content doesnt cut it 

even Heaven didnt cut it

it was right where he wanted to remain forever

                                                   usually that spot happened after sexafter love if sex had grown into love  holding her  breathing in rhythm  having cum togetherno small task 

                                                                             quiet  simmering   ecstasy

Day stood in the doorway tapping a hard finger at the frame 

                                                               WAKE UP 

as a kid after his paper route delivering it in the cold and snow hed sprawl on top the metal heat register next to the wall and fall asleep as the heat blew through his sweater onto his bellycoursing to his nethersspreading up across his chest

LIGHTS OUT 

then a tempered kick in the ribs  his old man 

                                               WAKE UP, BOY.

Day being prickish

I knowI know I know its time to get the show on the road Gimme five 

                                                                         FIVE

Day would stomp up the hall into the livingroom least the muthafucker could do was put on some coffee

he took FIVEnot a second more

hed conditioned himself to know

then hed rousedidnt wake to an alarm Who the fuck wants to wake alarmed       

he slapped his pillow

made his bed up around it

told his spot Donya move  Ill be back tonight

not like SPOT was a dog that listened

he returned

laid down

tried his awfulfuckinbest to recreate it

  Now I lay me down to sleep

                               DENIED

helplessly shook his head

it was both their faults

though it was nice to think about 

                                   the promise got him through the day

a simple thing

evenif he told himself a little white lie 

0823,  Twosday,  23  8. 22

1018,  Twosday

. . Listen listen  he was forever interrupting

                                                 Tellinya  You do you  An I do me   Seems our bachelor an master degrees were nothing more than laying groundwork for the years an years wed be masturbating 

                                                                                             Im sick an tired of doin me

I needwe need to find affections who woudnt mind effecting us doin usCHING CHING an I aint talkin Chinese baby

he shook his headeyes closed I hear ya, man, I hear ya.

You hear me you hear me fuckin echo

                                           You the one nearest Nevada Tahoe twice this summer the one with cash to burndisposable income but you drag your tired ass back to chase locals who hold their sex tightas tight asif they were holdin their purses to their titties in questionable parts of questionable citiesthey aint putting out Aint no antediluvian sex passion mischief crimelets call it a crime cuzit aint been named yet headin your way 

                                                                                             Aint I know it  You shoud too

They stiff youstiff ya maybe gigglinslappin their knee as they drive off leavin you standing alone in the parking lot  Ifya look chances are spent rubbers are scattered allaround 

                                                                B B King man  How blue can you get  Thanks for the snack Anas Richard Pryor said Difference between me and a white man . . a white man drops fifty dollars for a meal and gets a kiss at the door. Me? I spend fifty bucks I’m fuckin’ something, even if it’s her dog, I’m fuckin’ somethin’. 

2002, Thursday,  18  8. 22

818PMpreferred,  Monday,  22  8. 22

B B King  How Blue Can You Get  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l45f28PzfCI

Pancake How did he get that name

I gave it to him. 

he found that written on sheet of paperamong others and many other scribbles it piqued him  he called his friend for the backstory couldnt remember off the top of his head 

Pancake. I’ll need some context . . offhand it doesn’t ring a bell.  

                                                                   then he tried to make light of his inquiry by asking him if blueberries were on top or mixed into the batter alluding to himhis preference for blueberries mixed in he disliked compote dolloped on top a stack of buttermilk pancakes and called blueberry pancakes  they aint

You told me he was a grade school classmate Id think if you nicknamed him thatd stick in your head

Yeah. 

         I got nothing.

Thas unfortunate Pancake was all yours an likewise will remain all yours buried in some hole in your memory Reminds me of a quote I heard Angels in America HBO Nothing unknown is knowable

Until it becomes known anyway.

he rolled his eyes sounded loud enough in his head that he thought he might have heard it on his end 

                                                                                                            he paused a moment for him to say What was that?  he didnt  So make the unknown known do the process don just say Thas the challenge isnt it Don be dismissive

Dismissive? How so?

Your remark until it becomes known anyway  I find that simplistic  

It’s simple . . we knew nothing about Uranus until it was discovered and now we know a lot. What am I missing?

Nice try at diversion We didnt discover it someone didmy point being why don you pursue something unknownfor now  stretch your mind your imagination

Couldn’t agree more . . that’s the basis of science, curiosity, progress, survival.

Im happy we agree  So dig in walls come tumbling down

I think walls are usually semantic.

Semantics Fine  Then share something with me other than walls 

                                                                     You keep diverting the conversation

One I obviously don’t want to have. 

                                      We’re nitpicking when we actually agree.     

Seems nitpicking ought to stimulate ones thought-process

On a whole other front . . I can meet you for coffee tomorrow or not until Friday.

Whas up Tuesday through Thursday

I’ve filled it with dates, you’re the one who has an open dance card, not me. 

                                                                                now trying provocation in addition to diversion

Ill seeya Friday By then youll have something to say or relate or maybe youll remember Pancake O Great Void in the Brain Pan

Friday.

          Pancake Boy is all yours, I wash my hands of him.

He wont wash off You named him

Pancake is an unknown for now. 

                                   Maybe he was defragged somehow from my conscious.

Or yare not trying 

                   Anif hes defragged ya might have some concerns about the rest of your brain and memory friend

Would you let it go. he was iratecould hear it in his voice 

                                                             Pancake Boy means nothing to me. I’ve got bigger fish to fry like remembering Pi, three point one four one five nine two six five three eight nine seven nine.

Just numbers you might be making them up I don know don care They arent people 

                                                                                         Yare quitting  I asked quote How did he get that name  You answered quote I gave it to him Either you make something up for Friday or make the unknown known

the irritation hiccuppedfaltered a sigh When and if the neuron fires that harbors Pancake Boy you’ll be the first to know.

Ofcourse the first Im the only one asking

259preferred,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  2  3. 22

1039,  Monday,  22  8. 22

he wasnt startledSUDDENLYrubyred dress right her youthful blackskin like tar her big smile like starchedwhite pressed shirt  her huge brown eyes humoured 

                                                 a young man left  inconspicuous  Howdy Doody  though no man carries a candle to a woman 

                      hes hopelessly heterosexual  heterosapiosexual

Excuse me he blurted while splitting themtipping his left shoulder cleaving them in two  she hurriedly replied No please, excuse us. in her voice a fascination that could have been moreseemed a prelude to conversation How do you do that?  he wouldnt have been curtthey were eye to eye she slipping just past himhe caught her scent citrus her friend sidestepped providing a wide berth  he wouldnt have been curt with her Lotsa practiseNO   he would have enjoined enjoyed her

then they were passed

she was too younghe was too old to throw a look back over his shoulder as much as he wanted  creepish isnt part of his vocabulary

           she  a match inadvertently struck in the dark flaring extinguished at the epitome of her conflagration

he returned to his book

1250,  Sunday,  21  8. 22

223preferred to 1423,  Sunday

he looked back over his left shoulder he couldnt see 

                                                       I cant sit here I cant see the clock The tree limbs are obscuring it

You can stand up, walk over to where you can see it, then return.

A lot of work rather than just turning my head and seeing it

I like it right here. saying so he patted the metal café table top

Enjoy 

       he stood picked up his coffee and crossed to a table that sat at the edge of the paver patio  he sat in the furthest chair  looked   the clock

he was not illprepared

his canvas bag slung over his shoulder inside were a couple of books clipboard of paper pens 

                                                                                                    hed entertain himself

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

he looked back across the two tables between them 

                                                       Do I look like Im bluffing

WE MET TO HAVE COFFEE.

We did But you know its always been incumbent that I can see the clockknow the time . .

. . You can see it from here, as I said, stand, walk over . .

. . Interrupt myself Glancing to discern time or wasting time to discern it truly anticlimactic anwho wants to interrupt a climax   Friend 

                  he felt it was a good argument  neither had been laid in awhile

                                                                                      I have a reason Whas yours

I SAT DOWN.

You can sit again

Christ. 

        You’re being unreasonab . .

. . No  I provided a reason  Yare being unreasonable

Didn’t mean to say, I didn’t mean to say.

However you did 

                   Whas the hangup  I SAT DOWN 

I don’t understand why . . 

. . No you don

               You don understand the necessity tha I contemporize You also don writehow many letters did you write this week this month  this year

Why write if you can call or visit?

You really want to go there I don think you want to go there  No 

                                                                     Get up off your ass and sit with me

no he didnt want to go therehe didnt want again to be dressed down for his entitlement be remindedagain  how easy things were made for him rightly accused of the indubitable glinting silver spoon

sighing he got uppicked up his coffee walked over ten feet and took the chair across from him 

                                                                                                   There. Happy?

I woudve been happy whaever the outcome Im not hard to please

1445,  Thursday,  17  3. 22

1100,  Sunday,  21  8. 22

William Basinski  Melancholia  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJe4FJ6qMDg

Siggyother

           nah  he just couldnt help himself Bennifer awedgobsmacked him 

at the time Bennifer made him puke 

                                    If memory serves me correct thawas early 2000s

I don’t knowcouldn’t say . . it was brilliant though.

Anhow old were you

That was nothing to do with anything.

I disagree You were old enough to know better 

                                                  Lets crack a window open a door it may have coincided with a T I A a transient ischemic attack  Or maybe a true righteous stroke shot fired across your bow needle skipping scratched record repeating repeating   repeating 

                                           Wha the hells siggyother 

Com’on, take a guess, play, have some fun.

I don think so Im irritable  Which is why I askedcut to the chase

Awcom’on . . guess.  a stupid grin spread across his face

  I  asked

his grin looked like a lousy frosting job some retard got their hands on a frosting blade but used the woodhandle not the steel 

      Is it twisting your panties in a knot?

No knot

         However in the midst of your cadre I can imagine they encourage you har har but Im disinclined to let you make an ass of yourself an not tell ya to your face Its not clever  Yare not 

                                                                               Siggyother Please   Wha is it

I think . . we, in fact, think it’s obvious.  A significant other.

  Ah I woudnt 

                But Im not one who woud describe or affix such a title to my better half  Therefore inobvious

You’re just being uppity.

I am not

Too good?

No  I don care for the terminology 

                                   Id happily call them as my partner in crime Otherwise  Nah   I have too much respect for them 

the smile sluffed

what replaced it wasnt attractive

maybe in a word revulsionYES 

                                 he was revulsed

whichfor him  was better than frosting 

                                          he cast a deeper foray Have you ever been in love Truly in love 

Yes.

too abrupt

love is not abrupt

kindling lit under teepeed sticks thicker sticks engulfing flames feeding more and more thicker bigger redhot coals split logs  a raging fire 

                         love takes work to maintain  but you didnt start it to let it go out

standingup he slapped him roughly on the shoulder 

                                                      Got to get going Thank you for the beer Ill leave you with your memories of love

Yeah.  the revulsion petering out

1240,  Thursday,  17  3. 22

0948,  Sunday,  21  8. 22

William Basinski  The Disintegrating Loops  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjnAE5go9dI

not zero-sum rum

it irritated himirritated him enough that she showedup in his dreams though showingup showedup in the nicest vividway possible 

                    he believed she did because he defended her her sex from bigmouths pronouncement 

                                                                                                                Horseshit Ya really believe tha

 

Yeah I do, I stand by it.

Yare a horses ass

No, you, you’re the one with a big mouth . . what’s your estimate?

Farfar less than yours 

                         But before I say Im gonna turn your gun around 

he was surprised he could see his eyes through his bitter sneer 

                                                                   Go ahead, try . . won’t hold water.

Wha goes for women goes for men

That’s crap. I’m so sick an tired of you holding women above men . they’re not the superior sex . .

. . Head an shoulders man heads an shoulders Yare proving my point

I’m proving your point?

Have absolutely proved your pigdom all men to varying degrees Gawdknows your stocks ticked up appreciably

Fuck you.

           he was somewhat surprised he could still make out his eyes through his bitterbitter sneer

 

  If  if half female athletes are gay half male athletes are too

 

You’re so full of shit.

                      looked like he had a mouthful of shit

Still stand by your obscene guess

HALF.

Half of your male athletes fanboy  HALF 

it was weird to see her dressedup 

that afternoon they played Horse he managed to beat her 60/40 it irritated her

                                                                                     Howbout we play one-on-one?

Yare on 

she was as tall as he collegeaged   he had her easy by ten years

but she didnt have his hops

Care to return to Horse

NO.

You played well

You played better.

More experience

she laughed 

                  Riight.

she wore a kneelength diaphanous rosebudcoloured dress over a slip colour flattered her creamy tawny skin kicked her shoes off under the tablewalked the hall barefoot was very appealing

he bought her a mojito she wanted the mint muddled the bartender recommended against it she backed him downarticulated Please, I know what I want, I prefer it bitter. turning to him she concluded  Particularly after this afternoon.

Yare not going to stophuh

I don’t like to lose . particularly, particularly . . to a man.

                                                            What are you drinking?   

You opened the door they had Mount Gay Black Barrel Had him pour me a couple fingers straight

May I?

Help yourself

she sipped 

             he may have watched too keenly there was an erotic tick in his pants

Hmm peppery . . gingerbread, vanilla.

You make it look enticing

handing the glass back to him she touched the tip of her tongue to her upper lip

another tick

What’s going off in your head?

My head

Yes. she took him by the hand and lead him out onto a secluded balcony 

                                                                              Yes. You should tell me.

Confess

I’ve heard it’s good for the soul. 

                                 I’ve got a confession though too . . if you don’t mind, please, I’d like to say first.

Please

she set her mojito on the stone railing took his drink placed it beside hers

                                                                              You’re familiar . . to the victor . his or her spoils. 

Yes

she took his hand and slowlydeftly tucked it between her legs 

                                                                        I’m not wearing panties.

he gasped  Im having erotic tickings in my pants

Can I feel . .  it wasnt a question

they masturbated 

  wasnt a zero-sum match

dreamtime Thursday – ReggaeFriday,  7--8  7. 22

1506,  Saturday,  20  8. 22

Sweet guy

            he was at the delivery of his granddaughterhis daughter had chosen artificial insemination she said she wasnt going to endure the messysticky pickup after a failed male They’re fuckin’ children, never grew up.  and since hed been over the moon to help raise his granddaughter 

                                                           I didn’t have this time with my girls, so, retired, I can enjoy my granddaughter, she’s given me a new lease on life.

he understood his brother he had had a cancer scare but it seemed he was being able to leave it in the rearview although there were doctor appointments to keep and eyeballs peeled KNOCK ON WOOD he rapped on his skull  he didnt know what that was like

 

. . . a new lease on life.

Innarestin he didnt like the idea of renting of being let     

                                                       Thas quite a bargain bro

It is, it is marvelous. I can’t help but wonder how things might have been if I had this kind of time with my own girls.

It makes me a little blue to think about it.

Time  Opportunity   Unfortunately no redos Id take the fortune you have now and run with it like a motherfuc . .

. . Ssh, baby might be around.

Fucker 

        Shes not a year She doesnt understand English

No, but she’s walkingmight sneak up on us and have secret powers we’re unaware of.   he winked

he winked back Given DNA coming down from you  very unlikely 

STOP.

they laughed

My daughter’s extraordinary.

Our daughters are extraordinary 

                                   Thasaid  might really be unlikely our DNA was a determinant factor

Yeah. Right.

  Yah 

       Broke the mold when we were born Gotta be grateful we got out before it was

they mused  laughed again harder

Youre a sweet guy Im terribly happy you have a new lease on life

nodding eyes filling with tears Me too, me too.

he hugged him and kissed him 

                                    STOP  youll get me started

1726,  Monday,  15  8. 22

1018,  Saturday,  20  8. 22  Happy Birthday Lulu

Cameron Diazpretty sure her name ends with a z  Shes an acronym

She’s an acronym?   What the hell are you talking about?

You brought her up

Up? I asked you what you thought of her.

What do I think of acronyms

It’s her name, a name's not an acronym.

Not two days ago ya sprung L K I T on me in a text an I wrote back No I aint playin

                                                                                        An acronym

I was trying to bait you.

You know me better than that 

                                Yawere tryin to be clever an tha don work for you

Ouch. he feigned injury

                         How do you really feel?

Lord knows I try.

Then say it don make up an abbreviation  

                                            Your life gets abbreviated youd be pissedYES  I said a word tha disgusts me

Im puttinup a flare got it  just say whaya mean spell it out don need to be a mystic when were trying to communicate

That’s rich coming out of your mouth.

Pray tell

I try to hang onto to what you’re saying and I get lost, can’t keep up.

Then you say you cant an I repeat

It’s embarrassing that I can’t keep up with your flights.

Yasay you arent an I repeat

It’s not like I’m a child I have a hard time keeping up, I mean . . you rock the boat violently and I get knocked overboard.

 

An yasay an I repeat

                       Were good  Im patient  Its rare ya irritate me

Cameron Diaz Bringin you backround

Awright. 

          How is her name an acronym?

Lemme stop ya more likelylemme correct you 

                                                 When I say that I don mean C A M E R O N each letter meaning something like your ridiculous L K I T which henceforth Im lettin govanquishing from my memory banks  only got limited space

You don’t think it’s clever? trying his best to look butthurt

You don think its clever just tryin out your shorthand 

                                                         Camerons a letter Diaz a letter  not payin no mind to acronyms no mind to Ms Diaz

You don’t think of her?

She think of me

You’re not a celebrity.

Celebrities arent celebrities theyre just people  I don feel the thrall 

                                                                     Youll note I didnt say enthralledwhich youd take to mean I meant you were enthralled . .

. . I’m not.

As I said

Man, how your brain works blows my mind.

Ill take that as a compliment.

420preferred,  Thursday,  18  8. 22

1148,  ReggaeFriday,  19  8. 22

Hes a pretty sweet guy when he isnt being Bobby

she flinched like she was slapped  then howled 

                                                     I can’t believe you just said that!

Tyranny of family 

                    I didnt chooseup the team so whenever one crosses a line Im first to stomp their toes ridicule em 

No . . not really. 

                   You’re kidding? 

Im not

        We share a name anif they misrepresent me if they havent good sense to say theyre talking for themselves I catch wind of tha I come down like a ton of bricks Im takin no guff for wha comes out of their mouths  Me an mine don have many similar ideas

How is how . . is that possible?

Thawere unalike  Think   Have lived apart nearly two generations  Youll recall I left home at nineteen an Im the oldest They live within twenty minutes of each other except for one brother but hes a cretin

He’s a fireman?

Yes An officer

A first responder.

Yes  but tha don make him special It speaks more to the hierarchy hes willing to serve to submit to  In my mind scarcely a step above a GI 

                              Bobby was a GI  As I said hes sweet when he isnt being Bobby

I still don’t know what to make of that.

Nothing to make I accept it yamight as well

An enigma?

Sure he shrugged  Whynot Though I find tha generous

And you’re his brother.

Tyranny of family  a two way street           

1726,  Monday,  15  8. 22

1018,  ReggaeFriday,  19  8. 22

Gillian Welch  Give that Man a Road  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJEiPcnrdU0